#I'm cranky today and this is so annoying. Everything is annoying. I'm leaving forever

[gaminegay]

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[xlynnbbyx]

Remember me For I will soon be gone Remember me And let the love we have live on And know that I'm with you the only way that I can be So, until you're in my arms again Remember me

Today is a hard day for me so I am going to pause my fic reading and other stuff for a moment. The reason I am going to pause it for a moment to talk about why it’s a hard day for me. I’m sorry if this may be a downer for some but talking about it really helps me deal with it. Now I will get to why this is a hard day for me before I keep rambling.

I am going to put a Keep Reading thing here. It’s going to be a long post and I don’t want to fill people’s dash. So read under the cut to find out why this day is hard on me. If you read all of it I appreciate you so much.

A year ago December 14th I lost one of the most important person in my life. That person was my grandmother. My grandmother meant a lot to me she was always there when I needed her. I remember that awful day all too well. It was 6am I was having a hard time getting to sleep. For one I am a night owl so not too weird. But also 2 days prior to that I had a tooth pulled. Apparently I had a baby tooth that never fell out like it was supposed to. Anyway I was still in pain and kind of cranky cause I couldn’t eat solid food. I also was cranky I have to live with my parents again. I hit a rough patch my friend decided to move in with her bf. I couldn’t afford a place of my own & if I could afford it they did not allow pets. No way was I giving up my furbabies so had to move back with my parents. Hey I would take that over being homeless no where for me & my furbabies to go. Of course went through a rough patch a different story for another time.

Anyway my dad always leaves for work sometime after 6am. I heard him go outside to start his truck up but then I heard it shut off. I thought oh great something happened to his truck. As he was coming back in I could hear him talking on the phone. Next thing I know I hear him say “Mom just died” then I heard my mom go what?! I heard him say it again. I got out of bed this time going what did you say? He looked at me going your grandmother just died. I kept saying No over and over. I went I just talked to her last night she can’t be gone. My grandmother was sitting with an elderly lady at the apartment complex my sister lives at. This lady has dementia I think but she couldn’t be left alone. The lady‘s daughter called my aunt(she was the lady’s caregiver during the day) who had my uncle(dad’s brother) to call my dad. I lost it immediately safe to say I did not get sleep. I went from seeing & talking to my grandmother anytime I wanted. To all of sudden have her taken away from me. To have it happen a week before Christmas too was a low blow.

A few weeks after she passed I was watching the movie coco. When I heard the song Remember Me I started crying. It reminded me of my grandmother something she would indeed say. So now when I hear it I think of her. I will never understand why she was taken away from me so fast. But I will cherish all the memories I have with her. I will think of her smile when she was happy. I will remember the way she would make up a song about anything. She was always singing and if she didn’t know the lyrics she would make them up. My grandmother was a wonderful woman she never met a stranger ever. I miss her every single day. But I know she is always with me & I will carry her in my heart forever. I will also do my best to celebrate Christmas for her. Christmas was my grandmother’s favorite holiday she loved everything about it. So I am going to celebrate Christmas for her.

If you can give your loved ones a hug. Cherish every single moment you have with them. Cause you will miss them when they are gone. Even the things you found annoying you will miss. So hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. Thank you for reading all of this and letting me get it all out. Talking about it helps me deal with it. So thank you for letting me rant.