#I'm just trying to emotionally cope with the fact that I'm going somewhere alone

[illmamnim]

Going to my first ever collage party, I hope I don't miss 3rd Life season 4

[violetren]

Aether Chapter 20

I AM SCREAMING.

I'm gonna try go through this semi chronologically, but know that the end has me screaming and I will be screaming for the duration of writing this and probably then some.

So first of all, everyone give it up for Maxine. Some part of my brain has tied her to Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove. Not voice, not the design, or the moral alignment... I think maybe what I'm actually latching onto is Eartha Kitt's swagger. Also a little bit the fact that I do believe Maxine is capable of murder, so far as cats can comprehend murder. Which is probably moreso than humans feel comfortable with.

Whatever it is, Maxine is fantastic.

I've been coming around to the fact that Sierra is by and large a good friend, but she's also a messy flawed person, and those two facts aren't mutually exclusive. Also I'm kinda guessing that since its post interview (and presumably post telepathic interrogation) and Sierra is still in the guest room capable of opening and closing her own door instead of a holding cell somewhere means she has been cleared. Which isn't surprising at all but its nice to have confirmation.

The good friend stuff shines through strong on points like affirming Maggie should join the High Guard because being here clearly makes her happy, and in her insistence that Maggie as she previously looked was worth more than Maggie every gave herself credit for being (and notably would not have been a pity fuck for anyone with actual taste).

On the more questionable side of things was the admittance that she'd sometimes use looking after Maggie whenever Maggie was physically or emotionally struggling as a way of avoiding her own problems. But like, that is only bad if you start prioritizing your "care" of that person over their actual needs or wants, and actively sabotage them from recovering too much in order to keep them forever available as a distraction. The rest of the time its just that looking after someone else was convenient and if it hadn't been caring for them it would have been something else. Taking extra shifts at work. Impromptu spring cleaning the whole house. 100% a video game in less than a week even if it means cancelling other plans. Shit like that.

But then things get MESSY!

Because the closest most readily available and most familiar coping mechanism of "care for Maggie instead" has already been called out because its currently just not possible. Maggie has big things on her mind but she's basically made her decision already and isn't struggling emotionally at this point, and she basically never has to worry about physical ailments again, so thats out.

And apparently that leaves us with Sierra wanting to fuck away her feelings?!?!?! Or at least throw herself into a relationship that feels safe and stable because Maggie's love for her has been a quiet matter of fact for years??? Which oooh boy... Bad baaaaaaaad timing, because its not really there in the same way anymore.

I don't think this is Maggie and Sierra falling into a romantic role reversal. At this stage I'm not convinced Sierra actually means what she was saying, only that she's had her life turned upside down and trying to grab onto the one familiar thing she didn't think would ever really change. But fucking hell what if she's for real? Will she be strong enough to accept the idea of Maggie being with someone else and not returning her feelings? It would arguably be harder for her than it was for Maggie because she'll live knowing she missed her window instead of spending the time thinking it was a question of incompatible sexualities. Would it lead to some kind of poly set up?

I think the most likely outcome is whenever Maggie gets back from wherever she noped out to and they can look each other in the eye again (or at least be in a room alone) Sierra apologises in much the same way she did for snapping at Maggie for not warning her Garrett was alive when their convo today first started, and for much the same reasons. She is not okay.

But I'll have to read to find out, so guess I'm gonna go do that now.