#IAN SAYING IF MICKEY WANTS A KISS HE'S GONNA HAVE TO DRINK WATER THEY'RE SO GROSS I LOVE THEM

[milkovichy]

Debs!!! It's how did the husbands annoy eachother Wednesday and Im procrastinating going home (why??? I don't know) so I present: Ian and Mickey's least favorite "annoy my husband" bits!!!

Mickey gets himself very teary eyed and says "I didn't want to believe it, but I can't deny it any longer. You really don't have a soul" whenever Ian says no to anything he wants like. "No we don't have time for coffee" "no we can't afford a sex swing" "no, we are not buying ANOTHER game for the switch" and Ian can't stand it. (He also NEVER makes this joke in front of Debbie and Franny, he knows better(

Mickey also says "FUCK THIS IM GOING BACK TO MEXICO" whenever mildly inconvenienced and Ian always rolls his eyes and hates it

In return, Ian threatens to ship Mickey back to Mexico whenever Mickey is being particularly stubborn about something

Whenever Mickey refuses to go grocery shopping with him, Ian will text Mickey pictures of things on the bottom shelf and say "miss u ❤️❤️❤️or "could've used your help reaching this one!" and it infuriates Mickey to the point where sometimes he'll honestly just go to whole foods with him just so Ian doesn't do it

Mickey still points at random old men and says "don't leave me for him" in complete monotone and then he has to run to dodge Ian punching his arm

Ian found out some people call McDonald's Mickey D's and now he only ever calls the place "your d" to Mickey. "Can I eat your D for dinner" "well certainl- WAIT DO YOU MEAN FUCKING MCDONALDS"

Mickey always responds to this bit by calling Ian Ronald

Whenever Mickey has to go somewhere by himself, especially for an extended period of time, he looks Ian in the eye and very seriously says "do NOT start another cult" and Ian would lie and say it makes him miss Mickey less but it doesn't

Whenever Mickey is being prissy or picky, Ian will start calling him by various Disney princess names and not stop until Mickey tells him to quit it, and then Ian gets all wide eyed and says "but your my Mickey mouse!" And laughs himself silly. The longest Mickey has dealt with this without letting Ian get to the punch line is three full days

And two ones they can't even pretend they don't love love:

Since he knows Ian gets insecure about his meds constantly changing how much weight he holds, Mickey will randomly roll over while they're cuddling and poke Ian's side and whisper "belly" no matter what Ian's body looks like. (He did it the first time when Ian was having one of his first lows in season five and it felt so normal that Ian actually started crying) and Ian tries to pretend he hates it but he loves it so much

Whenever Mickey is having a high anxiety day, Ian has a million and one things that he does to make Mickey feel as safe as possible, but the stupidest one is dragging out this stupidly big gallon water bottle they got, (because when Mickey's mental health is bad water is the first thing he forgets) filling it to the brim with water, and then taking the first sip himself with his lips on the straw, then handing it to Mickey with a cheesy grin and saying "I kissed it for protection, now whenever you need a kiss you can drink some water AND get protected" And it's stupid and cheesy and probably a little gross (although they swap spit and other bodily fluids on the regular so sharing bottles is far from the grossest they get) but it always makes Mickey feel a little bit better

Alicia, I don't deserve you! What a nice way to start my day, reading about husbands annoying each other and annoyingly in love. Yes to all of this! It's about knowing each other so well and feeling so comfortable with each other that you can joke around and tease and laugh together, knowing full-heartedly that, at the end of the day, you will have their love and support and comfort, no matter what 🥲❤️