#It feels like I'm inhabiting a body that isn't mine. Like I'm in a costume or playing a game | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justonefeather · 1 year

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I don't know how to say "my gender is something nonhuman and not able to be comprehended while adhering to our current society's standards of what men and women are supposed to be, never mind the fact that my preferred form is not a human body at all" without the other person being concerned...

#It goes beyond furry really i just don't feel like I'm human at all. I never really have #And i don't mean not a person although when I'm very depressed or the PTSD is hitting i get that too #I mean a non human person. But people either think I'm severely ill or joking when I say that and i unfortunately(?) am not #It's not even like I'm kin of a media species or person or whatever. I just don't see myself as human but i could draw it #I don't know how to put it into words. It sort of shapeshifts. But its core is the same #But either way when i look at myself in pictures or the mirror i don't recognize it as being me. I know it is logically but #It feels like I'm inhabiting a body that isn't mine. Like I'm in a costume or playing a game #Its kind of distressing sometimes but I've basically learned to live with the feeling. I probably will never own my body and idk #It's fine i guess. I don't know what it's like to be comfortable in your body or love it or whatever. I don't know if i ever will #And I've kind of given up hope on that changing. All i can do is pretend it doesn't bother me and keep going #Although i guess that's my outlook on.. everything lol #Whats the opposite of learned helplessness.. saying it's self reliance sounds too good.. it's more like learned lack of trust

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