#Like to share cuz it's personal ITS MINE THING and don't people to TOUCH IT💢🔥 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

celibibratty · 8 months

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we work so hard we put our hearts and soul on everything that i/we post/do and i hate it cuz it always the BULLSHIT (i Said its bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT) things that gets admired/gets relevant/are serving, that people praise, i work so hard to post content of the things, i work so hard to do something coherent, portray the characters coherent, i study/absorve the things and seems like i never will be somebody/my things will never be considered relevant as those BULLSHIT things, those people that come out nowhere inventing bunch of nonsense/ruining the things are more admired and praised for serving content than me💧💧(me that always was there and always give so much💧), i think the way i/we do the things/our contents are cool/coherent, but it's never them the things that people like💧

#I don't feel comfortable saying what was exactly the reason of the trigger #Just know that i cried in the bathrom for almost 2 minutes and i still with a bad feeling in my chest/heart #Opened up to marina ceased a little the trembling and high anxiety but still #I wish were my/our things that were the things that are remembered i wished i was the one that was considered is serving content💧#But this feeling cuz at the same time i want to be the one i don't want to give anything to people and don't want to motivate them...#And i know we have that power and i don't want make them feel hyped i want people to get BORED to get NOTHING to a point where they will...#Lose interest and gone FOREVER but infuriates we being right here being the ones that work sooooooooooooo hard and...don't get anything💧#I certaily sure the major trigger was this ao3/fanfic thing (i fuckin hate it this feeling somedays i feel i cured but i not #(Sigh) i hate this it seems like i ruining the day/the vibe i enjoyed watching this n1mona but when i get triggered it changes everything #Sucks watch a self-accptance movie and then get triggered by ask of someone praising a fucking blog saying how much this person is serving.#Content for the community fandom how much there things are amazing how much they are amazing when for me is all BULLSHIT💢🔥#I...wished my/our things were the right #But has another part of me (that its the true one) that i don't want them to engage/like cuz it's personal for me it's personal i don't...#Like to share cuz it's personal ITS MINE THING and don't people to TOUCH IT💢🔥#Sucks watch a self-accptance movie and then get sad cuz you feel you as a person is no one/anything/unrelevant/nobody likes you💧#But it's not gonna be a movie that will make this thought go away or change that feeling #reflection #I wish someone could understand it too or say something like ;no your contents are good what you serve is nice/cool and maybe even better #I just will be here wishinig💧certaily sure nobody will get it or say anything #I don't like to feel like this cuz when i like this i don't know what to do💧i feel lost nothing heals only thing that last to me is sleep #And pray to the next day i forget about it #I feel a Sadness mixed with a fuckin RAGE/ANGER💢🔥

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