#MONSTER-ENTHUSIASTS GET Y'ALL JUICE

[sailing-through-hawkins]

steve as a mothman cryptid that robin and dustin try to protect (well, robin does most of the protecting, dustin usually gets distracted trying to experiment on him)

and eddie as a cryptid-enthusiast who's just so curious about dustin's very bad lying about where he's going every weekend

obviously he follows him and is tackled by 7ft of fluffy moth-steve, who ends up getting distracted by all of eddie's sparkly jewellery

robin threatens bodily harm, dustin asks for help as a lab assistant and steve keeps trying to bite through his leather jacket

(yes eddie wants to kiss the mothman, yes robin gives him shit for it, no he doesn't think using neon glow-in-the-dark lipstick is a good flirting technique)

[ftb-writes]

The fill is here! Come get y'all juice!

The next prompt is a picture prompt!

From Dream of a Dream on Pinterest!

Link finds it easiest to just avoid the camps of moblins and the roving lizalfos, but not purely for one reason. They would rather conserve valuable resources for tough fights, and Calamity Ganon's blood moons would just undo any progress on decimating the ranks of monsters -- sometimes when he was still among the corpses, collecting the last of the guts and treasures.

Ultimately, Link would rather avoid unnecessary confrontation, so willfully walking into the infested ruins of the colosseum is unnerving them, especially with Zelda accompanying them.

Although… seeing the lynel again does calm their nerves somewhat. Zelda gasps, a mixture of surprise and awe, and the lynel turns to face the two Hylians. It trots forward, curious of this newcomer, and Link moves to meet it halfway. They offer the lynel their hand, and the great beast gently brushes a massive finger across Link's palm. Link offers their other hand to Zelda, and nods encouragingly as Zelda shyly approaches, smiling with no teeth just like Link taught her. The lynel turns it's full, feline gaze onto the princess.

"Hello," Zelda murmurs, keeping her tone soft and soothing. The lynel relaxes minutely, put at ease by Zelda's apparent lack of threat, and leans over the Champion to rest it's maned head atop Link's. Link chuckles and reaches up to scratch at the lynel's Chin, and the beast rumbles contently and snorts.

"Chsh -- Cham--" the lynel growls, and coughs. "Champion."

"It speaks?" Zelda asks, her own scientific curiosity peaked at this new development. Link nods enthusiastically, and points out a moblin on the floor above, brandishing a spear at the trio.

"Moblin," the lynel growls in response, and flicks its tail dismissively. "Weak."

"But you?" Zelda asks, tilting her head to take in the full scope of the lynel's size. The lynel straightens up to its full height and pounds once upon its chest.

"Strong," the lynel roars, rearing up onto its hindquarters and slamming back down. The ground shakes with the force of it, but Zelda keeps her footing just as well as Link. Link laughs quietly.

Zelda slowly offers her own hand up for the lynel's inspection, and it carefully takes her hand and examines it. "Soft," the lynel growls quietly. "Wise. Crafty." It nods approvingly, and settles it's chin back on Link's head. "Small. Quick. Danger."

Link clears their throat. "Not to you."

The lynel hums, raking its tongue up the side of Link's face, where the hylian has a bit of a beard just breaking the skin. It's affectionate, for a lynel, if a little rougher than most would appreciate. Link chuckles all the same and pushes up into the lynel's face, imitating the beast's rumble. The lynel clicks its tongue far back in its throat.

"I helped it, once," Link tells Zelda. "And it helps me out now, from time to time."

Zelda smiles. "It seems to be good for you two, to have reached a peace. You talk more around it. About it."

Link ponders that, but agrees silently. "It is a warrior. Like me."

[krinsbez]

GI Joe: Remixed, Vipers

OK, so..let's talk Vipers.

To begin with, here's Wikipedia's list of Cobra Trooper variations, for reference:

Air Devil - Acrobatic Aerial Assault Trooper

B.A.T.s - Cobra Battle Android Troopers

Cobra Blackstar - Cobra Elite Space Pilot

Cobra C.L.A.W.S. - Combat Light Armored Weapons Specialist; Heavy Weapons Trooper

Cobra Coils - High Speed Pursuit Vehicle Drivers; Cobra Tread Fire Driver

Cobra Eels - Cobra Frogman

Cobra H.I.S.S. Driver - Cobra H.I.S.S. Driver

Cobra Moray - Underwater Elite Trooper

Cobra Officer - Cobra Squad Leader

Cobra Stinger Driver - Cobra Stinger Driver

Cobra Soldier - Cobra Basic Infantry

Desert Scorpion - Cobra Desert Trooper

Incinerators - Cobra Flamethrowers

Lampreys - Cobra Moray Hydrofoil Pilot

Night Creepers - Cobra Mercenary Ninjas

Night Vulture - Cobra Air Recon Trooper

Sea Slugs - Cobra Sea Ray Pilot

Snow Serpent - Cobra Polar Assault

W.O.R.M.S. - Weapons Ordnance Rugged Machine Specialists; Cobra Maggot Driver

List of Viper variations

Aero-Viper - Condor Z25 pilot

Air-Viper - Cobra Air Force trainee

Alley Viper - Cobra urban assault trooper

Astro-Viper - Cobranaut

A.V.A.C. - Air-Viper, Advanced Class; Firebat pilot

Bio-Viper - amphibious Mega-Monster

Cyber-Viper - cybernetic officer

Desert-Viper - Cobra desert trooper

Elite-Viper - elite regiment officer

Fast Blast Viper - field combat

Flak-Viper - Cobra anti-aircraft trooper

Frag-Viper - Cobra grenade thrower

Gyro-Viper - Mamba pilot

Hazard-Viper - toxin specialist

H.E.A.T. Viper - High-Explosive, Anti-Tank; Cobra bazooka trooper

Heli-Viper - Cobra Battle Copter trooper

Hydro-Vipera - Cobra underwater elite trooper. Also known as the "demons of the deep"

Ice-Vipera - Cobra WOLF driver

Jungle-Viper - jungle assault trooper

Kitchen Viper - mentioned in the comics only; never actually seen

Laser-Viper - Cobra laser trooper

Medi-Viper - medical trooper [7]

Mega-Viper - Mega-Monster trainer

Monstro-Viper - savage Mega-Monster

Motor-Viper - Cobra Stun pilot

Nano-Viper - Cobra commando

Neo-Viper - officer/infantryman

Night-Viper - Cobra night fighter

Ninja-Viper - martial arts

Nitro-Viper - Detonator driver

Para-Viper - Cobra paratrooper

Pit-Viper - infiltration trooper

Range-Viper - Cobra wilderness trooper

Raptor-Viper [8] -

Red Ninja-Viper - ninja warrior

Rock-Viper - Cobra mountain trooper

Sand-Viper - desert infiltrator

S.A.W. Viper - Semi-Automatic Weapons; Cobra heavy machine gunner

Secto-Viper - Cobra Bugg driver

Shadow-Viper - counter intelligence

Shock-Viper - fire assault trooper

Sludge-Viper - Cobra hazardous waste Viper

Star-Viper - Cobra Stellar Stiletto pilot

Strato-Viper - Cobra Night Raven S³P pilot [9]

Street-Viper - urban combat trooper

Sub-Viper - underwater demolitions

Swamp-Viper - amphibious assault trooper

Techno-Viper - Cobra battlefield technician

Tele-Viper - Cobra communications

Terra-Viper - Cobra Mole Pod pilot

Toxo-Viper - Cobra hostile environment trooper

Track-Viper - H.I.S.S. II driver

Viper - Cobra infantry

Viper Guard - Cobra infantry

Viper Pilot - attack glider pilot

Now, it's important to note, contrary to their depiction in most media, in our take, Vipers are actually quite competent, being on par with the standard troops of most First World militaries. OTOH, Blueshirts get just enough combat training that they aren't completely useless on the battlefield; Blueshirts can, say, round-up civilians for slave labor, deal with anti-Cobra militias or vigilantes, or serve as security guards or the equivalent of uniformed police in Cobra-controlled areas, but are not expected to fight real soldiers. Rather, Blueshirts do all the other tasks a military needs to operate, although some specialized work is done by Vipers. Cobra recruits are first trained as Blueshirts, and can then apply for Viper training, but military vets are fast-tracked to the point that they can sometimes go straight to Viper training; said training program was designed by Big Boa and Major Bludd, the latter of whom is considered the father of the Viper program, and is idolized by most Vipers. Big Boa is less beloved mostly because he's actively involved in their training and he has no qualms about injuring, maiming, or even killing his trainees.

Anyways, in general, a Viper outranks a Blueshirt, but a Blueshirt Officer outranks a Viper, and is in turn outranked by a Viper Officer; this isn't really a hard and fast rule though, as Cobra's command structure is deliberately fluid. Somewhat similarly, Specialist-Vipers don't technically outrank regular Vipers, but their skills are more valuable to Cobra, so...Each cadre of Specialist-Vipers has it's own leader (or sometimes leader) who get their own name, but generally still wear their cadre's uniform, and are therefore subordinate to those who have names and custom uniforms. Generally. Sometimes several cadres will also answer to another, higher named/uniformed officer specifically (EG all the pilots report to Wild Weasel; Toxo-, Hazard-, and Sludge-Vipers are under Cesspool; Tele-, Techno-, and Medi-Vipers report to Dr. Mindbender, all naval personnel report to She-Wolf, a pseudo-OC who will be discussed later) Beyond this, there's no strict rank structure involved; if you can get people to follow your orders, you're in charge, and if you kill a superior you're just as apt to be given his job as punished. (note that @Night_stalker has created many Specialist-Viper Leaders for us, though some already existed, but I’m not sure how to post ‘em here)

Many Specialist-Vipers not only receive specialized training, but also are given drugs or some form of surgical modification (such as those given to Strato-Vipers to enhance their reflexes and resistance to G-forces) or enhancements (such as the Hydro-Vipers' implanted gills) or both to make them better at their jobs; these often have long-term negative side effects (which is why, despite grumbling from the Jugglers, Gens. Austin and Hawk refuse to reverse-engineer for American use some of Mindbender's Feel-No-Pain Juice or Not-Get-Tired Pills or whatever), but Cobra doesn't care. They also get a hefty dose of extra indoctrination, which of course, includes brainwashing.

Given Cobra Commander's divide-and-conquer approach to management, and the general backstab-happy nature of Cobra, it should not be surprising that inter-service rivalry between Specialist-Viper cadres is encouraged. In addition, many cadres have developed their own unique subcultures, a sampling of which follows:

-You will note that several of the above categories appear redundant. Sometimes they are (EG Sand-Vipers and Desert Scorpions), because see above vis a vis CC's management style, other times not For example, Hazard-Vipers are trained professionals in dealing with hazardous materials, Toxo-Vipers are grunts who handle the manual labor portion of dealing with hazmat stuff under the direction of the Hazard-Vipers (thus decreasing the odds of something untoward happening to a valuable specialist). Being a Toxo-Viper is (usually) a temporary assignment which regular troops will be given as a punishment detail, while Sludge-Vipers are an elite cadre of Hazard-Vipers who work directly under Cesspool, and deal with the creation and use of Plasmatox. Additionally, Incinerators are specifically flamethrower guys while the Shock-Vipers deal with incendiary ordinance in general. There are also examples where it's a bit of both, for instance while Alley-Vipers are heavy shocktroopers trained/equipped specifically for urban combat, the Street-Vipers are a sub-division of the Elite-Vipers for same.

-At some point, the Medi-Vipers became a cult devoted to Asclepius, the Ancient Greek God of medicine and notable snake enthusiast, though obviously they diverge quite heavily from the historical Cult of Asclepius. They are quite feared by other Cobras, because (thanks to  @Night_stalker) “on the field, while they'll patch you up, it's more like a ‘Stop bleeding to death and get back to work! FOR COBRA!’, instead of the nice calming normal medic you get, and off the field, they're the guys who implant mods, and pick Dr. Mindbender's experimental subjects.” Note that they are not fond of Dr. Mindbender, because they're the ones who have to clean up the mess when his experiments go awry.

-It is commonly believed by other Vipers that the Range-Vipers are cannibals. This is somewhat unfair; while yes, they're less squeamish about the idea of eating human flesh than normal people, it's still something they'd only do as a last resort.

-Hydro-Vipers are not actually fish-people, and they get really pissed off when you call them that.

-The Pilot-Vipers have picked up Wild Weasel's belief that pilots are a superior breed, and this attitude is only heightened in the Aero-, Heli-, Strato-, and Star-Vipers, who all consider themselves superior to the other Pilot-Vipers; they still basically worship the ground Wild Weasel walks on, though.

-The Tele-Vipers basically live on meth, adderall, and caffeinated energy drinks.

-Every Viper Pilot wants to be an AVAC. The AVACs think their erstwhile comrades are saps, because it actually sucks.

-Since most Hydro-Vipers used to be Morays, and the Morays used to be Eels, they get along pretty well. Ditto the Sub-Vipers. They have nothing but contempt for the Sea Slugs, Lampreys, and other aquatic vehicle pilots.

-Snow Serpents consider Ice-Vipers traitors for cross-training with the Eels.

-Techno- and Tele-Vipers have a notably bitter feud, but also have a sort of "y'all are pitiful scrubs inferior to the Glorious Software/Hardware (remove whichever inappropriate) Master Race, but at least you're better than the rest of these knuckle-dragging ignorami" thing going on towards the other Vipers

[eledritch]

arizonan keith

step aside, texan keith. @daddyroboarm thank you for bringing this hc to light

Arizonan Keith just works so much better, y'all. It makes way more sense that the Galaxy Garrison & Keith’s shack are in Arizona’s Sonoran Desert rather than in Texas. So as your resident Arizona Expert™ let me explain why:

NASA uses the sonoran desert to simulate the harsh climate of the moon for future lunar missions

it makes sense that the Garrison would do the same, and it even suggests they do in the Wiki

the astronauts of the apollo 11 mission literally practiced the moon landing in arizona at one of our extinct volcanic sites, cinder lake. we have a lot of extinct volcanoes here. 

the desert seen in the show looks very similar to the sonoran desert, especially the monument valley area

one of the most famous US UFO sightings, the phoenix lights, was in az. the state is also ranked one of the top areas for UFO sightings (over 3,000 reported since 1950)

there are a lot of sketchy military/government bases and projects in az. because it’s a desert with huge stretches of empty space, mountains, subterranean caves, and no people, it’s the perfect place for SECRETS. 

One of the US’s largest and most important Air Force bases, Luke Air Force Base, is located in the Sonoran Desert aND I’M SCREAMIN BC THE VOLTRON FONT AND THE FONT ON THEIR WEBSITE IS UMMM ALMOST IDENTICAL OK the universe is trying to tell us the truth. 

their mission is “to train the world’s greatest F-16 fighter pilots and maintainers, while deploying mission ready warfighters.” does that remind you of a certain...galaxy...garrison......

we have a plethora of dangerous/badass native animals (if keith’s fav animal is a hippo you know he’s into the scary side of the animal kingdom) including bears, pumas, scorpions, snakes, tarantulas, poisonous toads, africanized honey bees, centipedes, black widows, & gila monsters.

even the plants are badass. cacti. everywhere. but texas has cacti too, you say. but it doesn’t have saguaros, the biggest cactus species in the usa. guess not everything’s bigger in texas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the state has a pretty wild history and there are all sorts of quirky Keith-esque places i.e. 

eerie ghost towns, 

archaeological sites/amazing native american city ruins

so many ancient volcanoes that we have a state volcano map

a town full of wild burros (donkeys)

our first governor was a Freemason & is buried in a literal white pyramid

a haunted town on the side of an ancient extinct volcano that used to have a copper mine

mountains that according to legend are the location of the lost dutchman gold mine

volcanoes? NASA? ghosts? gold? history? conspiracy theories? aliens? SOUND FAMILIAR? AZ KEITH, Y’ALL. now that ur (hopefully) convinced, hc’s below the cut!

keith rly likes cacti. he thinks they’re admirable plants, especially saguaros. it blew his mind when he first learned saguaros get to be 200 years old so whenever he passes a really big one he’s like ya done good, buddy, keep it up

keith is usually at least a little sunburned somewhere on his body. even wearing jackets and jeans and boots and a bandanna isn’t enough to save him from the sun, but it’s cool, he’s accepted his fate and keeps a lot of aloe vera on hand

keith frequents circle k (apparently we have a lot of circle k’s here, which i didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out to me and...yeah. we do)

he makes various foods out of prickly pear cactus fruits. salad dressing, juice, lemonade, jam, prickly pear jalapeño jelly, don’t knock it til u try it. 

az has the most lax weapon laws ever; keith takes full advantage and carries knives everywhere he goes. he also can’t wait to be 21 because in arizona it is literally legal for anyone 21+ to carry concealed knives of any kind, as many as you want, go wild (u think that’s bad our gun laws are even wilder)

keith fears javelinas. fears, but respects them

he thinks tarantulas are pretty neat tho

keith loves bobcats??? & wishes he could pet one but also likes his hands

sometimes keith howls back to the coyotes at night and hoots back to the owls, sometimes they answer

he does not scream back to the mountain lions

he likes to tempt fate so he bought a blacklight and shines it around his shack at night, he gets a little thrill out of seeing all the scorpions light up. also, scorpions are edible. keith is not picky

he shakes his boots out every morning because scorpions tend to crawl into them. he names them all (thanks for the hc @keithhawke)

he’s been stung by various horrifying desert animals (bark scorpions, tarantula hawks, desert centipedes, velvet ants, blister beetles, tHE LIST GOES ON) on multiple occasions, he has a high pain tolerance

despite that, one time he got bitten by a gila monster and thought death was coming for him because it hurt so bad

he collects shed snakeskins and cactus skeletons that he finds, and gets excited whenever he finds fallen cactus blossoms

Keith wears gloves so his hands don’t get full of cacti spines!

he has a family of gila woodpeckers who live in a saguaro near his shack and he checks up on them daily

one of keith’s favorite things to do/rituals is to watch the desert sunset. no matter what, he stops what he’s doing to watch it [insert sad missing shiro hc here]

KEITH LOVES MONSOONS. thunder, lightning, flash floods are less fun but he loves to climb to a high point and just watch as the landscape is transformed

Keith is less fond of haboobs (dust storms, but c’mon, if I have the opportunity to call them haboobs I’m calling them that), to understand the full experience of a haboob please watch this video of a haboob ruining a wedding it’s probably one of the best videos ever

Keith knows some Spanish. One of the popular hc’s in the fandom that bothers me is that Keith knows zero spanish, none at all, which makes no sense for Texan Keith or Arizonan Keith. He knows some, in the very least knows how to pronounce Spanish words (i.e. Gila, saguaro, javelina)

he also fucking loves fry bread, it’s cheap, easy, and delicious

Keith has low tolerance for cold weather. Like, 70 degrees is considered cool for a lot of people here, 85 is a nice day, 100 is pretty hot, 105 is bearable, it gets to 110+ every summer. He has even lower tolerance for humidity, it’s a dry heat.

Keith has never seen snow (or at least, not like REAL east coast snow)

Keith wishes he had a swimming pool. He makes do with the nearby river, though, even if the water is kind of brown, in 115 degrees you make do

Keith is in denial that black clothes absorb heat. He will suffer for his aesthetic, damn it. 

Keith freaks out when they go to a planet that has a ton of trees/greenery and the other paladins are like ??? not every place is as barren as the Garrison duh but Keith WILL NEVER GET OVER IT, HE IS IN AWE

Keith is a lowkey Sun Devils fan, fight me

Keith has mastered the art of driving in a literal oven with a scorchingly hot steering wheel as all Arizona drivers have, ANOTHER REASON FOR HIM TO WEAR GLOVES

Keith has 100% attempted to cook eggs on his dashboard/roof/porch in the summer, with...limited success, he’s not gonna stop trying tho

fellow arizonans or az keith enthusiasts feel free to add more!!