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#Minecraft Skyblock Servers
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no way...
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rainbowtvz · 7 months
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remember 8 years ago when people would be like "describe yourself on anon and i'll tell you if i'll date you or not"
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:(
(long rant in tags i just needed to get it out somewhere before i explode sorry. cw mental health and mention of past abuse)
#file: storm has thoughts#i want a new computer so bad#I'm grateful mine is at least still alive after almost 12 years but like#i want to play Minecraft at more than 12 fps#or on something more than fast graphics with a render distance of 5 and like ten performance mods just to be able to open the game#i want to stream again#i LIKED streaming it was really fun even with only one or two viewers#i want to join public servers#i mean i probably wouldn't because ~anxiety~ but I'd like to have the option you know?#i want to be able to play a game and watch youtube at the same time#i have so many games in my steam library that are unplayable right now#my brother was going to get me rdr2 for Christmas#I've wanted to play it for YEARS but nope pc won't run it#this feels like such a dumb thing to be legitimately upset over#because at least i HAVE a desktop#at least i can still PLAY Minecraft kind of#even if I'm getting a little tired of skyblock worlds#I'm just. i dunno. 20+ years of giving up the things that make me happiest#sometimes willingly and sometimes not#is exhausting#I'm finally at the point of saying fuck it#if I'm constantly being told I'm selfish and lazy anyway then i might as well ACTUALLY be selfish right#except i can't even do that when i don't have a cent to my name and barely have a roof over my head#computers have been a vital lifeline for me through some of the hardest times I've ever had#and now I'm slowly losing even that#not great timing when I'm already feeling more isolated and lonely than i have in a long time#the last time it was this bad i was you know. being actively stalked by my abuser.#this time I'm just stuck in a bad situation of my own making that i can't find the strength to pull myself out of#i miss my wife i miss my friends i miss my autonomy#and i REALLY miss playing the video games I want to play
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