#RIP Harry you would have loved bi visibility day

[dinosaursmate]

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of coming out to you good people! I’m gonna say a few words, as difficult as it is for me to talk about myself and my feelings lmaooo

yesterday was Pride here in London, and I work in a theatre so there’s barely a straight person in sight (especially front of house) so it was a pretty big celebration at work. A small handful of people had managed to book the day off but only five are allowed at a time so a lot of people still had to work and I thought it would be nice to bake some cupcakes to cheer everybody up (which worked hahaha)

It was a long working day and I nearly outed myself waaay too many times but I felt a part of my community, even if nobody knew it... I’m constantly torn between wanting to come out at work so I can fully be myself, and not wanting to come out because I owe them nothing. It’s a struggle I’m still working through.

There are other struggles I’ve been trying to work through for far more than a year, but I think putting a label on myself made me look at it directly in the eye and deal with it, and Tumblr telling me that my thoughts and my demons were perfectly normal and common helped me. A year ago I realised that as much as I sat and pondered over it, the feelings were never going away so there was no point dancing around what I already knew.

To be honest, for the past year I’ve felt like I’ve been playing the long game of trying to coax a shy kitten out from under the bed (jkdfhgjkdfh) but I’m getting there for sure!

Anyway, a few weeks after I came out on Tumblr I went to see Queers at the Old Vic, starring Fionn Whitehead. Afterwards, I met up with @cher1808 for the first proper time, and we sat in Starbucks and chatted for four hours. That was the first time I had talked about my sexuality and struggles aloud and we were sort of going through a similar thing, so it was wonderful to say it out loud. 

From then on in, I continued my journey with Cher by my side. We went to see Little Mix together and got a bit emotional at Secret Love Song, along with Jade’s speech and the rainbow flag we spotted hanging over a barrier opposite. 

The first time I pulled out a rainbow flag was at Niall’s concerts in March. I’d had two (shipping drama lol) and so I gave one to Cher. It was kind of nerve wracking because I didn’t see any other rainbows, and I kind of thought.. “what if I’m making someone uncomfortable?” which I shot down immediately and thought “if someone has a problem with it, I should absolutely make them feel uncomfortable” haha. I persevered, and when I came home I made a post about how important it was. Seeing another rainbow would have made me feel less nervous, and I couldn’t help but think about that, and other fans who may feel less brave and/or safe than me and how me having a visible rainbow might have made others feel safe or less alone, and I knew how important it was for me to do it.

By the time we got to Harry’s arena tour, I knew there would be rainbows there so I went for my bi flag instead (taking my rainbow flag to every concert also, just in case of emergency LOL) and I took it to all four of my shows! I even waited until the crowds dispersed at the end to have my photo taken in each arena

(RIP these are in order, look how creased it was at the last one compared to the first one LOL)

anyway, I really want to say thank you to all my friends who have supported me this past year, for @cher1808 for the shared moments and for everybody who has made me feel welcome in this community, including Harry and his crowds. It doesn’t feel anywhere near a year until I realise how far I’ve come!