#Ride around on her to go from floor to floor! GLaDOS secretly enjoys it and turns that pleasure into more insults lol

[gritty-pasta]

The Origin of Aria!

The Adventures of Agent Chaos and Agent Done by Lauren and Jonesy ( @being-edward-hyde)

(Featuring multiple fandoms because why not?)

The turret looked up at the tall and slender woman who walked past with an elegant stride; her long white coat floated behind her with every step. Her skin was pale, her white hair cut into a neat bob, a mess cables jutted out of her back and she examined each of the new turrets with yellow eyes. This was their creator.

This was GLaDOS.

When she spoke, her voice was cold and made you want to shrink away in fear “When I say fire. You will shoot the targets in front of you. Understood?”

“Yes, Ma'am” the turrets responded.

“Ready…”

“Aim…” Red Lasers locked into the dummies.

“Fire!”

Upon her orders all but one of the turrets began to sling their bullets, emptying their cartridges into the targets at speeds that would be nearly impossible to avoid and fatal to whoever got into their line of sight.

GLaDOS paused in front of the turret and looked down upon it with disgust and curiosity. The turret resisted the temptation to shrink away or stare anywhere else other than her piercing yellow gaze.

“Why did you not fire on my order?” She asks.

“I do not want to hurt subjects” The turret replied.

“As I suspected. A Defect. Since I am no longer able to send you to Android Hell you will be used to scare subjects”

GLaDOS turned away from the defective machine and with a dismissive wave of her hand the turret was carried away.

The Turret was unceremoniously dropped into a room near the Elevator which lead to the offices below. No one dared to enter Her domain. Even the demon known as the Walrider refused to step foot on the floor that She had total control over. At least thats what the turret thought as it watched a human enter. The singing it was previously doing ceased as not to frighten the human

The mysterious young man with black hair, glasses and buck teeth is a notorious prankster known as John Egbert and his latest prank for April Fools Day was to grab some Turrets, replace their bullets and put a couple in every floor. The turret watched as the human whacked the other turrets with a comically large hammer. Hard enough to stun them, but not damage them and then pile them into the Elevator. He sent down four at a time.

“Hello?” The turret called out.

“Hello? Where are you?” The mysterious human replied.

“In here”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

“No. I don’t want to hurt you. I am defective”

“Alright”

John looked around the room before his eyes landed on the turret. He squatted down in front of the machine.

“I’ve never met a turret that doesn’t want to kill me” John said as he gave the turret a pat. “You’ll do a good job for my prank”

John lifted the turret and began walking back to the elevator. The turret did not protest as it was secretly happy that it no longer had to stay in Her space.

With the last turret placed into his office. He began working on his plan.

*The Next Morning*

April Fool’s Day. Lauren’s (aka Agent Done) least favourite day of the year. She sips her tea as her partner in crime, Jonsey (aka Agent Chaos) drags her along by the back of her shirt. Closely followed by their co-workers Chell and Wheatley (Agent Silent and Agent Chatty).

“I wish I called in sick” Lauren whines “I don’t want to see what Egbert has in store for me. Last year he had a air brush hidden in my office and I was sneezing Fuchsia food colouring for a month”

“Stop whining. I’m sure you won’t be sneezing pink again” Jonesy said, a little too cheerily for their partner’s liking.

“It’s alright for you. You somehow have survived this dreaded holiday unscathed or stainless” Lauren sipped her tea and pushed her orange fringe out of her eyes.

“I’m just lucky”

The sense of dread only increases as they meet up with the rest of their co-workers outside the building. Alfred shuffles from foot to foot with fear and anticipation. Roderich had an unreadable expression. Last year was how he earned his Agent name of Agent Drama Queen. His office had been rigged with pie booby traps and his favourite jacket got stained to the point where it could not be saved. He threw a fit and then tried to stab John with a spoon.

Jonesy looked around at their fellow workers who were looking up at the building, praying. They spoke up:

“Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Well done Chaos. You just jinxed the entire remaining 4 and a half hours of April Fools Day” Wheatley said.

“That’s my job”

“We’re gonna die…” Alfred mutters.

“Yep” Chell said.

With a deep breath and an intense amount of praying. The group entered the building. Everybody huddled together as they shuffled to the elevator. The receptionist greeted them as usual and wished them luck for the rest of day.

Reception area cleared. Now came the ride to the 7th floor and the Hell that awaits them.

Still huddled together, the group moved cautiously down the hall. Only to split up, screaming, as a red laser set its sights on them with an unforgettable “Hello”.

It was that moment in time that everybody wished they were faster than a turret’s gunfire. There was a turret around every corner and the pain was excruciating. Lauren and Wheatley upturned a table and dived behind it as the turret the pair ran into emptied its cartridges of…Nerf Darts?

“You’re a dead man Egbert…” Lauren growls as she stares at the foam dart in her hand.

The group reunite once they finally shove the now harmless turrets into the elevator and sent them back to their maker. No one escaped the prank unscathed. Everybody was littered with small circular bruises. Roderich, Chell and Alfred got a black eye, Lauren received a busted lip after taking a dart to the face. Wheatley’s injuries were mostly to his arms and torso; his height protecting his face from the vicious foam bullets and for the first time since the pranks began Jonesy had finally been hit by whatever John had set up.

“This was by far the worst prank yet” Jonsey said. “Roderich. You have full permission to stab John with a spoon once we get our hands on him”

Roderich gave a nod in response as he examines the broken lens of his glasses.

It was back to work as usual at noon. Loudly announced by the dashing cowboy from the floor below. Signalling the end of April Fool’s Day.

Roderich was walking the the supply closet as he needs more staples. However he had not expected to be startled by a turret that was singing quietly to itself. He screams; which causes the turret to scream and it began shooting its nerf darts.

The screaming alerts the other co-workers. They pile into the corridor to find Roderich lying in a bruised heap on the floor and a rather sheepish looking turret.

“Are you ok, dude?” Alfred asks.

“You missed one…”

The turret tried to hide in a corner as all eyes turned to it. Chell steps over Roderich, lifts the turret up and hands it over to Wheatley. Everyone was confused. Why wasn’t it shooting everybody like the other turrets?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I got scared” The turret spoke.

“Relax. It’s a defective turret” said Chell to reassure her confused and anxious friends.

“What are we going to do with it?” Alfred asks, hauling Roderich to his feet.

“Please don’t send me back to Her!” The turret began pleading.

“We could keep it…” Jonesy suggests.

“No!”

“Be nice Roderich! The poor thing doesn’t want to go back upstairs to that mad woman and I don’t blame it” Lauren snaps.

“Lauren has a good point” Wheatley added “It is harmless. You just startled it and it shot you out of fear”

The group discuss the matter some more until an agreement was reached. The turret was allowed to stay.

The turret was named Agent Aria by Lauren because it loves to sing. Whenever somebody was feeling down; Aria would stand next to them and sing their favourite songs until they cheered up. Aria loves it’s human companions as much as it loves the stickers that it is given. Life was very good for the musical turret.

(This is way longer than what I expected it to be. Enjoy my meh writing skills)