#Spray on Paving Butler

[autisticsupervillain]

It's Fictional Throwdown Friday!

This Week's Fighters...

Agent 47 vs Bell!

Conditions:

Both sides have their entire canonical arsenals. Agent 47 does not have his Easter Egg feats and Bell has no scaling from COD Zombies.

Scenario:

After the United States declassifies Operation Greenlight, the program in which they hid nuclear bombs in every major European city in the world to detonate on the off chance any of them fell to Communism, the International community is outraged. They give Agent 47 a luxurious extended contract, as well as a blank check, to assassinate everyone who was involved in the project that's still alive to send the message not to do this again. Bell, who had retired to a beachside mansion in Florida after somehow surviving the ending of Cold War, notices several of their old colleagues dying in mysterious accidents and gears up to take on whoever's going after them.

Analysis: Agent 47

"Names are for friends, so I don't need one."

One day, the International Contract Agency found a mysterious man knocking on their front door. The man had no name, no history, and seemingly no personality. All he had was a remarkable gift for murder, as if he were the grim reaper himself. He said he went by 47. It wasn't a name, so he made it one. He became the ICA's greatest assassin and paved a legacy of death everywhere he went.

In truth, Agent 47 was a clone, created by Dr. Ortmyer in an attempt to create the world's greatest assassin. Unfortunately for Ortmyer, he succeeded. 47 killed his pseudo father, and struck out on his own. Left directionless by the revelation of his birth, 47 attempted to start a normal life for himself. Unfortunately, he found that his only talents were in killing people. So, he decided to he was going to be the best there ever was at it. He would kill the most powerful people in the world for the right price and prove that no one, no matter how powerful, was above consequences.

Agent 47 is a master of stealth and disguise unlike any other. He's considered a myth to law enforcement agencies all around the world and has repeatedly killed people with the same level of mythic status as himself. Those who do know he exists would much rather hire him than make him their enemy. A smart move considering he tears down international conspiracies on a weekly basis.

Agent 47 is quiet the Renaissance Man, even rivaling Mario for the title. He's more than capable of doing nearly any job on the planet and is capable of using anything as a weapon. He can knock grown, fully armoured men out cold with snowballs and feather dusters. He can kill people with umbrellas, pencils, and pens. He can even use fire extinguishers as improvised grenades. An Agent 47 armed with only his garrote wire, silver baller pistol, and coins is best considered fully armed and dangerous, but he's capable of using much more. When even his standard, silenced Silverballer pistols are strong enough to kill elephants in one shot, you know he's a walking armory. Shotguns, SMGs, sniper rifles, and more. If 47 doesn't have them at home, he can buy them off of his arms dealers. And that's not even counting his truly ridiculous weapons, such as a briefcase that homes in on anyone he throws it at and goes through anything in its path, a variety of grenades and explosives disguised as rubber ducks, toys, or golf balls, and a whole host poisons he can inject, spray, or poison your drink with, ranging from emetic rat poison to make you vomit, sleeping drugs to knock you out cold, or traditional poisons that can enduce heart attacks or shut down your brain. Whether he's bringing it from home, finding it on sight, or making his weapons out of whatever he's found lying around, 47 always has countless weapons close to hand and he can kill you in at least five different ways with each.

Similarly, 47 is smart enough to competently perform any job on Earth, even frequently imitating and impressing experts in his field. Butlers, Doctors, DJs, CEOs, Engineers, and so on and so forth. He has successfully disguised himself as close loved ones of his targets and is fluent enough in most languages to pass himself off as a native speaker. This vast array of knowledge allows him to improvise countless ways to kill his targets. From drowning you in a toilet, tricking your bodyguards into killing you, manipulating your wife into pushing you off a bridge, driving you to grief stricken suicide, or even running you over with a goddamn train, if there's a way to kill someone, he's thought of it and performed it with no one any the wiser.

On top of his superhuman intellect, 47 is superhuman physically as well. He can survive exposure to the freezing cold temperatures of the Carpathian mountains while mostly naked, is immune to nearly every poison and disease known to man (baring few exceptions) has survived being electrocuted while standing in water (albiet was knocked out by this), tanked a hit from an RPG-7 (which explode with a minimum energy of 3,600 kilojoules) and has a resistance to mind control so great that the person trying to mind control him died from the sheer backlash. It has even been noted by an implied psychic (who was clairvoyant enough to deduce a client's criminal history) that 47 has an aura of death looming around him that strikes terror into anyone capable of seeing it. And since 47 doesn't physically age, he will never grow out of his prime. As such, he's still kicking ass well into 59, easily outperforming men half his age.

Agent 47 also has the Instinct ability, a sixth sense that allows him to see through walls and can predict where his targets are going.

47 has snuck into the White House undetected, frequently dismantles international conspiracies and secret societies, and is strong and skilled enough to defeat a middleweight MMA World Champion in only three blows. He even bested Sanchez, a genetically engineered superhuman who was twice his size, in unarmed combat.

If 47 has any weaknesses at all, it's that he rarely makes an emotional connections with anyone. The trauma of his ruthless upbringing has left him emotionally distant and he struggles to emotionally connect with others. Those he does care about he will do anything to protect, even against suicidal odds. Similarly, he has repressed many of the memories of his childhood, partly due to trauma and partly due to mindwiping drugs, and he frequently questions his place in the universe due to his upbringing. 47 doesn't think he's capable of committing to any line of work that doesn't involve murder, without hurting the few people he holds dear.

Agent 47 was an attempt to create the world's greatest assassin and he was a complete success. Unfortunately for his creators, he was still human. This meant that they were the first in a long list of people to discover just how well they'd succeeded.

Analysis: Bell

The year is 1981. The Cold War rages on. Even with both the United States and the Soviet Union staring down economic crises, both hover over the nuclear button waiting for the other to blink. The fate of billions lay in the hubris of empires.

It is in the midst of this chaos, American black ops operative Russell Adler, known and feared as "America's Monster", stumbles across the master plan of the mythical Russian spy Purseus. Supposedly the spy that leaked the Manhattan Project, though until now, he was considered nothing more than an urban legend. The reveal that the agent was involved the Iranian Hostage Crisis and seemingly had bigger plans on a global scale, was enough to put the United States on high alert. President Reagan authorized Adler to take Purseus down by any means necessary, treaties and international laws be damned. This gave Adler the green light to concoct a particularly devious plan.

Abducting one of Purseus's top agents, Adler subjected them to the United States's experimental mind control program. He tore apart their old personality and rebuilt them from the ground up, creating new memories for them to recontextualize the vital knowledge they already had. They weren't a co-conspirator in Purseus's plans, they were sn American agent who decoded them. They weren't a Soviet operative, they were MI6, no CIA, no ex-KGB. Whatever Adler needed them to be for his current narrative and operation. Their old self was gone, rebuilt and replaced with a codename. Bell. And they had a job to do.

They could still be nonbinary though. Adler didn't care about that. He may be America's Monster, but he's not transphobic. Diversity win?

As amoral as the action was, Bell proved to be worth the risk. They're highly trained in weapons from all over the globe of the Cold War era, including those which technically shouldn't even exist yet. For close range combat and stealth operations, they carry knives, throwing knives, smoke grenades, stun grenades, M67 grenades, tomahawks, and even C4. But for full on gun battles, they come decked out with a variety of rifles, machine guns, and pistols. From the tranquilizer gun when stealth is of the essence, to the glorious and iconic SPAS 12 shotgun. Oh, sorry, the "Gallo SA12". It's a SPAS 12 guys. The trusty recursive bow and "Pellington" (*cough* R700 *cough cough*) sniper rifles make silenced sniping a breeze, while the War Machine and Thumper Grenade Launchers helpfully obliterate everything in their path. And for everything in between, the MP5 and AK-47 submachine guns and automatics shred through dirty communists and filthy capitalists alike.

Bell possesses a remarkable intellect beneath all that firepower too. They're smart enough to track Purseus's best agents across the globe, covert enough to infiltrate the KGB Headquarters in the heart of Moscow, and deadly enough to kill everyone there should their cover be blown and leave no witnesses. The sheer fact that they can get away with half of what they do without causing World War 3 is a testament to their skill and lethality. Hell, the whole reason Adler mind controlled them was because traditional interrogation techniques just wouldn't work on the bastard. And with a willpower like Bell's even that only gets you so far...

As Purseus's plan unraveled, more dark secrets about both sides were revealed. The United States had secretly inserted nuclear weapons inside of allied nations "just in case" they needed to be detonated, and Purseus was planning to activate them to turn the world against the US. Cornered and desperate, Adler had no choice but to dive even further into Bell's mind... inadvertently allowing them to break free of their control in the process.

Bell had seen the worst sides of both halves of the Cold War. Seen that both were perfectly happy to kill billions for their own benefit. The Cold War wasn't a war of ideology, it was two dying empires using foreign nations as a chess board to stroke their ego. And now Bell, fully themselves again, had to choose which one would decide the fate of history.

Should Bell choose to rejoin their Soviet Allies, they'll get the rare pleasure of facing the legendary Alex Mason in combat. The one who fought his way out of a gulag with just a rusty handgun. The one who, when under Soviet mind control, assassinated John F Kennedy. And they would have the even rarer pleasure of killing him.

Early in that very game, Mason would survive an aircraft wing falling right on top of him and get up completely unharmed. A 48,000 kg aircraft wing falling from a height of 48 meters would hit with a force of roughly 1,686 kilojoules. And Bell could still kill him.

Of course, the cost of that honor would be allowing Purseus to kill billions. Would it be worth it? Which of these rotting empires deserves the world on a string? And which is the least likely to have Bell killed once the choice is made?

Throwdown Breakdown:

The AroAce assassin the kills capitalists for a living vs the nonbinary communist who started world war three. If these two black ops operatives offering their handlers plausible deniability met in one-on-one combat, who would win?

In terms of weaponry, these characters run broadly even when it comes to their standard firearms. While 47's weapons are technically more advanced due to coming from the modern day, a gun is a gun and neither of these fighters are bullet proof. Bell has the advantage of usually coming into a fight dressed for combat with typical military grade protective clothing, while 47 enters situations dressed in his typical suit, but I'd argue that difference is minimal too. 47 has consistently proven that his firearms can pierce standard bullet proof vests and military gear quite easily if needed, and while Call of Duty is unrealistic, it doesn't present its setting's military gear as completely impenetrable to bullets. Far from it, actually.

The real deciding factor here is 47's other gadgets. While Bell's guns can sometimes be anachronistic and unrealistically advanced for the time period, 47's stranger tools border on Bond weapons compared to their relatively grounded arsenal. The homing intangible briefcase is something Bell has no answer for, while 47's variety of poisons attack from a vector Bell has no resistance to. Meanwhile, 47's built in immunity to most poisons makes Bell's tranquilizers nearly useless and 47 has more means of getting sleep inducers into his enemy's system, from gases from a distance, to injections in melee.

On the other hand, overtly powerful explosives are a rarity in 47's arsenal, making the destructive capacity of Bell's grenades and rockets an advantage. If 47 wants to match thr destructive capacity of his opponent, he's going to need to get creative. Propane tanks, fire extinguishers, gas lines, and other environmental factors to undermine Bell, but those are moreso a tactics thing than an equipment thing.

Stealth skills are another near deadlock. I consider their immediate skill in covert operations to be nearly equal, with equally impossible feats under the belts of both: 47 infiltrating the White House, vs Bell infiltrating a meeting of the heads of state of the Soviet Union. Normally I'd give 47 the edge for improvisation. Bell is usually following a preset plan in most of their missions while 47 inprovises on site, but Bell's plans end up going to hell in such a way that they end up improvising anyways. The thing that nudges this field juuuuuuuust into 47's ball park here is creativity, Instinct, and quality of diguises.

When the plan goes to shit and 47 is left scrambling, his immediate instinct is to break off as quietly as possible to strike back at a more opportune moment. When Bell is up shits creak without a paddle, their first instinct is to get out of dodge shooting down everything in their path with whatever weapon they can find. Both of these have been highly successful approaches, but 47's has a better payoff in a one-on-one like this. Furthermore, Instinct will allow 47 to keep an eye in Bell and maneuver them into unwinnable situations, even from far away, or while retreating undercover. And finally, while both are experts of disguise and infiltration, 47 has a better track record owing to his specialization in that field, successful passing himself off as loved ones to complete strangers, where Bell had to rely on prior familiarity with the Soviets they were infiltrating.

On the other hand, this is only an advantage if 47 manages to break off from the engagement. Even then, Bell's equal skill does give good odds that they could get the drop on 47 as well. Instinct does not make 47 omniscient.

Finally, we have hand to hand combat, which is 47's most definitive edge. He is a little over twice as strong as his competition (3,600 vs 1,686), has more modern training, and has fought more people in hand to hand combat in more varied situations across various different fields of combat, while Bell as specifically fought only soldiers like themself in specifically battlefield situations with similar training and tactics to themself. But, this advantage is solely predicated of experience and strength. In terms of skill and caliber of opponents fought, 47 and Bell are once again equals, with Alex Mason in particularly either evenly matching (Lucas Grey) or downright surpassing some of 47's toughest foes (Sanchez and The Rage).

All that said, 47 does not sweep Bell by any stretch. Most of his advantages are only by slight margins. Ever single skill that Bell and 47 share is a field they are nearly equal in. I'd even go so far as to put marksmanship slightly in Bell's corner given the caliber of opponent (Mason) that Bell has outsniped, 47 just has more skills generally to draw on.

Part of this is due to experience, yes. 47 is nearly 60 compared to his opponent's "unspecified but 30s at the youngest". But this mostly comes down to their exact specializations. Bell is a black ops soldier might to fight and infiltrate in Cold War military environments. 47 is an all purpose assassin built to operate in *any* environment. The areas that 47 outclasses Bell, particular in creativity and bizarre weaponry, are areas that wouldn't be useful behind cover in the battlefield and are only coming up as shortcomings here in a one on one fight against someone who does those skills.

That's what happens when you put the protagonist of a military FPS against a Stealth Sandbox protagonist. One has to be built for doing one specific thing very well, while the other has to do *everything* very well. And when the sandbox character has six games to perfect their arsenal, well... there's only one conclusion to be reached.

Here's how I think this fight would roughly play out.

This would start out as your standard shootout and they two would stand evenly matched for a long time. Eventually, one or the other gets forced back. Either 47 gets forced to retreat by Bell's destructive arsenal and battlefield experience, or Bell is driven to retreat by 47's bizarre weaponry. More likely the former. What ensues is a game of stealth and misdirection as the two try to get the drop on each other.

47 would use his Instinct to keep an eye on Bell while using every weapon he can find to set up an ambush. Given 47's experience outsmarting Cold War operatives, such as Eric Soders and Janus, both of whom were major players in undercover operations in the Cold War, 47 would use prior knowledge of that sort of mindset to set a purposefully inconspicuous trap, all the while trying to keep hidden with sporadic movements. Given Bell's own considerable skill, especially considering their defective work, this would take some time to pull off...

Both characters would ambush and escape each other back and forth with gas grenades and flash bangs, wearing each other down with traded bullet wounds, stab wounds, and cholk holds before disappearing again.

47's victory wouldn't come from a superior display of martial arts, or gun play, or even stealth. It'd come from the perfectly laid trap. An entire room set to blow with a leaking stove before Bell takes a shot... flooding a room before carefully using a loose cord... or loosening the supports right below the most viable sniping perch right when Bell goes to take the high ground. One mistep and it would just be over. No muss. No fuss.

"Target down, 47. Now find an exit."

This Throwdown's Winner is...

Agent 47!

[addictedchicago]

Things to Do in Minneapolis for Nature Lovers

Minneapolis, the largest city in Minnesota, is known for its beautiful parks and outdoor spaces. For nature lovers, there are plenty of things to do in the city that will allow you to experience the beauty of the outdoors. Here are some of the top activities to check out in Minneapolis if you love nature:

Visit the Chain of Lakes. This group of five lakes in Minneapolis is a popular spot for outdoor activities such as biking, walking, and running. You can also rent a paddleboat or canoe to explore the lakes. The Chain of Lakes includes Lake Harriet, Lake Calhoun, Lake of the Isles, Cedar Lake, and Brownie Lake.

Take a hike in Theodore Wirth Park. This park is home to a variety of hiking trails, including the Eloise Butler Wildflower Garden and Bird Sanctuary, which is a must-see for nature enthusiasts. The park also features a golf course, a ski area, and a disc golf course.

Explore the Minnehaha Regional Park. This park is home to the beautiful Minnehaha Falls, which is a 53-foot waterfall that is a popular spot for photography and picnics. The park also features hiking trails, a playground, and a fishing pier.

Visit the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. This outdoor art museum features over 40 sculptures and is a great place to stroll and enjoy the outdoors while admiring the art. The garden also features a walking path, a pond, and a beautiful lawn.

Take a bike ride on the Cedar Lake Trail. This trail is a popular spot for biking and running, and it offers beautiful views of the Minneapolis skyline. The trail is paved and runs for about 3.5 miles.

Visit the Eloise Butler Wildflower Garden and Bird Sanctuary. This 15-acre wildflower garden is home to over 500 species of plants, including wildflowers, ferns, and grasses. The garden also features a bird sanctuary, where you can see a variety of bird species.

Take a stroll through the Minneapolis Rose Garden. This beautiful garden features over 1,200 rose bushes, including a variety of heirloom and modern varieties. The garden is a popular spot for photography and is open to the public from May through October.

Explore the Minneapolis Japanese Garden. This garden is a serene oasis in the city and features a variety of Japanese plants, including bonsai, cherry blossoms, and bamboo. The garden also features a waterfall, a pond, and a traditional Japanese teahouse.

Visit the Minnehaha Creek. This creek runs through Minneapolis and features a variety of outdoor activities such as fishing, kayaking, and hiking. You can also take a walk along the creek and enjoy the beautiful scenery.

Overall, Minneapolis offers a variety of outdoor activities for nature lovers to explore. Whether you're interested in hiking, biking, or just strolling through beautiful gardens, there's something for everyone in this city. So pack your sunscreen and bug spray, Minneapolis is ready to be explored!

[aussiespraypave]

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