#Technically not salt but I'd rather be safe than sorry

[sweetcloverheart]

Still think Felix’s backstory play should of had it revealed that him and Amelie murdered Colt near the end. I mean, we’re already having characters be revealed as magic designer baby slave golems and have had an in-canon murder before (Shanghai Special) - why not throw in some good old mother-son bonding through patricide for spice. You know, as a treat.

[toozmanykids]

Tonight on Tooz Radio...

PSA Today: A Discussion About Safe Things One Can Have Near Or Around Vaginas

[Sorry. Can't do 'Read-after cuts' on Tumblr phone app.]

Tooz: I am so thrilled that you both could join us tonight. You two were absolutely correct, @devikafernando and @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy . Our last broadcast should have definitely had warnings and a PSA about vaginal health as the conclusion. You've made me so happy with your comments. I am so excited to do this special broadcast. I feel giddy. And we have a special guest tonight!!!

Devika: ##static##

Tooz: Maybeeee, Devika. Maybeeee. You'll have to wait and see-heeee.

Bun Bun: ##static##

Tooz: Unfortunately I was not able to reach Mr. Stan. I do not have the same rapport with him as I do with our special tonight. He actually requested to participate with us tonight.

Bun Bun: ##static##

Tooz: Everyone here at the station agrees that we are overdue for a good hard hitting information based episode to really bring to light so many of the risks to vaginal health in today's modern world.

Tooz: I did have an idea though, that it may be easier or more productive to suggest alternatives that ARE safe to have near and around vaginas rather than listing things that aren't.

[Control Room lights start blinking.]

Tooz: Oh, I just saw the count down start. Are you two ready? We go live in....3....2...1....

Tooz: Hello everyone. Thank you for tuning in with us at Tooz Radio. I am Tooz and I will be your host as we look at our previous broadcast that explored some very decadent ideas for anyone who has a bit of a sweet tooth. Specifically we shared a glorious recipe for Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies, and if you haven't tried making them at home yet then you and your loved ones are missing out!

Tooz: We have two guests from last week on the line with us. Let me introduce @devikafernando and @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy . They each made very very good points last week suggesting that we should have posted warnings and medical PSA advisories about the dangers of taking fully submerged naked baths in tubs full of liquid chocolate.

Tooz: As pointed out, such an adventure does carry with it a risk of yeast infection.

Tooz: @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy very concisely stated "PSA. DONT. PUT. SUGAR. IN. OR NEAR. OR. AROUND. YOUR. VAGINA."

Tooz: Bun Bun..... May I call you Bun Bun?

Bun Bun: ##static##

Tooz: Wonderful! I want to thank you so much Bun Bun for bringing that point up last week, because you are so right. Plus our station does not discuss vaginal health enough at all. I think everyone here can agree on that. Am I right? ..... Oh my! Looks as though our switchboard is lighting up like wildfire here. Oh, how wonderful!

Tooz: Unfortunately we will not be taking any calls tonight though, and I'm also going to let our two star listeners from last week off the line as well. Thank you Devika and Bun Bun for being with us tonight. I'm going to let you both listen in comfort without having to worry about missing any cues.

Tooz: Folks, we have a very special guest with us for our important broadcast about vaginal health. We plan to discuss safe items to have in or near or around vaginas.

Tooz: In fact our very own collective muse specifically asked to participate in this particular thought exercise coming up with safe options. I'd like to introduce Tom Hiddleston, everyone! This is so exciting!

Tooz: Thank you so much for joining us, Tom. I know I am very excited to speak with you today, as I'm sure our many listeners are as well.

Tom: Thank you very much for.....##static## ....... forward to..... ##static##.

Tooz: Uh oh. Sounds like we may be having some technical difficulties.

[Insert gif of Tom scratching beard in thought from Early Man interview with Maisie Williams.]

Tom: Well ##static## .... me see, ##static##

Tooz: Hello, Tom? Can you hear me? We can see you, but....

Tom: ##static## There's a world of... ##static##

[Insert gif from RadioTimes of Tom waving his hands as he talks]

Tooz: I'm sorry Tom. I missed that. We seem to be having difficulties with your microphone. Tom? Tom? Can you hear me?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Tom? Tom? You're cutting out . Can you please repeat that last bit?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Right. Ok. You said, 'There's a world of..... '

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: 'There's a world of pictures to take inspiration from.’ Is that what you said? Pictures? Pic-tures? Right. Ok......

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: What was that, Tom?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Ohhhhh, ok. Please forgive me. Yes. I did misunderstand you. Sorry about that. Yes. Right. Ok. So you said, 'There's a world of big shoes.' ..... Sorry, did you say shoes?

Tom: ##static##

[Insert photo of Tom holding up his autographed shoes that went up for auction.]

Tooz: Right. You did say shoes. Ok... Thank you, Tom. Yes, thank you for that. Tom Hiddleston, everyone. And remember that 'There is a world of big shoes.' that are much safer than chocolate to have near or around your vaginas. Thank you very much, Tom, for your time and creative wisdom today..... What?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: YOUR shoes, specifically??? So you're saying YOUR shoes could safely be near or around vaginas. That.... is.... Very good to know..... And actually a good, although off the wall idea, bc I do understand that Tumblr has quite an obsession with your footwear. Is that correct? So there's that. I just didn't realize what direction that shoe fetish actually took. But I see now.

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Boots?

[Insert close up high def photo of Loki's boots.]

Tooz: BIG boots! Yes. Yes those are big boots.

[Insert photoshoot shot of Tom in sunglasses, go-tee, and blue checkered shirt, sitting on the ground wearing his cowboy boots.]

Tooz: As are these. Yes Tom, we do all love your boots. *Clearing throat* I especially appreciate those cowboy boots.

[Insert photoshoot shot of Tom sitting inside small bright red box-like doorway with cowboy boot clad feet bracing himself on the opposite wall.]

Tooz: Yep. That's the pair. Thank you. I must admit, however odd it may sound, he has a point. If I'm going to be cut-throat honest here, I wouldn't mind having your cowboy boots near or around my.....

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: What was that, Tom?

Tom: ##static##

[Insert photo of Tom from the interview with Zachary Levi, lounging in that deep chair with his legs swung up over the side.]

Tooz: Tom...? Tom...?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Tom.... All I can see are your legs swinging over the side of your chair. Now if you are suggesting that the chair is big enough for two, then I'd.....

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: What?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Feet? Swinging your feet.

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Big feet.

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Yes. Yes. *Chuckling. Quite right. It will take very big feet to walk in your boots.... Or shoes. Of course.

Tom: ##static##

[Photoshoot shot of Tom in the air jumping into pool fully clothed in brown suit. Both hands directed gracefully at his barefeet.]

Tooz: You're pointing at your barefeet.... your BARE feet! Yes. Where are your shoes, Tom?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: YOUR FEET!!! OH MY GOD! I get it! I get it! I..... No. Actually, I don't get it. I'm sorry. Although, if the shoe fetish is actually a foot fetish, then I guess.....

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: What was that?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: I'm sorry Tom. I still didn't catch what you were.....

Tom: ##static##

[Insert gif from interview from ABCNews broadcast where Tom is wearing the death cardigan over white tee-shirt and seems unaware that he is pawing at the Inside of his thighs.]

Tooz: Wait... Tom...? Are you suggesting that...... ?

Tom: ##static##

Tooz: Oh.

[Insert interview gif from LADS In Film, where he's looking right into the camera, sitting like my Daddy Dom, looking quite stern and *gulp* scolding.]

Tooz: OH! ....OOOOHHHH!!! ....OH MY GOD!! TOOOMMM!!!!!!

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