#The entire thing is basically 'hiccup avoids his responsibilities and also grief.' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ayatosmlktea · 4 years

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Well I fucked up and deleted the first part of the ask...basically the request was an Erwin x reader. She finds out she’s pregnant but doesn’t tell him and Levi or Hange ends up finding out about it. On a mission she gets into an accident and...

A/N: You asked for one but why not both?

𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖

“Y/N! You in here”? Hange calls out, not bothering to knock as she invites herself into Y/N’s office. The brunette frowns upon finding the room empty. She’d been trying to find her all morning needing help finalizing an experiment that she planned to use on the expedition tomorrow.

Walking over to desk Hange sorts through the papers strewn messily everywhere, Y/N had taken Hange’s notes the last time they had been planning the experiment and she needed them in order to go over the final details. In her search for the notes a few papers had flown off the desk, bending down to pick them up one paper in particular catches Hange’s attention. Brown eyes widen with shock she quickly places the paper under a pile of others, not sure of what to do with the information. The sudden sound of loud knocking makes her jump back.

“Y/N it’s Levi.” Hange’s eyes widen rushing to the door she grabs Levi by the arm and drags him inside.

“What the hell four-eyes?” Levi asks trying to pull his arm out of her iron clad grip.

“Thank god you’re here, you need to see this” Dragging him over to Y/N’s desk she shuffles through the papers again.

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be showing me this?” He questions, nose wrinkling at the disorder Y/N kept her things in. Finding what she was looking for Hange shoves the paper in front of his face. Levi’s expression remained unimpressed, his eyes darting over to hers.

“It’s her physical. Big deal, she’s perfectly healthy.” Rolling her eyes she points to the bottom of the page waiting for the light to go off in his brain.

“Shit…do you think he knows?” They exchanged glances of unease. Levi was almost certain that if Erwin knew Y/N was pregnant he would have taken her off the expedition tomorrow, meaning that they were probably the only ones who knew her secret for the time being. Once again shoving her physical under several papers they make a silent pact not to say anything until Y/N confronted Erwin or one of them first.

At dinner her body language gave nothing away, Levi and Hange were watching her closely looking for any indication that Erwin was treating her differently. However, the day ended and they found themselves ready to leave the walls with Y/N among them. Levi wasn’t sure whether to give her credit for being able to act like she hadn’t received life changing news or knock her out himself and leave her behind.

Y/N was forcing herself to smile at her husband. She felt guilty for hiding her pregnancy from him but knew that if he found of he wouldn’t have let her come on the expedition. Hange had been working hard on the mechanics for capturing the female titan and she would be damned if he didn’t let her see their plan come to fruition. Y/N also knew that Erwin needed as much man power as he could get. This was probably one of their biggest missions in a while and would ultimately lead them to uncovering secrets of the titans. Y/N finds herself getting lost in thought, her guilt eating away at her conscience as she remembers their last conversation that morning.

“You better come back alive, I won’t accept any other outcome.” His eyes fixed on her and full of love. It was no secret that Y/N had the commander wrapped around her finger.

“I’ll always come back to you” She replied softly, her fingers ghosting over his cheeks. Erwin leans down to give her a chaste yet warm kiss.

“You should go see if Hange needs your help before we leave” Planting a firm kiss on her forehead he taps her butt playfully, nudging her out of the door.

Erwin’s concerned gaze brings her back to reality, shaking her head she gives him a reassuring smile. Unaware to both of them Hange and Levi were watching their exchange closely. Y/N was a capable soldier, she’d survived every expedition thus far, there was no reason to doubt her skills. That was what they’d both told themselves, until skills alone weren’t enough when it came to surviving the disaster that was the female titan. Levi’s entire squad had been annihilated and if that wasn’t enough they couldn’t find Y/N. They’d all been split up after the female titan had attracted other titans once being captured.

On the battlefield Erwin treated his wife as he would any other soldier so he just had to hope that she was safe and capable of taking care of her squad.

His stomach churns in terror as the only two remaining members of her squad were frantically trying to carry her body back to the wagons. A large gash bleeding freely on her abdomen staining her clothes dark red. Her head was lulled back, barely clinging onto consciousness.

“What happened?” He barked, his blood turning to ice as he takes her out of their arms. Her skin was pale, almost grey in colour, beads of sweat falling from her forehead.

“It was an accident sir, it happened so fast. She went to take out a titan and out wires got caught and I couldn’t draw back my blades in time”

The young boy started panicking, on the brink of hyperventilating. His eyes focused on Y/N’s semi conscious form.

Too many things were going on at once, too many things needed to be prioritized and Erwin was overwhelmed with having to choose between his soldiers or her.

“What are you standing around like idiots for? If you don’t stop the bleeding now she’s going to lose the baby!” Hange cries, stunned at Erwin’s lack of response at Y/N bleeding out in his arms.

“Baby? What baby?” Azure eyes widen frantically, Y/N visibly grimaces squeezing her eyes shut to avoid looking at the mixture of emotions swimming in his eyes.

“She’s fucking pregnant!” Something snaps inside of Erwin, his body going on autopilot as he hands her off to the medics. His mind goes blank the only clear thought he has is getting her back to the safety of the walls and hoping that it won’t be too late to save their baby.

Time drags on agonizingly slow, questions are racing through his mind. He hates having to leave her side but his duties as commander outweigh his duty to her. Erwin can only pray to invisible gods that they all make it back in one piece.

Y/N is immediately rushed to the infirmary her condition taking priority over everyone else. He didn’t know whether to be furious at her for keeping this from him or excited at the prospect of being a dad. Erwin paces back and forth beside her bed unable to sit still and wait for her to wake up. The doctor had told him that her condition was severe, having lost almost thirty percent of her blood but that she would eventually wake up. He was almost too scared to ask about the condition of their child unsure of whether he wanted to know the outcome.

In the week she had been unconscious Erwin had found himself staring at the results of her physical more than once. The silence was unbearable for his restless mind. He needed answers, what could have possibly prevented her from telling him something like this. He was convinced he was losing his mind, staying by her bedside long into the early hours of the morning asking her why she hadn’t told him.

The day she had woken up he’d almost cried tears of relief. Her memory was hazy. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened after her collision.

“I know this is very sudden but we needed to do some tests on you while you were unconscious to make sure the baby was safe.” Her doctor is solemn, too serious for whatever was coming next to be good news. Noting the way she pales he reaches over to affectionately stroke the back of her hand.

“And?” Y/N’s voice is strained but she can already tell that it’s too late.

“I’ve very sorry but there was too much blood loss” Her bottom lip begins to tremble, angry hot tears of grief escaping the corner of her eyes.

“It’s all my fault” she sobs helplessly. Her knuckles turning white from gripping the sheets. Erwin gently holds her face against his chest. Any hope he had let live inside his heart quickly dissipated. He felt guilty for holding a small ounce of resentment for her in his heart.

“It’s not your fault Y/N. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asks quietly, his hand rubs her back soothingly while the other combs through her hair keeping her close to him.

“I don’t know, I was scared!” Her words are barely comprehensible the force of her sobs mushing them all together as she hiccups.

“I knew you wouldn’t let me go but I wanted to be useful” closing his eyes he takes a deep breath. She was right, he would never have let her leave had he known from the beginning. But he also understood her desire to want to keep fighting.

“I’m so sorry” Erwin couldn’t find it in himself to stay mad at her knowing that she would never have wanted this to happen. Crawling into bed with her he holds her against his chest, his own bitter tears silently sliding down his cheeks at the loss of something he had never really gotten to enjoy to begin with.

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