#Then I encountered Tank and I also can't beat him even though it took me two tries to do it what the

[piko-power]

what the hell some jerk just stole my blue Chaos Emerald and I don't think I can fight him and I don't know if I can get it back help-

[sheepkebby]

Completing Swamp Fever on expert difficulty

Why are we still here... just to suffer?

Today Ellis is wearing a cowboy hat.

I am once again joined by my lovely girlfriend Tabitha. Whether she's as insane as I am or just loves me enough to put up with this pain is yet to be determined. Perhaps it is both.

We started Swamp Fever with high hopes, but those hopes were soon shot dead because we died twice on the first map. It wasn't extremely painful though, and we eventually made it to the saferoom in just a few minutes.

The second map was just as rough, we died about three times. Poor Ellis had to drown in the swamp, can't imagine that tastes very good.

Eventually Tabitha decided she'd go with the very bold grenade launcher + chainsaw combo. The audacity. Incredibly risky. Very powerful. I can only dream of wielding such power.

(And yes she hit me with the grenade launcher at least 3 times, might be my fault though because there's a good chance my dumbass walked directly in front of her anyways)

The crashed plane wasn't too much of a struggle, surprisingly. Even after a witch killed Nick. There was a respawn closet nearby so we were good. Eventually we made it to the third map.

And holy shit, I actually don't have any screenshots from this map because we did it first try ❗❗❗

I shit you not, we encountered a tank right before the panic event, we beat its ass, we handled the panic event extremely well with barely a scratch, (mostly thanks to Tabitha's chainsaw), and we all made it to the saferoom just fine.

... Except for Coach who died to a charger right outside the saferoom door, which was objectively hilarious.

Then came the finale. Oh boy.

This took us 10+ tries.

We had a strategy at the very least, and for the most part it served us well. We figured it was best to hold out on the second floor of the plantation house with our backs against the wall. One of us guarded the stairs, the other watched for zombies dropping in from the roof. The bots? Just kinda did whatever. We were basically babysitting them.

Ideally when the hoard looks like it's starting to thin out, we'd rush out of the house to grab ammo. We didn't want to be trapped in that house whenever the tanks spawned, since we'd be sardines in a can at that point.

That was our strategy, and we stuck to it.

Though at some point, Coach decided he didn't want to follow the plan?? He just stood outside... Menacingly...

Safe to say he died almost immediately. I appreciate your balls of steel though Coach.

On another attempt, I noticed these four teddy bears all lined up against the wall? I asked why they were there and Tabitha was like "Because this is the kids room!"

One day if I ever have a child, I too shall buy them four identical teddy bears and line them all up against a wall like they're about to be shot by a firing squad. And I will also force my child to sleep in a room with a giant hole in the floor. L4D2 is teaching me how to be a good parent.

On another attempt, Coach ended up getting incapped before dropping down into the plantation house. (Which I didn't get a screenshot of, sadly). We solemnly accepted that we couldn't reach him and he was just gonna die up there, so we started the finale without him.

At some point though, we all got incapacitated, and as we all bled out on the floor, we heard something in the distance.

Coach, respawned, and calling for help.

THERE'S A RESPAWN CLOSET IN THE PLANTATION HOUSE ❗❓ HOLY SHIT.

So we rushed back to the plantation house and found out that there is indeed a respawn closet. It's inside the house, just inside that room where you can usually find biles/pipes/mollies.

You learn something new every day.

Anyways, on another attempt I got crushed to death by a tank. Tabitha defib'd me, which was super nice of her! I mean, we all died anyways, but I still appreciated it.

On another attempt, we got very close. Virgil blew open the gate. Tabitha was incapped by two tanks. She told me to run. She told me to leave her behind.

But I, being the heroic dumbass I am, decided no. I'm NOT going to leave her behind. I'm going to save her and we're going to make it TOGETH-

And we both died. Moral of the story is always be a coward and leave your partner behind.

On attempt number, I dunno, 12? 13? Tabitha decided to go absolutely buckwild and throw a different grenade every thirty seconds. Biles. Pipes. Mollies. She was tossing them around like a maniac. I mean, the game gives you quite a bit to start with, but we were always cautiously saving them for emergencies. Until now, that is.

Turns out, THAT'S A GOOD FUCKING STRATEGY.

The biles and pipes kept most of the zombies out of the way. We still got pretty beat up, but we had a few medkits to spare. The mollies dealt with the tanks while we ran around like lunatics trying to avoid them.

Then FINALLY, after some really risky healing, some adrenaline, and the most desperate sprint I've ever had in my entire life;

I'm surprised I didn't wake up my whole house with how loudly I celebrated. I was legit out of breath and yelling and laughing hysterically and clapping. Keep in mind, it's 3:30AM at the time of writing this.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, after three hours...

Jesus that was a journey. At least it didn't take us two days like Dark Carnival did! Woo!!

Shoutout to Tabitha, she's the real expert here. Love you sweetheart <3

Next up: Hard Rain.

(Edit) We've also completed:

Dead Center | Dark Carnival | Hard Rain | The Parish