#This took me like… a month to actually finish the weezer was too much for me

[spankerella]

20 Questions for 2020

1. Do you make your bed? Ish. I pull all the pillows and blankets off of it and stack them where my dog can’t get them because when he gets mad, he likes to pee on things.

2. What’s your favorite number? 9

3. What’s your job? My paying the bills job is processing time sheet approvals for {redacted} at {redacted}. I have also self-published a few books.

4. If you could, would you go back to school? Perhaps. I do like to learn new things but I also have a difficult time staying focused in a traditional classroom setting. I might be able to do online classes, but again, focus can be an issue unless I am writing.

5. Can you parallel park? Yes, now, but back in the day when I took my driver's exam, I failed the first time because I mowed down one of the cones I was supposed to park between. There’s not a lot of parallel parking in Dallas, so I don’t really have a need for the skill.

6. A job you had which would surprise people? Substitute teacher always seems to carry the most shock value. Especially when I mention it was for elementary/grade school level.

7. Do you think aliens are real? Why not.

8. Can you drive a manual car? It’s been more than 30 years. Probably not anymore. I used to be able to drive the truck on my great grandma’s farm, but every car I have ever owned has been automatic transmission.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? I would not say I feel guilty about any of it. Since I am so into horror, I think it always unnerves people how into Jane Austen I am also. I mean, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was, like, my mother ship. I also enjoy Broadway musicals and am really into history, so… Hamilton wins there. I am a huge nerd for history, especially the American Revolution or the Salem Witch Trials. I also like to visit cemeteries - the older the better.

10. Tattoos? 4 right now. I already have tattoos 5, 6, and 7 planned.

11. Favorite color? Black or pink

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? Well, I have misophonia so certain sounds, specifically people chewing, will send me into a rage or trigger an anxiety attack. So literal crazy on that one.

13. Any phobias? Spiders. I have legit childhood trauma attached to spiders, so… NO THANK YOU.

14. Favorite childhood sport? Ballet... and fight me if you don’t think ballet is a sport.

15. Do you talk to yourself? I’m a writer - OF COURSE I DO.

16. What movie do you adore? I have to pick one? Just one? Oh balls. I really love Empire Strikes Back. I watch Easy A to cheer myself up. The Linguini Incident is one of my all-time faves. I love Labyrinth. I love Into the Spiderverse. Recently, I really liked Doctor Sleep. That was some epic visual storytelling. I could go on and on - I won’t.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? Sometimes. I do like to play puzzle games on my phone. 

18. Favorite kind of music? I’m all over the place, but I would say I’m a rock chick. I mean I listen to Disney movie soundtracks, I love Broadway musicals, and listen to the occasional top 40 radio, and then I also like Nine Inch Nails, the Ramones, Weezer, etc. I was a 90s teen so Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, etc. I also have an affinity for artists from my home state of Texas so… Geto Boys, Kelly Clarkson, and Post Malone there.

19. Tea or coffee? Tea. There is something in coffee that my body does not like. When I drink more than a certain amount of it, my body will expel it by any means necessary, so I drink a lot of tea. I even put creamer in my hot tea when I drink it.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? A ballet dancer, but I didn’t love it enough to destroy my body for it. It’s mainly your feet. I think I lasted 3 months in pointe shoes before I told my parents I was finished with that nonsense. My mother argued with me about it because I was a good dancer, and I remember telling her that if I was going to keep hurting myself for it, I think I needed to love ballet, and I didn’t love it - I just happened to be good at it. I also remember wanting to be a teacher, but by the time I got to an age where I could test that out (as a sub) it was too much about “politics” and standardized testing scores and not enough about actual learning. I got disenchanted with that really quickly.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th December 2019

This is a really easy week for me and I’m not making it anything more than just what we have, which is a simple collection of the top 10, some fallers and drop-outs, too many Christmas songs and one new arrival. Let’s get on with it.

Top 10

For an eleventh and what I’m assuming will be a final week, Tones and I is at #1 with “Dance Monkey”.

Up only one spot and not receiving enough of a boost to overthrow the #1, we have number-two, “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy.

Also up a single spot this week is “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa at number-three.

Those two are probably due to the slight fall for Lewis Capaldi’s “Before You Go” down two spots to number-four.

“ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas is steady at number-five, meaning in the run to the Christmas #1, there are no Christmas songs in the top five...

That didn’t last long. “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is up two spots to number-six, meaning if there isn’t a surprise release that overtakes any other song like last year, Carey could easily take it this year.

Also a contender is “Last Christmas” by WHAM! re-entering the top 10 at number-seven after a six-spot increase this week.

The Amazon Music exclusive song by Ellie Goulding, “River”, continues to profit off of false success propelled by its exclusivity in a desperate attempt to recoup any chart power, up six spaces to number-eight.

At number-nine, we have “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish continuing to be mismanaged in some way down three spaces to number-nine. Seriously, this was released way too late to be a genuine success amongst Christmas songs, as has the new arrival this week, but somehow this one has some sense of longevity.

Memories by maroon 5 poopoo stinky poop

Climbers

Much like last week, there aren’t any climbers worth mentioning other than for the Christmas songs... except for these two: “Falling” by Trevor Daniel is up five spaces from its debut last week to #35 and somehow, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi has rebounded seven spaces up to #27... curious happenings here on the UK Top 40.

Edit: “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey featuring Headie One is also up seven to #30

Fallers

Okay, so the Weeknd’s “Blinding Lights” and “Heartless” are both in freefall off of their debuts last week, down five and 12 respectively to #17 and #22. Otherwise, “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is down six spaces to #21, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson has had the same hit down to #26, “Professor X” by Dave is down 13 spots to #40 and... KSI’s “Down Like That” (featuring Rick Ross, Lil Baby and S-X) took a big 20-space hit to #37. I bet he’s suddenly wishing he didn’t win that boxing match this particular month.

Dropouts

Like all Christmas weeks, it’s pretty much as far as we get on this chart to a bloodbath. I’m not even going to go in order, it’s pretty disastrous but somewhat understated, even if these songs are all either big hits or prematurely dropped off. “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean is out from #31, “Must Be” by J Hus is out from #28, “New Dior” by DigDat and D-Block Europe is out from #35, “Turn Me On” by Riton, Oliver Heldens and Vula is out from #25, “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott is out from #30, and finally, “Nice to Meet Ya” by Niall Horan is out from #38.

IT’S CHRISTMAS INNIT

Okay, so our gains outside of the two (or three) in the top 10: “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is up eight to #14 – that’s good, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up eight to #15 – that’s not, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is up 10 to #16, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John has the greatest gain up 15 to #24, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is up seven to #25, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up two to #31, and if you count it, “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA from the Frozen II soundtrack is down two to #38.

In terms of returning entries, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is back at #29, as is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee at #32, as well as “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard at #34, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #37, as well as a certain entry I don’t think I’ve talked about yet...

#39 – “Underneath the Tree” – Kelly Clarkson

Produced by Greg Kurstin – Peaked at #24 in Scotland and #44 in the US

In 2013, Kelly Clarkson released a Christmas album and this was the big lead single... and it fared okay for what it was, peaking at #30 after initial release. Every couple years, we add an extra one or two songs to the Christmas canon – not necessarily new songs, but songs that hadn’t reached the UK Top 40 as part of its annual festive explosion until the year they re-entered at their highest yet, and I am glad to have this one adopted as part of the canon because, well, there’s a reason this is being compared to Mariah Carey’s all-time classic. This is a great song and really has all the elements of your favourite Christmas classics and carols: it’s got distorted Phil Spector drums, bombastic horn lines and a fantastic pop songstress, rivalling the likes of Darlene Love, carrying the whole thing like a sleigh ride. This is just pure joy in all the maximalist, commercialist merriment you can find out of holiday music. There are elements of doo-wop here, especially with the rhythm in the verses and her back-and-forth with the backing choir vocalists. It’s really nothing special and it plays everything about Christmas about as straight as possible, but it’s also got an epic sax solo and sweet, soaring strings, and is overall a great attempt at cementing Kelly Clarkson in pop history, as all Christmas songs are, really. Still disappointed “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay has yet to be added into the canon though.

NEW ARRIVALS

#11 – “Adore You” – Harry Styles

Produced by – Peaked at #7 in Australia and #24 in the US

I didn’t like Fine Line at all, it was boring and it was a nearly 50-minute slog, full of vague, half-hearted impressions that not even Harry seemed invested in, with gross, blocky production and songwriting that I honestly often found aimless and awkward... and I listen to Weezer, so that’s really something coming from me. This song, and consequentially, Styles’ fourth UK Top 40 hit, is one of the best songs on that album, although my complaints still definitely ring true. Despite a viral marketing campaign, this song really isn’t all that interesting, despite a rocking groove that it definitely brings to the table with an admittedly very nice bassline... except it’s not full enough to make the verses feel finished, instead filling in blank space with echos and an abrupt pre-chorus. Harry sounds a lot better here, if just for the fact that I find his voice kind of amusing, especially when he goes on those pitch-shifted falsetto runs in the chorus. The guitars are pretty chill and laidback, and overall, it’s a pretty nice soft-rock tune that’s actually pretty danceable, and I really love the keys in the post-chorus... speaking of that post-chorus and/or bridge, the guitar solo is awesome, and propelled by Styles’ backing vocals, it reaches a great climax, even if the kick drums end up clipping in the mix immediately afterwards. It’s pretty cool, but I have little other opinion on this otherwise. It reminds me somewhat of “Instant Crush” by Daft Punk, but far from as good.

Conclusion

...Well, Best and Worst of the Week go to Harry Styles by default. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank – it’s the big one next week.