#To be clear here I am not like. An absolutely horrible person to hairdressers it's just that last time I got my hair cut I had to plan my

[hellohoihey]

I would really like to have good hair but that would require me to actually put some effort into that. One of these days it'll happen for me though I swear

[lisalowefanclub]

Multiplicity and what identification and representation means to Us

Madeline: I don’t remember there being many cool, attractive, and overall desirable but not fetishized (bye yellow fever) representations of Asian people in mainstream media while I was growing up in the early 2000s. The Asian media I did consume was introduced to me by my dad, so you can imagine the kind of outdated and endearingly weird characters I was exposed to as a kid. Think blind Japanese swordsman Zatoichi or humanoid child robot Astro Boy, both of which originated in Japan around the 60s. As for celebrities, I occasionally heard people talking about Lucy Liu or Jackie Chan, but only as defined by their stereotypical Asian-ness. My point is that this kind of cultural consumption fell into one of two categories: that of obscurity, which suggests that cultural objects are created by Asians for Asians (bringing to mind labels like “Weeb” for Western people who love anime), or that of hypervisibility grounded in stereotypical exoticism. You’d be hard pressed to find a film that passes the Asian Bechdel test.I didn’t discover K-pop until coming to college when I became curious about who my white friends were fawning over all the time. Since then, it’s been really neat to see how K-pop has become popularized as one of the many facets of America’s mainstream music and celebrity culture, especially when artists write and perform songs in Korean despite the majority of their audience lacking Korean language fluency. This suggests that something about the music is able to transcend language barriers and connect people despite their differences. Today it’s not uncommon to see Korean artists topping Billboard’s hot 100 hits, being interviewed on SNL, winning American music awards, gracing the cover of Teen Vogue, or being selected as the next brand ambassador for Western makeup brands like M.A.C. If you were to ask your average high school or college student if they know Blackpink, BTS, or EXO, they would probably be familiar with one of the groups whether or not they identify as Asian.What does this mean, then, for young Asian-Americans to grow up during a time when Asian celebrities are thought to be just as desirable as people like Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, or Michael B. Jordan? What does it mean to see an Asian person named “Sexiest International Man Alive”, beating out long-time favorite European celebs? What does it mean for popularity to exist outside of the realm of the racialized minority and for it to build connections across minority cultures? Of course, fame can be toxic and horrible-- it is, at times superficial, materialistic, gendered, fetishized, and absolutely hyper-sexualized-- but I for one think it’s pretty damn cool to see people who look like me featured in mainstream American culture.I’ve found that throughout the semester, my understanding of Asian presence in America (American citizen or otherwise) has been deeply shaped by our discussions of identity politics and marginalization, another class I’m taking on intergenerational trauma, and my own identity as a Laotian-American woman. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between American proxy wars in Korea (The Forgotten War) and Laos (The Secret War), both of which involved US bombing of citizens in the name of halting communism. Taking this class has challenged me to reconceptualize how we make sense of mass atrocity in relation to a pan-Asian identity, especially when contending with how trauma and violence can act as a mechanism for cultural production, and I look forward to exploring this more in my thesis. 

Cyndi:  K-pop is always just the beginning. Enough in and of itself, any interest in the genre at all reinvigorates the consumer to become more engaged with the world in which it exists. Two years ago, I got into a big, but in hindsight pretty silly, argument with my mom when I started going to a Korean hair salon (because of my K-pop delulus / Jennie prints) instead of seeing Maggie, our Vietnamese hairdresser who I can usually only see twice a year on our bi-annual visits to California to visit extended family. My mom told me the Koreans don’t need our money, they are already richer than we will ever be. Who are ‘the Koreans’? Who is ‘we’?? Is every person of Korean descent doing better than every person of Vietnamese descent in America? And #why is my mom being A Hater? Surely, sharing our identity as ‘perpetual guests’ in America should create some sort of solidarity, or at least, allow for transitory economic collaboration??? I give my money to white people all the time: to McDonald’s (Cookie Totes), to Target, to Swarthmore College. 

K-pop cannot be the end. As much as I enjoy the music, the show, and the celebrities, I also know in my heart that the current international interest in K-pop will not last. As an almost perfect and perplexing exemplification of modern global capitalism, the industry will over-expand and thus wear itself out. I always see the subtle disappointment on my language teachers’ faces when they ask me how I came to take interest in Korean, and I have to answer ‘K-pop’, because that is the truth; that is not where I am at now, but it will always be how I began. It has become clear to me that this disappointment is not just a generational difference. Maybe these old people are jealous of pop stars like how I also have to question whether I am secure in myself when I see a 14 year old accomplishing things I as a 21 year old could never accomplish in my long life. I am coming to understand that part of their reaction comes from the fact that there is a fine line between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation, that pop culture is ephemeral, but they have lived their lives as entirely theirs. Casual or even consuming interest for the parts of culture that are bright, and clean, and easy cannot ever stand in for true racial empathy, though it is where many of us start. Identity in K-pop is merely another marketing technique, but to the community of fans and lovers, it is something that is real, lived, and embodied. I find that looking at K-pop always brings forth my most salient identities in terms of gender, race, and sexuality. As much as female group members express affection and jokingly portray romantic interest toward one another, would it ever be accepted if these jokes were no longer jokes, but lived realities? Even if the K-pop industry itself did not seek to produce fan communities of this magnitude, these communities that have been founded in response to it are here to stay.  Lowe argues that “to the extent that Asian American culture dynamically expands to include both internal critical dialogues about difference and the interrogation of dominant interpellations” it can “be a site in which horizontal affiliations with other groups can be imagined and realized” (71). A recent striking example is Thai fans’ demand to hear from Lisa on the protests -- a primarily youth-led movement against the government monarchy--going on in Thailand. Although she is, of course, censored and silenced on this topic, the expectation is still there; fans are holding their idols to a standard of political responsibility. 

Jimmy: I haven’t really paid much attention to K-pop until working on this project. Sure, my cousins would do anything to go see BTS perform in person, but I didn’t care so much. Or maybe, I was just not saturated with the cultural zeitgeist. Whereas they live in the center of a cosmopolitan city which imports and exports, my hometown hums white noise. Increasingly, though, K-pop has entered into my life and the wider American cultural space. Now, K-pop tops the charts and is featured on late-night talk shows. Whether or not you are a devout follower, you have probably encountered K-pop in some form. It was not until I went to Swarthmore that I have “become” Asian American. Back home, my friends are primarily either white or Vietnamese-American. And even though I did recognize that I had an “Asian” racial identity mapped onto me, I did not consider it to be based on any politics. After engaging with and working within  Organizing to Redefine “Asian” Activism (ORAA) on campus, as well as taking this course, I have a better grasp of what it means to rally around an Asian American identity. It is a way to organize and resist. Reflecting on my political evolution, I feel comforted and alienated by the cultural weight of K-pop in America. It is amazing to see the gravity of cultural production shift away from the West. And to have global celebrities from Asia is great. Yet, K-pop is limited as a platform for Asian Americans to create identity. What are the consequences when mainstream ideas about contemporary “Asian” culture are still perpetually foreign from America? Is Asian American community just built around transnational cultural objects like K-pop and bubble tea? Does the economic and cultural capital of K-pop held by its idols obscure or erase the heterogeneity and multiplicity of Asian Americans? 

Jason: The first time I heard K-Pop was when Gangnam Style came on during a middle school social event when everyone is standing in their social circles doing their best not to be awkward when teacher chaperones are constantly staring at the back of your head seeing if any wrongdoing would occur. At that time, I could never imagine the K-Pop revolution that would occur within the American music industry.  Anytime I turn on the radio it is only a matter of time until a BTS song will start being blasted from the speakers. It is crazy to think that K-Pop has become so widespread within American popular culture that mainstream radio stations in Massachusetts are so willing to play K-Pop, even the billboards of 104.1 “Boston’s Best Variety” are plastered with BTS, because they know that is what their audience wants. Eight years ago, during that middle school social Gangnam Style was more about being able to do the dance that accompanied the song rather than the song itself. This has completely changed as more and more people are finding themselves becoming devout supporters of K-Pop. This class and project have continuously been pushing me out of my comfort zone by engaging in literature that I would never have read and discussions that I would never have imagined participating in. I have even listened to more K-Pop over the past couple of weeks than I had ever before in my life. I was impressed by myself when a song by BLACKPINK came on and the radio host said here’s some new music that I knew that the song was from their first album that came out around a month ago. I am grateful that I have been pushed out of my comfort zone and “forced (by having to actually do the homework)” to engage in the material of the class. Who knows how long this K-Pop fascination will last in American popular culture, but I am glad that I could be a part of it rather than letting it pass me by and staying within my comfortable music sphere of country, pop, and British rap.  

[mittensmorgul]

Bon Jovi rocks... on occasion...

I found it REALLY odd and jarring that, while testing Dean’s memory in the motel room after the LAMP incident, that Sam chose BON JOVI, of ALL bands, to see if Dean could remember the band members’ names.

I mean??? We know for a fact from 4.18 that Dean’s two favorite songs were both by Led Zeppelin. My first thought was confusion over why Sam didn’t ask him to name the members of Led Zeppelin, because that would’ve been the obvious choice here... but no. He picked Bon Jovi.

And that told me something SIGNIFICANT. And I’ll explain why.

Bon Jovi has been referenced in a small handful of episodes.

2.14, Born Under A Bad Sign

The first Bon Jovi reference in the series was this:

Dean: You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. Of course, I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you're a Bon Jovi fan.

The name Sam used while he was possessed by Meg and had no memory or awareness of what he’d done, was a member of Bon Jovi. 12.11 reminded me strongly of Dean trying to help Sam recover his memories by revisiting the places he went while possessed. Sam did the same thing for Dean in 12.11.

Their conversation with Elke STRONGLY reminded me of Dean’s conversation with the gas station market cashier. WHO EXAGGERATED WHAT SAM APPARENTLY STOLE TO GET MORE MONEY OUT OF DEAN. Like Elke exaggerated her story to Sam trying to elicit SOME sort of reaction out of Dean.

So we already have a connection to memory loss, deception, attempting to recover memories that have been manipulated or altered by outside forces.

3.16, No Rest For The Wicked

While driving to make one last attempt to stop Lilith and save Dean from going to Hell, Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” plays on the radio. Sam and Dean sing along to it. Sam gets into it, and Dean looks like he’s already dead inside.

(aside to say that the face Dean makes while singing it reminded me STRONGLY of the face at the end of 7.11 when he was trying to use Frank’s advice to paste on a smile and be “professional” or just give up. In other words, the most horrible smile in the history of smiles)

Because even in that episode, Sam seemed surprised:

DEAN: You know what I do want? [He reaches down to the radio and starts up Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive". SAM looks a bit "eeh?"] SAM: Bon Jovi? DEAN: Bon Jovi rocks, on occasion. He looks over at SAM to underline this statement. When SAM looks away DEAN turns back to the road and begins to sing along with Bon Jovi. [...] [DEAN begins to lose the will to sing and his smile is beginning to fade. SAM just continues to sing, laugh and smile, not noticing how DEAN is suddenly taking in the lyrics, realizing how much they actually fit him and what is about to come. The camera zooms on him as his smile completely vanishes, as he's staring out on the road.]

DEAN WAS NEVER THE BON JOVI FAN. THE BON JOVI FAN WAS SAM. They were driving to Dean’s likely death and a one-way ticket to Hell, AND THIS WAS DEAN TRYING TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE AND DISTRACT SAM WITH SOMETHING THAT SAM LOVED.

This was Performing Dean trying like hell to keep that mask in place for Sam’s sake.

7.05, Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Once again, it’s Sam who chooses the alias “Agent Sambora.” We never learn what Dean’s FBI alias was in that episode. Dean wasn’t even WITH Sam during the conversation where Sam used the alias. Dean was busy having a chat with Chris the Hairdresser (played by the same guy who played Akobel in 12.10).

After those two separate respective interviews, Sam and Dean are shown walking down different streets while swapping info over the phone about what they each learned independently.

Aside again, because I love this exchange Dean has with Chris in the salon:

DEAN: Oh. Basically, you're saying that this couldn't have happened. CHRIS: Basically, I'm saying it couldn't have happened.

While standing there looking at the physical proof that yes, it did actually happen.

DEAN: [...] Of course, they don't have pockets in those robe thingies that they make you wear. SAM (on phone): [laughs] I didn't realize you were such a spa expert. DEAN (on phone): Shut up. I observe with my eyes.

Again, Dean floundering to keep up his performance while Sam teases him for knowing that spa robes don’t have pockets... >.>

Dean might observe with his eyes, but he’s prevented Sam from seeing a lot of things over the years with that heavy-duty Performance mask.

Plus, 7.05 was all about witchcraft, deception, and misunderstandings. Remember poor Jenny? Who’d been hexed into finding hearts in her cupcakes? HEARTS?! IN MY CUPCAKES?! Because Maggie thought her husband was having an affair with her? Sam and Dean thought so at first too, but Jenny cleared that misunderstanding up:

JENNY: Don Stark is my boss. That's it. He's married, for God sakes. DEAN: Yeah, well... JENNY: Me and Don Stark. Ew.

8.03, Heartache

It’s again SAM who uses the alias Agent Sambora. In an episode about loss of identity via transplanted organs asserting the personality of their original owner on the recipients, DUE TO THE EFFECTS OF AN ANCIENT CURSE. 

After his long, long life, not wanting to live on after his true love eventually died of old age, a woman who was already old enough to pass as his mother, Brick chose to end his own life instead. After generations of being forced to reinvent himself every few decades and essentially reinvent himself because he didn’t age or die...

But then the recipients of his organs inherit his curse and lose themselves to his identity.

Loss of identity was huge in 12.11.

And again in 8.03, we never learn what alias Dean was using while Sam again chose a Bon Jovi reference.

11.11, Into the Mystic

Dean muses on how nice the retirement home is, mentioning that maybe they should look into it, and again IT’S SAM WHO BRINGS UP BON JOVI:

Dean: So no retirement, huh? Sam: Hey, you're the one who's always wanted to go out 'blaze of glory' style, preferably while the Bon Jovi song is playing. Dean: I am a candle in the wind.

“Blaze of Glory” is a Bon Jovi song, and “I am a candle in the wind” is one of the lines from the first verse.

But this is all part of Dean’s “I’ll die hunting” refrain that we’ve been seeing again in s12. Because Dean just believes he’ll go out that way. Because every hunter he’s ever know does go out that way. 

All this in an episode where Cas has been taken over by Lucifer, and Dean’s REALLY unsettled that there’s something wrong with Cas. He’s being deceived, manipulated, and used as bait, yet he doesn’t even know it. He’s just got a weird feeling at this point.

It’s the “something’s wrong and I can’t put my finger on it” feeling that keeps hunters alive, frankly.

Then we have Dean’s entire conversation with Mildred about finding happiness and following your heart:

DEAN [Chuckles]: You ever miss life on the road? MILDRED: Nah. Nah, I had my fun. You want to know the secret to living a long and happy life? DEAN: Actually, yes, I do. MILDRED [Placing her hand on Dean’s chest and patting it] Follow your heart. You do that, all the rest just figures itself out. I did that. I followed my heart. Traveled the world, made people smile, forget about their problems for a while. And then my heart said, “Well, you're done”. I had my fill and... And I retired. And I love it. [Mildred pats Dean’s knee for emphasis]

Which is doubly interesting when compared with Sam and Dean’s lines at the very end of 12.12:

SAM: You know, I gotta be honest. I was actually, ah, a little jealous at first. DEAN: Of what, the curse that nearly killed me? SAM: No, just... you know. Some of the things we’ve done. We’ve had this... weight. Forever. And seeing it gone... you looked happy. DEAN: [he looks down, doesn’t meet Sam’s eyes, and seems uncomfortable] Huh. Well, look, was it nice to drop our baggage. [he shrugs and looks up at Sam] Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn’t just the crap that got lost. I mean, everything. It was us it was what we do, you know. All of it. So... if that’s what being happy looks like... I think I’ll pass.

BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT DEAN ALREADY KNOWS THE SECRET TO A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE IS TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART. And without his memories? That’s not happiness. That’s delusion. It’s a lie.

A performance.

12.04, American Nightmare

This wasn’t a direct Bon Jovi reference, but I wrote a thing trying to explain the difference between the “Butt Rock” that Sam has always been a fan of, that Dean was so disdainful of when they were talking about Vince Vincente.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/154601623940/brainfuzz-mittensmorgul

Even the Superwiki pointed this out in the reference notes for the episode:

It can be assumed with Sam being a fan of Bon Jovi and Vince Vincente, that his musical tastes veered more towards '80s hair/glam metal growing up, which is in contrast to Dean and John's classic hard rock and heavy metal tastes.

BECAUSE BON JOVI ONLY ROCKS ON OCCASION. I think Dean grudgingly liked a couple of their songs.

BON JOVI IS NOT DEAN’S KIND OF MUSIC. IT’S SAM’S. WHICH DEAN HAS SUFFERINGLY TOLERATED FOR SAM’S SAKE. FOR YEARS. Because Dean knows Sam FAR better than Sam knows Dean.

Lizbob wrote a thing yesterday before 12.11 aired that said that this was going to be something KEY to this episode, this disconnect between the brothers, and the fact that Dean has functioned as a pseudo-parent to Sam.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/157037949755/i-cant-wait-for-dean-to-enter-the-amnesia-phase

And my absolute rant of a post about the promo:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/156996781305/oh-god-sorry-but-thats-a-clusterfuck-of-promo

Because that’s pretty much how the episode panned out.

An exposition on Performing Dean.