#YOOO looks fun ill jump in :3

[loosinmynoodles]

Maddie watches...

A Holiday Engagement

   Working reporter woman, cares about dogs, cares about everyone, engaged to working MAN, has car, uses phone, he gets a promotion and her paper goes bankrupt and she goes “AW why”? He  (Jason) brakes up with woman (Hillary) on the street while she’s talking about the circumcision if their future children!!! 

“Look, I need a partner in life! A wife who’s gonna go where I need to go and do what I need to do and be excited about my accomplishments. I can’t get dragged down by someone who’s out saving dogs and cats and God knows what else.” AHH!!! HAHAHA why does that line read like he worried about what she’ll save? 

Her friend (the brunette, yes) posts a “fake fiancé wanted- honeymoon trip to Mexico is payment” ad online, you know how you do.

   So men post their video auditions to her ‘website’ and theres literally one where this Mexican man applies just to get the ticket to Mexico and the police RAID him during the video audition. *Montage of shopping for the perfect fake Jason* Hillary chooses man (David) who was established earlier as struggling actor and ‘totally lame dude’ she and brunette met earlier. 

   She meets David where hes also a barista and insults him a couple times. She motions to his face with worry and he says ‘ill handle it,’ but then she shows up next morning not worried at all about how he’s going to convince literally her whole family at Thanksgiving that he’s actually a corporate lawyer.  Needs to memorize her entire family before the trip yet he finds out he’s meeting the entire family during the car ride there, (we don’t see the car ride). 

   Her mother NAGS and she looks EXACTLY like how you imagine. family AND friends are actually ready to meet Jason. The SHEER POWER of her mothers nagging pushes this plot. 

    Her mother ANNOUNCES to the party about her daughters engagement ring, holds up her daughters hand, and the rings not there. Moms shocked. “Jason” comes in and does an actually funny long explanation about why the rings not there. (Why did she not wear it who knows?)

   So of course they get the same room and he DOESN’T WEAR PAJAMAS so she accidentally sees his PP. He’s not abnormally muscular but he looks good. 

    Mom just out asks how much Jason makes. She forces “Jason” to eat yam cassarole. Mom complains and whines about being anxious because she has been DEPRIVED of planning any of her daughters’ weddings so she blurts out that its December 21st which pleases her MOM ! Yay! Youngest sister (cool girl who smokes) just laughs at her. 

   Jason (david) helps the dad sset up an turkey oil pit outside to DEPP FRY this turkey and casually says its fine we can leave this alone until its boiling while also very casually asking if he’d represent a politician if he had to, you know, just as an example. (Dad is a politician). they leave this oil to boil outside under a tree. 

   Brunette is actually thriving during a phone call for help because Hillary calls for reassurance and Brunette is suiting up for a surf date with surfer dude who applied for the job. 

  Oil is getting hotter and the cool sister’s turtleneck fiance hugs davids feet and is obsessed with feet. He talks about feet thats his thing he’s got a feet thing.

   ASDFGHJKL the turkey is ejected out fo the pot. no flames. Mom almost cusses. So the turkey is ruined and apparently thats all they had to eat so thanksgiving is at a Mexican restaurant now. Cool sisters old boyfriend is a waiter and mom takes a dig at him TO the cool sister that he hasn’t amounted to much. I feel like this will be important later. 

   OTHER sisters husband is STILL not here and she’s had to make up an excuse twice now. I feel like this will also be important later. David says he’s not a big golfer but apparently thats a no no because Hillary grabs his neck. OH apparently they met because he won a Tesla because he was so god at golf at a golf charity event and she interviewed the winner. Mom points this out they clear things up everything’s fine. 

  OK WOW Mexican restaurant server does Spanish impression then recognizes David who RESPONDS to the name David!!!! HHAHAHA he just handles it. shes tries fighting with him after dinner about it but he HANDLES HER, her handles her MOM in such a calm way and hes like ‘It’s your turn on the cot’ lol. (He’s still sleeping naked)

   There’s a late night convo to get closer. He’s got a girlfriend who he met in Mexico and he’s trying to win her back. She explains he’s actually being used by the girl. The girl’s just got to ‘realize’ she wants HIM. He loves print news. He loves dogs. He’s wearing a robe. They bond over eating late night carbs. They’re basically gal pals now. They’re becoming BFFs.

   He bonds with the mom while Hillary is snoring. HE FUCKIGN CALLS HER MOM. 

   MOM makes her wedding dress shop on Black Friday and David comes because otherwise he would have to give legal advice to the dad for something that is still unknown. Mom wants to see the kissing wheres the kissing??? Mom makes it clear she FUCKS 3 times a week. 

   CRAZY woman tries to steal dress at stores my boy David HANDLES it. 

   We find Dad has sold a boat and that is BAD. Xmas tree is fuckin BIG their house is fuckin BIG these ppl are loaded so this is some white collar crime problem. 

   Mom invites a Catholic priest to TALK with them about their wedding apparently you need to meet ant talk before he marries you. Apparently he needs to be baptized before the wedding. He’s jewish. 

  YOO she decides after all the lying and the dress purchasing that its time to end this grand charade. David packs to leave on a train and Hillary will say the wedding is off the next day. 

   Cool sister is cheating on pediatrist turtleneck with Mexican restaurant waiter. 

  Cool sister makes them kiss in front of mom. The KISS is magikal. 

  The Girl takes the tickets to Mexico and other sister who’s husband is not here is apparently ‘unchangeable’ and a good provider and she pregnant again yes it stays vague. 

YOOO i set out to make fun of this movie but Hillary shows up to the cafe where mean girl who’s using David was supposed to take the tickets to mexico and she kissed him and takes the tix back while rubbing davids happy engagement in her face!!!! 

    They sing her favorite song on the piano because he plays the piano and she can sing. They sing into each others eyes. You get it. 

   REAL JASON SHOWS UP with flowers.(because he didn’t actually get that promotion) SHE SHOWS REAL JASON TO FAMILY AS REAL JASON. 

   Cool sister breaks up with pediatrist turtleneck during tension. This diffuses tension. Good! What movie needs tension? Dad asks for lawyer-client privilege with now obviously non-lawyer David then offers up cool little sister now that she’s available. (this all happens within 25 seconds). 

   Mom is understandably hurt by David but somehow wants him to leave after their very real bonding moments because it might ‘hurt her chances’ with real Jason?!?! David defends Hillary and do you EVEN READ HER ArtICLES because I dO!! HE grills this mom and she now understands the error of her ways. 

   SO REAL JASON STAYS and David drives away?! She wants Jason to kiss her (he wont hes got work to do) she asks if he really loves her (he answered a phone call- come on bitch hes got work to do!) She’s realizing things are not ok. Dad (the arbiter of wisdom) asks what she REALLY wants. 

  Mom has seen the error of her ways. Her articles ARE GOOD! 

Do you love Jason?            No

Do you love David?           Mhm ;( lololololLOLOLOLO! 

Car doesn’t start up. She borrows the Tesla! HAHAHA

They throw REAL Jasons shit out on the curb!!! Mom brakes the vase dad calls him a cab other sister is not involved. 

She drives to his house and GETS WITH DAVIIIIIIIIDDDDD!!!!! camera pans up as they kiss yeaaassss!!!

Cut to: THEIR wedding with the dress she bought. She even hi-fives surfer dude (brunette brought him!). LONG hug with mom. She mouths “I LOVE YOU” to Hillary. A LAB PUPPY jumps into the car with them!!! Happy ending!!!!

#holiday engagement