#Yes that's a deeply relevant Hadestown-reference title

[angst-fairygodmother]

Flowers ~ An Idiot (Affectionate) Story

A/N: I wanted to continue Ryne’s backstory, especially since my drabble really just raised more questions (and then y’all said you wanted it). Also, this is like super heavy topics, and I tried to tag them all, but please let me know if I missed any or need to make any tags clearer. Word Count: 1914 Rating: M - self-deprecation; discussion of: past emotional abuse, teacher/student (adult/minor) relationship; cheating; manipulation; canon-typical language

“Hey, can we talk?” Derek asked, leaning against her kitchen counter, folding his arms over his chest casually.

Ryne faltered, nearly dropping the bowl she’d been scrubbing. “About what?”

“...that guy. The one that had you sobbing a few days ago.” He flinched at his own bluntness, guilty but unsure how else to put it.

She sighed, setting down the soapy sponge and turning to him. “Yeah. I mean I guess, if you really want to know.”

“You haven't been you since. I’m worried.”

“What do you mean I haven’t been me?” she frowned, bewildered. 

“You’ve been distracted, grumpy, passing up opportunities to insult me even when I leave myself wide open.” He shrugged. “I’ll believe you if you tell me it’s nothing. But I wanna help, if you’re hurting. And I wanna know you, the good and the bad. Please?”

He was asking, but he meant what he said that it was up to her, and she knew that. It was strange, to be that in control, and stranger still, that she wanted to open up. 

She closed her eyes, taking a shuddering, steeling breath. 

“Lucas was...a teacher, not like a teacher-teacher, just someone my uncle knew who he paid to tutor me or whatever, push me further than school could. He was really set on getting me ready to be that whole Ivy League, MBA, 9 to 5 in a three-piece suit, bust my ass to climb the corporate ladder but never actually make it to the top because I have a vagina but hey it looks good for him because he raised me, bullshit.”

“You and Sean really are related,” Derek mused, shaking his head and earning a glare before motioning for her to continue.

“Anyway. He tutored me, and he listened to me, and pretended to give a shit, and told me that I was brilliant and beautiful and special.” She spat the word like it was poison. “No one had ever bothered before. The first time he kissed me was when I got my SAT scores back. And I thought, it didn’t matter that I was...I guess I hadn’t quite turned seventeen yet, or that he was twice that, because I was stupid, and I thought he actually loved me.”

“Ryne…” Derek murmured as he stared, aghast and furious. He knew what she was saying, but couldn’t wrap his head around it. That someone would, or could do something like that, could take advantage and play someone like that, or that she had ever believed, been made to believe, she was less than incredible.

“Lucas?” she called as she opened the front door and poked her head inside. “He-llooo?” 

When she was greeted by total silence in the apartment, she pouted. Sure, she was a little over an hour earlier than she expected to be getting to her boyfriend’s home, but that shouldn’t have been enough time that he wasn’t home. They hadn’t seen each other since the semester started so she had sort of expected him to meet her as soon as she walked in the door, or at least be waiting for her in the living room, but the place was empty.

“I’m just going to grab a quick shower,” she announced to the air, dropping her duffle bag on the couch to deal with later. 

As she passed the bedroom, she heard a sound that made her heart drop into her stomach. Slowly pushing the door opened, she tried to prepare herself for what she knew was on the other side. 

“Kathryn!” Lucas shouted, scrambling to sit up from where he lay tangled with two women in the sheets. 

“I...Lucas...what...why?” she stammered.

“What was I supposed to do Kathryn?” he snapped, glaring. “You weren’t here. I have needs.”

“I was at school for a month...and you didn’t say anything.”

“I shouldn’t need to. If you really cared about me, you’d understand that. You’d have come home on the weekends, or sent me a video. Taken care of me, instead of being so selfish.”

“We should go,” one of the girls said to the other, awkwardly shuffling around with a sheet pulled over her chest to find their clothes. 

The other leaned in, kissing Lucas on the cheek before realizing what she was doing. “I’ll...bye.”

Ryne stared with wide eyes at the scene unfolding before her. It was like something out of a bad dream. The first woman to have to have spoken patted her awkwardly on the shoulder as they scooted past. 

“I had school. I needed to focus, and I...you cheated on me…?” she said, eyes welling with tears. 

“No. Sweetie. It’s not cheating…” Lucas cooed, climbing out of bed and approaching her. “I swear it didn’t mean anything. I love you. I just needed a little relief. You understand don’t you? I’d so much rather it was you.”

He leaned down to kiss her and she turned her head away. Undeterred, his lips sought her neck and she found herself relaxing into his touch like she always did. 

“I really thought it was my fault. Somehow I believed that if I had just given him more, it wouldn’t have happened.” 

She laughed bitterly. Derek wanted to reach out and hold her, but something in her body language told him not to, not yet. It hurt him not to, but now that the floodgates had opened, he could see she needed to tell all of it, and that his comfort would just be getting in her way.

“I don’t even know how you give someone more than everything?” She looked at him, tears in her eyes and confusion on her face, like she was expecting an answer and he shook his head. 

“He begged me to move in with him so we’d have more time together. I convinced myself that whatever I’d done wrong, I could...fix...it. But I couldn’t. And then he was just cheating on me right under my nose, and trying to get me to do things I didn’t want to do. And making me feel like dog shit under his heel was worth more. And somehow, like a moron, I still believed he loved me.” She shook her head in disparagement.

“Hey, don’t do that. Shit. The only one you should be saying anything bad about is this douchebag, not yourself.” 

He decided to reach out anyway, taking her face gently between his hands and using his thumbs to brush away the tears running down her cheeks. 

“Come ‘ere.”

He drew her in, and she gratefully stepped into the protective bubble he formed just by being there next to her. She leaned against him, breathing deeply and taking comfort in his solid warmth. 

“So...you never said what brought you to Boston?” Ryne asked her aunt, tugging the sleeve of her winter coat down further over her wrists and palms.

“I came to see you,” Patty Falco responded flatly. “David told me where to find you. He said you dropped out of Brown?”

Ryne shrugged, staring out over the waterfront instead of meeting her eye. “I couldn’t handle it. I’ll go back…” It sounded unconvincing even to her own ears. “I just need to figure some stuff out first.”

“Stuff like that boyfriend of yours?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how much older he was than you. Or his over-inflated self-importance. I was worried about you when you didn’t come out for Christmas. You haven’t missed it since you had the stomach flu when you were seven.”

“I know...Lucas didn’t want to go. He wasn’t ready to meet my whole family. We just stayed in and had a quiet holiday. I meant to call but…” 

She looked down, fiddling with her fingers. She didn’t want to lie to her aunt. But how could she admit the truth? How could she say that it had been her idea not to fly out to Portland because she’d want to never come back, because she knew as soon as her family met him they’d pick up on the fact that Lucas didn’t make her happy, if anything he did the opposite. 

“I’m not blind, Ryne.”

She turned her head sharply to look at Patty now, frowning.

“You’re miserable darling. You look exhausted and pale, and like you forgot what smiling is. You dropped out of school. I can list things til the cows come home, but I don’t need to when we both know it. Does he hit you?”

“Aunt Patty it’s not—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not that bad or not what I think. You know better than to lie to your elders. Answer the question.”

“No,” Ryne blinked back tears. “No. It’s all in my head. I’ve just been trying so hard...I...I just wanted him to love me again. If I change, if I do what he wants...”

“He’ll just keep pushing further. Men like that, people like that, aren’t happy until they’ve chipped away everything you are and reduced you to nothing, because it makes them feel powerful.”

“That’s all I’ve got left already.”

“No. It’s not. You have your family. He’s at work right now right?”

Ryne nodded hesitantly. “Yeah. He should have left about twenty minutes ago.”

“Good.” Patty stood up from the bench, holding a hand out for Ryne. “Let’s go.”

“I moved in with them, got my feet back under me, got a job. Reapplied to school, maxed out my summer classes to get back on track. I thought about giving up on higher education, but it just seemed like that was letting him take it all away, make everything pointless. I moved on, and I was...I was good. But seeing him again...it just...I thought I left that and him and everything behind. I haven’t been back, I barely talk to my uncle,” she sighed deeply, “and somehow that bastard still managed to...show up here, in my life.”

She sniffled and buried her face into his chest. He pressed a kiss to her temple and let her, both of them silent for a while.

“Does Sean know?” Derek asked eventually, hesitantly.

“No. He knows that something happened that fucked me up for a while, but not what. And he can’t. You know he gets all...protective or whatever. Even though there’s only a few months between us and I could probably take him in a fair fight.”

Derek laughed. “You don’t fight fair.”

“Yeah, but Sean does, and would believe me if I said I would too. That’s why I can take him.”

“I know some guys from the neighborhood, and we know where he lives now. If you want me to…”

“Derek, no. I just want to forget about it.”

“We could just go round and scare him a bit?”

“No.”

“Okay. Okay. What do you need then? What can I do?”

She shook her head softly, fondly. “You don’t even know how much you already do, do you?”

He gave her a puzzled look.

“I just need you to keep being you.”

“I don’t understand. But if that’s all you want, I think I can manage it,” he said with a half smile and a chuckle.

She tilted her head to look up at him. “And if I need a little more reassurance for a while...or say, more kisses…?”

He leaned down, not quite touching her. “I can definitely do that one.”