#a research project i'm doing atm is really bringing these feelings to the front.
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Went to a support group specifically for FTMs last night and had a good time. Surprised myself by tearing up. That's not a very cis sign, is it
#denial is an oppressive power#i know what i am lol. and still.#i've got a lot of internalized transphobia that i wasn't completely aware i had. not brave enough to air it out in the group#for fear of saying something 'bad'. everyone else seems to have it figured out already. most are on T.#i just don't want the group to sort of influence me in one direction.#< a ha. internalized transphobia. also i don't think i need their help in that department. i'm already mentally there. just blocking myself#a research project i'm doing atm is really bringing these feelings to the front.#how am i 26 and living far away from my parents and i'm STILL like 'i can't disappoint my mommy'#i know the answer. family baggage and high expectations etc. snore.#someone in the group kept telling me 'you don't have to go on T just because everyone else is doing it' and like...........................#idk if i found most of their thoughts to be very helpful. they just kind of liked to talk and were clearly struggling with insecurities.#but i had to fight that urge to be defensive. that is not how i feel and that is not what's even happening.#this person had a problem with putting words into people's mouths. don't do that in a support group lol#but other than that they were fine and everyone was super nice. it helped to talk to an older trans guy.#i'll say it again. if i wasn't fucking 5 foot 2 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
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