#aahhhh that was not intentional im sorry

[ayowuzap]

Aye @zocsakun you asked for this. 

A “what if” story cuz I want this to happen but it probably won’t aha *insert ugly sobbing* and tis my first time(or second time if you count my low effort SH tribute baha) doing a full blown talking talking words with narration and stuff so uhh sorry for the mistakes and the messiness :P (im a lil excited tho uhu)

TW!: Inaccurate depictions of PTSD, abuse, trauma, military work(although SOTTE helped a lot though) and medical emergency and slight gore ig.

ah yes and more angst of course why not hurai for my already dry eyes whoo

Title: Nightmares and *(Un)Intentional Denial (*fear)

Setting: Cale’s group is now well acquainted with LSH (they are still suspish of him or sumthin I dunno im still at chap 767 though I have seen some spoilers) and they are all currently in the garden Cale and the kids made, outside the Black Castle in the Forest of Darkness, where they are resting and stuff because/from the aftermath of the all-out war with the white shit and the sore loser god.

--Cue the children playing in the background while Beacrox tells them to be careful, Choi Han playing with them, Bud and Cage drinking vibing in with the others, Alberu on a “vacation”, Gashan training some other wolf kids, Hannah and Mary just chatting, Jack and Glenn just being there, etc--

LSH sitting beside Cale, who’s is in a rocking chair, watching the children play around: So R- Cale, how have you all been the past few years…?

--Ron, who just gave Cale lemonade, and the others with heightened senses unconsciously listened while still doing their thing.--

Cale, confused: …? Well besides from the war, everything’s been fine. Why do you ask?

LSH staring at Cale intensely with a blank expression, chin resting on his hand, slightly fidgeting: Hm…

Cale: W-what is it?

LSH: Hey Cale.

Cale, slightly annoyed: Haa, stop beating around the bush, what is it already?

LSH: Do you still get nightmares?

*”Still”? What does he mean by “still”? Nightmares? When? Was he getting them the whole time they were around and when they were not around? What?

--Although Ron, Beacrox and some other people who know of his “past”, had different ideas from the rest as they remembered Jour Thames, Cale’s biological mother, and that rang alarm bell in their heads.--

Cale: …

*No wait, why isn’t he answering-

Ron: Young mas-

Eruhaben: Hey ki-

--As Ron and Eruhaben was about to call out to him in both panic and concern, Cale’s facial expression stiffened and his eyes had become weird. Cold, distant, alien-like, reminding them, and the rest who were with them in eastern continent, of what happened in the Directory.--

‘Agh! Monsters! Run away!’

‘Hurry! The child is bleeding a lot, please! The car is still burning with the child still inside!’

‘Stupid, useless kid! If it weren’t for you, my sister and my brother-in-law would have survived!’

‘Rok Soo, get out of the car-!’

‘Mom…! Help me… I can’t feel my arm… it hurts…’

‘Rok Soo honey, listen to oppa and omma and get out-!’ ‘Mom, wha- AGH!”

‘AHH! Help! M-my arm, my arm! Please help…- Monsters ar- AAHHH‘

‘Hyung… noona… where are you…? Help me… Mom help me…- AHH! Monsters!’

‘Don’t come near me you piece of-!’

‘Survivors! There still survivors there!’ ‘Cease fire! Cease fire!’

‘M-my child! Where is she?! Please help her!’

‘Healers! We need healers!’

‘No food for you, useless moron! If it weren’t for you... If it weren’t for you!’

‘Monsters had suddenly appeared in our peaceful Korea-‘

‘AAHHH Seonbae help me! Seongsangnim! The mons- AAHHHH’

‘Backup! We need backup!’

‘M-mom… wake up… dad… the ambulance is here… wake up pleas- *COUGH* Ugh... dad it hurts… my leg is…-‘

‘Team leader-nim! Hurry and get away!‘

‘You dare touch that you brat?! Don’t touch the god damn money you filthy moron!’

‘Hey, hey kid! Stay awake okay?! Everything will be fine! The pain will go away soon okay? Kid you can’t fall asleep now or this hyung will be sad! Stay awake for me, buddy we’ll be there soon okay? Do you know where your relatives are?’ ‘U-uncle and auntie- *COUGH* ughh… it burns… mom… dad… where-‘

‘Buildings at nine o’clock, three and seven are collapsing! Monsters are appearing! Approaching at 20km per minute!’

‘Sir Kim Rok Soo! Orders!’

‘Ugh... hey, you! Give me more beer! At least you’ll be useful that way! Stupid useless apathetic moron!’

‘Squadrons 26, 32, 41 and 58! Fire!’ ‘3, 6, 12 and 14! Support!’ ‘All squadrons advance!’

‘So emotionless...’ ‘Right? Even though Soo Hyuk saved his life...’ ‘So ungrateful...’

‘Third Grade and First Grade taste testers are approaching!’

‘Reporting in twenty two casualties and fifty three severely injured!’ ‘Sir! W-we don’t have enough healers or b-bandages…!’

‘ROK SOO GET DOWN!’

‘ROK SOO-‘

LSH: Cale!

Cale: Ah…

--Cale seemed to have snapped out of it as he breathed heavily, sweating, pupils dilating and shaking.--

*Unconscious use of an abilty…?

LSH looking at him worriedly but still wanting answers to see if he’ll answer properly this time: …So?

Cale: ..

--In the past, Kim Rok Soo, Cale, always had an onslaught of never ending nightmares. Nightmares those being his memories. Unforgettable ones. Records. And whenever they ask of him what’s wrong or what it is about, he always…--

Cale: I...

--Always say…--

Cale: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

*…!

--Cale was looking at Lee Soo Hyuk with a blank expression, shaky eyes, and  flat sounding monotonous voice while tilting his head to the side. His head is tilted so much it looked like it was about to rip off and fall. He did not look human.--

LSH: …I see.

--Lee Soo Hyuk looked away.--

LSH: Understood.

--Lee Soo Hyuk did not seem fazed at all, as if he was expecting this. Although he did expect that, he couldn’t help but bite his lips and frown deeply in sorrow.--

*…Why does he look like he’s used to this?/Looks like that Lee Soo Hyuk guy is used to this.

*Why though?

[twink-frank]

🩸 🎸 🧛🏿‍♂️

& 🔮 what are lyrics from anything mcr/mcr adjacent that you think genuinely helped you/saved you/just made you feel a little less alone in your struggles, if you have any

Thank you nathan <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

🩸: do you have a memory associated to the first time you listened to each of the mcr albums? Not really? usually whenever i listen to an album in full i just kinda sit down and do it. and its been so long since i heard any of their songs or albums for the first time that those memories are nothing but blurs. 🎸: what’s your favorite song by ray toro? Oooogghhh can i say the entire remember the laughter album? its literally such a masterpiece and the fact that ray produced the whole thing himself with almost no help just makes it that much better. ray toro is in fact a musical genius and his compositions make my fucking monkey brain go oohh aahhhh and i feel like he deserves way more recognition than he gets, 🧛🏿‍♂️ : what’s the most rewarding thing for you about being an mcr fan? (finding friends, experiencing shows, etc.) i’ve been into mcr since i was like 8 years old, and ever since then its always been about the community for me. i heard their songs when i was a young kid being bullied and harassed and found out that i wasnt alone through their music. like the messages they put out i intensely connected with. and i think that was their intention, to let people who were a little fucked up know that its Okay to be a little fucked up.

🔮 : question of the anons choosing im gonna stick to mcr lyrics that helped me and made me feel a lil less alone bc if i went into mcr adjacent things we would literally be here all day.

I went a lil crazy so my answer is under the read more <3

“The boys and girls in the clique / the awful names that they stick / you’re never gonna fit in much kid / but if you’re troubled and hurt / what you got under your shirt / will make them pay for the things that they did.” ~ Teenagers

“Back home, off the run / signing songs that make you slit your wrists / it isnt that much fun, staring down a loaded gun.” ~ Cemetery Drive

“But nobody cares if you’re losing yourself / am i losing myself? / Well i miss my mom! will they give me the chair? or lethal injection or swing from a rope if you dare? / ah nobody knows, all the trouble i’ve seen.” ~ Prison

“Well mother what the war did to my legs and to my tongue / you should’ve raised a baby girl, i shouldve been a better son / if you could coddle the infection they can amputate at once / you should’ve been, i couldve been a better son.” ~ Mama

“She said, You ain’t no son of mine / For what you’ve done they’re gonna find / a place for you and just you mind your manners when you go / and when you go don’t return to me, my love.” ~ Mama

“Do or die you’ll never make me / Because the world will never take my heart / Go and try, you’ll never break me / We want it all, we wanna play this part / I won’t explain or say i’m sorry / i’m unashamed, i’m gonna show my scars / Give a cheer for all the broken / listen here, because it’s who we are / I’m just a man, i’m not a hero / just a boy, who had to sing this song / i’m just a man, i’m not a hero / I don’t care.” ~ WTBP

“I see you lying next to me / With words i thought i’d never speak / awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.” ~ FLW

“I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone.” ~ FLW

“Preach all you want, but who’s gonna save me? / I keep a gun on the book you gave me / Hallelujah lock and load. / Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son. / It ain’t the mark or the scar that makes you one, and one, and one.” ~ Venom

“Trust, you said / who put the words in your head? / Oh, how wrong we were to think / that immortality meant never dying.” ~ sorrows

“And now, the red ones make me fly and the blue ones help me fall / And I think i’ll blow my brains against the ceiling. / And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall / fall on your tongue like pixie dust, just think happy thoughts.” ~ Headfirst

“And in this moment, we can’t close the lids on burning eyes / our memories blanket us, with friends w know, like fallout vapors / steel corpses stretched out towards an ending sun / Scorched in black, it reaches in and tears your flesh apart / as ice cold hands rip into your heart. / thats if you’ve still got one thats left / inside that cave you call a chest / And after seeing what we saw / can we still reclaim our innocence? / And if the world needs something better / lets give them one more reason now.” ~ Skylines

“Sometimes I think I’ll die alone, I’d think I’d love to die alone / Just take me down / Just take me down / I think I’d love to die alone.” ~ Cubicles 

“As lead rains, will pass on through / Our phantoms forever / Like scarecrows that fuel this flame / We’re burning forever and ever / Know how much I want to show you / You’re the only one / Like a bed of roses / there’s a dozen reasons in this gun.” ~ Demo Lovers

“I’m sick, down from the bones to the other side / Red-mob we insects hide / King rat on the streets in another life / they laugh we don’t think it’s funny / If what you are / is just what you own / what have you become / when  they take from you almost everything?” ~ Destroya

[joeckfick]

What do you mean you all knew?!

I said I’d post this ages ago and then I didn’t because I had been working on it for a week straight and I started to hate it so I took a break and decided I’d go back and read it a few weeks later with a clearer mind. and then weeks literally turned into months and today I finally decided to revisit it. Its not perfect but I’m happy with it enough to post it. feedback would be greatly appreciated. and if Mikey ever finds this im sorry... 😂 (I fully hope none of them ever find this)

Jack and Mikey were in Joe's apartment. He had invited them over yesterday as he hadn't seen them in a few days, but now that he was face to face with them he realized he had forgotten the arrangement completely. Jack recognized the look on Joes face right away.

"You forgot, didn't you?!" Jack gasped pretending to be surprised, his fake surprise quickly turned to laughter "I knew it, Mikey owes me a tenner," he said as he walked past, brushing shoulders with Joe and into the living room, Mikey following shortly behind. Joe keeps forgetting his plans with Jack, he hasn't been able to think straight lately and by "think straight" he means "think STRAIGHT." he has had small crushes on boys before but never as big as the crush he has on Jack. He's felt this way for a while but he just puts it down to it being what he calls a "man crush" he knows its complete bullshit but he'd rather bullshit than face it at this point. When he's around Jack he can't stop smiling and when Jack looks into his eyes he gets butterflies, but yeah it's just a "man crush".  

Joe closed his apartment door and stepped into the living room to see both Jack and Mikey already sat on the couch going through Movies to watch on the tv. Joe sent an apologetic look Jack's way.

"wha... oh no" Jack stutters "I don't mind it's easy to forget" He pauses for a second "I won't hold it against you if I get to choose the movie," Jack said with a wink, Joe blushed and chuckled. "And I get to choose the takeaway" Mikey added prompting Jack to throw a pillow his way.

A couple hours later they had finished their food and were now watching another movie; Joe's choice this time. Not that any of them were paying attention Jack was on a quest to empty the contents of the fridge into his stomach and Joe was in deep thought, staring daggers at a sleeping Mikey. It wouldn't make much of a bloody difference if Mikey was awake or asleep Joe thought, the only difference was when Mikey is sleeping he lets out an involuntary snort every five minutes. Actually now Joe thinks about it he does that when he's awake too. His internal rant about Mikey is interrupted when Jack slumps down next to Joe with a pack of four yoghurts and two spoons, obviously intent on sharing them with him.

"Joe?" he says and Joe looks up at Jack startled realizing he was staring at Mikey. Jack giggles "you're on another planet today."

Joe laughs "Sorry I was thinking about how Mikey is as entertaining asleep as he is awake." They both look over at Mikey to see if he had moved at all in the last thirty seconds; "probably more so." Jack says with a smile, placing the yoghurts and spoons on the coffee table to be forgotten. He gets up and heads into the next room without explanation and misses Joe blushing for the hundredth time today.

Joe daren't question why he blushes every time Jack smiles at him or pretty much looks towards Joe's direction. To be quite frank he sometimes wished that it was just him and Jack hanging out so they had things to talk about other than what Mikey wants to eat or how boring he is when he falls asleep before the movie even starts. Jack catches Joe thinking again, but this time he has a plan to break the boredom.

"I have an idea!" he grins, revealing he's holding a bag of wooden clothes pegs behind his back; the same ones Joe uses for his pranks.

The prank escalated pretty quickly, Mikey was such a deep sleeper that he managed to sleep through the clothes pegs and even their outrageous laughter. They had used up all of the clothes pegs and were now piling anything they could find on top of him.

"Jack pass me some more pillows," Joe laughed, "and have you seen my vlogging camera I need to catch this!" Jack's hands him his vlogging camera and while Joe is busy capturing the moment Jack gets another idea and wanders off to go and find something. He returns shortly after with an airhorn and doesn't even warn Joe before setting it off.

"AAHHHH" Mikey and Joe both squeal in unison, Mikey jumping up and hitting his head on a chair that was conveniently placed over his head. Jack and Joe fall on the couch tangled together and laughing, Joe with tears streaming down his face, but making no sound and Jack making a sound that can only be described as scream-laughing. Joe starts to wander off into thought again. He loves laughing with Jack like this he loves him, to be honest, loves him a little too much and it's constantly getting in the way but he loves moments like these despite that. Suddenly the reality of his feelings set in. He sits up abruptly, he... is he in love with Jack? But surely not? It's not like he wants to grab him and snog him senseless, is it? As a matter of fact, he wouldn't mind that at all, his thoughts are interrupted by the man who currently occupied them.

"Joe?" Jack questions.

Suddenly Joe realizes he's been staring at a blank wall for a bit longer than is considered normal.

"Joe, are you okay?" Jack says with a laugh "did the airhorn make you deaf?" Joe realizes he has to answer soon, but he looks into Jack's eyes and he can't get the words to leave his lips "or have you got the flu again? you're always spaced out when you're ill." Jack goes to put a hand up to Joe's forehead to test for a temperature seeing as he still hadn't answered and Joe was known for getting the flu. But as soon as his hand makes contact Joe snaps out of it flinching back.

realizing Jack was still waiting for an answer he blurted "Yeah, sorry I'm just tired."

"Okay," Jack let out an awkward laugh "well so is Mikey," he says "we'll leave in five so you can get some sleep.," he adds with a smile. Joe doesn't really want him to leave. He wants Mikey to piss off so he can spend some more alone time with Jack but he knows it's for the best, he needs to start being careful around him.

He didn't get much sleep at all that night because he couldn't get his mind off of Jack.

Unbeknownst to him, Jack didn't get much sleep for the exact same reason. He was thinking about Joe.

The next morning Jack woke up from the five minutes of sleep he had to find a phone full of texts and three slept-through alarms. He raced to get ready and out the door as he was already fifteen minutes late. When he got in the uber he checked his phone to see who the texts were from, he'd never admit it but he was hoping some were from Joe. He scrolled through all of his notifications but to Jacks dismay, there were no texts from Joe, only the spam from Mikey asking if he's still coming and a text from Josh saying he would meet Jack there. He doesn't remember Josh being invited but he assumes Joe must have invited him. It's not rare for people to be added to plans last minute. He sends Mikey a quick message letting him know he's on his way.

When Jack arrived he recognized the table with Joe, Mikey, Josh, and Caspar seated at it and headed towards the table right away.  They spotted him before he reached the table and cheered at him mockingly.

"There he is" Mikey shouted Causing people to turn around to see what was making the horrendous noise "shhh! bloody hell." Joe whisper-yelled as Jack was taking a seat across from him. "People are staring." Mikey falls silent pouting like a toddler and the other boys laugh at the exchange.

"I know I'm always late but at least I don't make a scene" Jack chuckles. "you most certainly do" laughs Caspar. Josh pipes up "You Maynards are always late and.." Caspar then interrupts "ALWAYS late" earning a glare from both Josh and Jack. "And you always show up at the worst moment and make a huge scene" Josh continues.

Their banter continues for a while until suddenly Joe gets a text and shortly after explains to the boys that he has to leave because of an "emergency." Joe hurries away but not before catching Jack's eye and giving him the same apologetic look he always does when plans fall through or he forgets. This time though, Jack thinks, there's something different He looks upset. After Joe leaves the boys continue to talk about Joe's weird exit for a bit before moving on to other subjects but Jack is too busy worrying about Joe. He hopes he hasn't upset Joe, he doesn't know what he'd do with himself if he hurt him.

He can't think of a reason Joe would be particularly upset with him unless he found out that Jack secretly had feelings for him and he hoped more than anything that, that wasn't the case. Suddenly Jack was dragged out of his thoughts by Josh asking him something.

"right Jack?"

Jack didn't hear the question but decided to chance a reply anyway.

"uh... oh yeah sure!" he blurts out before reverting to deep thought but not before catching Caspar giving him a strange look. He decides to brush it off because he was acting strangely after all.

When Jack got back from lunch he tried to call Joe. "no answer" he uttered to himself when it went through to voicemail for the second time. He thought about calling again but he didn't want to come off as creepy or annoying. Jack just assumed he was too busy to pick up, Or rather he hoped.

A week and three days since the lunch (yes Jack has creepily been counting, he knows he's weird) and Joe still hasn't picked up any of his calls or replied to any of his texts. He has even avoided any group get-togethers that Jack was a part of. Jack had even asked all the other boys if he was acting strangely towards them too but they all said the same thing "He's not acting strange, perhaps he's just a bit busy" or something along those lines. But Jack liked to think he knew him better than that. Yes maybe Joe was busy, but even when he was busy he'd find time to hang with Jack. They live in the same apartment block it's not that hard. But never the less Jack pushed it to the back of his mind. Conor was visiting today and he was staying at Joe's so Jack didn't want to make it awkward for him.

But of course, as soon as he answered the door Conor noticed something was wrong.

"What the fucks happened now?" Conor said with a fake sigh

"What? nothing! what?" Jack blurted attempting to hide it. Conor just laughed and pushed past Jack and into his apartment. Jack then closed the door. He startled when he turned around to see Conor standing right behind him, still waiting to hear what has happened. Conor let out a little snort at the horrified look on his face "Jack I know somethings up so you might as well just tell me." says Conor. "its nothing!" Jack lies and all he gets back from Conor is a blank stare. He turns away trying to avoid the subject and goes to sit on the couch, Conor follows sitting across from him. Jack tries to start a new conversation but getting no response he finally gives in.

"FINE!" Jack sighs, "It's just" he pauses "I haven't seen or spoken to Joe in ten days and he hasn't replied to my texts or calls and..."

"You're scared he's found out you're in love with him?" Conor interrupts. "SHIT, WHAT? NO!" Jack blurts, he's never actually told Conor about how he feels for Joe. He was just too bloody obvious and Conor had probably guessed before Jack even knew, but that's not the point and now he's looking at Conor with the same horrified look in his eyes again and it gives everything away. Jack quickly looks down suddenly very intrigued by the back of his hand. The last thing he wants right now is to confront his feelings towards Joe while he's being ignored by him and the last place he'd want to do that is in front of his brother.

"look, Jack" Conor tries to look him in the eyes but he won't look up.

"look I think he feels the same about you," Conor utters suddenly and Jack finally looks up looking both sad and hopeful. "That's not funny," he says looking back down at his hands. "I'm serious," says Conor "I've been talking to Caspar and he thinks so too" Jack stands suddenly, "YOU TOLD CASPAR?!"

He starts pacing. "for fuck sake Jack, Joe feels the same about you! Caspar thinks so too," Conor all but yelled, getting up and grasping Jack by the shoulders to stop him from pacing. Jack looks up at him teary-eyed "Are you sure" he sobs. Conor nods and pulls him into a hug.

When Conor breaks the hug apart he tries to lighten the mood "seriously though for someone who's avoiding you he sure does talk about you a lot" Conor laughs

They hang out for a while, they talk about Conor's trip and what Jack has been up to while he was away, but then Conor has to get going as he promised to be in a video with Joe.

"Come back with me and talk to Joe," Conor says and Jack laughs.

"He'd probably freak out at me if I did" Jack lied, Both of them knew Joe wasn't the type to "freak out" at most, it'd be a bit awkward.

Conor recognized Jack wasn't ready, "don't worry, me and Caspar will sort something out," the older brother said with a little wave goodbye as he left.

The next morning Jack gets a text from Conor telling him to meet him at Mikey's in an hour. He knows better than to question it and starts getting ready. When he turns up at Mikey's, the man himself and Conor are waiting outside. He is confused for a second but then he spots that familiar glint in Conor's eye and realizes what he's up to.

"Are we seeing Joe today?" Jack asks, already knowing the answer. "You could have at least told me," he said in a pained voice "I look like shit." He says and Conor laughs, "No you don't," he says "and if I'd have told you, you wouldn't have shown up." Jack wants to argue but he knows Conor is probably right so he stays quiet, Mikey doesn't question a thing because as usual, he is not paying attention at all. Conor explains that all the other boys are together right now at Caspar, Josh, and Grant's place and then they get going.

When they walked into the apartment Jack spotted Joe straight away. He was laughing with Josh and Caspar, Jack couldn't help the smile on his face at the sight of him laughing. He looked up to say hello to them and Jack's heart fluttered. He was convinced if he looked into Joe's eyes any longer he'd just break down and confess his love for him right here, in front of everyone. That was until Joe panicked and then quickly looked away. Jack then realized that Joe had no idea he was going to be here at all, his heart sunk. He looked over at Conor trying to communicate how pissed off he really was but Conor just gave him an apologetic smile in return, which didn't exactly help. Jack gave in and took a seat across from Joe.

Joe quickly became more detached and Jack could tell that all the other boys were trying their hardest to include him but he was looking more and more uncomfortable.

Jack has a leap of courage "Hey uh..." Joe looks up at Jack and Jack continues "Joe can we talk out in the uh... hallway?" He asks. Joe just gets up and walks into the hallway and he takes that as a yes. All the boys look up when Joe walks out but they all seem to calm down when Jack follows. Jack would question this but he doesn't want to keep Joe waiting so he doesn't bother.

When Jack gets into the hallway and sees Joe he's sure he's going to tell him how he feels but when he hears a loud roar of laughter from the next room courtesy of Mikey and Conor, he realizes how terrifying the situation is and now he's face-to-face with him he just starts rambling and flailing his arms.

"Joe, are you doing okay because you've been acting strange lately? are you upset about something? you can tell me if you are. I hope it's not me that has upset you." He takes a deep breath. "Because the last person I'd want to upset is YOU. if you need to talk about anything I'm here fo-..." He gets cut off by Joe grabbing one of his arms.

"Jack I'm okay," he says and lets out a little giggle. Jack smiles at his laugh and pulls him a few inches closer by his wrist, the one that Joe is still clasping onto. Their smiles fade and they stand in silence looking into one another's eyes and Jack swears their faces get a little bit closer and he thinks about kissing him but their silence is broken by a loud cheer in the other room causing Joe to jerk back loosening his hand but before he lets go completely Jack grabs his hand and guides him back into the room where the others are.

When Jack walks back in pulling Joe behind him, Conor catches his eye and Jack shakes his head to let him know he didn't confess, Conor rolls his eyes at Jacks cowardliness but then his eyes lock onto Jack's hand. The same hand that is still intertwined with Joe's hand. The same Joe who just saw the weird telepathic exchange between the two brothers and is now looking between Conor and Jack (But mostly at Jack) with a confused look on his face. Jack smiles at Joe and lets go of his hand turning Joes confused stare into a grin. They return to their seats and Joe isn't as quiet anymore, not with Jack smiling at him from across the room. Caspar sends strange looks Jacks way a few times but he's too busy admiring Joe to notice.

As the evening is coming to an end, Joe spots Conor, Mikey, and Jack

"Jack!" He waves as he's walking towards them and Jack looks up at him with a smile. Joe continues, "Come over tomorrow night to chill with me and Conor?" he asks beaming back at him. Jack nods in agreement, "Yeah sure!" he says enthusiastically and then Mikey starts to pay attention. "What about me?" He insists. Both Jack and Conor give him a death glare and Jack doesn't see it but Joe does too, but Joe being the good-natured person he is, says,

"Sure, but only if you promise not to fall asleep this time."

Jack can't stop thinking about the approaching evening all day, the next day.

He arrived in good time which is rare for a Maynard. Joe actually flinched when he opened the door "Bloody hell Conor come here!" he shouted back into the apartment "a Maynard has shown up on time" he said. Jack chuckled and nudged Joe's shoulder causing Joe to giggle and push Jack back palm-to-chest. Both of them laughed even louder when Conor interrupted clearing his throat "ahem".

Joe guided Jack into the living room by the front of his jacket, not noticing the blush that took place on Jacks' face by him doing so, to choose the movie they were going to watch, as they did every week.

Jack usually got his way with the choice of movie but this time he had made up his mind. Joe was raving about a documentary he'd love to show Jack, looking all cute and enthusiastic it made Jacks' heart swell. "We should watch that then," he said, giggling at the utter shock on the other man's face "are you sure?" Joe squeaked, "I thought you hated documentaries". Jack gestured towards the tv that displayed the list of movies he was just now looking through.

"Well I can't find a movie I'd like to watch and you sound so excited about it so I'll probably like it too," he said.

As Joe is looking for the DVD Conor catches Jack's eye and smirks at him knowing full well there was a movie he wanted to watch on that list.

As soon as Mikey walks through the door he's talking about food, more specifically about what he wants to eat tonight.

"I swear to god I've been thinking about pizza all day!" he declared, but Joe was having none of it this time, "I thought we were getting Nandos?" he said, "I ask for Nandos every week but we always get what you guys want instead" Jack butts in "I think we should go with what Joe wants its only fair" he says, and he doesn't see it but both Conor and Joe are smiling at him. Both for completely different reasons. "AWWW WHAT!" Mikey wailed and the other boys laughed.

"Conor come on! you don't want Nandos, do you?!" he pleaded, "Don't drag me into this I've already said I'm not fussed," Conor said holding his hands in the air and Jack laughed "its two against one Pearce you may as well give up now"

After they have eaten Mikey, of course, falls asleep again even though he promised not to but nobody bothers waking him up

and Conor is left to third wheel Joe and Jack. Not that they mind or even notice, they're too busy laughing and showing each other funny videos on their phones. completely ignoring the documentary that was supposedly one of Joe's favourites.

Conor, who is watching them from the other side of the room, gets an idea. Joe and Jack are sitting far too close for comfort and he decides to have a little fun with it. he walks over to stand in front of where they are sitting on the couch and Joe looks up. Conor gestures for joe to move over so he can sit in between them and Joe awkwardly complies. But Conor doesn't stop there, he starts rambling on about the documentary and what he thinks of it so far while the other boys sit there in silence. Jack looking incredibly pissed off and Joe looking increasingly awkward. Joe mutters something about snacks and wanders off into the kitchen. Conor looks so pleased with himself and it gets on Jacks last nerve so he socks him in the arm with a pointed knuckle and Conor gasps clasping his arm and putting on a mock-hurt tone he says "What was that for?!" and Jack punches him again. "Okay stop!" Conor squeaks, Jack whisper-yells "What the fuck was that?!" and Conor laughs. "I'm third-wheeling big time over here so I thought I'd make the most out of it." Jack gestures as if he's going to punch him again and Conor flinches putting his hand up to protect himself. "maybe if you told him how you feel it wouldn't be as fun to take the piss out of you" He jokes and Jack rolls his eyes "you know its not that easy" he says "and he probably thinks I'm so awkward now!" Jack insists and Conor laughs pissing Jack off even more "why are you laughing this isn't funny?!" suddenly Joe pipes up from where he's standing with the bowl of chips "Not awkward just annoying," he says facing Jack and sending him a wink before he turns to face Conor and gestures for him to move over so he can sit between Conor and Jack acting as if he was stopping them from arguing but really was just wanting to sit closer to Jack.

As Joe sits forward to put the crisps on the coffee table behind his back Jack mouths and gestures to Conor "how long was he there?" Conor just smirks and shakes his head and as Joe is leaning back again he catches a red-faced Jack gesturing towards Conor, who is pretending not to notice, "Can you two not argue for five minutes?" he jokes inching closer to Jack to show him another funny clip on his phone. Conor smiles to himself and picks up his phone to text Caspar "it's working."

as the night comes to an end and Mikey finally wakes up, their goodbyes are rushed, as Mikey was in a hurry and needed to get something from Jacks apartment.

an hour after Jack gets back to his apartment and is getting ready to sleep he gets a text from Joe "Your jacket and phone charger are still here so I'm coming over to drop them off now." was all it read, but Jacks' heart was racing as he re-read the text a couple times and then he heard a knock at the door.

He answered the door in his pyjamas to find a nervous looking Joe looking down at his feet and shuffling them "Hi" he said not being able to stop the smile on his face from the sight in front of him. Joe looked up with a startled look on his face but it quickly changed to mimic Jacks warm smile "Hi" he said back "Heres your stuff" he said handing Jack the jacket and charger and as Jack took them their fingers brushed causing Jack to flinch slightly. Joe didn't look as if he had noticed but Jack was ninety-nine per cent sure he had. They stand there with nothing to say for about three seconds. They normally always had something to talk about so Jack said the first thing that he could think of "i-is Conor as annoying now as he was when he was my roommate" he stuttered causing him to blush he inwardly cursed himself for stuttering, he never stutters. Joe laughed "I don't think we argue as much as you two do," he said and Jack chuckled. If only he knew what they were arguing about. As if Joe read his mind he changes the subject "you know Caspar said something yesterday that made me think" he says and Jacks heart drops and he knows Joe sees it this time because he takes a step forward and coils Jacks shirt around his fist as if he was afraid he was going to float away. Jack looked down at Joe's hand and then into his eyes his heart beating a mile a minute. Joe looked like he was contemplating something his brows knitted together and his bottom lip between his teeth. Jack looked into his eyes and then at his lips, he couldn't help but stare. Joe took this as an answer to his unasked question and wrenched Jack forward by his pyjama shirt out into the hallway as their lips pressed together harder than intended. Any other time Jack would have been very conscious of the fact he was wearing pyjamas in a semi-public hallway, but not now, with Joe's mouth on his and arms around Joe's neck, surrounded by the scent of the man he loved. The moment was too perfect, too good to be true and Joe panicked. He pushed Jack away uttered an apology and raced down the hallway, Jack tried to call him back suddenly aware he was in the hallway in his pyjamas "Joe wait!" he shouted prompting the neighbour that lived across from him to open the door and shush him. He desperately wanted to go after Joe but decided Joe would be better off if he didn't. he probably hates me now, Jack thought.

Jack spends the whole morning the next day debating whether to go to Joe's that evening.

All of the boys were planning to go over to Joes tonight. It had been set in stone for a couple days now so Jack knew it'd look weird if he didn't show up and Conor wouldn't stop texting him asking him to get things for tonight. So Jack decided he would go even if he didn't stay for the whole night. He was still unsure of how Joe would react though and if the kiss even meant anything to him.

That evening Jack was only a little later than he should've been. Conor was the one to answer the door and the other boys were already sat outside by then. He followed Conor to the terrace and watched as he took a seat in between Caspar and Joe. Jack took the only seat that was still available and sat on the end next to Mikey.

The boys were having an animated conversation about their travelling plans and Joe was joining in but not a lot. so Jack tries to make eye contact with Joe, and he either doesn't notice or is purposely trying to avoid him. However, Conor notices and looks between Jack and Joe with a furrowed brow finally settling on Jack and mouthing "what did you do?" Jack laughs and shakes his head dismissing Conors question and goes back to listening to the other boys travelling conversation.

Halfway through the night, not much has changed other than it getting darker and colder. Joe is still avoiding him, Conor is still sending strange looks and now Caspar has apparently decided to join in too, staring at Jack as if he has two extra heads. In fact, he's staring that much that Jack checks himself in his phone reflection a few times to check if he's miraculously grown another head. Jack spots both Caspar and Conor whispering multiple times and he decides to confront them about it.

"Oi, what're you two whispering about over there?!" He jokes, loud enough that all of the boys turn to look at Caspar and Conor. All but one, Joe, who finally makes eye contact with Jack. Jack smiles at him, trying to think of something to say to make him laugh but Joe quickly looks away again and Jacks' heart sinks. He wishes Joe would just talk to him, he feels like shit when Joe's avoiding him.

A few minutes later the boys start complaining about the cold and Joe heads inside to get blankets for everyone. He takes a little while and Jack sees this as the perfect opportunity to try and talk to Joe. He manages to slip away unnoticed. He bumps into Joe on his way back outside, arms full of blankets, and Joe drops them in shock and stands to stare at Jack with a horrified look on his face. Jack laughs "I'm not that scary!" He says. Joe visibly relaxes at this and Jack smiles warmly at him causing Joe's face to flush bright pink and Joe's hands shoot up to his face in an attempt to hide it but Jack has already noticed and it only makes his heart swell even more. Jack steps forward gently removing Joe's hands from his face and holding them in his own and decides its now or never. "Look, Joe, I know you know I have feelings for you and I know, you know, I know you do too" He starts rambling again "and if what happened last night..." He is cut off by Joe laughing at him. "What?" he says looking both frightened and amused. Joe laughs again and says "you're just cute." Jack smiles "Oh yeah?" he says in a mock-challenging tone and Joe just nods as Jack pulls him closer. This time Jack is the one to kiss Joe, wrapping his arms around Joe's waist and Joe's hands holding either side of Jack's face. But they're abruptly interrupted by a choir of wolf whistles and howling, and Josh shouting "I bloody knew it!".

Jack's head spins around startled by the intrusion and Joe buries his head in Jacks' shoulder. The two awkwardly stand there as the others gather up the blankets and Caspar says "we will meet you two back outside when you're ready" and Joe looks up just as Caspar winks at them. Causing Joe to blush and hide his face in Jacks' shoulder again. Jack chuckles at Joe as the boy's exit the room and in the distance, they both hear Mikey, "What do you mean you all knew?! I never knew!" and both Jack and Joe burst into laughter this time.