#about how i don't rly belong at the school and don't deserve my place there and how i will fail at everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fabcreature · 10 months

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me: *desperately needs praise for the work i do or i will shatter from the heartache*

also me: *at least once a month cries and shatters from the heartache bc i'm convinced every single bit of praise i ever get is either a lie just to be nice, or misguided bc they don't realize i'm a fraud*

#i'm starting school this autumn (studying music) and for like this entire year i've been having a crisis every other week #about how i don't rly belong at the school and don't deserve my place there and how i will fail at everything #and i'm too stupid to really learn anything and if they haven't before now everyone will realize i'm just average at best #and i should quit music all together bc there's nothing that i can do that someone else can't do better and i can't get anything done anyway #and i'm an idiot for ever believing anything nice people have said about me bc either they were lying or they just didn't know better #and i'm pathetic for thinking that i could ever employ myself in the arts #and god i would say 'why am i even trying' if i was trying at all but i'm not bc i'm fucking lazy and stupid #and i should quit while there are people who still live in the illusion that i'm good at something so they won't see the truth #i'm self centered and self obsessed and a fucking moron for creating this false image of myself that's competent and good at things #i'm living in a big fat lie and we're all just waiting for the lie to start to fall apart and crumble around me #so uh.. anyway. didn't.. actually mean to go on a tangent like that #that's so me isn't it. fucking fishing for praise and reassurance like that. like a fucking idiot #sorry sorry sorry i'll stop now i'll stop i'll shut up #whatever. bye #eg posts

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