#addition bc I'm still thinking about this: honestly my dorm is even better in terms of safety than my new house in some ways bc it's soooo
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every so often I think about how my sixteen year-old self would love my current lifestyle just because the place I live in now is safe
#bolo speaks#I used to want to leave home SO BAD because I (rightly) felt like I was under threat there#like my aunt asked me what it was I wanted most in the world and I told her I wanted to live anywhere else (because then I'd be safe from my#dad) which was uncomfortable to say out loud but I didn't want to lie to her#sometimes I'll be in my creaky little dorm bed and think ''I am completely and entirely safe right now. this was what I dreamed of just a#few years ago'' and it's kinda weird ngl#BUT I was soooo fucked up with homesickness when I got to college anyway almost entirely bc I missed my mom. and I'd moved out my childhood#home recently too so I KNOW it wasn't about the house. just the familiarity of having my loved ones in the same city#how the turntables and all that#addition bc I'm still thinking about this: honestly my dorm is even better in terms of safety than my new house in some ways bc it's soooo#geographically distant I know my dad could never ever reach me here. and I don't think my address is easy to find#because sometimes even in my new house that fear he'll find me and End It doesn't really go away. like I still know it's feasible even if#I'm being irrational#but now I am so fuckoff far away it's not even a blip on my radar. stunning spectacular amazing
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