#afraid to get back on meds. i want to but antipsychotics are not fun. being a lab rat is not fun

[pansyfemme]

Not *currently* schizospec but I get the "wanting to know schizospec people irl". I will occationally casually bring up that I heard voices as a kid up until I was like 13 and people will act like I just told them I used to like going around kicking puppies for fun and I have to be like... dude. It's chill. I'm chill. Please accept this as an interesting fact about me and move on with your life. It would be nice if a single person I told didn't treat it either like a grave confession or an admission that I was some sort of horror movie child

All that to say I'm sorry and I empathize 👍

i’ve been psychotic since I was a young kid, but i recently went off antipsychotics by my own choice (with my doctor’s permission) and it’s been a lot to get used to to have my symptoms fully back in my everyday life. I can manage them and they weren’t fully gone on the meds anyhow but it’s. really hard to talk about. I spent entire years of my childhood in delusional states and yet I’m just supposed to.. move on? Yes, it’s 1% of the population but that’s a decent chunk and I’m sick of feeding into this lie that psychotic people are some kind of rarity and not a sizeable community. I doubt that i’m the only psychotic person at my school. But i’m still the only one I know, and many, many, many people don’t know this fact about me. It’s so isolating. There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need to feel guilty for being this way. But it’s hard when people refuse to acknowledge it besides something to be afraid of.

[hunterwildes]

[ danielle campbell ] - have you seen hunter wildes, the twenty-one year old witch? from what i’ve heard they appear to be twenty-one years old and identify as cisfemale. they prefer she/her for pronouns and are known as the halcyon. people say they’re sincere, ardent, yet brittle & analytical, so i guess that explains it. apparently, their two special abilities are fire control and clairvoyance. 

hello hi i’m bay (again) and this is my SWEET child hunter!! i’ll write a real bio later but for now..... a basic rundown!!! - TW!!!! brief mention of death and just in case... got some talk of depression/anxiety in there too-

so the basic background....

hunter renoir-wildes is the name, born in beautiful beaufort, south carolina. she, her mama, her dad, and her brother (madison) lived a fairly wonderful life!! they had a cute lil house on a cute lil street and a couple’a cute lil dogs. most importantly: they were happy. 

when hunter was six she was pulled out of school a little bit early along with madison and was given some bad news. she was too young to understand it all at the time, but her mother had suddenly passed away. the coroner ruled it a homicide and suddenly her life was no longer crayons at school and ballet classes on saturday mornings. unfortunately, the case went cold, and when it did their dad packed them into their car and moved to start over.

new orleans, louisiana was now home, and things started to feel normal again. the three of them lived with her father’s parents and though they weren’t necessarily wealthy, they were comfortable. still, hunter never wanted for anything because she never craved anything material but rather wanted to experience things.

growing up, on the surface level, she seemed cookie cutter perfect. she was a bright student, creative and innovative, and she was painfully kind. for the most part, she kept to herself, but she did have a tight knit group of friends that always brought out her ‘fun’ side. people genuinely liked hunter, and no one knew about her family’s spotty past. she kept herself busy, throwing herself into nearly everything: good grades, cheerleading, dance, student council, volunteer work, a part time job at a book store. you name it. she was even homecoming queen, just like her mother had been. pretty much a college recruiter’s wet dream, if we’re being honest here.

underneath the pretty smile and clever mind loomed something darker. since her mother passed, she’d had horrific night terrors of flames swallowing her entire body and far off, hidden places that weren’t exactly pleasant. sometimes daydreaming got out of hand and she saw things that couldn’t be explained rationally. her anxiety grew increasingly terrible, and every now and again she got intense panic attacks or even had fainting spells. trips to psychiatrists and CAT scans with neurologists didn’t help, and while the fainting and night terrors subsided slightly with age and meds brought the anxiety and panic attacks to bay-- the visions were still there. eventually, hunter gave up on herself and decided to lie to her family about antipsychotics working. as far as they knew, she was back to being ‘normal’.

shortly after she graduated high school, just before leaving for college, tragedy struck the renoir-wildes household in the form of a house fire. hunter woke to flames engulfing her entire room and didn’t react at first, thinking it was just another night terror. then the panic set in. she realized that as her panicking got worse, the flames got higher, but when she was calmer, they seemed to dwindle down and move out of her way. she took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment, then walked out of the house unscathed. immediately after exiting she collapsed again, waking up in a hospital bed hours later with no burns, just a concussion.

needless to say she was fucking SHOOK UP about this. she tried and tried and tried to find answers but didn’t find anything until a month later when staying with her other grandparents-- her mother’s parents-- in salem, mas. she found old photos of her mother in their attic along with detailed journals and,... a spell book. the universe seemed to flip upside down and she nearly couldn’t handle it when her grandma wildes sat her down and told her about their magical bloodline.

finding this new power and new connection to her mom was terrifying and thrilling, and she took a chance and moved to halloweentown when she was 19 to immerse herself in the life she missed out on. and so far she feels incredibly at home. while she feels like she found her place, she still feels like she hasn’t quite found herself. so she’s been struggling with a lack of identity and guilt a lot lately, seeing as the source of their house fire was never truly found and she had a new found ability to manipulate flames.

okay that’s... .a lot here’s a few fun facts tho!!!

has two dogs named atlas and apollo, both fluffy lil things that she basically treats like her children.

is very curious... loves learning and prefers print media to new media tbh she’s kind of an old soul,. loves her books!!

used to visit her grandparents in salem every summer but only in the summer as her dad didn’t exactly like her spending time with them.

her brother madison rly doesn’t come home anymore which kinda hurts her feelings but... she gets it

she’s incredibly kind, but she’s also incredibly honest. like she’s not afraid to be like “you’re kinda being rude and i don’t really want to talk to you anymore”

she has a great passion for life like literally just wants to travel the world and see things and experience things worthy of writing a novel about

analytical & brittle - she overthinks just about EVERYTHING and is honestly kinda sensitive. like she’ll keep a tough face in public but behind closed doors she’ll think about that one insult for like three months

needs to work on not letting people walk all over her

uhhh! yeah i think that is it@!!!

okay!! hmu for plotting!!! and friendship!! please~!!! love u all already 

[wclfscng-blog]

guess....who has no impulse control and picked up another character.............its me. anyway here’s some info about my new boi !!

his team doesn’t know exactly how old he is but they estimate he’s 17 now, and was around 13-14 when they first found him.

he’s been rehabilitated for the past few years with varying levels of success....it’s not perfect and he has a lot of lifelong limitations due to underdevelopment but... he’s trying.

he has a therapy dog he’s allowed to see when he gets overwhelmed and/or stressed. it’s a great pyrenees named casey and it’s probably his only friend.

he tried to name this dog "dog" bc he doesn't really seem.......to get the point of names.

doesn't remember his own name half the time because of that.

he’s been taught more with american sign language than anything else because his language skills are stunted and it’s hard for him to talk without getting frustrated and trying to bite something and/or someone.

was diagnosed with ednos...........he has a lot of trouble eating the things they give him because they’re not what he wants/is used to, so he’s a little malnourished. he may or may not end up eating things he’s not supposed to instead.

also TENTATIVELY diagnosed with a delusional disorder because he has periods of complete delusion about being physically nonhuman but they’re not entirely sure about it, just because his situation is so strange.

either way hes on some heavy meds to combat this (antipsychotics, mostly) so he's always exhausted because of the side effects.

he’s 6′4″ have fun with that.

definitely likes dogs more than people? he didn't know they existed before he was saved and it was the first thing  he was happy about in his entire life.

does not ever wear shoes because his tendons didn’t quite develop properly in his legs and it’s extremely uncomfortable for him to walk flat-footed and the extra noise freaks him out so he just wears socks everywhere instead. he has a note allowing this.

dissociates a lot to deal with his problems. did I say deal with his problems? I meant run away. as one does.

probably spends too much time in the woods because he wishes he could go back there, and definitely skips class to do so.

he’s genuinely afraid of doing math. nobody really knows why, he just is.

for now they’re giving him a pass on this, and so he has a psychiatrist note to let him sit out of any math classes he’s enrolled in, if any.