#aint no talkin bout shit and that's on me growing up as a child told that certain grown folks can't be alone with me

[thottybrucewayne]

I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator. Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize. It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate. I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual." No, you didn't. There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.

[anxiousauthor89]

Life Support

Groggy, head pounding, and feeling sick and ashamed, Trinity slowly opened her eyes. She noticed was in a different room. And she was just waking up from what felt like the deepest sleep. The medicine had knocked her out. She let her eye sight adjust and rubbed her temples. She took a sip of water, and laid back as she swallowed. Realizing how parched she was she reached for more water, took a few more sips almost choked. "Fuck!" Her heart began to pound. "The damn baby!" She frantically looked around the room and saw nothing. "Oh my God...it must have worked!" She smiled. "But wait...am I going to jail? Shit what the fuck am I gon tell my mama?!  Ok think Trin...think hard...use your brain bitch....shit...I cant remember shit! Ok...ok...ok...." she took deep breaths looking up to the sky...ok...I was pushing...And..." Congratulations mommy! You're finally awake! How ya feeling?" The blue eyed nurse from earlier was back and she was beaming with joy. Trinity instantly felt dizzy. "Wait...congratulations to who?" she whispered confused about the nurses excitement. "Aaaw sweetheart. Im sorry, you're just waking up and we have to update you on everything. Its been about 2 hours, but that's alright we got baby girl all bundled up in the NICU." the nurse grabbed her shoulder in reassurance. "NICU?" Trinity asked in more confusion. "Baby girl?" she sat up in the bed. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT LIVED?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed unable to hide her surprising disappointment. Shocked and alarmed the nurse stood back and nervously giggled "honey...uumm...I think the medicine has you a little out of it. Apparently you were ready to push and we didn't know. The head doctor of the delivery department came in to introduce himself to you, and saw the baby falling. He dropped everything and caught her by her ankle. Its broken...baby girl is so tiny shes only 3 pounds... he was just trying to save her...it was an accident..." "Hold up." Trinity put up her index finger. Trying to process everything the nurse was saying, she just had to ask one more time. "So...the baby lived...." she looked zoned out. She was in disbelief. Why the fuck do her plans keep failing? "Yes. You pushed so hard you passed out. We gave you medicine to help with pain. Shes beautiful. Do you want to see her? I can take you to where she is after the counselor speaks with you." the nurse said. Feeling her heart drop to her feet she shot her eyes at the nurse "Counselor? What a counselor want with me?" she started to feel concerned still unsure of how she would explain herself. "Just to ask you a few questions. We have the baby in the NICU because shes going through detox. There are drugs in her system. And right now shes doing ok...got a bad case of the shakes...but shes ok." the nurse said with sympathy in her eyes. "You wanna talk about how those drugs got in her system? We can get you some help." All of a sudden her memory flashed back to Junior and the party. The mornings and afternoons she spent driving over there to get more. The day she stopped and said no more. But it must have been too late. Thinking about her mother crying, her possibly going to jail, the thought that she may never live a normal life, she tried to think of a way out. She needed to blame somebody else there was no way she was going to tell anybody the truth. This will go to her grave. Brainstorming and silently freaking out all at once, she blurted out "Shawn! His name is Shawn! And he stays over on Basey Drive! I was with him a few nights ago and he must have drugged me. I told him I felt funny! That's probably why I went into labor early! God! Oh my God!" she covered her face and fake sobbed playing the role of a hurt mother. "Thank Heavens you remembered! Im gonna let the sheriff know right away!" the nurse ran out aiming for her telephone at her desk. Waiting until the room was all hers again she slowly uncovered her face. She laid back, shaking her head, in awe at her performance, and the recent choices that landed her here. "Giiirl you done fucked up now. But they finna get Shawn ass and that's good for him." she smirked as the thoughts ran over her mind. "Hope he rot in fuckin jail. And when its time for me to testify im just gonna leave town I aint sittin up in them crackas faces fuck that." She rolled over on her side but had to quickly lay back straight as a sharp pain hit her vagina. Then she remembered again....."dammit...the fuckin baby.." she slapped her forehead. "Ugghhhhh what am I gonna dooo Trinity you fucked uuuup giiirl my goodness!" she scolded herself. "Alright." she sighed. "No time for that think of a plan." She sat there for what seemed like at least an hour. She was falling back asleep when a young lady in pink scrubs came in. "Hello Mommy congratulations!" the cheerful caregiver jumped up and down. Trinity opened her eyes and rolled them. She was already sick of the nurses calling her mommy. "Whats up?" she said with attitude. "Well uhmm.." the young lady lost her smile. "The counselor is sick so you can see the baby until her replacement arrives. Your wheelchair is outside. You ready?" she started to smile again. Not knowing what to say she sat quiet for a moment. Staring at the floor she saw images of her as a child, and pictures of Shawn as a child that he had shown her. She tried to imagine if the baby looked like her, or just like him. Did the baby have her eyes? The only way to find out was to see her. But she wasn't ready. "No." she simply replied as she got back under the blanket putting it over her head in shame. "No??" the nurse asked in amazement. "Really? Why not? Shes beautiful shes just small but.." "I said no!" Trinity screamed at the young lady. Without another word the nurse walked out slamming the door behind her. Finally tired of handling things alone she found her phone and dialed the only number that always answered. "Heeeyyyy daddy baby!" her father chuckled on the other end. "What you doing over there besides lettin ya head weigh ya down eeh?" she couldn't help but giggle. He was so silly. But it was time to get serious. "You so crazy daddy, but not right now. I need you and Mama on the line together." her voice trembling. "Oh Lord something is wrong I hear it in your voice." he softly said. Give ya mama a minute shes on her cell with somebody she been talkin bout 10 minutes...im gonna pray while we wait." "Thanks daddy that may help cuz Im...." "Ooooh Jesus NOOO! Oh Lord spare him God please hes just a young boy!" Her conversation was cut off by screams from her mother. "Judith calm down whats the matter? What happened?" Her father yelled with worry. "Is that my baby on the phone? Is that..Trin!! Give it here! Trinity baby!" Her mother cried. "Yea..mama its me..why you..stop crying..whats wrong?" Now she was starting to worry. "Baby...baby somebody sent the police to the house you shared with Shawn on Basey Drive..." Rolling her eyes and smacking her teeth she flopped back down on the pillow " Oh mama good grief who cares! Look I know you love Shawn cuz ya thought that was gon be your son in law cuz my silly behind thought he was my prince charming and bla bla bla" she waved her hand in a dismissive motion. "but its over with me and him so relax don't waste the prayers he alright. He may need a lil jail time maybe he'll get a real job" She shrugged her shoulders in satisfaction knowing she was the one who sent the police. "May he rot in that mothafucka." she silently thought. "Trinity. You don't understand. Hes not in jail baby." her mother wept. "Maaaan I don't have time for this!" she snapped. She already hated to hear her mom cry and the fact that it was about this idiot just angered her. "Jesus Christ so where is he mama?!" she asked growing annoyed. "There was a shooting. An undercover approached him and Shawn knew immediately it was a set up, so he pulled his gun on the man. The room began to spin as her mothers words shot through her ears and caused a shock to her soul. "There were officers near by...her mom continued..."and as soon as Shawn pulled his gun out they came out of hiding. Shawn never got to shoot. They shot him baby. Three to the body. One to the neck. And one in each leg." her mother spoke through tears. Waiting for a response. After feeling her breath leave her body and slowly return, she collapsed to the floor unable to stand on shaking legs. She asked in a sobbing whisper "Is he ok?" Holding her chest she began to sob loud. Nothing mattered now. Not the fights. Not him cheating. Not his wife. Nothing. She wanted revenge, but she cant see him in a casket. She cant kiss a dead man. She uncontrollably cried louder, wishing she could take back what she had caused. "Mama you got to tell me he is ok. Please just say he is some how...miraculously ok...please say it mama!" The line was silent. "You not saying it! Tell me hes ok!" she screamed. She was getting hysterical. Her mother cleared her throat, which made Trinity tone it down a bit. "I cant tell you hes okay baby. Hes not. He lost a lot of blood." Her mother paused and took a deep breath. "And when they took him away he was already dieing. God has the final say. But for now...hes on life support."

[tylerkerrraps]

J. Cole, Lost Ones

This song is about a boyfriend trying to convince his Girlfriend to get an abortion. He doesn’t go about it in an aggressive way, he doesn’t want her to have to, but he doesn’t see a world in which they can reasonably take care of their child. He plays the parts of both the boyfriend and girlfriend. The song shows how love today is often used as just a tool to get sex from another person, even if it’s not true. 

Baby girl, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you I got you pregnant now inside there is a life in you I know you wonderin’ if this is gon make me think bout wifing you Like if you had my first child would I spend my whole life with you Now I aint tryna pick a fight with you, I’m tryna talk Now I aint tryna spend the night with you I’m kinda lost see I’ve been giving it some thought lately and frankly I’m feelin’ like we aint ready and it’s… hold up now Let me finish Think about it baby me and you we still kids ourself How we gon raise a kid by ourself? Handle biz by ourself A nigga barely over 20, where the hell we gon live? Where am I gon get that money I refuse to bring my boy or my girl in this world When I aint got shit to give ‘em And I’m not with them niggas who be knocking girls up and skate out Girl, you gotta think bout how the options weigh out What's the way out?

And I ain't too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it And girl I know it hurt but if this world was perfect Then we could make it work but I doubt it And I aint too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it And girl I know it hurt but if this world was perfect Then we could make it work but I doubt it

She said nigga you got the nerve To come up to me talkin’ bout abortion This my body nigga so don’t think you finna force shit See I knew that this is how you act, so typical Said you love me, oh, but now you flipping like reciprocals It figures though, should’ve known that you was just another nigga No different from them other niggas Who be claiming that they love you just to get up in them draws Knowing all the right things to say I let you hit it raw mothafucker Now I’m pregnant you don’t wanna get involved muthafucker Tryna take away a life, is you God mothafucker? I don’t think so This a new life up in my stomach Regardless if I’m your wife This new life here I’mma love it I ain't budging, I’ll do this by my muthafucking self See my momma raised me without no muthafucking help from a man But I still don’t understand how you could say that Did you forget all those conversations that we had way back Bout your father and you told me that you hate that nigga Talkin’ bout he a coward and you so glad that you aint that nigga Cause he left your mamma when she had you and he ain't shit And here you go doin’ the same shit You ain't shit nigga!

And I aint too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it And boy that shit hurt And aint nobody perfect, still we can make it work but you doubt it Now, I aint too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it And boy that shit hurt And aint nobody perfect, still we can make it work but you doubt it

They say everything happens for a reason And people change like the seasons They grow apart she wanted him to show his heart and say he loved her He spoke the magic words and on the same day he fucked her Now she wide open She put a ring up on his finger if she could But he loved her cause the pussy good But she aint no wife though Uh oh, she tellin’ him she missed her period like typo’s He panicking, froze up like a mannequin A life grows inside her now he asking “is it even mine” What if this bitch aint even pregnant dawg Could she be lying? And she be crying cause he acting distant Like ever since I told you this nigga you acting different And all his niggas saying man these hoes be trapping niggas Playing with niggas emotions like they some action figures Swear they get pregnant for collateral It’s like extortion, man if that bitch really pregnant Tell her get an abortion Uh, but what about your seed nigga? (What about your seed nigga?)

And I aint too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it And I aint too proud to tell ya that I cry sometimes I cry sometimes about it