#also at this point it's kind of like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound; it doesn't treat the root of the issue

[neganium]

I need more drawing pads. Like, plural. I absolutely hate running out of drawing paper...

I have enough money for like, one, maybe two, depending on the size of them. But I want pads of a decent (tho not excessive) size, and I want a lot of them... I don't have quite enough to buy certain ones in bulk like I'd like, bc for some reason that's expensive.

Really, I need to get back to drawing on the computer, but that's such an unpleasant experience for me lately; drawing with pencil and paper is just barely more tolerable wrt the desk situation. Also, depending, I could maybe save up for a scanner, with how much some of these bulk packages go for... and how cheap the particular scanner is. hh.

I also really need a new desk. But I have to be conscious of a few things, even assuming I had the money; there's a limit to what I can do presently, wrt to space, and also how the room is currently (i.e. sinking floors is a big issue). My mom wants smth lightweight and easy to move; something somewhat temporary, you know? Whereas I want something... idk, bigger. at least taking up more lateral space than she'd probably like it to... tho again, space is an issue, especially considering the furniture I already have in here. Really, what I'd like to do is just transplant into a different space; start from scratch, as it were. But, you know, rent is a thing; we're paying for far more than this house is worth as it is. But hell if I wouldn't like for us to jump ship out of this slowly sinking, moldering dump someday...

[harocat]

I really want to babble about how thematically, this ending makes no sense, and it's so contrary to what we've seen up to this point, and how it's not just that it's sad and that TTJ deserves better (though both are true); it's a story about a man who wanted to die that ends up with him… basically committing assisted suicide to save the world, because well, I guess he was right to want to die all along, even though his reasons were ALWAYS because of the cruelty of others, not because of his own self.

Then he finally gains agency and a life that he wants to live, a simple life filled with love and fulfillment that is enough for him, and he doesn't want to die any longer. And it’s taken away from him and he is forced to go back into that mindset of seeking death. He was ready to live. He’d defied fate and he was ready to live. It’s bad. It’s not fulfilling. We already KNEW he would do anything to save LSS and her world. We didn’t need that proven.

It doesn't matter how hard you fight against your fate, how much you love and how much you strive to be a better person, if you are doomed to suffer and die, you will, is what TTJ's story tells us. And if you want to die, you may as well give in, because happiness never lasts.

I also want to ramble about how unfair it was to LSS, who at the end was deprived of agency and essentially just shifted around wherever she was needed, not being allowed to make decisions of her own. How episode thirty-five WOULD have been a much better ending, and if anything, what we see in TTJ's bo’re life in episode thirty-nine reinforces this.

But more than that it's just upsetting to me because this was such a good show, that presented such compelling ideas and did so in SUCH an entertaining way. And yes the scenery and costumes and aesthetics absolutely slapped. It's gorgeous as hell. But also the character dynamics were interesting and complex, and their relationships were easy to get invested in. There were fascinating relationships among the entire cast as well, not just between the leads and couples (XL and TTJ, LSS and Pian Ran). Yes, there were missteps along the way; the dream arc was about twice as long as it needed to be, and even Clam Gege and his sparkles could not save it, the show plodded along a bit in the early thirties (episodes like thirty-three were super disjointed because of time cuts), Mo Nv was added in as a new character for who knows what reason, etc. But nothing is perfect. This is still one of the better shows I’ve watched in a long time, and I was on edge for every new episode. A genuine enemies to lovers story with chemistry and anguish, hatred and tenderness, sometimes all at the same time. I was obsessed.

And… Tantai Jin is one of the best male leads I’ve seen for years. He’s so layered, so interesting, and so heartbreaking, and Yunxi does a beyond incredible job with every moment of his portrayal of him. He’s legitimately a tour de force in the role. Yunxi and Bai Lu both deserved better than this. But a great lead requires deserves a story that lives up to him, and TtEotM isn't that.

I hate that TTJ is going to probably kind of fade into obscurity, at least among English speaking fans, because people are going to be rightfully wary of recommending this drama now. And I can’t blame people, because if I’d known the ending, I probably wouldn’t have watched either. It left me feeling so empty today, and not in a ‘wow hurts so good’ way that true, well done, and cathartic tragedy does.

One can hope youku releases a ‘fix it’ clip like has happened with some other shows, that at least gives a happier ending for TTJ and LSS. Even then, that’s kind of putting a bandaid over a gaping wound, because a lot of the issues with the ending will still exist, but at least it might make it so I can recommend it with a ‘yeah the ending isn’t great, but it’s overall really good.’ And no the audio clip does not cut it.

[icks4van]

Think that something would actually change? I don’t live there and the few times I went on holidays nothing seemed truly wicked but of course that’s our white privilege, it boils my blood and wish I could say that their hatred has some kind of justification like “oh poor nutters they were raised into that” but fuck off, there’s no idk dude my head is unable to understand why would someone believe that nonsense, and seriously your country’s problem is bigger than Trump

no I agree the problem is definitely bigger than trump but he symbolizes the corruption of American ideologies. getting trump out of office would be essentially putting a bandaid on an otherwise gaping wound, however, I believe that would be the start of the healing process. there is no excuse for racism. absolutely none. its a plague in and of itself. this country is deeply rooted in racism so dismantling that would require dismantling the system itself and how do you do that? political change (ie electing poc and other minorities, favoring progressive policy, etc). now political/systematic change doesn’t necessarily enact social change but its a positive start which has been a slow and painful process up to this point. now if we look at the role of a president, it can be complex but also it isn’t at the same time. the president isn’t a king or some absolute ruler of any kind because that’s what the United States was avoiding in the first place lol. however, beyond their political power, the president sets the precedent (you see what I did there lol). trump especially has such an influence that holds its own power separate from that bestowed upon him in the political sense. he enables racism and not only that but contributes to it, and by extension his followers’ polluted beliefs are perpetuated and further cemented. the problem doesn’t lie in one man in the same why that the solution doesn’t lie in just one either. there is reasons for hope even in this time of overwhelming hopelessness though. hope isn’t futile rather its necessary for survival on both an individual and collective scale. the cycle won’t end but it definitely will be weakened so long as more and more people keep striving and working towards progress and change.