#also benefit of the doubt that she's wearing motorcycle outfit because she's on her way to ride a motorcycle

[lil-oinks]

my issue with movie peach isn't that she's not feminine because obviously she is, and anyone sensible already knows "she's too feminist" or whatever is dumb. my issue is they made her into every generic cool serious surface-level "strong female character" action girl in a group of all men whose only character trait is "capable" that they've been writing over and over and over for the past ten years. I genuinely feel like they erased any personality she had past her appearance in favor of the single superficial female character type men tend to write when they want to be feminist and "modern." I'm not saying she shouldn't be capable and she shouldn't be cool or fight things because (I love paper mario) those things already are a part of her personality. this point is difficult to make with all of the "they're erasing feminine dainty proper women" takes because that's not what I'm taking about at all. I've seen people say if they wanted a character like this daisy was right there, but I wouldn't switch her character over to this trope either. daisy's LOUD and energetic and fun and the subdued woman whose role is being picking up the men's slack doesn't really fit her either (although I agree the two of them together would balance each other out (and it'd be nice if there were two women and they could interact)). it's exactly what I'd expect from a movie like this so I don't know why I complain, but I wish they would've done her differently. the character mario is about the whimsy but so is peach

[rycewrites]

lookism rant #1

so... it’s spring break. and i’ve spent the entire break doing what any smart ap student would do: ignoring my five looming ap tests and draining my phone battery by looking at webtoons and instagram. since most of my favorite webtoons are on hiatus, i have resolved to rereading my favorites, and one that i’ve reread the most so far is lookism. as spring break comes to a finish in two days, i decided to get my life back on track and instead of simply rereading the comic, i will rant about my most and least favorite characters starting with the fandom’s all-time favorite character (yes, if you check the wiki for lookism there is a poll and it is fact that he is the majority’s favorite), jay hong/hong jae yeol. (also, note that these are my opinions so if you disagree with them don’t be offended but i would be happy to hear other people’s opinions on the webtoon! please comment who would be on your list because i need to talk to more people who read lookism!)

top favorite characters~

1. jay hong/hong jae yeol:

let’s just list off reasons why everyone loves him: he is well-dressed (even plans out other people’s outfits), generous (gives daniel literally everything he wants), selfless (he fricking took in enu’s pups even though he is scared of dogs), RICH (main reason for kouji’s admiration), strong (manz uses his systema well), and CAN RIDE A MOTORCYCLE (yes, i love a man who can ride a bike). he may not be the most dynamic character, but his static puppy status makes it impossible for me to put him lower on this list. we honestly don’t know that much about his backstory and i am super curious about why his family relationships are so strained (except with his sister, joy). for now, he remains a mystery, but like an attractive mystery. overall, me -> ( ･_･)♡

2. zach lee/lee jin sung:

honestly hated this boi in the beginning because he was a big bully to daniel, but  he has been through some SERIOUS character development. mira was a big part in this but i feel like overall his morals have changed so much even when mira isn’t around. he does still fight often, but now it’s not meaningless violence as he uses his boxing skills to defend his friends (ex: defending johan during the god dogs arc).

i also hated his eyebrows and hair in the beginning of the comic but like that’s personal preference. however, in the last few episodes, his hair looks SO GOOD (reference image above).

he is second on my list of favorite characters because i feel that his development throughout the story has been the most dynamic. he not only changed mentally as he overlooks lookism more (ex: he is not only friends with big daniel but also little daniel) but also physically as he doesn’t simply depend on his inherent talent for boxing but actually goes back and trains again in order to get better (to defend mira >.<)

in the future, i hope to see more development with his relationship with mira and his friends because i hold a lot of high hopes for this boi! ♥‿♥

3. vasco/lee eun tae/tabasco:

BIG CUTIE ENERGY ♥╣[-_-]╠♥! first off, he may not have as much long-term development over the course of the story like zach, but we do see a lot of his development with his own arc and bullying story. he was always a pure boi and his inherent innocence creates a discrepancy with his appearance which makes him more endearing in my opinion. the idea of lookism is very apparent in his character because most people look at him and see him as a gangster or someone very intimidating, but in reality his personality and mindset are very innocent (showing another way that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover). i honestly LOVED the scene in the god dogs arc in which he defended zach and daniel joins in because that friendship is GOLDEN. i love how he always strives to be stronger and more powerful to defeat the evil in the world because it shows that he truly cares about the weaker people and those impacted by lookism. in my opinion, i think that vasco and zach will end up being the most powerful in the story (but that’s my opinion)

4. mira kim/kim mi jin:

pure! cute! sweet! moral! (✿ ♥‿♥)! mira is just an all-around great gal that makes it impossible for me to find flaws with. although she isn’t super major in terms of daniel’s story, she does impact zach significantly and makes him a better person. like she is the sole reason that zach has become a character that i truly admire and like. (although she did think that daniel was the r-word when he tried hitting on her in the beginning of the story. but throughout the story we see that she isn’t really a person to judge people on looks and stuff as we see that she gives jasmine the benefit of the doubt even after the vasco fiasco)

5. yena/eli jang’s (jang hyun’s) daughter:

honestly too cute for words. like the episodes where zach and mira find her are my favorites so i just wanted to include her in my favorite character list. also, she seems to be a character that really impacts other characters (zach and eli really changed for her ಥ_ಥ)

least favorite characters~

park ji ho:

always doing dumb things and making it harder for the people around him. he tries too hard to be a part of the popular group and as zach said, he doesn’t really think of them as friends because he just thinks about what the benefits are for hanging out with daniel and co. i think we all went from being tolerant of jiho in the beginning and then hating him at the end. i especially hated how he kept blaming other people and yet not accepting when people were being friendly. especially during the fake bank account arc, he just brushed off daniel when he asked jiho if he wanted to go to the convenience store then jiho goes running back to daniel and his friends when he realizes his mistake. overall, -123912830/10.

2. james gong:

don’t even know where to start with this punk. very violent for very little reason! i know i stated before that i hate jiho but i still felt kinda bad for him when he realized that james had sold the bank account he made for him. just overall a very intimidating character that hurt zach (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

3. jasmine huh:

needs to get her shit(ake) together. first off, she almost got vasco expelled from the school because of her lies. like big! red! flag! it seems that she really doesn’t care about other people (except james) and is willing to put so many other people at risk to save her own behind. also, i hate how she uses other people. like how she uses mira to make money when mira didn’t do anything wrong ヾ(ﾟдﾟ)ﾉ. i hope she one day realizes that her lies are gonna hurt so many other people and then herself.

4. heemin kim/zeus/creepy dude from the boot camp arc:

sexual assault is a big no in this household. i hate how he thinks that being handsome can defend him of his crimes! also, he broke zach’s arms which made me FLIP OUT. LIKE HOW DO YOU DARE TO HARM MY BOXER BOI. he also attacked mira, an actual angel ლ(ﾟдﾟლ). words can’t describe how much i hate this man but numbers can -> 0/10

5. logan lee/lee tae sung:

big bully energy. he needs to lay his hands off of everyone (especially zoe!). blackmail? big no go in this household. he also dumped his plate of food on mira? BIG NO GO! he needs to get his life together and realize that people don’t hate him because he’s “ugly,” it’s because he has THE WORST PERSONALITY!

6. strong contenders for least favorite: stalker girl, animal cruelty cat mom/hoarder, zoe’s stalker

characters that i need more information about to form stronger opinions about~

vin jin/jin ho bin:

dislike him because he abused enu but also want to know more about him. big bully energy but i feel like he has a deep backstory behind him so i want to know more. why did he quite judo? why does he wear sunglasses? hope he gets over his superiority complex and changes because i feel like he has a lot of potential.

2. eli jang/jang hyun:

so far, very cute and strong is all i have to say about him. also, he is a good dad like that scene where he put out that god dog’s cigarette? MAJOR PROPS TO YOU ELI. i’m very curious about his backstory as well because it seems that he was a contender for gun’s successor but he changed drastically to take care of yena. i also just love a man with good hair sooo…

3. jong gun + joon goo:

i want to know more about these two! like what’s their backstory? why did gun create the 4 big crews? why was goo sent to the juvenile detention center before? (look at vasco’s bullying arc for reference) why did gun leave goo alone with the money collection? overall very mysterious and i want to learn more.

random characters that just deserve appreciation~

crystal choi/choi soo jung:

we stan a strong female character. however, i don’t like how she is immediately prejudiced against handsome men in the beginning of her appearance. i think over time she’ll realize that her prejudice isn’t right and her experience as someone who has to deal with lookism doesn’t justify her immediate judgements. however, we need more female fighters in this story so she is a big yes.

2. duke pyeon:

WE STAN A MAN WHO FOLLOWS HIS DREAMS DESPITE BEING BULLIED AND JUDGED. yes, we stan.

3. daniel park/park hyung suk:

honestly, he’s a great character and all, but i don’t know if he could ever reach favorite character status. i just have a mindset that makes me unable to pick the protagonist as a favorite character because i feel like they are sometimes created specifically to just bring the story together. don’t get me wrong, he’s a great person, defends his friends, and doesn’t fight for no reason, but i feel like there isn’t anything super special about his personality (other than the fact that he has two bodies but like so does crystal). he also looks like kim seokjin in his new body which is a big plus.

4. inu/enu + inu/enu’s pups:

i love dogs

5. mary kim/idk her korean name someone help me:

strong female character? i think yes. honestly such a fav. she doesn’t take sh*t from vin jin and i honestly want to know more about her character and background. *spoiler alert* i read ahead in the korean version and saw that she can beat people up too so like… she’s a bada**.

6. kouji:

as a person interested in computer science, I STAN. i also love a man with good hair. his cocky personality is sometimes off-putting but honestly his confidence is endearing at times. also we both love money!

7. jace park/park bum jae:

during vasco’s bullying story, i was so sad when he left vasco, but i love how he realized that he should’ve been a better friend and has stuck with vasco after all of this time. also love how he listens to vasco and tries to make him happy even when he knows that vasco does some silly things (like planting durian seeds in korea)

8. zoe park/park ha neul:

i love her development! she still fights with herself over whether she should like big daniel or small daniel, which displays her internal conflict with lookism. over time she has stopped judging people solely on their appearance and she is even able to distinguish between daniel and his cousin! (in my opinion, if daniel doesn’t end up with jay he better end up with zoe instead)

9. daniel’s (hyung suk’s) mother:

ICON! WE NEED TO APPRECIATE OUR PARENTS MORE! I AM A BIG STAN! SHE WORKS HARD FOR DANIEL AND IT BREAKS MY HEART WHEN DANIEL DOESN’T REALIZE!

10. song johan:

deserved better. he was just trying to help his mom which makes him so pure! but i feel like he should realize that he has friends (zach and mira) that could help him get through his problems! overall, want to see more of him and i hope he develops even more.

[texanredrose]

*knocks on the drive through window* hii, can i get uhhhh, elderburn "My car broke down and there's this biker who fixed it and now we're having dinner tomorrow" au? Oh! Can i also get a side of shameless flirting and trying not to stare at each other's physique? *slides a 30* thank you~

Heh, well, I’d much rather a cup of coffee, perhaps we could- oh, wait, you meant shameless flirting in the fic, my bad, I got this, no worries. (I’m sorry; I couldn’t resist the joke.)

Winter cursed under her breath, pulling off to the side of the road as lights flashed on her console. She’d thought a nice drive through the countryside would reduce her stress, but now she found herself broken down at least five miles from the nearest service station. 

Shutting off the engine, she took a moment to calm herself. According to the message that flashed across just before the engine began to whine and sputter, she’d somehow forgotten to get her oil changed, leading to the stuff drying up within her engine block. From her limited mechanical knowledge, she understood that to be a very bad sign.

Before reaching for her scroll, she got out, popping open the hood and lifting it up, as if by simply looking she could will more oil into manifestation. The gentle breeze whipped at her coattail, making her wish she’d taken the time to change out of her dress uniform before leaving the court-martial, or at least taken off the outer coat. But she’d been in a hurry to distance herself from the higher ranks, not wanting to push her luck and get yet another mark against her. General Ironwood couldn’t keep sticking his neck out for her and she well knew that.

“Now what?” She grumbled, glaring down at the interior of the compartment. Despite the many assurances that she should learn, she never bothered delving into the minutia of operating her vehicle beyond driving it; she hadn’t the faintest idea where the oil stick would be, though she understood that should be the first thing she checked.

The roar of an engine coming up the road caught her attention but she didn’t bother trying to flag the person down; given her streak of luck, it would just be some greasy jerk with a gleam to his eyes she didn’t like, and she’d be back to square one.

As it approached, she registered it likely belonged to a motorcycle- obnoxiously loud- and rolled her eyes, finally figuring out that the yellow leaver with an oil can painted on it was probably what she needed. As she reached for it, the vehicle passed- a yellow and orange blur in her periphery- and a furrow came to her brows as she tugged on the handle to no avail.

Then the screech of tires on asphalt had her straightening up, looking around for the source of the noise and finding the motorcycle had skid to a stop, sideways across the lane, the rider kicking out one leg to stabilize herself. 

She didn’t know much about bikes, though she could acknowledge this one looked fast and sleek, but she knew a thing or two about people. The brown leather jacket, leather chaps, and brown boots looked like standard fare for a biker, and the yellow helmet seemed to indicate an inclination towards safety. The unruly blonde locks flowing from beneath the helmet and what looked to be a tattoo encircling her right forearm, however, spoke to a certain amount of wildness, freedom, rebellion.

Revving the engine, the biker drove onto the shoulder, heading towards Winter, and she subconsciously smoothed out her jacket and prepared herself. While dealing with a woman typically meant she didn’t have to be as on guard, she wasn’t in the habit of taking chances or giving others the benefit of the doubt…

… incidentally, that might’ve been how she’d gotten courts-martialed so many times in the first place.

Popping out the kickstand and shutting off the engine, the biker reached up and took off her helmet, shaking out her long hair and running a hand through it with a friendly little smile on her lips.

“Having some car trouble there, Ma’am?”

Two things occurred to her then. One was the standard biting nature of her demeanor, the urge to say ‘what was your first clue’ and take an aggressive posture. The other, quite simply, was that the biker was actually rather attractive.

“I believe so,” she replied, stumbling slightly for a proper response. “I’m not mechanically inclined, however.”

“Ya mind if I take a look?” She gestured towards the open hood. “I know a thing or two about cars.”

“Be my guest.” Stepping aside, she waved an arm towards the engine block. 

She watched as the biker dismounted, the shift and creak of leather- a rather form fitting outfit, and what a form it fit indeed. “Name’s Yang, by the way.”

“Winter,” she replied, quickly meeting the woman’s eyes so she wouldn’t be caught ogling the sway to her hips as the biker sauntered over.

“You, uh, heading anywhere specific?” Yang stopped setting both hands on the frame before leaning over the engine. “This could take a minute.”

“No, I was just… driving for the sake of driving.” She watched the way the blonde moved, how the dragon tattooed on her arm seemed to come alive with every flex of the muscles beneath, the way her biceps seemed to straight against the jacket’s cuff. “I find the scenery out this way pleasant.”

“Hey, me too!” The woman looked at her then with shimmering lilac eyes and she quite nearly fainted as her heart stopped. “I was out riding to clear my mind. Guess that makes us quite the pair, huh?”

“I suppose so,” she replied, discreetly shaking herself, and mentally slapping herself when her gaze drifted towards Yang’s backside while she reached into the compartment to wrestle with the oil stick. “Oh, do be careful. I’m afraid it’s stuck-”

Pop!

With hardly any visible effort, the biker pulled the stick free, though a frown touched her lips. “That’s not a good sign. When was your last oil change?”

“I’m… afraid I’m not sure.” She coughed into one hand. “It’s… been a busy few months.”

“I hear ya.” With a hum, she pulled the stick completely free and wiped off the end, not terribly minding the bit of oil now smudged across black gloves before replacing the stick. “Unfortunately, missing out on little maintenance details like that can be bad news for your vehicle.” She pulled the stick out again and shook her head. “Looks like you’re bone dry on oil.” Lilac eyes flashed her way for a moment. “You know that’s no good for the motor, right?”

“I’ll admit I had my suspicions.” Leaning against her vehicle, she shrugged. “What, uh, exactly does that mean? Not having oil?”

“Well, you see, motors are… hardy but precise.” Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she leaned over the engine block again, one hand reaching up to keep her hair back and putting the column of her neck on display- muscled and tanned with a light sheen of sweat. “The oil lubricates them, keeps all the parts moving smoothly, makes it so the friction doesn’t wear the parts down. I mean, don’t get me wrong, a little friction is good from time to time.” A smirk was shot her way and Winter suddenly realized they might not be discussing the actual, physical engine in front of them at all. “But the oil’s important for other reasons, too. Stops the oxidation process. Wouldn’t want to get all rusty, right?”

Scrounging for something to say for a moment, Winter mentally slapped herself a second time. She wasn’t about to be shown up by some blonde biker with a pretty smile; she was still a Schnee, damnit, and word games came part and parcel with the upbringing.

“Of course not, although I’ll admit I’ve been a touch too lax recently in that regard. It’s entirely possible there’s rust in the motor, but I’m sure there’s some method of… taking care of that problem, correct?”

“There’s a few that I can think of, yeah.” A fire burned in the woman’s eyes and she suddenly got the feeling that her willingness to play this little game had just made up for her lack of proper maintenance. Yang stood up straight, reaching up to start unzipping her jacket. “We’ll need some oil before we really get your motor going, though.”

“And I’m sure you know exactly how to provide that.” Winter leaned forward, just a bit. She didn’t want to come off as too forward of course; a pretty face did not a stable relationship make.

“Lucky for you, I do.” Pulling the jacket from her shoulders, the blonde smirked… and then gently shoved the leather into Winter’s chest. “Hold this for me? I’m going to pop under real quick.” She winked. “Pouring in new oil does us no good if you’ve sprung a leak.”

Belatedly coming up to hold onto the jacket, Winter blinked even as the biker got down on her knees. Either Yang had truly meant the engine the whole time or she’d just been very slyly informed to slow down.

“Please, be careful down there.” Glancing down, her attempt at recovering smoothly became effectively derailed as she noted the woman’s white tank top, giving her even more evidence that Yang worked out her upper body religiously. Those shoulders- it should be some manner of illegal to look that good. “I… wouldn’t… want you to hurt yourself on account of me.”

“Not to worry, Winter.” Another wink. “I’ve had frostbite before.” And then she began shuffling under the car. “I’m pretty sure nothing here can hurt as bad as that did. Anyone ever tell you that Atlas is too damn cold?”

Back to flirting.

Perhaps she couldn’t figure out Yang’s pace or ultimate end game- if she was teasing, just being friendly, or genuinely flirting- but she’d been on the defensive long enough. Time for her to launch a proper counter offensive.

“People have said that our winter’s are too cold, yes, but I think that’s just because some people have no idea how to handle them,” she said, watching the woman’s legs kick out to help her move, and noting that it wasn’t just the position; the fabric of her chaps and jeans were tight against her skin thanks to muscle. “As long as you know how to properly warm up, winter’s are rather enjoyable.”

“Is that right?” A bit more shuffling around. “I suppose you know all about keeping warm, huh?”

“Of course.” With a sly smirk coming to her lips, she knelt down. “It’s all about proper considerations, knowing when friction is needed and when it’s not, how hot breath can feel so good but might undo you, when it’s better to take your jacket off rather than to keep it on, that sort of thing. Oh, and hydration is important. Wouldn’t want your tongue dry.”

She waited, watching how the woman went still before beginning to shuffle back out.

“Those, uh, sound like pretty good tips. Might have to try a few myself, next time winter comes.” Out from under the car, Yang offered her a smirk. “‘Course, I might not be around when that happens, but I’d like to be.”

“Plans on going somewhere?” She extended a hand, helping the woman to her feet, and considered her strategy carefully. She’d left the question just vague enough; if the biker wanted to make a move, now would be the time to do it.

For a moment, it looked like Yang just might take the bait… but then she differed at the last second. “I’m, uh, actually not from around here, so I was thinking of heading back home this year for a visit.” She shrugged, brushing off the back of her arms in a rather flashy fashion. “I’m still not sure if I’m Atlas material.”

Reading between the lines, she thought she might see where the woman actually intended to take that last line, and opted to respond in kind. “Have you considered you’re just too good for this kingdom?” Sweeping a hand towards the countryside around them. “It might look beautiful, but it can be cold and unforgiving at times. Sometimes, I find myself wondering why anyone would want to live here.”

It stood as truth in a multitude of ways. Atlas, in the colder months, was nigh uninhabitable without the advances in heating technology, and it reflected in just how much of the kingdom remained uninhabited just north of where they were. However, in reference to herself… it wasn’t untrue; she could be just as harsh as her namesake and she’d made enough mistakes over the years to recognize that now with the benefit of hindsight.

“Yeah, well… nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?” Yang nodded towards her bike. “How about I give you a ride? We can grab a few quarts of oil for ya, see if we can get this beauty up and running.” She nodded towards the door. “I just need to check the info panel inside your door.”

“That sounds reasonable.” Winter reached up, undoing the knot on her outer coat. “And I think I could do without this.”

“I thought you were cold,” the biker said, opening the door and looking for the information she needed.

As she peeled the coat off, she chuckled. “No, it’s actually a rather nice day. I’m afraid I just had to be in full uniform.”

“Full uniform, huh? What are you- whoa.” Lilac eyes glanced her way and then returned, widening a bit as she threw the coat onto the passenger seat. “Uh… military, huh?”

“Yes.” Her brow twitched. “For a while longer, at any rate.”

“Sore spot?” Yang frowned while putting her own jacket back on. “Wanna talk about it?”

She quite nearly shot back a quip about discussing her personal life with strangers but… well, it wasn’t like she had many sympathetic ears, and she could only yell inside her own head for so long before she hated the sound of her own voice rebounding off her skull.

“Three months ago, I got into a bar fight,” she said, smoothing out her collar and sighing. “Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I started the bar fight. I didn’t appreciate the way I was being addressed and the words ‘leave me alone’ didn’t seem to be in his vocabulary, so I attempted to leave. When my path was blocked, I attempted to remove said barrier by breaking a pool cue on his jaw.” She paused. “And then a chair against his ribs and maybe a table over his back. After the third punch from a stellar, upstanding good Samaritan, I’ll admit my recollection gets fuzzy.”

“Sounds like self defense to me.” Yang shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “I mean, when words fail, physical means tend to be the next step, right?”

“Not by regulation.” Winter shook her head. “Today, the court dismissed the charges, but only because my superior officer made the case that I was protecting Atlesian military property by defending myself, and I’m not sure which irks me worse: the idea that I should’ve allowed myself to remain trapped in the situation or the concept that my personhood has more rights when viewed through the lens of military equipment rather than as a person at all.”

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten into a scuffle like that.” A little grin came to her lips, tilting her head and cocking her hip out. “Bit of a hothead, huh?”

“It’s one of my many flaws, yes, thank you for noticing,” she replied dryly, waving a hand in front of her. “At any rate, it’s not getting us any closer to fixing my car.”

“Right. Come on.” As they approached the bike, Yang hurried ahead and grabbed her helmet, turning around and holding it out. “Sorry, but I’ve only got the one.”

“I- are you sure I should be the one wearing it?”

“Hey, I have a policy.” Her voice turned seriously, bereft of the cheery quality it had while they bantered by the car. “If you’re going to trust me to get you safely to the gas station and back, then the onus is on me to do it safely, and that means I do everything in my power to protect you. That includes not speeding, driving like a maniac, and letting you use my helmet.”

“Hard to argue with that.” Winter took the helmet into her hands, noting the bright yellow color and the little dragon decal painted above the brow.

“Uh, just one thing.” Yang winced, though something about the expression seemed… slightly insincere. “I’m afraid it’s not going to fit over that bun of yours.”

She raised a brow but acknowledged the truth in the words. “Very well. I’ll not be a burden on your conscience.”

Reaching up, she pulled out a few bobby pins, years of military service providing her with not only an expedient method of getting her hair within regulations but also one to get it out. And, seeing as she wasn’t due to be standing before anyone else in her chain of command again today, she went ahead and pulled out the tie as well, allowing alabaster locks to flow freely over her shoulders.

She didn’t miss the low whistle that Yang let out nor the way she quickly averted her gaze and pretended to check over her bike. “That’s some long hair.”

“Thank you. Yours is rather long as well, and it looks smooth to the touch.” She reached out, almost touching but not quite, and found her wrist caught in a steel grip.

“Sorry, Winter.” Yang gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “But that’s gonna have to wait until after you buy me dinner.”

“Sore spot?” At the biker’s nod, she shrugged. “Noted. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Thanks.” Rolling her neck, the woman shook herself before mounting her bike, kicking on the engine and throwing a look over her shoulder. “Hop on. You ever ridden before.”

“No,” she replied, trying to make the motion look as smooth as Yang had while fastening the helmet into place. “Any tips?”

“When you see me lean, lean with me, just a little.” Over the roar of the engine, she called out the instructions with a smile. “And hang on if you feel scared.”

“Why would I-” at the first lurch, the motion unexpected and entirely out of her control, she quickly reached forward and grabbed the woman’s hips, mentally chastising herself. “You did that intentionally.”

“Well, we wouldn’t get too far just sitting here!” Turning the bike up the road, she started laying on the throttle, putting her feet up on the rests as they began to pick up speed. “It’s almost a straight shot! Just relax!”

Now there was a novel idea if she’d ever heard one. Winter didn’t relax very often, always expecting her next step to be fraught with some manner of peril, some test to pass. Yet, as she mustered the nerve to look around, she could admit being the passenger for a change… well, it was actually rather nice.

The roar of the engine, the wind in her face, catching in her hair, and now that she had plenty of reason to be so close, she could catch the other woman’s lavender perfume on the wind. 

This wasn’t so bad, really, and when they pulled into the gas station, she almost lamented it being over so quick.

“Okay, let’s go grab that oil,” Yang said as she shut off the bike and kicked out the stand for it, waiting until she’d dismounted before doing so herself. They walked into the store, finding the small automotive section off to the side, and the biker went through explaining the different types of oils, what each weight meant, and helped her pick out one for her car. “’Course, this won’t be a permanent fix. You still need to go to a shop and get a change, probably a flush to be on the safe side. And get everything else looked over, too; you might be running low on coolant.”

“How do you know all this?” Winter gestured towards the isle. “I’d say this is a bit more than the average person’s knowledge about automobiles.”

“Well, I’m a mechanic.” She shrugged. “Learned it from my Dad. I work at a garage just a few miles up the road.”

“I haven’t made you late for work, have I?”

“Nah, it’s my off day.” Lilac eyes flicked over her form. “Not that I’d object to being late even if I was, of course.”

They started towards the check out. “Ah, so you’re the type to get fired over a pair of pretty eyes, is that it?”

“Okay, one, they wouldn’t fire me for being late one time.” She reached up, tapping a finger against her chin. “Two, you’re not exactly wrong but I’d like to think I have a little more self control than that.”

“I do hope your partner isn’t the jealous type,” she said offhandedly, producing a few lien to pay for the oil. “I’d hate to get you in trouble for your assistance.”

She waved off the comment with a chuckle. “Oh, I’m single. I don’t really do relationships anymore.”

“There’s a story there.” Winter glanced at the line of her shoulders, noting the smooth and relaxed slope; no trace of the tension that appeared when she’d tried touching the woman’s golden strands. “Any chance I might hear it?”

“I’ll, uh, give you the cliff notes version: can’t find anyone who’s willing to put in the time.” Her gaze went over to the bike as the receipt printed off. “I’m like Bumblebee over there. Clutch is kinda funny, takes a while to really get me, know when to shift, but most people just… want to grind my gears and hope they don’t burn me out.” She shrugged. “I got tired of it.”

“That’s understandable.” While she didn’t have quite the same grasp of vehicles, she had enough to make a suitable analogy. “For me, there’s always a disconnect. People take one look and think of me like a Bugatti or Ashton Martin- expensive, high class, only the finest, a symbol of status. That’s how I was raised, so I suppose I can’t fault them for the presumption.”

“But you’re obviously a Jeep,” Yang said with pinched brows and a frown. “You’re tough, you take on anything, you can turn right around in the blink of an eye, and I’m willing to bet you can handle a lot of stuff that would break other people. Who would think you’re a Bugatti?”

“People who don’t take the time to get to know me,” she replied, offering a smile and picking up the bag with the motor oil. “Shall we?”

As they rode back to her car, a plan solidified in her mind. She simply couldn’t let this chance meeting end and never see the woman again; Yang possessed one to many traits she found desirable to let that happen. But, she had to tread carefully. The last thing she wanted to do was push too far, too face, and run the risk of rejection. But another thought occurred to her, one that made her hesitate only briefly.

“Okay, I’ll pour this into your car, and we’ll try turning her over.” Yang lead the way back to her car, unscrewing the cap on one bottle.

“I don’t suppose you get any sort of incentive for referring customers to your shop, do you?”

The biker winced, glancing over at her. “Well, we do, about fifty bucks a pop, but… uh, I wasn’t going to refer you.”

She raised a brow. “Any particular reason?”

“Well, since you spoiled the surprise,” she said, chuckling slightly. “I was gonna suggest that, since I helped you out with the ride and all, maybe you could pay me back with dinner tomorrow night? Not- not actually pay for the meal, of course, I don’t mean that kinda pay back, just, um.” Yang shook her head. “Dang, I was gonna be real smooth about this and now I’m thrown off, heh.”

Ah, a sign that she had read the entire encounter correctly from the start. The biker might’ve pulled over out of friendliness and not abandoning her to her own problems, but she’d been flirting with Winter just as Winter had been flirting with her.

“May I propose an alternative?” She leaned against her car again, not missing the way lilac eyes flicked over her- apparently, someone rather liked her uniform. “How about you do refer me to your garage, and that pays you back for your assistance here. Then we have dinner tomorrow on equal footing.”

The corners of her mouth twitched up into a smile. “Ya know, if someone told me this morning that a pretty lady was going to ask me out on a date, I’d think they were crazy.”

“If someone told me this morning that a beautiful woman was going to accept my offer for a date, I’d think the same.” She made a motion to the engine. “Yet here we are.”

“Oh, someone is confident, huh?” Yang laughed, emptying one bottle and grabbing the second. “You’re lucky I think that’s hot.”

“I agree,” she replied, tilting her head slightly. “But you’re right; you haven’t accepted yet.”

“Oh, I’m accepting, I’m accepting as hard as I can, trust me.” The biker smiled wider. “And, uh, as good as you look in that uniform- and, believe me, you look good- think you could dress a bit more casual? There’s a place over on seventh I’ve been dying to try- it’s a little Mistrali restaurant.”

“You haven’t been there yet?” Surprised, she shifted. “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Well, then, I really hope I like it, too.”

“I think you will.” She hummed. “And you could get away with wearing leather there, though I wouldn’t mind if you’d rather I pick you up.”

“Oh, come now, you really want to see me in a different outfit?”

“I think you’d look rather fetching in a tank top and gym shorts, frankly.”

“I’ll wear that if you wear a bikini.”

“I do know of an indoor pool.” At the way Yang ducked her head, she opted to give the woman a break. “But I think we should both aim for ‘casual’ attire. We’d probably be a little less out-of-place that way.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Finished with the second bottle, she nodded towards the driver’s seat while screwing the cap back on the tank. “Now try turning her over. Let’s see what happens.”

Winter walked around, sliding into her driver’s seat and doing as requested, relieved when not only did the vehicle start, but all the warning lights on the dashboard disappeared. “Thankfully, that worked.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Yang chuckled, appearing by the door. “Not sure if I’d look as smooth if it hadn’t.”

“I’d be willing to forgive you,” she said, smirking. “Though I think I would demand a second date on principle alone.”

“Oh, I take it back, I wish I’d been wrong.” The biker winked. “How about you follow me down to the garage and we can keep talking while they do your oil change? I can call ahead, so you don’t have to wait as long.”

“How about we do those first two but skip the third.” She lifted her shoulder. “I’m in no rush if you aren’t.”

“I’m not.” Yang took a step away. “Oh, and try to watch the road instead of my ass.”

“You’re lucky I prize such straightforwardness.”

“Oh, I’m definitely forward, but not so much straight.” Another wink. “C’mon, let’s get going. We can play twenty questions when we get to the shop.” As she started walking away, she smiled. “And I’m letting you know that now so you can come up with some good ones, alright? Don’t disappoint!”

“I’ll do my best.” She smiled, watching as Yang turned around and sauntered back to her bike, and in the privacy of her own mind she could admit that the biker’s warning was warranted. It would be rather difficult to watch the road when she had something much more enticing in front of her, but the mental exercise of coming up with questions would likely keep her busy.

[lifeonashelf]

CHURCH, THE

I feel kind of bad for The Church. Here you have this outfit who perfected a strain of moody indie rock with lush psychedelic flourishes, except they did so a few zeitgeists too early and peaked about twenty years before the sound they were instrumental in shaping started being deemed stylish by hipster tastemakers (actually, they did it about twenty years before hipsters were even a thing, back when cassettes were fashionable the first time). If their most enduring record—1988’s Starfish—was released today, Pitchfork writers would be tripping over themselves while racing for their laptops to vigorously espouse its merits (then after everyone else caught on to how good The Church is, these same writers would inevitably turn against them and start including them in articles with titles like: “20 Crappy Bands That Hipsters Love”). The group would likely be enjoying the same level of chic esteem as squads like Interpol and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club—bands that are regarded as cool both because they actually are cool, and because people who regard themselves as cool also regard those bands as cool. It naturally follows, then, that The Church would be the third or fourth-billed name in the Saturday line-up for next year’s Coachella, after which assorted dudes with excessively-manicured facial hair would pause between gusts of mango-papaya vape to expound on how “ah-may-zing” their set was (though they would go on to insist the true highlight of the festival was Sia’s performance, which they would—also—designate as “ah-may-zing”).

The Church also arrived a bit too early to benefit from the 1990’s alternative explosion, an epoch during which they would have surely gotten along famously, probably sold at least as many records as the Gin Blossoms, and ostensibly been written in as a favorite band of the character played by Claire Danes on My So-Called Life (Angela Chase never specifically mentioned The Church on that show, but I still sincerely think she probably did like them and I’m reasonably certain “Reptile” was her go-to cut; I doubt Jordan Catalano enjoyed their stuff very much, though—Angela would have been all, like, “hey, let’s listen to this Church CD,” and he would have fluttered his eyelashes and been all, like, “nah”).

Unfortunately, even in their own era, the band’s timing was inopportune. An effective LP like Starfish had all the potential in the world to set up The Church as a benchmark of the thriving college radio circuit, which reasonably could have segued them to continued success in the decidedly guitar-friendly age to come. However, they had to settle for relegation to the middle-ground because they happened to release that record in 1988, a year during which numerous sonic purveyors who would ultimately define the impending alt-rock movement in The Church’s stead released seminal works that were so trailblazing they inevitably made Starfish’s more discreetly-admirable fare sound underwhelming by comparison. While the album boasts four stellar tunes and six solid others, I don’t think anyone could successfully argue that Starfish is anywhere near as exhilarating as Jane’s Addiction’s Nothing Shocking, Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation, My Bloody Valentine’s Isn’t Anything, The Pixies’ Surfer Rosa, Soundgarden’s Ultramega OK, or Dinosaur Jr.’s Bug—to name just a few of the 1988-alumni discs which effectively set the tone for much of the decade following their release. Even if The Church wrote ten songs as fabulously hypnotic as “Destination”, they couldn’t have possibly competed against a roster of that caliber.

As things stand today, the group’s legacy rests in the realm of far more humble peers such as Soup Dragons and Aztec Camera—which is to say The Church is fondly remembered by dudes in their late-40’s who still wear Happy Mondays t-shirts and scour vinyl bins looking for elusive Charlatans UK singles, yet they rarely earn more than a passing mention in broader critical symposiums about the fertile ambit of 1980’s indie rock. Most people under the age of thirty-five only know The Church even existed because their song “Under the Milky Way” appeared in the most slavishly overrated cinematic offering released so far this century, Donnie Darko (granted, Donnie Darko is far from terrible—in fact, it very well may be one of the best movies ever made about a disturbed teenager who hangs out with a demonic ghost-bunny and travels back in time to masturbate in front of Drew Barrymore—but for all its meandering allegories and figurative virtuosity, the film is nowhere near as mind-bending as its Cult Classic status suggests). And here’s the kicker there: even with their best song prominently featured on a popular soundtrack during an era when popular soundtracks were still a thing—a circumstance which would seem ideal to trigger a contemporary reappraisal of The Church’s prowess—the band was outshined yet again. And this time it wasn’t a cadre of future legends who shoved them into the backseat, it was a now-forgotten singer-songwriter named Gary Jules, whose admittedly first-rate cover of “Mad World” usurped “Milky Way” as Donnie Darko: The Album’s breakout anthem and sparked a contemporary reappraisal of Tears For Fears instead. Even though Tears For Fears was objectively a better band than The Church, it still kind of sucks that Gary Jules dropped a fucking jet engine on the latter’s shining moment.

I hope The Church at least takes solace in knowing they are responsible for one of the most killer tunes ever recorded. “Under the Milky Way” remains an utterly magnificent creation, a five-minute slice of brilliance which is nigh impossible to dislike. Though only a modest hit when it was released—the single didn’t crack the Top-20 anywhere, not even in the collective’s home country of Australia—“Milky Way” nevertheless demonstrates the sort of definitive song-craft most bands could only dream they were capable of summoning. Its hooks are melodic and mesmerizing enough to immediately satisfy the ears of the most jaded pop purists, yet the multifarious arrangement is layered with supple intricacies which invite, and richly reward, a more duteous immersion (to put it in more articulate terms: the song sounds really simple, but there’s actually a whole lot of shit going on there). The brilliantly ambiguous lyrical stanzas are ripe for personal interpretation, unfurling the sort of stream-of-consciousness reverie that any listener searching for revelations can self-apply as they see fit (“Something shimmering and white leads you here, despite your destination / Under the milky way tonight”… ah-may-zing). As for me, I’ve listened to the track well over a hundred times in my life, and I still have no idea what it’s about—although I assume it’s either about fucking or dying, since just about every song ever written is inevitably about one of those two things. “Milky Way” is so entrancing, not even the presence of a densely-processed solo which sounds like braying bagpipes can shatter its dark spell (an old joke comes to mind here: Why do Scotsmen always walk while they’re playing their bagpipes? They’re trying to get away from the noise…). The sole other tune I can think of that accomplishes a similar feat is Korn’s “Shoots and Ladders”, which would still be extraordinary even with ten sets of bagpipes pealing through it, since it holds the distinction of being the only song in the history of recorded sound which inspires moshing alpha-males to savagely pummel each other while growling the words, “Knick knack paddywack, give the dog a bone, this old man came rolling home” (these lyrics naturally lead me to assume “Shoots and Ladders” is about both fucking and dying, concurrently).

I need to back up for a second here, because the more I listen to The Church, I’m starting to think their interment in the crowded mausoleum of ‘80s one-hit-wonders is probably more fitting than not (this concession sort of negates my original thesis for this piece, but fuck it). I do dig several of the tunes on Starfish a whole lot (I have yet to mention “North, South, East And West”, which supplies five more of the finest moments on the record), yet none of them are remotely as transcendent as “Under the Milky Way”. And my appreciation for the band’s dexterity, while potent in single-serving dosages, has not inspired me to seek out the rest of their surprisingly voluminous discography. Until I started writing this, I wasn’t even aware they are still active, nor that they have issued a full dozen records since Starfish (I just now checked out a couple clips from their most recent offering—2017’s Man Woman Life Death Infinity—and they were about what I expected: competent, but not remarkable). I am much fonder of The Church than I am of Soup Dragons or Aztec Camera, I would definitely select one of their shirts over a Happy Mondays tee if it came down to it, and I would be far more excited to stumble across the 12” for “Destination” in a record store bin than a whole stack of Charlatans UK singles. Nonetheless, I can’t think of any persuasive criteria under which I could possibly contend that Starfish is as essential a record as Daydream Nation (although, it is a way better record than Sonic Youth’s 2000 release NYC Ghosts & Flowers).

Ultimately, I guess all I can really say about The Church with conviction is that they made at least one really great album that I own and enjoy. Which is good enough for me, even if that rote conclusion makes all of the needlessly flowery paragraphs leading up to this one rather pointless. But I already wrote all that other shit, so I’m not going to go back and excise it now; there were a few decent jokes in there, and at my age, I can’t really afford to delete pages that I squandered several nights working on. It was a dumb premise, though—who the fuck am I to insinuate that the dudes who wrote a timeless classic like “Under the Milky Way” somehow didn’t realize their full potential? Especially when they’re still touring on the strength of that creation 30 years later, and all I’ve really managed to do in the last 30 years is get myself savagely pummeled by alpha-males at a few Korn shows while Jonathan Davis scatted nursery rhymes at me from the stage.

I suppose if I ever write about The Church in the future, I’ll give my notions a bit more thought before I type myself into a corner. For now, I think I’m just going to close this piece and allow it to simmer in its averageness. If I start tweaking these entries just because they aren’t any good, I’ll never finish a single one. And then who’s going to author middling essays about the hundreds of bands in my collection I haven’t gotten around to yet?

Like a bagpipe-wheezing Scotsman, I’ve got to keep moving. It’s time for this old man to come rolling home.

 June 28, 2018