#also especially while I feel gross and don't have clothes to spare for me to comoletely get soaked in :(

[lilblog-asatreat]

Me: I'm going to finally get up, do laundry, take a much needed shower, and go to the grocery store to get food I very much need

Weather: Oh? How about I'm just gonna storm for a bit <3

Me: :(

[angelzai]

This was coming and I'm sorry about it but-

I need some brain rot on Akutagawa so I wanted to ask if you could do the nsfw alphabet for him as well, please? you can also do just a few letters if you can't manage the whole thing <3

nsfw alphabet - ryuunosuke akutagawa . . . .ᐟ

wc: 2.7k

cw: switch leaning dom!aku, rough aku, gn!reader, spanking, cum eating, creampie, clothed sex, edging, brat taming, dirty talk, nicknames (angel, doll, darling, ryuu), light bondage/choking/impact play, marking, toys, mention of face fucking, inappropriate use of rashomon lol

reid: my lovely niko im so sorry about the wait! i wanted to do the whole thing for u ehehehe i hope you enjoy

. . . .ᐟ

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

soft sweetie

he’s not super intuitive when it comes to reading what you need, but he’ll ask

tell him, he’s on it

very apologetic if he was rough - he’s got his own little awkward way of being sweet and coming back down to earth with you

“you alright, angel? do you need anything? ‘m sorry if i got a little carried away. you were perfect for me, okay?”

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

ASS MAN

adores your ass <3

loves the way his fingers sink into the plush of your asscheeks. loves the jiggle whether it's big or small. loves holding you by your ass even nonsexually. it's just so grabbable, so smackable

he likes his own hands - let him finger you from behind so he can spank and admire your ass while he makes you cum

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he thinks his cum is a nuisance

he’s nervous to cum in you, feels guilty cumming on you, kind of hates the feeling of cumming in his hand - it’s just something to clean up after, he’s indifferent to it.

your cum, however

he wants to drown in it.

your cum is the hottest thing ever to him. squirt on his stomach while he fucks you. make a mess on his fingers. cream on his tongue. he’ll lap it up like it’s nectar.

reassure him what you’re comfortable with when it comes to his - you insist you want him to cum on your face? well, okay, he’s gotta admit you look so pretty on your knees with your tongue lolled out and your lashes fluttering. anywhere else on you? are you sure? he doesn’t want you to feel gross. in you??? god, don’t even make him think about it - i think he’s partially afraid that he’ll find it so sexy and it’ll feel so good to fill you up that he’ll never want to stop. he can’t let you make him any weaker than you already have.

have a firm discussion about that shit and lock those legs around his waist in missionary. he’s a changed man after

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he's very conscious of his body and will probably prefer to have sex with clothes on a lot of the time

not that he doesn't want to see your body - he absolutely does - he just doesn't want to make you feel awkward by insisting you be fully naked while he keeps his shirt on

you might be able to draw this out of him, but don't count on it; he'll probably write it off as a kink thing

(worship his body until he loves it as much as you do, please)

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

V I R G I N

i know, i know. again. i know.

but listen. he just doesn’t really have time to focus on this kind of stuff! not that it never crosses his mind, but until he meets you it’s just something he doesn’t spare a passing glance at

he’s certainly had opportunities among the cohort of the mafia, but he’s just. . .not interested in other people

he’s interested in you, though <3

he gets off very quickly when you first start going at it - he’ll happily build up his restraint though (tie his hands behind his back and edge him til he cums untouched <3), especially if it means making you feel good

takes some practice and instruction, but everything you tell him gets burned into his mind. he can make you fall apart in minutes after a few weeks of getting to know your body

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary or doggy - he can’t pick because they’re both so different and have their own perks

missionary? he can palm your chest, hold your cheeks, bite your collarbones, kiss your lips, and watch the way your face grows more and more fucked out with each thrust

doggy? he can grip your ass, pin your arms behind your back, pull you up by your hair, trace the expanse of your back, and reach so deep in you

probably doggy, actually - he loves watching your ass jiggle while he's blowing your back out <3

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not goofy, but sassy.

he's serious about it too - can you say brat tamer?

prefers you to alleviate the tension so he can run with his power dynamic <3 mouth off to him a little! make jokes! it makes it easier for him to put you back in your place and believe me, he enjoys doing it

“what was that? think you’re funny? we’ll see how funny you think you are when you can’t walk tomorrow.”

“try to talk back with cock in your mouth.”

“crying now? this is what you asked me for, angel.”

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

coarse black hair that he prefers to remove entirely, even if he’s not sexually active

it’s just a distraction/buffer from watching how deliciously he slides in and out of you

he’d wouldn’t ask you to remove yours if you really didn’t want to - i think he prefers a little hair on his partner anyway - but he likes how it looks and feels on him

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he’s a little unpracticed in romance and he loses himself easily - he can be rather rough and selfish when he’s chasing his own pleasure

when he slows himself down and puts his focus solely on your pleasure, however, it seems to come so easily to him that you wouldn’t think he’s all that inexperienced

he does call you by your name a lot during sex, along with a few nicknames <3 his favorites are angel, darling, and doll

goes out of his way every once in a while to set the mood super right just because it’s something he enjoys and feels like he should do for you. the whole shebang with candles and silk sheets! maybe some aphrodisiac chocolates or a surprise involving something you’ve mentioned wanting to try in the bedroom - when he pays attention you’ll feel like the luckiest partner in the world

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

doesn’t do it much - refer to the top of letter c.

when he does, though -

and okay, okay maybe this is my bias showing -

but i think we have another pillow humper here. . .

just THINK with me for a second about how pretty a sight it would be to walk in on him - he’s not usually so pent up that he can’t wait for you, but maybe you’ve been gone a few days on an assignment. you arrive back in yokohama early, but you don’t even check your phone because you’re exhausted; you just walk through the door of your apartment to hear heavy breathing and shuffling from your room

so you fumble to your bedroom doorframe. . .just to find aku on his knees, straddling your bunched up pillow

his button-up hangs open and you can see his stomach flex as he rides the pillow furiously, his dick leaking through his boxers - you catch a glimpse of his pretty, uninhibited face as he breathes your name into a moan

before he sees you and scrambles beneath a blanket, of course

all you can do is giggle and make your way over to him - sure, you’re tired, but you’ve kept your boy waiting so long! the least you can do is help him get off since he’s obviously so desperate for you, right?

“aww, ryuu, couldn’t wait for me? no, no, keep going, show me how you’d get off on my lap.”

you’ll get it for teasing him, but it’s worth it <3

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

bondage!!!

impact play!!!

marking!!!

rashomon’s a big help here - you don’t need rope, and tying is easy!

tie him up, let him tie you up - he’s a fan of either - he could be a rigger or a rope bunny depending on both of your moods.

he’s not opposed to rope, though - the work and the sensuality that goes into it is often more rewarding. plus, he just thinks you look wonderful with a silk rope harness around your chest <3

when you’re not tied, don’t be afraid to smack him around a little. bite him, slap him, choke him, scratch him up. he’s tough, he can take it, and he won’t mind doing it back if you’re into it, too.

he’s a quiet guy, but he likes sound! the wet pap, pap, pap! of your skin against his while he fucks you is just heavenly to him

bigggggg big fan of spanking you as punishment <3 be bratty, get spanked

(he’ll always take care of your after)

(plus, he swears the marks you leave on him are darker, harsher, and last longer after he punishes you - just how he wants them <3)

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

at home, in bed. he’s a simple guy

optimal for privacy, optimal for intimacy, optimal for snoozing or cooking a meal after <3

(i think he also just enjoys being domestic with you. having sex in your home, cooking in your kitchen after, sleeping in your bed. . .)

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

seeing you in any position of authority

it’s odd because he prefers to be dominant. maybe it’s the thought of putting you in your place, or being the only one to have you at his mercy. he’s not sure but either way, he likes seeing his partner in charge and maybe a little frustrated or bossy <3

you’re heading a report? giving an assignment to your squad during a meeting? in charge of any sort of coordination? you’re getting fucked after. he can’t help himself - you’re so hot and you’re all his.

say his full first name. he knows it’s a mouthful, no pun intended, and he loves when you call him ryuu, don’t get me wrong. it makes him feel cared for a close to you, it’s so important to him

but when he’s in you, fuck - call him ryuunosuke and beg him for it harder. i promise you he’s trying not to cum right then and there

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

public sex

i think you could work him up to an empty-office, locked-door quickie but it’s absolutely not his favorite methodology and he won’t go any riskier than that

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

loves loves loves giving. there’s nothing he can find that he doesn’t like about it

in fact, it relaxes him

loves how you taste, loves how you sound, loves how you smell, loves fingering you and rubbing you while he does it to draw pretty whines out of you - it’s almost like stress relief for him

far from polite when receiving - he’s a face fucker, sorry y’all

he’ll always reward you handsomely after he uses your throat, promise <3

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

pretty rough, to be honest. it’s his nature - he’s done very few things in his life without violence and aggression, and he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like the control it gives him.

he can certainly be gentle with you after you show him the ropes - otherwise, this is all he really knows

gentle or rough, he fucks fast. he comes to really love the lewd noises your bodies emit together that way <3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

only at home, really. he’s not a fan of fucking where he could get caught

if you so please, he will split you open against your apartment door before you both leave for work

can’t deny how much he loves watching you disheveled, tucking your shirt back in, as you catch your breath before you lean up to kiss him and say you’ll see him later for more <3

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

not super down to get caught or be watched. he’s much more inclined to remind you you’re his in a place where you won’t be distracted by anything or anyone else

he’ll experiment kink-wise, especially with his existing kinks - if you let him use rashomon to bind your wrists, he only wants to see how much further you’ll let him take it from there <3

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

our chronically ill king, only one or two for him

his stamina isn’t great. but!!!

he can alternate between fingering you and eating you out for hours <3 and he often will

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

edge him with a cock ring on

just do it.

he’s impatient but he can’t deny how intense his orgasms are after you do this to him <3 he’ll bitch and whine and cry through it but he secretly loves it

will surely use toys on you if you’d like him to - i can’t see him owning anything other than maybe a plug or dildo he’s experimented with before (that’s a whole post of its own), so introduce him to whatever you’d like

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

loves teasing, hates being teased.

he can dish it but he can’t take it. gets agitated and impatient when you’re dangling yourself in front of him and he can’t have you right away, but he’s nowhere near above flustering you in public, grazing his hands over your ass after you hug him, or tracing your jaw with a wandering finger for minutes at a time while he looks at you with bedroom eyes

he adores you when you’re worked up and unable to keep your hands off of him - aww, you want him? he won’t say this but it’s super cool ‘cause he loves feeling wanted. <3

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s quiet on instinct - lots of silent screams and heaving breaths out of this one

only really moans when he’s ready to cum - this is part of the reason why edging him is so fun, because you can draw out sounds you’ve never heard from him before <3

whisper-mumbles to you through his climax

“fuck, that’s so good! s- so good, doll, thank you! fuck fuck fuck don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop i love you. . .!”

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

on the topic of clothed sex - sometimes grinding through clothes is even hotter to him than penetration <3 there’s just something about how desperate it feels. . .

plop yourself on his lap to make out and grind on him desperately until you’re both cumming through your pants <3 nghhhh

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

kind of hung and he doesn’t even realize it

girthy and almost 7 inches

two pretty veins that split off from each other on the underside <3

i think he curves up a little and gets a bit thinner at the tip

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

low to average - he doesn’t think about it all the time, and it mostly comes to his attention when you bring it up

regardless, he’s unlikely to turn you down even if he wasn’t particularly thinking of it at the moment. just because it isn’t consuming him doesn’t mean he’ll pass up an opportunity to be buried in you <3

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

sleepy demon boy

he can bounce back from a blowjob, but after fucking you? whew now he calling me nyquil or whatever nicki minaj said

within minutes, baby

hold him and kiss him while he dozes off <3 he'll mumble and grumble about how much he loves you until he's out

[your-god-empress-lavender]

Chemistry ideas/questions if anyone who's looking at my blog knows chemistry

Yo, okay. So, uh, urea/saccharide polymers. I saw something about this on reddit, but uh, anyway, skip to the bottom if you don't wanna read a long thought process.

My thought process that brought us here: I want some dope fucking punk shoes (I mostly mean combat boots, but like, any shoe that makes me look more punk would work) -> Buying things takes money -> I don't have money -> I should make the punk shoes -> how do I make shoes? -> the soles of shoes used to be wood, right? -> like 5 hours of research into shoe making, mostly historic stuff -> So, unless I have access to leather or a liquid that can polymerize over a black cloth, I'm kinda out of luck -> Micarta (and similar materials) is pretty cool -> I need to be able to polymerize something at home, and it would be cool if I didn't need to pay for it -> well, can't amines polymerize with alcohols? -> urea is pretty easy to get (kinda gross, but whatever) as is glucose (hydrolysis of starch), maybe that could work if I melted them together -> But that would be crosslinked to hell, so probably too brittle unless somehow the fabric prevents cracking -> well, even though cellulose can't be melted, it does have two spare OH groups, so then maybe just molten urea into the cellulose can crosslink it and make it a more rigid material -> eh, I feel like this would just be equally as bad -> hold on, isn't the main component of a scoby supposed to be cellulose? and those are used to make fake leather already -> like, 30 minutes of research -> the main problem with those fake leathers tends to be that they kinda fall apart in water and get easily degraded by bacteria -> the tiny threads of cellulose in this should actually be better for crosslinking because the cellulose of cloth is a much thicker strand which means it's already way stiffer, so this would be less bad, right? -> I should ask folks on the internet about this, I'm really excited to see what they can say about it

So, if anyone knows more on shoe making, punk styles, polymerization of saccharides with urea, other ways to solve my problem, and dealing with fake leather derived from scobys, please tell me. Sure, I could just leap into this and eventually tell y'all the results, but it takes a while to purify the urea, especially since my parents have cut off my supply of organic solvents. I also don't have the time to go off, ferment, and distill of alcohol. So, it'll be a week or so until I get the urea, so I guess I'm just hoping that somehow someone on this website happens to see this post and responds

[stray-kids-react]

Having surgery scars

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° You had no idea about Chan's crush on you, not many people did. The only person who knew about his crush was himself and his best friend Felix. You never thought he could love you due to how you saw yourself.

° You never wore cropped tops or anything that had the chance of rising up too high, even during the summer. He knew about your scar, but never saw it or knew how much you hated it.

° One day he was going to visit you by surprise, using the spare key you gave him to his advantage. You walked out in a cropped pajama shirt and underwear, not expecting your best friend/crush to be in the room.

° You scar was on your stomach, it was deep and noticeable to whoever walked by when itt wasn't hidden under clothes. You thought it gave off a negative impression, while Chan thought it gave you a unique beauty.

° Before you could cover yourself up, Chan gently embraced you in a hug. Calming your conscious, his fingers gently tracing over the scar. He placed multiple kisses to your head, asking you why you are so self conscious.

"Why can't you see how beautiful you are?"

Lee Know

° You were very clumsy all throughout your life, constantly falling and running into things. But the worst scenario bad to be when you fell and someone kicked you straight in the face.

° This led to you having to get surgery on your broken nose, leaving a scar on the right side of your bridge. It wasn't overly noticeable unless you were very close to your face, which Minho happened to be.

° He wondered how he never noticed this scar before, especially since he loves giving you kisses on the top of your nose. He knew you were clumsy, but wondered how your only scars ended up in such a specific place.

° Minho gently traced over the scars, finding it cute how you scrunch your nose immediately at the touch of his fingertips. Before you scrunched your nose, he noticed that your nose must've been stitched.

° He assumed you did this by accident, by either falling or hitting your face with something. Minho was surprised to hear that someone did this to you intentionally, wondering why someone would hurt you.

"I'm losing hope in humanity at this point."

Changbin

° You has multiple scars on your arms due to an accident you had as a child, this is why you'd constantly wear long sleeve outfits. Feeling that people may become worried or grossed out if they ever saw them.

° But after being asked out by Changbin, you knew you couldn't hide your scars from him for too much longer. He didn't seem suspicious of your long sleeves, until you spent your first summer together.

° You were both sweaty messes who were slumped in front of multiple fans, he was just in his boxers while you had no pants but still your long sleeve shirt. You were turning red by how hot you were becoming.

° He looked at you astonished as how you hadn't passed out from the heat yet, but Changbin was mostly worried since he knew it wouldn't be long til you hit that point. So he moved the fan closer to you.

° You had enough of the heat, telling him to look away as you took of your shirt. Turning your back to him once you said it was okay to look. Changbin noticed your arms even if you tried to hide them, they were gorgeous.

"You will always be a super model to me."

Hyunjin

° You had a few scars on your neck, and you were embarrassed to admit where they came from. Even if you were close to Hyunjin and loved him dearly, you still felt silly admitting it came from a drunk bar fight.

° Hyunjin was curious to where the scars came from, but didn't want to pressure you into telling him in case it was from something traumatic. So instead he would just press soft kisses along the scars.

° You felt bad when he admitted ab embarrassing story of his to you, since he was revealing a moment that stuck with him in a bad way. Yet you were still hiding your scar story from him as he waited patiently.

° His puppy eyes and sweet smile made its mark on your heart, the story leaving your mouth hesitantly. You couldn't look him in the eyes, your cheeks were bright red from embarrassment. You felt stupid.

° He stroked your heated cheeks, turning your head so you'd make eye contact. All of your worries washed away when there wasn't a hint of judgement in his eyes. Only pure love and adoration were held in them.

"I won't judge a simple drunken accident."

Han

° You had scars all over your hands from a burning accident with a kettle, you were self conscious of your hands. But tried to hide those feelings when around other people, not wanting to make them worried.

° But your best friend Jisung noticed when something bothered you, your shimmering eyes would dimmer whenever someone would give you nicknames like 'Freddy Kruger' or 'The human torch'.

° Jisung loved you, even if you were too dense to catch onto that fact. He loves you and wouldn't let someone make you feel like garbage, which led to him defending you countless times throughout the years.

° You had this one fake friend that always rubbed him the wrong way, she would go out of her way to make fun of you and praise herself. Calling you ugly, and getting grossed out whenever you touched something.

° During a game of truth or dare, she dared anyone in the room to hold hands with you. No one was stepping forward, until Jisung crawled over. He didn't just hold them, but he also placed kisses along your knuckles.

"I would've done this without the dare."

Felix

° You were never self conscious over the scars on your legs, if anything Felix usually had more self doubt moments about himself than you did about yourself. Which led to you giving this angel SO MUCH LOVE. (He deserves the world ngl)

° But when visiting Felix back stage, a make up artist mistook you as an idol and suggested finding something to cover your scars. This left an unfamiliar sting to your heart, never thinking it was an issue.

° You say in one of the chairs back stage, placing your coat over your legs as you awaited your boyfriend. It wasn't long before Stray Kids were ushered to where you were sitting, all of them hyped and energetic.

° Felix knew you well, immediately suspicious as to why you were hiding your legs. He had many scenarios in his head, you were cold, period problem, hiding a present, no underwear. His mind was racing.

° But when he saw your sad smile, he knew it had something to do with your scars. Someone must've said something insensitive, and they hurt his favorite person. This wasn't the first time this happened.

"Don't hide your beauty from me, lovely."

Seungmin

° Seungmin witnessed how you got a scar on your back, you were running to catch the bus when you tripped over your feet and rammed into the glass of the bus station waiting area. Causing many gashes to appear.

° He rushed you to the hospital, watched the stitches and bandages go on, helped you up from the bed, helped you go to sleep, gave you medication for the pain. He made sure you were in perfect condition.

° Seungmin felt terrible that you got so severely injured, even though he couldn't do anything to prevent it from happening. He still felt guilty, even when you reassured him that it will be okay and will just leave scars.

° Scars were left on your back, and everytime he witnessed them he felt a slight ping to his heart. Wishing he could've done something to help you, but he doesn't want to relive that moment so he tries to ignore it.

° You asked Seungmin for a massage after a long day, laying down on the couch as he sat on top of your legs. His hands traced down your scars, rubbing the oils onto them gently as if they still hurt you.

"You look like a cute little tiger cub."

Jeongin

° You sometimes forgot that you had scars on your thighs, only remembering them if you see them. They don't effect you in any way, especially since they came form a bike accident when you were very young.

° You and Jeongin both had long days at work, so you both wanted to have a relaxing bath together. This was one of the moments where you forgot about your scars, until Jeongin pointed them out.

° He was worried they were recent, concerned if someone did this or if you did it to yourself. But you calmed him down with a kiss, before explaining it was from an accident with a bike when you very young.

° Jeongin covered you in bubbles, before cupping water in his hands and washing them away. He started around your thighs, rubbing them lightly after they were washed off. He felt a bit bad for bringing them up.

° You did the same treatment for Jeongin, relaxing in his arms for a while until the water was beginning to cool. He dried you off, playfully whipping your thighs with the towel, giggling as you stared in shock.

"It's part of my drying treatment baby."

[breakingsomething]

french toast

basic summary: jameson makes breakfast.

trigger warnings: read the tags! i was worried putting the warnings here would spoil the fic, so look in the tags if you want to know :)

the sun came up the same every morning. five am exactly, jameson knew. time was something he was intimately familiar with in a way he couldn't explain. it ran through his veins with his blood. it rang in his ears every second of the day. it burned in his fingers and warmed every tear that he spilled. he owned it. there wasn't another man living who was as powerful as he was.

and nobody knew it but him.

it was far too cold in the bed. jameson couldn't feel anti beside him. that wasn't unusual, or normally wouldn't be, except for the fact that it was very early and he knew anti hadn't gone to bed until just past two. he'd heard him having a nightmare at twenty past three. after that he'd gone silent, and jameson had properly slept. now, he sat up, blinking and rubbing his eyes, adjusting to the empty, slowly lightening room. he wished they has curtains, but he supposed beggars couldn't be choosers when it came to a situation like theirs.

looking around, it made him wonder what the creator's boys were doing right now. probably all still sleeping, maybe eating food that they hadn't stolen or fought tooth and nail for. maybe when they woke, they'd take a shower without worrying about the hot water bill for a house not registered under their name. maybe they'd dress in clothes they picked out themselves. maybe they'd spend the day thinking of pastries and youtube videos and magic and jewelry and whatever else people thought of. not a thought to be spared for anyone else. jameson almost snorted at the thought.

his bare feet padded to the door, the silence almost deafening. his heart raced in his ears. a-n-t-i? he knocked on the doorframe, to which he got no response. probably for the best. definitely for the best. gave jameson a bit more time.

he went over to the cupboard and quickly pulled on some proper clothes, a blue hoodie and black tracksuit bottoms with mismatched socks that had holes at the top. drank some water that he'd left on his bedside. then he pulled out something that he'd hidden in between his sketchbook pages and slipped it in his pocket, along with something else that he'd hidden in his shoes. just as precautions. eventually, he went to the bathroom and quickly brushed his hair with his fingers before slowly making his way downstairs.

anti was sitting at the kitchen table. he didn't look up when jameson came in, though; he was slumped over with his face in his arms, whistling softly in his sleep. jameson wasn't used to seeing him in just a t-shirt, and for a moment he just stared at his ink black tattoos, marred by raised pink scars from an event jameson hadn't been around to witness, which he was grateful for. anti's hair was getting long too, falling in curls around his freckled face. right now, it was almost hard to look at him and see him as a manipulative murderer, a torturer, an actor and a kidnapper and a liar and a thief. but jameson knew he was. he always had been.

he wished he could have seen it earlier.

he made breakfast. he'd managed to convince anti that he wanted to try his hand at cooking, and his brother had relented after just a few days of begging for ingredients. eggs, vanilla extract, yoghurt and berries - french toast was on the menu this morning. by the time anti had slowly begun to stir, the scent had filled the warm kitchen, making the house that wasn't theirs feel so much more cosy. anti yawned, shaking his arms out and wincing. jameson watched him with a raised eyebrow and a soft smile, waiting for his brother to notice him.

it took a moment before he did. "oh - morning, dap," anti mumbled, scrubbing sleep from his eyes. "what the fuck're you… it's, like, six am, shouldn't even you still be asleep?"

jameson grinned, holding up the two plates he'd already set up and placing the left one proudly in front of anti. "toast," he signed as soon as he had both hands free. "french toast. also, i'm an early bird. figured i'd use my time well."

he sat at the table and slid a fork across the table to a surprised anti, who caught it and stared down at his plate in amazement. "you absolute mad lad, dapper," he grinned, brown eyes flashing. "i knew it was a good idea to let you buy all that shit."

that was bullshit. anti hadn't wanted to buy it at all, and jameson had had to behave perfectly to his older brother's standards in order to get it. like a dog being rewarded with a treat. jameson bit his lip hard and didn't respond, forcing a smile onto his face.

they dug in, the two of them eating in relative silence as a conversation was difficult to have when one party couldn't speak without their hands. jameson tapped the edge of his plate with his fork, the sound ringing out in the quiet. his hoodie pocket felt suddenly very heavy, despite it now being lighter than before.

"doing anything today?" he asked once he'd eaten a few bites, setting the fork down at the side. he didn't feel very hungry. anti bobbed his head and held up a hand while he swallowed, coughing into his hand immediately after.

"i have to go shopping soon, actually," he said, drumming his fingers on the table to a tune jameson didn't recognize. "do we need anything specific? i can definitely get more of this shit if we need any, ha. i know we need, uhh… fuck, my head hurts and i don't remember shit." he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose tightly. "d'you know, dap? anything important?"

jameson waited for anti to remember that he wouldn't be able to hear his brother's reply and sheepishly open his eyes before responding. "i don't think we'll need anything. as far as i'm aware, it's all taken care of."

anti furrowed his brows, frowning. "i'm sure we… needed something. i dunno what it was." he yawned again, shivering. "christ, it's gotten dead cold in here. and for some reason, i'm still tired as shit."

"why'd you sleep down here?" jameson asked. might as well ask. anti did love to talk about himself.

it took the man a moment to respond, and when he did, his voice was slightly slurred. "had a weird fuckin' dream, didn't wanna be 'round you. was gonna sleep on the couch, but i came in here for water 'n i fell 'sleep…" he suddenly coughed again, doubling over and covering his face. when he sat up again, he had gone very pale, hair sticking to his face with sweat. "shit, i don't… don't feel well, what th'fuck…"

this time when he coughed, his hands came away from his mouth red. "fuck!" he swore, trying to stagger to his feet. but his legs gave out beneath him and he crumpled to the floor, gasping and wheezing. "fuck, fuck, i'm - dap, help me up, shit!"

jameson watched calmly from his place at the table. anti looked up with desperate eyes that widened as he saw his brother's blank expression, pupils dilating to pinpricks. "dap?" he rasped, retching with a hand clamped over his mouth. "wh-what the fuck did you -"

"a-r-s-e-n-i-c," jameson signed with a smile. his movements were smooth and deliberate in comparison to anti's pained thrashing. "i went classic. there was enough in there to kill a man in half an hour, i'd say. i'm surprised you didn't taste it. you may be experiencing nausea and vomiting, muscle cramps, dizziness, abnormal heart rhythm, sudden convulsions…"

he trailed off, smirking as anti clawed at his throat, gasping for breath and gagging. jameson wasn't even sure the man could see his signs anymore. "y-you fucking - you poisoned me?" anti stammered, wrapping his arms round his stomach and paling even further. "christ, well, that's a first -"

jameson grimaced in disgust as anti threw up without warning, still coughing afterwards. "gross," the time traveler signed, screwing up his face. "die with a little dignity, anti."

anti looked up in time to catch the last few words, although by this point jameson supposed his vision had blurred enough that he couldn't see very well. nevertheless, he managed to sit himself up, wiping spit off his chin. "you want me - why the fuck d'you want me dead?" he managed. his arm twitched wildly, and he gasped in pain. jameson watched him clutch at the counter, trying to pull himself up. "i g-gave you everything, you unappreciative shit, what is wrong with - you f-fucking -"

he suddenly spasmed, and jameson sighed. "oh dear," he signed, despite anti not being able to see him. "it appears you've reached the stage of convulsing and seizures. that's not good, especially with your epilepsy, is it?"

anti choked, and jameson laughed without noise, pulling his phone from his pocket and quickly typing into the text to speech box. he wanted anti to hear what he had to say. "you say you gave me everything," the monotone male voice spoke. "then why am i always in pain? why are you always hurting me, one way or another? why do you treat me like i'm less than you?"

"i - love you, you b-b-bastard," anti gasped, stopping to cry out in pain as he convulsed. "i do, tha-that's nottalie, swear, swear, stop it, stop -"

jameson had finished typing his next lines by that point. "you always say you love me but you don't fucking show it. buying me sketchbooks and ingredients for meals doesn't count as love." his fingers flew across the keyboard. "love is not hurting someone just because you want to. love is not demeaning someone and making them feel small and worthless. love is not stepping on someone to elevate yourself. love is not hurt. love is not you."

"no, no, no," anti mumbled, curling up on the floor, hissing through his teeth. "i - i - you don't underst-t-tand - protect, trying to protect, ah, ah, nngh, i'm - dap -"

"and there's another thing," the voice said cooly. "my name isn't dapper. it's jameson jackson. you don't notice anything, do you, anti? this wasn't a sudden rebellion."

"a li'l p-poison isn't gonna kill me," anti laughed hoarsely.

jameson stood. "no," he signed. "but this will."

he pulled the other item from his pocket, slowly, so anti could take it in. he smirked as his brother's breath hitched at the sight of the silver kitchen knife, reflecting the light from the window above the counter. the reaction was so satisfying to watch.

"y-you're gonna stab m-me, eh?" anti tried to laugh again, but it came out more like a weak whimper. he retched again, head slamming against the wall as he twitched. "f-feels like it's f-fitting that you'd b-be - be the one to kill me. if anyone did, you-you're not - the worst choice."

jameson rolled his eyes. "sure." then he leaned down and pressed his knife to anti's bandaged throat. "anything else to say?"

anti was still shaking, blood dribbling from his mouth. but his eyes, flickering from colour to colour and eventually coming to rest on grey to match his brothers, were full of an emotion that jameson didn't understand. "didn't mean to - you - i -" he threw his head back, whimpering with pain. "b-b-bastard, i - fuck -"

jameson didn't let him get any further.

once it was over, jameson slumped back against the kitchen cupboards, staring off into the living room with unfocused eyes. he'd done it. why didn't he feel happier, more free? why did he feel more trapped than ever?

his hands were red.

he washed them. ten times over. then he took a shower and changed his clothes. he stared at his reflection for a full half hour, lost in thought, hands shaking as his nails dug into his palm.

anti was still on the floor when he went back downstairs. fuck, best get rid of him. jameson crouched down next to him and pressed a hand to his brother's chest. with closed eyes, he let the magic channel through him, burning his skin, burning anti's skin, crushing him under the weight of time itself. several minutes passed, and by the end of it, anti's body was gone. eaten away, dissolved.

jameson didn't feel lighter. really, he felt so much heavier. like he'd gone swimming in a full denim outfit. like he'd gone swimming with rocks in his pockets. like he'd - like he'd just killed his brother. there was no sugarcoating it.

it had felt good. jameson had never been more disgusted with himself.

what would he do now? there was no where else to turn. no one else to go to. except - jameson narrowed his eyes. no one else but the creator's boys. the one's who'd called themselves his brothers. the one's who'd left him with anti. they'd left him with anti, they'd left him with - they'd left him here. they'd been too fucking cowardly to come save him.

jameson picked up the knife from the place anti's body had been. maybe he had something he could do after all. loose ends to tie up. more brothers to put in their places.

his hands weren't red anymore. they felt red.

jameson's french toast had gone cold.