#also i didn't proof read this so it might have stupid auto correct stuff..

[epicfranb]

warning: long rant/ramble under cut (i jump from topic to topic a lot)

I need to watch more Sausage vids so i can write him BUT lately I'm so tired from mcyt cuz it's basically the only thing i watch, i wanna read comics and watch shows again i miss it but i only hav minecraf on the brain :( my attention span is GONE (not that there was much in the first place but. I could easily binge an anime season or 2 in under a week. I can't watch a single episode a day idk why)

This is what I'm complaining about?? Really??? If i complained about the actual serious stuff that worries me you'd hear no end of it lol. It's kind of in the background, anyways looming over me (the anxiety) im kinda used to it but it shows itself in the little things that seem unrelated.. like that fact that i can't seem to do the things i actually wanna do anymore. It's called AVOIDING. im scared of failure, im scared of making myself upset, so i start avoiding it even if i like it and wanna do it. It's silly bc in this case it's literally about WATCHING COOL SHIT??? i don't wanna have another kagepro or winx club or naruto on my hands where im so unbelievably upset at the source material that o have this urge to complain about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME but i don't have it in me (maybe i have the skill, but not time and not motivation) to make rewrites for all of them that'd be fucking impossible, especially seeing as they're not exactly short stories or easy to write and structure and REwrite and REstructure n all that.. i have my own fics and stories to worry about BUT I'M NOT WRITING THEM EITHER honestly i thought graduating high school would make me better it made me worse actually. In some ways it made me better. Maybe it's just maturing (a little bit) but worse i mean that 1) I'm drawing way less 2) I'm not developing my original stories at all 3) i don't see comics anymore 4) i don't fucking go outside 5) i don't socialize 6) i rot at home all day IDK im trying not to say that i feel like a failure bc that's not exactly true?.. maybe i don't feel this way cuz im avoiding thoughts like this (im good at avoiding lol) and that's good. Cuz objectively I'm not a failure. I'm still creating, even tho slowly. I think I'm in my transitional point between like.. a worm that i was at school, just creating things with no real purpose, to bring a butterfly who creates more thoughtfully and is able to self express deliberately, because i know what i like and what i want to do now (moreso than i did before at least). Not a fan of an insect analogy but here ya go. Optimistic ending to my little rant at least.

Honestly i wanna do a series of complaining at stuff that i kind of hate-love. I have the most to say about kagepro probably, since i was into that for like 2 years, or maybe winx since I'm into it rn, and it has far more source material+ has a bigger world and now characters.. but i thought about it far less so far (i need to write down my thoughts more..) i really really want someone to talk with about it.. either winx or kagepro, idc. It would be funny to tell about kagepro to a person who doesn't know about it (it's still fresh in my mind... *shudders*) but when it comes to winx I'd rather talk to another fan honestly. So yeah.. rant over bye bye