#also tbc I don't necessarily think OP or 2P were ever THIS bad in their misunderstanding just

[streetlightsontheriver]

I read the OP and thought, "oh, that's how [ex-friend] would talk about me." And then I read 2P's quote from their friend and I was like yeah. YEAH.

I would bring up a hard situation in my life, looking for compassion and solidarity. And at first, he offered it. Acknowledging how I was affected, honoring my concerns, offering times in his own life he felt similarly. But over time, he became so solution-focused, he once literally told me he wanted my emotions to be a switch he could turn off.

When telling me that didn't make me somehow process my emotions faster, he decided I didn't need emotional support, actually (and yes, he consistently phrased it like this was his decision to make and he was telling me the hard thing I needed to hear), and he tried to force me into the "solution" phase as quickly as possible. Sometimes he would incorrectly autocomplete what I was trying to say and bombard me with "solutions" for that!

It was dehumanizing, humiliating, and it made my situation worse: not only did I still have the initial problem, but when I reached out for help, I was slapped in the face and treated like an idiot for wanting a hug instead of a manual. I'm not a character in a video game. You can't speedrun my interiority by pressing the right buttons fast enough. My takeaway was not "what a helpful friend, anticipating my needs!" but "I can't trust someone with my heart if they think it's okay to treat me with such little respect."

(Note: if my emotional state was burdensome for him, he would have been justified in saying he couldn't offer support and shutting down conversation if I tried to bring it up again. But nothing gave him the right to infantilize me or to decide what was best for me, especially when it contradicted my stated needs.)

The strangest attitude I've ever seen on people about anything is when someone is aware that their situation is bad, and that other people have it better, and not only have their no intention to personally do anything to fix their situation, they'll actively fight you if you try to help them. They don't want their situation to get better. They just want you to feel bad about how bad they've got it.