#also the timeline continues to be a goddamn mess and everything is contradictions but whatever it's not like it's a giant PLANNED crossover | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smokeybrand · 5 years

Text

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Riddikulus

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald is a paradox. It’s a complex hodge-podge of beauty, brilliance, potential, and butt. Like, it’s so much better than the first but, at the same time, SO much worse. This is the first time i can definitive point to one thing derailing an entire film but that definitely shouldn’t be the case because it’s the goddamn script. This thing is written BY J.K. Rowling! These are HER characters! This is HER world! How is she f*cking this sh*t up so bad? It’s wild to see but, before this becomes a rant instead of a review, let me get into the detail proper.

The Good

Goddamn, this movie is beautiful. The sets, the cinematography, the pageantry and costumes, the fantastic beasts; Everything in this movie is leveled up from the first and it shows. I was very impressed by the level of comfort exhibited by this crew and cast. They’ve kind of found their look and they’re effortlessly transcribing that from the first.

The costumes, in particular, are exquisite this time around. The Wizarding World always has the best costumes but i knew this would be something special because of the period in which these events take place. I was not wrong. also, it’s Paris. There’s a scene where cats have to get to a circus by entering under the skirt of this beautiful statue and the way that scene i framed? The juxtaposition of the statue in front of the modern, bustling, Paris? Simply breathtaking.

I really liked the casting in this flick. I think the addition of Depp and Law was a stroke of genius. These two cats were easily one the best things about this movie. It’s just a f*cking shame they weren’t given enough to do. That’s actually a continuing theme throughout this mess of a movie; No one ever has enough to do.

Dan Fogler is probably the best thing about this movie, really. But, like literally everyone and everything else in this thing, his Jacob Kowalski felt underused and underdeveloped. Dude did great with what he was given, everyone did, but what he was given, wasn’t much. That’s what this movie is, though, in a nutshell; Not much.

Eddy Redmayne did his thing. I’m pretty sure Newt is on the Spectrum and i think Rowling is trying to subtly hint at that, but she’s just a bit off. Newt comes across as dick most of the time, not some guy with difficulty reading and maneuvering social situations. I really like his take on Scamander but i can totally see how people find him unsympathetic and rude.

I liked the casting of Zoe Kravitz as Lita Lestrange. I think she was a bright spot in this film. I thick she could have shone brilliantly,though, if she has something to f*cking do! Like, the chemistry between her and Redmayne was palpable. I believed that they loved each other. It’s a goddamn shame we didn’t get to see that properly displayed.

This, young world Rowling is showing us, is absolutely stunning. Witnessing her magic set in a such a bygone time, is really something. I am thoroughly enjoying our current trip through the Wizarding World!

The Bad

The timeline is mad f*cked up in here. There are certain scenes and certain characters that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn’t even f*cking exist just yet. There is one in particular that, by the time Potter proper is a thing, should be LONG dead but nope! Because it’s cool i guess? I dunno, man, it’s all just frustrating from a writer’s standpoint. Sh*t should be tighter. It’s not.

There are plot holes here that are infuriating. Common sense sh*t like, you know, not doing a thing or maybe opening your mouth. Aside from the contradiction of certain events occurring that have not occurred or the appearance of certain characters that are established to not have been until an entire decade after these events, characters make heel turns that are outright ridiculous and objectively adverse to everything they are. Or at least, have been built up to be in the one movie we have before this one. I watched my favorite character, take a path that would be abhorrent to everything they are, because they were talked to kind of nice? I get that. The most dangerous villain is the one that talks sense to you. Lucifer. Hitler. Trump. I get that. I can see Grindlewald having that charisma, too. It’s why you cats Johnny Depp. He oozes that sh*t! But it only works if you establish that Grindlewald has that gift of gab, that essential charisma to turn even the staunchest of non-believers but...

You never get the necessary time with him to even believably establish that Grindlewald has that ability! When said turn comes from my favorite, it just comes across as forced conflict instead of misplaced belief. They weren’t convinced, they were throwing a tantrum. For a film with his name in it, Grindlewald is wildly underdeveloped and he’s not the only one. There are, at least, four characters intricate to the plot, that have NO development. None. They are there as plot devices and that’s it. There’s one, in particular, that find themselves standing against Grindlewald but will end up standing WITH Voldemort! These motherf*ckers preach the same goddamn thing! The f*ck?? It’s Nagini. Nagini chooses not to follow Grindlewald but becomes a f*cking Horcrux for Voldemort. The f*ck, dude? Why? You don’t f*cking know, because none of her motivations or anything were ever f*cking explored! And those are just the underdeveloped.

There are some characters, one of the four main characters of the entire f*cking franchise so far, that have NO development! You can literally remove them from this film, and there would be no consequence. Seriously, why was Tina even in this f*cking thing? Why was she here? Why even try with her character? She’s exactly the same person,now, that she was, then! It’s Ludicrous! But she’s not the only one! and that’s the paradox; Core characters, essential to the plot, are wholly interchangeable. They be outright removed and this narrative would chug along fine, probably better, with just the slightest of tweaks. it’s f*cking insane to see.

The climax was underwhelming.

There are certain revelations that’s suppose to make the audience gasp but, if you’re into the lore of Potter, they’re an impossibility. It’s just terrible. Like, mid-career Shyamalanian levels of sh*tty twists. Just, knowing what i know about Potter, the disbelief necessary to suspend in order to accept this sudden turn is impossible. It’s insulting, really. It’s as messed up as that whole Aliens-hate-Water thing from Signs. It’s really that bad.

All of the controversy with this movie is kind of stupid. The Depp and Heard stuff is kind of ridiculous to me because,at the time of his casting, that sh*t had been resolved for several months. The whole Dumbledore and Grindlewald being gay for each other in a family film was also stupid. I mean, did you expect them to just make out in the middle of the movie Really? you think middle America is going to come to this thing with their f*cking kids to see that? But this sh*t with Nagini, though? That sh*t is a reach and a half! At best, she’s an ill conceived addition to an ill conceived narrative. At worst, she’s a poorly executed narrative trope. What she ain’t is a racist caricature of an Asian person. What it isn’t is some long standing accusation of feminism, peered through the lend of toxic masculinity, or whatever other buzzwords we’re using today. All of this sh*t is forced and stupid, and legitimately distract from everything else wrong with what’s going on in this move.

The Worst

The writing in this movie is just terrible. Like, it’s written well. For a book. I can see the connections and understand where Rowling wants to take this but the detail she needs to build this story, she’s not getting within the confines of a script for film. She has all of these fantastic ideas, and they are fantastic, but the execution is just the worst! It CRIPPLES everything involved with what this movie is trying to do. I can see it, though, and that’s what really, really, hurts. I can see the forest through the trees and it’s a goddamn marvel! but the person in charge of caring for the forest, can’t. Not within the confines of cinematic narrative.

The Verdict

Fantastic Beasts 2 is kind of a quandary. Everything in it that makes up a movie, is mildly excellent. Everything. Except the goddamn script. Rowling is a brilliant book writer but has no idea how to right a film. At all. The entire time I'm watching this thing, all I can think is how dope this would be if it were book three in an anthology. Beasts 2 is just too much, too soon. There is so much going on; So many factions, so many distractions, so many happenings, so many actions, that you lose yourself in the whirlwind of circumstance. Half of which are unnecessary! Don’t misunderstand, i liked this movie but i liked it because i love the world Rowling created. I like seeing Grindelwald. I like experiencing the different Magic Ministries and the youthful versions of characters i love. But not everyone is going into this thing wanting any of that. A lot of cats are going into this flick to see, you know, a movie, and that’s where this thing fails. There is a great amount of potential that goes unfulfilled in here because this needed room to breathe; room a 2 hour run time does not allot.

Overall, it's fun but mad disappointing. There is a great deal of awesome here and the world, itself, is rich with stories. It’s like Star Wars. And, like Star Wars, these new films are kind of f*cking up the legacy a little bit. Again, i really want to stress this fact, i liked this movie but not for the reasons i should. I like the idea of an expanded Wizarding world. I like Harry Potter. I like the cast and core heroes. I like the idea of these prequels. I do not like how Rowling is telling their story.

0 notes