#also: cameron giving donna her jacket like 'chivarly feels amazing why don't do it more often'

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY #6: In which Cameron realizes that she has a wife

NOTE: it wasn't planned, but, this one turned out to be for @theresebelivett and her tattoo <3

[CN: food/dinner, being and getting upset at a restaurant] . .

Cameron made it through the first 20 minutes of dinner with two new, unknown representatives from Atari before she felt compelled to excuse herself and rush outside for some air.

The representatives themselves were refreshingly un-executive seeming. Nico, a gangly, unabashedly nerdy Filipino kid with shoulder length hair who’d just joined the company, collected vintage games and obscure comic books, and maintained a website with recommendations that was inspired by Comet. His boss, Becca, had described herself as an introvert, but had talked animatedly to Cameron about fantasy and speculative fiction, musical theater, David Lynch, gaming, and her attempts to learn to code. Becca was short (as most people were, next to Cameron), round, pale, bespectacled, and had several visible tattoos. She had bright brown eyes and short hair, and one side of her head was shaved, and she spoke to Cameron and Donna with this funny, endearing mix of real confidence and slightly nervous reverence.

The four of them met at Mountain View’s finest steakhouse, where Atari had reserved a quiet back room for their meeting, and Nico and Becca talked like the kids that Cameron used to chat with on the internet in the 1980s. They didn’t just know Phoenix, they knew Mutiny, seemed like they’d used it themselves. They didn’t just know Cameron’s most recent, independently released game, Steward, they knew every volume of the Spacebike Chronicles, and they knew about Pilgrim. Becca even had a Spacebike tattoo on the inside of her left arm, a simple outline of Cameron’s hero, standing next to her bike, and when Becca showed it to Cameron and Donna, it hadn’t felt smarmy or manipulative at all. Donna had laughed with delight, and said, “Oh, I kind of want one just like it!” But that was when Cameron had stood up abruptly and said, “Uh, I’ll be back…soon, bye,” and bolted.

After just over 10 minutes Donna went and found Cameron, who was standing outside, a few feet from the restaurant’s back entrance, chewing on her thumbnail.

“It’s a good thing you’re still here,” Donna said. “Those kids seem really nice, but if you’d left me here with them, alone, you’d be looking at a week on the couch, at least.”

Cameron looked at Donna, who was standing in front of her in a pale blue, cocktail-length asymmetrical dress that had a sort of Grecian vibe, that Cameron thought looked very nice on Donna, though the idea of having one shoulder covered and one shoulder bare made Cameron’s own skin crawl. Donna’s hair was pinned up, and she was wearing high heels. She’d convinced Cameron to leave Phoenix’s offices early that day, so they would have time to get dressed, and pushed her to wear her most expensive wool slacks and best-fitting blazer. Cameron hadn’t fully appreciated what a big deal this out of the blue dinner with Atari really was until she’d seen what Donna was wearing.

Donna reached for Cameron’s hand and gently pulled it away from her mouth, and kept it in hers. “What are you thinking?” she asked.

Miserably, Cameron said, “That you look beautiful. ‘Businessman’s wife who does all the actual work and closes the deal over drinks’ is a look that really suits you. Even though I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“Don’t be silly,” Donna said. “I mean, you’re right, it is a look that suits me very well. But you absolutely deserve it. I’m only enjoying it immensely because I’m here with you.” She squeezed Cameron’s hand, and asked, “What’s really bothering you?”

“I don’t know,” Cameron admitted. “It just doesn’t feel good. I don’t know if it’s because it really doesn’t feel good, or because I’m remembering how it felt before.”

“What happened?” Donna asked, letting of Cameron’s hand. She crossed her arms over her chest. “How did it feel before?”

Cameron took a breath, as if that might help her hold back her tears, but it didn’t really work. Unsteadily, she said, “I made Pilgrim for you. And for me, too, and how I felt after Mutiny. I made it for you, and for us. Even if I didn’t realize it at first.”

Donna beamed at Cameron, and rubbed her upper arms, as if she were trying to keep warm.

Cameron took off her blazer, and put it around Donna’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” Donna said, pulling the blazer closed.

“I get that you and me and us is a very niche audience,” Cameron continued. “But they shit-canned it. And I’m still upset.”

“Well, I’m sure I would be too,” Donna said. “It’s okay that you feel that way, though. You get to feel that way for as long as you want to. You don’t have to decide anything, or sign anything, tonight. All you have to do is order the most expensive thing on the menu and enjoy it.”

“Yeah?” Cameron asked. “That’s okay, if we just have dinner, and maybe forget this ever happened?”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Donna smiled. “They’re here for you. They came all the way down here because they want something from you, they need you. You’re the talent, and you’re the one who’s in charge.”

Cameron wiped some tears away with the back of her hand. “I’m the one who’s in charge.”

“We should also get more appetizers. And desserts,” Donna said.

“As always, you’re right,” Cameron said. She put her arm out, and Donna smiled at her, and took it. They started back toward the restaurant together.