#and I got another idea where he'd get scared of his own sneeze

[crocchompers]

FERAL BETA IS BACK!! I missed him so much, he is now free from his little cage

[anditvanisheslikemist]

by surprise, part 1 of 4

Hindsight 'verse (AO3) but you don't need any background to read this one. Nico/Matty, 800 words, sfw.

Usually, he gets some warning.

Not a lot, not always, but tonight there's just—

k'TCSHHH!

—none.

"Fuck, sorry," Nico mutters, scrambling to sit up so he can press a wrist under his suddenly dripping nose and try to reach across Matty for a tissue.

"You're okay." Matty rubs his back and hands him the whole box, ignoring the damp spot on the chest of his t-shirt where Nico had been lying a second before. Nico blows his nose, and gives a little shiver, and balls up the tissue in his palm. Uses it to try to brush away the wetness from Matty's shirt.

"They just keep…" he gestures vaguely with the tissues, and of course it's at the moment they're furthest away from his face that another no-warning t'SHIEW! bursts out. "Fuck!"

And of course Matty's right in the line of fire again. Nico coughs a little, and hides his face in his hands as he sniffles.

Matty just pulls him close and kisses his temple. "You act like I didn't know what I was getting into when I married you. Getting sneezed on is just part of the deal." He runs his fingers through Nico's hair while Nico blows his nose again. "If it was gonna scare me off, that would've happened on, what, our second date?"

"Oh god, don't remind me." Nico buries his face in Matty's chest again. That had been… well. He supposes he can't call it an unmitigated disaster given that in spite of everything, Matty had stuck around for a third date, and then a fourth, but…

TSCH'uh!

"Any idea what's getting to you?" Matty's fingers are still working through his hair. Nico can feel the little shifts underneath him that mean that Matty's looking around to double-check that the windows are closed, and there's no dust in sight, and that Luna and Jupiter are currently downstairs.

Nico shrugs moodily. "Head hurts a little bit," he admits.

Matty's hand moves enough to get his palm on Nico's forehead. Nico shakes his head a little. It doesn't feel like he's got a fever. At least, not yet. Just the start of a cold. Fan-fuckin-tastih'TSHHIEW!

He groans again, already getting a little congested. (Which, for once, he hadn't been! So this is karma or some shit. Grea-CHIU! He sniffles again, coughing a little. Great.)

Matty kisses him on the lips, which is a dumb move not just for the usual contagion reasons but also because— "I guarantee I'm gonna sneeze on you again." Mumbled against Matty's strong chest. He's suddenly so tired.

"Bless you in advance, then." Matty's arms are around him, warm. "And hey, you remember your last cold?" He stops to consider. "Well, the last one we were sure was a cold, and not just hayfever on steroids?"

"Yeah?" It had sucked. The last of winter had been hanging on, and a stuffy, exhausting cold had shown up and dragged itself into spring along with the snow. "My throat hurt so bad."

"And you felt like you had to sneeze twenty-four-seven and it just. Would. Not. Come."

Nico wrinkles up his nose at the memory.

"So yeah, okay," a hand moving at Nico's back again, and god, it's gonna put him to sleep before they can even turn out the lights, "surprise sneezes aren't the most ideal, but they've gotta be better than not getting to sneeze at all."

"I would, like, capture a fucking genie if it meant not sneezing at all." It comes out more bitter than he'd meant. Usually he's pretty zen about his whole "allergic to everything" situation, but at some point you just get fucking tired of sneezing, you know?

"I don't think that's how that works." Matty reaches over and turns off the light, and this time Nico's body has the grace to wait until Matty's at least leaning away before unleashing a shockingly wet d'ZHHSHHIEW! toward his own lap.

"What," Nico manages in the midst of blowing his nose, "you mean The Witcher isn't a how-to guide?"

"Yeah, 'cause that turned out great for everyone involved."

Nico just gives him a particularly obnoxious noseblow in return.

"Alright." Matty settles back on the pillows. "Get some sleep. Maybe we can head this off before it becomes something real."

"Yeah, okay," Nico sighs. He knows he's screwed; he's felt like this enough times to know that the cold isn't going anywhere until it's run its course, but somehow, when Matty says it, he can almost believe that sleep will help.

"I love you," Matty says, voice already going fuzzy with sleep. "No matter how much you sneeze on me." He yawns and tightens his arm around Nico a bit. "That should've been part of our vows."

"Jesus Christ," Nico mutters, but he can't muster any real offense, not when Matty's holding him close with their legs intertwined under the covers. "I love you, too. Goodnight."

let me know if you'd like to see more of this particular cold and/or the story of that second date... thanks for reading!

ETA: Here's the link for Part 2!