#and I'd rip the wifi module out of it if I thought it would still function after that

[verdigrispoisoning]

But we already have mimics. They're in many people's homes. They were not just invited in, they were specifically procured for their purpose.

They light our homes, give them cheerful colors to suit our tastes. They clean up after us, help us do things that we generally could do easily, but don't want to because they take time and effort away from more pleasurable activities. They play music for us. Tell us stories. If you're lonely they can even talk to you. And they will gladly report any and all that they have learned about us to their faraway masters so that they can drain us better of our resources. Get more of them into our homes, make us more dependent on them.

You will survive them. They are not predators, after all.

They are parasites.

This post was specifically not brought to you by Philips Hue, iRobot Roomba, or Amazon Alexa.

I know the idea of mimics is supposed to be scary -- the inanimate object is really a monster ready to bite you! -- but I've got to say, they're far more compelling as friendly things.

Who doesn't want a pet that can turn into a scarf when you're cold, a key when you're locked out, and a knife for slicing enemies apples?