#and baby showers etc. and also has hidden depths she's content to keep to herself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebirdandhersong · 2 years

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also am suddenly and without warning at the age where people my age (i.e. my CLASSMATES) are getting engaged. Seeing as I still feel like a baby, this is just so bizarre to me.... I thought we were all on the same page*

*same page: I found out how to make rice cakes out of rice paper a few days ago and was utterly delighted, my Elinor came back from her honeymoon and I cried when I heard because I'd missed her and was so relieved that she was back in Canada, I lay awake at night with muscle cramps last night and thought: this is the Worst I hate this......life feels like new every day and I feel like a very young child who has to constantly make sense of reality vs. my imagination. How people my age making huge life decisions like this already, I have no idea......

#ever feel gutted/like someone is scooping your insides out with a spoon when you look at wedding photos or photos of babies #am reminding self not to covet again but like. hnnggndlsdkljj;#desire to be wife and mother vs. desire to be marilla cuthbert (i.e. single woman with strong presence/role in community #who isn't ridiculed or dismissed for being single and who finds fulfillment in a different kind of motherhood)#also vs. desire to be writer hermit lady down the street who is there for all the church events and helps plan other people's weddings #and baby showers etc. and also has hidden depths she's content to keep to herself #this is another nonsense post i just have Thoughts and feel so disoriented that one of my CLASSMATES is engaged. like #lskdjf;lkjdlk #coveting is probably the sin i struggle with most (well actually that's debatable) and i am trying to come up with ways to deal with it #(if you have any tips in this area i'd appreciate it very deeply! in this season i am constantly seeing my own sin with new eyes too #and am trying to figure out ways to not fall into old ways of thinking)#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

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