#and byan's like. probably one of the few there who at least makes it their own interpretation bc they hate just copying

[byanyan]

actually ngl, i have been playing with the idea of byan, at some point in their fledgling verse, probably years down the line, eventually coming to work at some shitty little 24 hour tattoo shop

[nightingeal-arch]

ㅤsuddenly they're fourteen again, and ellie is saying it for the first time (again). they didn't really believe her then (they're not so sure they believe her now), but they do remember the comfort they felt to hear someone say such a thing — something the complete opposite of what everyone else would tell them — and sound for all the world like they believed it. it's a comfort which resurfaces now, heightened by the familiarity of it. still, it's baffling to them that he can look at them, knowing the things about them that she does, and say that with a straight face. speak it like it's the honest truth. baffling, but... god, do they need to hear it. they had needed it then, as a lost and lonely child who only ever had the worst things about themself broadcasted for all to see, and they need it now, as an adult still stumbling to overcome that trauma and find their place in the world. the track marks on their arm would beg to differ; signs of a relapse on a habit they're trying to quit, or at least rely less on as a coping mechanism. one bad day, that's all it takes— no, it's worse than that, isn't it? it had been one little moment this time, just one big, burly guy giving them a hard time in the shop that had led them here. they'd just shut down, had to be sent home— they hadn't even gone home, hadn't so much as called sol to tell him about it because it's so fucking embarrassing, just went straight to numbing themself like they always have. nothing wrong with them. yeah fucking right.

ㅤㅤ" you don't— "ㅤ—know that? the statement dies on their tongue before they can finish it. despite the years apart, ellie knows them better than anyone (with the exception of sol, anyway). he had seen them at their worst, had known them at their lowest, and had stuck around despite it all (then had come back, had wanted to rekindle the friendship, despite it all). a lump rises in byan's throat, their eyes quickly starting to burn. gaze turns sharply upward to the ceiling, but neither that nor a series of rapid blinks is enough to stop the tears from filling their eyes and dribbling down their cheeks. ㅤㅤ" you can't— "ㅤ—can't what? say that? and why not? because it's too nice? because it's comforting? or because, if it's as true as he makes it sound, it means that there's nothing wrong with them and there never has been, which in turn means that everything awful that has ever happened to them was undeserved and never should have occurred, and the weight of that possibility is so dreadfully, painfully heavy... they wouldn't have the slightest idea of how to cope with it. and just like that, whatever part of their brain was cooperating enough to spit out those few words ceases in its functionality. just like that, their chest wrenches with a sob that startles even them. just like that, despite their bleary mind knowing they'll hate themself for it later, byan chases the comfort they so desperately need. turning to where ellie sits beside them, they practically throw themself over him, arms wrapping around her back and face burying in against his shoulder, and from there... they simply break. @byanyan 🔆continued.

this isn't the first time ellie has said these words to byan. she figures it probably won't be the last, and he will say it as many times as they need to hear it, even if they don't want to hear it. he hated it, hated knowing that byan had their perspective fucked so much that they couldn't comprehend their worth, couldn't see themselves clearly. they'd just been children back then, both of them helpless to the cruelty of the world around them, though they both tried, in their own, very different ways, to help the other. elinor couldn't help but daydream about the hell she would raise for the teachers, for byan's foster families now, or if he'd been a little bolder back then. it wouldn't be enough, wouldn't change what byan had gone through, but a girl can dream: it was the only productive thing he could think to do with the anger.

he'd expected resistance, defiance, and had been prepared to double down, a gentle retort ready for anything byan could try and deflect with: i've known you so long, you think i wouldn't know if there was? you think i haven't seen enough of the world to know what it does, that i haven't seen enough of you to know who you are? that i would lie to you? but she didn't need to say it. he gave them time to speak, should the words flow further into full sentences, but the moment tears sprung in byan's eyes, ellie's heart tore clean in two. when they sobbed, ellie felt her chest seize, fighting his own tears, blinking them away. 

the space between them disappeared in a moment and as byan held onto her, ellie all but clung to them, arms wrapping around them and simply doing her best to hold them together so they could have the room break. she knew this was a vulnerable moment, knew that come tomorrow morning, byan would be beating themselves up for this perceived weakness. but ellie was better equipped now than he was before, knew more about people, the world. had developed more of his gentle stubbornness, and would do her best not to let byan stay in that self-hatred, and she knew sol would help with that, too. 

"i've got you, i'm here. you're safe, sweetheart." ellie whispers, soft and soothing, combing her fingers through their hair at the back of their neck. "let it out, i've got you." her heart ached, and she repeated the words a couple of times before falling into the not-quite silence of byan's sobs and ellie's silent burning tears.

[byanyan]

CHARACTER INFO SHEET

TAGGED BY: no one but i've seen it a few times now and y'all know i love a good info sheet so i'm stealing it

NAME: yeong-hwan byun / 변영환

NAME MEANING: something to the effect of eternal shining or eternal brilliance

ALIAS(ES): byan

ETHNICITY: korean

PICTURES YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR CHARACTER: i'm no artist so you'll have to accept some of my favourite fc images that exude byan vibes / energy / looks

THREE HEADCANONS YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE:

ㅤwhile english is their most used language, their phone's default system language is always set to korean because it's a bit more agreeable with their dyslexia than english has ever been. this also has a bonus perk of being a bit more difficult for most people around them to navigate, so nosy foster parents, caretakers, etc. have a slightly harder time trying to snoop.

ㅤrooftops are their favourite places to hide when they're distressed or running from something. they've always proven to be the last place most people look and, all things considered, it's pretty easy to lose someone by just climbing straight upward.

ㅤwhen taking their emotions out with violence isn't an option, byan takes to drawing instead. a lot of the drawings in their sketchbook(s) that aren't fashion or tattoo related are visual expressions of their emotions, and occasionally glimpses into some of the more traumatic scenes in their past — sometimes images as they remember them from the moment, sometimes from a more outside perspective, and sometimes even the end result they wish had happened. it's not always incredibly clear, sometimes the images are more representative of something they've been through, but the emotion behind it always comes through. this is one of the major reasons why they don't like letting anyone flip through their work. this was also the main and only real way they coped with their emotions throughout much of their childhood, and they still have some of the more violent scribbles they did at a younger age when their anger was a lot more repressed.

THREE THINGS YOUR CHARACTER LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

ㅤcrime. pickpocketing, shoplifting, vandalism, burglary, arson — you name it, they probably engage in it and have a great time in the process. breaking laws and causing trouble for others is fun, and doubly so when you get something out of it for yourself.

ㅤart. whether it's simply drawing, spray painting the blank wall of an alley, making or altering clothes and accessories, doing their makeup or painting their nails, or giving themself a new tattoo, they love being creative and expressing themself.

ㅤphysical activity. never one who's been able to sit still for any length of time, you'll always find them moving, even when they're not at track practice. they're regularly parkouring and freerunning across the city, are found getting themself into fights with just as much regularity and, once they're a more functional adult, they're going to the gym every day to burn some of their overwhelming energy (and maintain muscle ofc).

EIGHT PEOPLE YOUR CHARACTER LIKES/LOVES: sol, lena, ardaka, peter, claudette, kit, ...? —with the exception of sol, these are all cases of familial (specifically sibling) love.

TWO THINGS YOUR CHARACTER REGRETS:

ㅤblindly trusting anyone, especially those who should have had their best interest at heart, without first having them prove themselves.

ㅤkilling the man who assaulted them. and the fact that they even regret killing him because they know they damn well shouldn't. it was him or them, and he got exactly what he deserved.

TWO PHOBIAS YOUR CHARACTER HAS:

ㅤbecoming dependent on someone other than themself. allowing themself to rely on another is a recipe for trouble, they almost always end up with the rug pulled out from under them when they least expect it, left miserable and hurting and in a much worse position than they were to begin with.

ㅤlosing their freedom and control over their own life. no one who has ever had power over them and their life has used it to benefit them — only to hurt and use and control them. they are the only one who can be trusted with their own wellbeing; their control over their life and their freedom are the only thing they really have, and it's something they've fought impossibly hard for.