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#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol
sherlock-is-ace
·
21 days
Text
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#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests
#i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers
#in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol)
#and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff
#and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels
#but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say
#i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks!
#because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research
#and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it
#but now that i do know more and things do make more sense
#i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think
#i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid
#but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself
#and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah''
#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol
#and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be
#but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything''
#same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are
#who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way
#like that's so stupid!
#dkfjhkdfhkdfg
#i'm angry and i feel trapped
#i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her
#and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge
#and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!!
#i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of
#buttoning the top button of my button up shirt....
#that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me...
#imagine if i wear ear defenders out...
#not gonna risk it lol
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