#and everyone's like OH MY GODDDD why didn't she write THAT???? it makes so much more sense!!!!! UPVOTE!!!!

[wewontbesleeping]

ok there is not one true interpretation of a song and all that, whatever, fine, death of the author and all that. but sometimes people's interpretations are so stupid it's like. no. that's NOT what she meant. and further, NO ONE has ever meant that before.

[noxiatoxia]

AUGHDFUI GODDDD THATS SO PERFECT.. I RELATE TO HIM SO MUCHC...

i love the idea of the host club each coming up with their own ways of trying to show their affection for kaoru,,, ghghfghfgnfjjk

like haruhi can almost relate to kaoru and how he feels because she has depressive states similar to his i think. like she hasn't had one that bad in years but she knows how it feels to want to just stay in your room and never leave, to just shut everyone out, so in that letter is her being way more heartfelt and honest than she's used to being (she's not good at it, so its very awkward) and that's why only kaoru would be able to see it. not only because its solely addressed to him, and she didn't need everyone to know that about her, but because kaoru would understand Her as well, and not make a huge deal about some things she confesses in the letter (i imagine she talks about some of her own experiences and episodes in the letter-- if tamaki saw that of course he'd make it a huge point to treat her differently, for good reasons of course but haruhi doesn't want that). point is, the letter is for kaoru to know he's not alone, and that it can get better. and she brings the dvd presents because she wants the gifts to feel like they came from a friend, someone who Knows him enough to know his favorite movies and the things he likes. she knows he probably feels like they don't really care about him, so she tries to show with the gifts that she does care. she cares enough to remember what he likes and write a awkwardly heartfelt letter to him

writing this literally made me appreciate kaoharu so much more,, like they could be so close with each other we were ROBBED of them having a really close bond just because they don't end up together!!! that's fucked up!!

anyway i also really loved mori just trying to be helpful to him. wanting him to get better but he's not exactly one for heartfelt messages (or,, words), so he brings him that list of things that can help, emotional regulation techniques, coping methods, stuff like that.. oh my god what if he texted him really bad motivational images that you always saw on like old Tumblr,, like that one picture of a silhouette of a woman on a mountain with an orange sunset and the text is like 'always stay strong in the face of fear' or something really corny. and it turns out mori has a TON of those and they're printed out and put on his walls because he finds them so inspiring. new favorite headcanon

i could literally go on about this for every member.. you are so big brained for this...

but also them all hanging out once they get through to kaoru? perfect. they drag him out of that room, its probably super messy from him being too depressed to clean it himself/not wanting the maids to come in. kaoru's tired, mostly from the sudden emotion but hikaru shoves him into the shower and brings him clean pajamas to wear, makes him brush his teeth and helps him brush out his hair. this is probably also when they have their own private moment together,, hikaru asks him what happened, what he did wrong and kaoru cries again and tells him that it absolutely had nothing to do with him, that he loves him and he would never try and 'punish' him for anything this way. maybe he even figures out how to communicate and tells him that he just wants him to be his own person, that he thought it was for the best if he stayed away from them so that hikaru could have them to himself.

"But didn't that make you sad? Aren't they your friends too?"

"It did, and they are, but because of how I was acting, I thought that maybe...they didn't want me around anyway. And besides, you being happy is way more important to me than anything."

hikaru bursts into tears again, and it's partially from anger. he's angry that kaoru would ever think that leaving him and wrecking himself would be the only way for hikaru to grow, he's angry that he seems to think that only hikaru's growth is important, he's angry that kaoru can't seem to love himself as much as hikaru loves him.

hikaru yells at him, and he's not proud of it, he feels terrible immediately after, but he was angry at kaoru, and he felt so guilty and angry at himself for being the reason kaoru almost lost everything-- for being the reason they all almost lost him. even if it wasn't really hikaru's fault, he was right at the center of it all, and didn't see it. it filled him with guilt.

kaoru isn't mad at him for yelling-- in fact, he thinks he probably deserves it a little. he just hugs hikaru tightly and tells him he's sorry, not to feel bad because he didn't know, when kaoru wasn't telling him. there was no reason he should have known, the whole point was that he didn't. they have their really long heartfelt talk, and both feel a little better after all that, so they return to hikaru's room to find that the host club has built a pillow fort for movie night. haruhi proposed the concept, but were kind of clueless about how to do it. they all only had an idea of what it was, and the only ones who knew how to start building one were haruhi and hani/mori (hani likes them for sleepovers). thank god the twins' getting ready also included a long emotional talk because it took them at least three tries to get it right. mostly because it was only haruhi hani and mori building. tamaki kept knocking stuff over so they kicked him off the building team and kyoya just 'oversaw construction' (he had no idea what the point of it was or what he would do if he did help). by the time the twins are back though, they have a good (although precarious) fort made to watch movies in. they accidentally made it pretty small, but they all squeeze in together. kaoru is hugging usa-chan and tamakis teddy bear, very comforted by being able to hold them, and hikaru is hugging kaoru-- with the host club snuggled on either side of them. kaoru feels so warm and safe with all of them, and he realizes that they could never leave him. they know him, they know that he wasn't himself, they are willing to watch cinderella with him. that's more than kaoru could ever ask for.

idk if its realistic that hikaru and kaoru actually talk about all that but i hope it is. i want them to. they deserve to be happy i llove themm,,, sorry this is so long i just love them and this scenario. plus i relate to kaoru in this so much (my psychiatrist said im also depression coded!!! this is just like kaoru from ouran high school host club!!!!) idk he makes me so happy. love that guy fr

AHH ANON!!! I LOVE YOUR IDEAS...

I agree SO HARD about the Haruhi thing!!! Haruhi has totally dealt with depression b4 and knows how bad things can get... tbh I didn't really think abt what her letter may be about but your idea is so!!! yes!! Kaoru would be really touched that Haruhi was opening up to him and just him so much.... kaoharu really is so amazing. their relationship could have been so good if Kaoru in canon decided not to forcibly remove himself from her so hIKARU COULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER *SMASHES TABLE* IT ALL COMES BACK TO THE SELF-WORTH ISSUES KAORU HONEY PLEASE.

fr tho, they understand each other abt their most intimate issues, and I think they really could benefit from having another person to relate to... I can see Haruhi really helping Kaoru out with his depression, just by virtue of having someone who can listen and understand. They can b there for each other when things get bad..... guguguhgughguh

and Hikaru taking care of Kaoru?? I didnt even think about it but he so would... he'd help him get in that shower and wash his hair for him, get him warm new clothes, brush his hair, make him brush his teeth, and Kaoru would just let this happen of course... but being clean does make him feel 100x better admittedly. And their conversation? It probably happens as Hikaru is silently brushing Kaoru's hair... his voice is quiet and scared, scared to make things wrong again, but he wants to get his feelings out. He tells Kaoru how sorry he is for whatever he's done. That he never meant to hurt him in any way. That he just wants to know what he did wrong to hurt him. And Kaoru does quietly admit it has nothing to do with Hikaru - he considers telling him to forget it, but knowing Hikaru, he won't take that as an answer. And so he's honest, about thinking it was best if they became independent and lived their own lives. That'd it'd be best if Kaoru wasn't in the picture anymore.

That deeply upsets Hikaru, and of course all fear and sadness becomes anger for him. He demands why Kaoru would think that. Why do things have to change? Why do you have to leave me? Why can't we stay together? Don't you ever think about what's best for yourself???

And Kaoru tells him that it doesn't matter. Point blank, he just says, "It doesn't matter what's best for me. All that matters is you being happy."

And of course, that pisses Hikaru off. Well, more accurately, it scares the fuck out of him and breaks his heart and makes him feel immensely guilty knowing this is all indirectly his fault. So he ends up yelling, calling Kaoru and idiot, saying that he's being stupid. He tells Kaoru that he's done a shit job anyways, because this past month has been the most stressful and depressing month for him in his life, and he's not happy at all. No one is. And Kaoru breaks down into tears (his emotions are pretty haywire at the moment) and just...apologizes. A lot. And he begs Hikaru not to hate him even if that would be for "the best" because if Hikaru hated him then he wouldn't have to worry about him becoming attached for life like Kaoru has but he's selfish and he wants his brother to love him and oh, isn't that so selfish of him? To want something for himself?

Hikaru pulls Kaoru into a lung-crushingly tight hug, and he tells Kaoru he will never, ever, EVER hate him. Because he couldn't. And that he'll always love him, no matter what. And while that makes Kaoru a little guilty to hear, he can't deny how utterly happy he is, too. He missed his brother. He missed everyone.

Btw, the pillow fort thing is... hilarious. That is SO ouran. Kyoya supervising?? Fucking priceless. I love it so so much.

Also the idea of Kaoru falling asleep midway thru the second movie bc it's been a looong day with a lot of emotions + he's running on not much sleep to begin with. It's cute. He's conked out on Hikaru's shoulder and Tamaki makes a big deal abt it and whispers "Don't wake him up!!!! He needs his sleep!!!! This is a direct order!!!" haruhi rolls her eyes but she's endeared. Also sidenote I think this is Hani's first time viewing Cinderella 1, 2 and 3 and he's also become a small fan. His favorite is oddly the 2nd movie which is by far the weakest in the series (<- cinderella super fan /unfortunate)

and later that night when they're alone... I think Kaoru def moves back in his room with Hikaru. Neither were sleeping very well without the presence of the other, anyway. And Hikaru will DEFINITELY hug Kaoru to his chest that entire night, just so happy to have him back but scared to death of losing him again. There will probably be more to talk about in the morning but for right now... they're content to just embrace one another again.

SIDE NOTE UNRELATED...ISH: a concept I always wanted to write a fic for based off my own headcanons is kaoru being afraid of thunderstorms (totally not self projecting whaaat). The sudden flashes of light are mostly okay, but he HATES the sudden loud noises. It freaks him out. He doesn't break down into tears or anything, but it does give him a lot of anxiety and makes him super fidgety and on-edge as a result. It'd be a cute hikakao concept to have Hikaru stick close by him during a thunderstorm, cuddling or just hanging out under the blankets. If a thunderstorm strikes while they're at school for example, Hikaru won't leave Kaoru's side and will hold his hand. Very soft stuff....