#and her hot topic ass moth son

[marrys-dream-world]

if we’re bound to be something, why not together? (chapter ten)

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Notes:  Content Warning: there's discussions of a canon-compliant suicide/self-harm attempt on s4ep11 Guiltrip. It's nothing graphic or even explicit that they talk about, but if this is a hard topic for you, it's better to avoid it. This will be under the cut for that reason too.

Day 10: Moonlight. @ladynoirjuly

Some miraculous powers left lasting consequences, but Chat Noir had felt none as acutely as he did Pigella's jubilation.

He knew that, on paper, her power was "Gift", the ability to show the person it was used on whatever they wanted the most. It was one of the most terrifying ones he had ever seen, along with the butterfly's akumatization and the cat's cataclysm. The power to show someone's deepest heart's desires, no way to hide them, made his skin crawl. It certainly left him feeling grateful he wasn't her enemy (and also reminded him to never get on Rose's bad side). 

However, the pig miraculous either had its own aura or amplified Rose's natural one, because Pigella by herself exuded jubilation. Just staying by her side gave him more energy than drinking five cups of coffee or even seeing his lady's smile. He left the battle against Guiltrip and a reluctant Reflekta absolutely high on joy, playfully teasing Chloé and joining in on the class's reassurance to Rose. Adrien felt invincible, laughing along with Marinette and Nino as Alya tried to guess who Shadow Moth was after school (the reporter was particularly stuck on Bob Roth and, after seeing how he riled up Mr. Ramier during the shooting of the apple juice commercial, he wondered if maybe she had a point). Adrien felt like he was flying.

That only made the fall harder.

It happened too fast, first he was giddy as he went to his fencing class, then he felt like all his energy was powered down and he was left hollow before even getting out of the car. Adrien performed horribly in class, Kagami breaking through her post-break up self-imposed distance to ask him if he was fine or needed to go home. He answered that he was okay, before getting his ass kicked so hard by her in a match that the teacher made him sit out the rest of the day. 

Chat Noir arrived at the patrol meeting spot already exhausted. He leaned against the railings of the bridge he and Ladybug agreed on, looking down on his reflection, illuminated by the moonlight.

At least I don’t look as awful as I feel. He thought, being seen by his lady as a complete wreck was the last thing he needed today. 

"My lady!" He half-forced a smile when he saw her. She didn't look as affected as he had, just a bit tired. "Wanting to meet me by the river under the moonlight? How romantic."

"Chat Noir." Ladybug said seriously and his smile fell off his face. "What was that today?"

He frowned. "The Sentimonster? I thought we did fine."

"No, when he got you and you activated cataclysm and…" Her voice got quieter and quieter until it disappeared. Her lip trembled. "What was that?"

Chat Noir swallowed hard. He had hoped Ladybug wouldn't have noticed that.

"It was nothing, bugaboo, really." He tried to stay light-hearted, but her distress didn't seem to be waning. "It was just the Sentimonster."

"No one else did anything like that." She insisted firmly. "Please, Chat Noir, talk to me. Didn't we promise to be honest with each other?"

He sighed heavily, caught. It's not like Ladybug could or even would force him, but the exhaustion he was feeling was clouding his mind and a promise was a promise, wasn't it?

"When I was young, my parents used to go on trips all over the world. They said I was too young to go with and I hated being left behind, but by the time they came back with souvenirs and stories, I didn't really care anymore." Chat Noir said. Ladybug looked admittedly confused, so he chuckled. "I promise this will make sense by the end. Let me finish?"

She bit her lip and nodded, gesturing for him to go on. He took a breath, shakily.

"Once, they came back from South America and my mother brought back a bunch of stuff, mostly stories. She knew they were my favorite." His mind drifted back to sitting in his mother's lap and he could almost feel a ghost of her hand combing through his hair. "The one that stuck with me the most at that time was about this girl that wanted to become a star. Sometimes, the moon would choose beautiful girls from her people to become stars and it was that girl's biggest dream to be chosen. But when her time came, she wasn't and she fell into despair. She went mad with a fever and jumped in the river, chasing after the moon's reflection, and drowned. The moon took pity on her and turned her into a giant water lily, so she could become the one star in the water."

Chat Noir paused, taking in his partner's blue eyes shining with concern (for him).

"I really didn't get it at the time, how someone could want something, miss something, so much that they would just give up everything. That she would just jump in the river like that." He said so to his mother at the time, even. You'll understand when you're older, baby. She had said. "I think I get it now. Sometimes, I think if it was to be with my mom, I would…"

Embarrassingly enough, his words were cut off with a sob. Before he could even blink, Ladybug enveloped him into her arms, squeezing tight like he would jump into the moon's visage in the river and disappear. 

"I-I don't really think about it a lot o-or anything." Chat Noir stuttered between sons, hot tears falling from his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to care that he was crying in front of partner, her arms felt too comforting for that. "But that Sentimonster was really powerful and I'm just so tired."

I can't even help my best bud face up to his old man…

It had been his fault that Nino was feeling that. Both as Adrien for being the source and Chat Noir for not protecting him from Guiltrip. In that moment, coupled with his father's apathy and Nathalie and mother too far for him to grasp, it was suddenly too much. 

"S-sorry for putting this on you." He apologized, but shamefully didn't let go. 

If possible, she tightened her arms around him even more. It left him with an ache in his bones that didn't bother him at all. 

"I want you to tell me these things, Chat Noir. You're my partner and I love you, of course I want to know." Ladybug said, voice wet. "You can lean on me, you know."

"I know." He said, voice sounding hollow. It wasn't that he thought his lady was a lia,r it was just… hard to do that. Being well and truly seen. 

"It's okay if you can't tell me, I know I can't be around all the time." She continued. "You can lean on your family and friends too, Chat, I promise that they'll understand."

Then you don't know them. He bit back this response. It wasn't fully true, anyways. 

"I-I can't talk to my family about this." His father was half the problem, after all. 

"Talk to your friends, then. You sound like you really care about them, Chaton, they can help you."

He wanted to make up excuses and vague promises to Ladybug. He wanted to explain that it was because his friends were great that he couldn't burden them.  He just felt so tired, though. The idea of going back to pretend everything was fine, to going back to his cold room and lonely nights made his skin crawl.

"My friends…" He whispered.

Nino and his caring personality. Marinette and her drive to help others. Kagami and her concern for him even after he broke her heart. Alya and her unstoppable sense of justice. The class's obvious love and care for a distressed Juleka and a sick friend. Rose herself, always sweet and optimistic in face of trouble. 

"I… I'll try, my lady." It wouldn't be easy, but he would. He had to. 

She deflated and it was the first time he noticed how tense she had been. 

"Thanks, Chaton." The skin of his neck felt wet. 

They stayed there under the moonlight, patrol forgotten.