#and it had the added bonus that I don’t create a escalation feedback loop
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I never felt like I could use the joke, but today I finally actually am having the experience (for the 2nd time ever, 1st KNOWN time tho) of that gif “my resting heart rate 😃 is a 😃 PANIC ATTACK.” vine
#i can tell im having a panic attack#and it was building up for several hours today just waiting for the moment to trigger#but like i am completely fine it just feels like I’m dying but I don’t need to worry about it?#it’s chill#my brain is still okay#im just having a la croix version of an emotional state#and then some physical symptoms from that which I’m just ignoring#because like what would be the point? how would that help me? just wastes time and energy#might as well ignore it and not spend any extra resources#*resources#and then once your body runs out#you just pick up and go from there#and have like 20% energy left AND a neutral brain Star#instead of 0% energy left and a fuzzed-out or even Deeply Grieved brain state#like hello#the choice is pretty obvious#and it had the added bonus that I don’t create a escalation feedback loop#hell yeah for Not Getting Your Hesrt Rate Even Higher#shh katie#hm. i think I didn’t realize what I was going to do today but definitely had behavior changes beforehand#i can see a couple of them in hindsight now#hm. okay. future me see if you can use that information later.#anyway oh holy Jesus these kinds of panics involve some WEIRD bodily feelings. whoo. okay. this is fine because I know now#that if I don’t let myself get lost in it#im pretty sure I’ll never have a round of repeated throw-ups from crossing that little point of no return#i DON’T know for sure that it was hidden panic and body memories that caused that just bc I did too much muscle work and then things started#cramping#but it seems the most likely explanation#so I’m making it currently my working hypothesis#oh my god Aoife’s fallen asleep against my knee
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