#and now Im like 'well shit Im like sitting over here telepathically blowing u up with my mind so I guess that makes sense' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gxlden-angels · 1 year

Text

I have a lot of religious guilt around being angry, especially being angry at someone, and it's so funny talking about it with my therapist because I'll admit something like "I feel like Im in a constant low level state of resentment" or that Im thinking something slightly harsh about a person and my therapist will be sitting in his seat like

#I had a therapy rupture with him a few months ago and apparently Im not all that great at hiding extreme anger he just didn't say anything #cause we were working thru it #and now Im like 'well shit Im like sitting over here telepathically blowing u up with my mind so I guess that makes sense'#Cause Im still stuck in the 'thought life' mindset of my thoughts affecting other people besides me #and I'll get self destructive in a 'well if I self destruct you HAVE to help me then'#type of way that I know is unhealthy but I don't usually act on it. it's more just the impulse/urge #but it all stems from the idea that suffering is holy somehow #and if I suffer enough then I'll get somewhere #basically a speed run to empathy cause I didn't get care otherwise because I just needed to pray more or whatever #and now I'm learning to just let my emotions pass thru #hopefully not like diarrhea but unfortunately constipation can cause diarrhea #so ig I'll figure out my anger soon and how to let it just pass thru #its just so funny watching him get excited about me being openly angry cause that's progress #me: 'biting and biting and biting and biting and biting'#therapist: 'this is good. this is progress great job <3'#ex christian #religious trauma

48 notes · View notes