#and pan looking as small as he possibly can in the fourth gif

[heliads]

Disappearance of a Dreamer

There’s a young girl who visits Neverland in her dreams, who comes all the time until she mysteriously vanishes one dark night. Pan doesn’t know what to think of it, until a familiar girl shows up to Neverland years later in the company of pirates.

masterlist

Trees rustle gently overhead, small slips of emerald waving in the wind. The night is just beginning to cast aside the day, the moon taking its place on the horizon. Neverland is a glorious place during the day, but come nightfall, it seems to double in magic, double in splendor. It is home, home for so many, and you can feel it especially so right now.

Pan stands, watching the crackling bonfire. The Lost Boys are beginning their usual revelry, cloaks flying around them as they run and jump in a chaotic mess of racing hearts and beating heels. It’s a disorderly, confused mess, and it’s everything you could ever want. Yet there’s something pulling Pan away, something that causes him to slip away into the forest and out of view of the other Lost Boys.

He wanders for a moment before the feeling sharpens. He senses the new presence before he hears the sharp crack of a twig underfoot, and he turns around with deliberate ease. He’s lived long enough to outgrow startled reactions, and anyways, fright is something utterly unbecoming of the King of Neverland. Besides, when he turns around, he is not faced with a pirate or an Evil Queen. Instead, standing before him is a young girl, maybe twelve. She doesn’t seem truly present, though- there’s a faint mist hovering around her, like she’s being seen through a dusty window. Not quite here, but not quite there either. She’s seeing him through the in-between of sleep, dreaming up the shores of Neverland like many others before her.

Pan smiles at the girl. “My name is Pan, Peter Pan.” The girl watches him through wide eyes. “I’m Y/N.” Pan nods slowly. “Do you know where you are, Y/N?” The girl turns in a slow circle, eyes raking over the tall stands of trees and the shadows of night. “I’m in a forest, I think.” Pan follows her gaze over the drifting horizon of green. “You’re in Neverland. It’s an island in the middle of the sea where you never have to grow old.” The girl looks back at him. “Never?” Pan shakes his head. “Not if you don’t want to. Do you think you’ve been here before?” The girl frowns. “I don’t think so. I think I’d remember.”

The roar of laughter and talk from the Lost Boys’ campfire draws the girl’s attention, and she turns to Pan as if waiting for approval. He motions towards the fire. “Go ahead. They won’t hurt you.” The girl beams at him, then races away on footsteps too light to be real. This Y/N isn’t the first dreamer to find themselves in the wooded glens of Neverland, nor will she be the last. She’s the first one in a while, though- as time passes, fewer and fewer children hear about Neverland, and their minds never attempt the journey.

Pan’s not surprised that this girl made the trip, though. She has this look in her eyes, a wisdom too aged for a girl of her youth. She looks like she’s lived a thousand lives, sat through a thousand sunsets. She’s not magical, certainly, but she does remind Pan of himself, of the child he’d been long ago. Pan’s technically still a child, could never be anything but, though he does tend to stay at around sixteen or seventeen. Makes things a lot easier when your legs are long enough to run for great distances without stopping.

The girl disappears later, when the dawn is just beginning to encroach upon the island. All dreamers have to wake up eventually, although the girl shows up a few nights later. She ends up becoming a regular fixture on the island, in fact. There’s something about her, some innate sense of curiosity and vindictive challenge that makes you want to start a race or embark on an adventure towards the darkest of caves and sunniest of shores. She could be a Lost Boy herself if she wanted to, if she ever discovered how to find her way to Neverland outside of her dreams.

Pan’s come to accept her as just another facet of the island until one night, when the stars are hung over with clouds and the island is shuttered up in darkness. The girl is later than usual, so he had assumed that she wouldn’t be coming that night until he heard a shout from behind him. When Pan had found her, the girl was standing before him as usual, although his eyes still widened imperceptibly at the sight of her. She looked far more vivid than ever before- if it weren’t for the slight traces of fog clinging to the edges of her clothes, Pan would have thought that she were actually standing before him instead of still in a dream.

What’s more, her eyes are alight with panic. Pan reaches out a hand as if to steady her, and he’s surprised when his fingers find traction with her shoulder. Dreamers shouldn’t feel so solid, but he can feel muscle and bone right under his fingers. “What’s wrong?” The girl just shakes her head. “Something is about to happen. I need your help. I need you to-” And then she’s cut off, and a slight cry escapes from her lips before she disappears entirely. She’s gone in the blink of an eye, as if she’d simply woken up unexpectedly, yet Pan still stares at the place where she’d been for a long time.

He has no way to find her in reality, no idea where she could possibly be, and so Pan can do nothing except wait for her to return. She does not show up again, not that night or even that week. It’s as if she had forgotten the way back to Neverland. By the end of the first year, Pan’s thoughts drift to her once every week or so, concerned that she might have been hurt. By the second year, he only thinks of her once or twice. By the third and fourth years, her face only appears in his head when he hears a name that sounds somewhat like hers. By the fifth year, he did not think of her at all, except once every now and then he would be filled with this feeling that something had gone wrong, that somewhere in the world there was someone in trouble. 

It is day once more, those last few golden hours of afternoon before dusk crept in on the island with its sweltering fingers. Pan’s pacing back and forth listlessly. There’s a ship of pirates just arriving in the bay, and although they’ve been flying the white flag of surrender ever since they came in sight of Neverland, he’s still hesitant to trust them. There’s a strange discomfort of having enemies on his island- they almost feel like ants crawling back and forth on his skin. For every minute that the pirates remain on Neverland, Pan wants nothing more than to swat them all away. However, he can’t deny that he’s curious as to why any pirate would want something to do with the Lost Boys, and so they’re allowed to stay. For now, at least. Their chances of hospitality decrease by the hour.

After about fifteen minutes, Pan signals to Felix, and the rest of the Lost Boys disappear into the forest. Pan’s scarred second-in-command stays by his side, and they watch as the pirates begin to lope into the clearing. The captain is the first of the men to see Pan, and he comes to a halt. The rest of the pirates clump up behind him, pulling cutlasses and pistols out of their belts to show that they’re not to be messed with. Pan raises an eyebrow. “I hope that’s not meant to intimidate me, because you’re doing a poor job of it. What are pirates doing on my island?”

The captain shuffles forward, spits onto the dusty ground. “We’ve been sent to investigate. We’ve heard rumors of a power source on the island, and we’re meant to see if it’s worth our time.” Pan eyes the captain coolly. “And why should I let you take another step?” The captain grins toothily and pulls out a metal seal from his pocket. Even from this distance, Pan can see that it’s emblazoned with the sign of the Evil Queen. He laughs. “You’ve been sent by Regina? Fascinating. How long do you think you have until she kills you all for knowing too much?”

The pirates stir restlessly amongst themselves. Evidently they’ve been sharing Pan’s doubts for a while. In this sudden flurry of movement, the ranks of pirates shift and Pan catches sight of a new figure, one that was previously hidden by the captain. They seem younger than the others, maybe about Pan’s age. Then the young pirate turns to face Pan once more, and he stares. 

He knows this girl. No, he had known this girl. Surely it couldn’t be her, surely that one girl who kept dreaming her way to his island wouldn’t have grown up into a pirate of all things, and a pirate who stares at him as if he’s a stranger. Yet she’s got that same look in her eye that Pan remembers from all those years ago, and she looks the same, albeit years older. The worst thing about her is that she glances at the island and even at Pan himself as if she’s never seen any of it before.

The captain is speaking to Pan again, and he forces himself to snap out of it. Idly, Pan gestures for the captain to go on his way. Let him try to find Regina’s ‘power source’- there’s no chance he could make it to Skull Rock, and even if he did, he would have no idea what to do with it. The pirates will just end up chasing their tails for hours, and give up after a while. Pan has yet to meet a pirate with enough discipline to stay at something once it fails them, although if he were to bet on an exception, it would probably be the girl now walking away from him alongside the other pirates.

Once the pirates are gone, Pan turns to Felix with an expression bordering on paranoia. “Did you see that girl? You know, the one with the other pirates. Behind the captain.” Felix nods slowly. “She didn’t say much. Kept looking around.” Pan stares at the place in the dusty ground where she’d just stood, where the prints of her boots still mar the soil. “Do you remember that girl who used to visit the island? Y/N or something, came around all the time until she stopped out of the blue?”

Felix’s eyes widen. “You think that’s the same girl.” Pan nods. “It doesn’t make any sense, but they look too similar for it to be a coincidence.” Felix contemplates this. “But she looked at you, us, even the island like she’d never seen it before. Any dreamer, even one that hadn’t been here in a while, would still have some sense of recognition.” Pan tilts his head in acknowledgment. “That’s the problem. It has to be her, but something must have happened to make her forget everything.”

You methodically sharpen the twin knife blades that hang at your belt, shine them until they’re practically mirrors. The guffaws and hearty talk of the pirates swells around you, but you pay it no mind. Even if you wanted to, you find you can’t focus on them. There’s something about this place that unsettles you. If you didn’t know better, you’d almost say it felt familiar, but that couldn’t be possible. You grew up in the Enchanted Forest, and the only times you’d left the many villages behind were to exchange it for the rocking of your father’s ship. He was the captain, after all, and so you were dragged along on any and all voyages. It’s not like it was so bad, though, you’d been able to see many new places. However, none of them ever called to you the way that Neverland does.

Once the sky fades away to the blackness of night, you find yourself slipping away from the pirates’ camp. You couldn't sleep if you tried, so you might as well explore the island. Maybe you’ll find something that explains this strange familiarity burning away in your heart. As you walk, you find your feet intuitively guiding you between the trees and across the island, as if walking down an invisible path. Before long, you find yourself at a cliff looking out over the water’s edge. You’re not sure how you managed to get here, but somehow it must have been your best destination.

You lean against a nearby tree, watching the light of the stars reflect against the waves. It’s peaceful, quiet, feels like home even though it shouldn’t. You hope your father and his men can find the power source soon, because with every second you spend on this island your mind practically tears itself apart trying to find the lost connection between yourself and this eerily familiar ground.

There’s a quiet sound behind you and you whirl around, knife already in hand, to face a boy emerging from the trees. He has light brown hair and striking green eyes, which flicker between you and your weapon. “Put down the blade, I don’t mean you any harm.” Pan says, for of course it is him that has found you. After a moment’s hesitation, you lower your arm, although you refuse to slide the knife back into its sheath. You’ve heard the stories of Peter Pan, and even if he has enough magic to wipe out this entire island you’d rather have a chance to fight before you die.

“It’s a nice view, isn’t it?” Pan gestures to the ocean rolling deep from the shores. You turn back to the waves, to the cliff falling away before you. “It is, although I have a feeling you didn’t just come here to discuss the merits of a pretty landscape.” Pan chuckles. “You’d be right about that. I’m here to ask a question instead, one that I was hoping you wouldn’t tell the others. Although I have a feeling that you won’t want to speak a word of this to them.” You raise an eyebrow. “And what question could possibly be so important that I would keep it from my crew?” 

Pan’s eyes flash in the light of the moon. “You’ve been here before. Am I wrong? You’ve been here before, and you know it, but you can’t figure out why everything seems so familiar if you can’t remember anything about it.” The knife darts up again. “How did you know that?” Pan idly pushes your blade away from his throat with a single finger. “You seem familiar. I just can’t figure out why you can’t remember being here.” You turn away from him, back towards the cliffs. “Strange things happen around here. I’d be surprised if you think everything that happens on Neverland deserves an explanation.”

Pan walks to stand beside you. “What things happen on Neverland that would be so confusing?” You jerk your chin towards the smaller island off the coast of Neverland’s bay, the one shaped like a skull with some sort of golden light emanating from the empty stone eye sockets. “You’re willing to let my father prance about the island in search of the power source when it’s right there to be seen. You’re hiding something, or else you’d have told him about it directly, but you also feel confident that it won’t be discovered, or you would never have allowed our ship to approach the island. What’s on that rock?”

Pan’s eyebrows raise. “You’re perceptive for a pirate. I’m afraid I can’t tell you what’s there, not yet. Not until I figure out what you’re hiding first.” Your eyes drift over the golden light spilling out from the skull. “An hourglass.” You didn’t realize you’d spoken until Pan turns to stare at you. That’s the first signal that something is wrong- every moment before this, Pan has been sure to hide his true emotions. Now, his face is warring between satisfaction and shock, like he’s stunned that you would know about the hourglass, but he’s not entirely upset that you do.

“How do you know about that?” Pan asks, and you shrug. “I have no idea. The thought just came to me. I think I knew it before, but I don’t know how.” Pan’s eyeing you with an intrigued expression, as if trying to unpiece your memory, layer by layer. “Have you ever met Regina in person? During the deal that sent you here, or before that?” You shake your head. “What, you think she cast a spell on me or something? No, that was all my father, and even if it wasn’t, I’m not important enough to warrant a mind wipe.” You chuckle to yourself. “We’re just the middlemen she can send out for information. Maybe Regina’s the Evil Queen, but her real power is delegating.”

You look up and realize that Pan’s eyes are still on you. You feel a slight heat rise in your cheeks, and do your best to push it away, but it lingers despite your best efforts. Your voice turns quiet. “Have I been here before? I’ve never felt so tied to a place before. It feels like-” Pan cuts you off. “It feels like home.” You nod. “Exactly.” A cold wind blows across you, and you pull your arms close to your chest, trying to stay warm. Your movement must have shifted the neckline of your shirt slightly, because Pan suddenly steps away from you to frown at your back. “What’s this?”

You realize what he’s looking at and duck away hurriedly, but it’s no use. He’s already seen it, and he’s already reached out a hand to hold your shoulder in place. He steps behind you, and you feel his finger lightly tracing the beginning of a scar on your back. It’s long, far longer than he thinks, and curls around your throat before disappearing down the back of your shirt. Pan’s fingers are cold against your skin, and you shiver slightly. His hands pause. “Where did you get this scar?” You try to turn away from him, but he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you still. Your eyes meet his, and you glance to the side. “It’s nothing. Just some cut that wouldn’t heal.”

Pan shakes his head. “That would have been a deep cut. It could have killed you.” You raise an eyebrow. “But I’m still here, aren’t I? Anyways, I wasn’t sure that the wellbeing of a pirate mattered so much to a Lost Boy.” Pan’s jaw clenches slightly. “You’re still on my island, that means that I should know whether or not you could be hurt again.” Your calm facade flickers slightly, and you can tell that Pan notices, so you feel immensely grateful at a sudden noise echoing from the trees.

You instinctively turn towards the sound of loud snores coming from the pirate camp. “I’d better go.” You take advantage of the broken moment to slip out of Pan’s arms still encircling you, and start to walk away, but then turn back to Pan and speak one last time as a goodbye. “And Pan? I heard your flute earlier. It was good.” You’ve disappeared into the forest before Pan has time to react, although you hear him trying to catch up to you as you vanish into the night.

Peter doesn’t know what to do. It’s Y/N, no doubt of that. And he’s certain now that she belongs to the island, that she keeps remembering parts of her life here. Why else would she know about Skull Rock? Why else would she be able to hear the flute? He had tried to find her again after she had mentioned the flute, but she had already managed to lose him among the trees before he could make her stay. He supposes that’s another piece of evidence that she’s still a Lost Girl at heart- even after years of being away, she traverses the island like she never left.

There’s another thing that’s different about her, other than the lost memory or even the fact that she’s suddenly just as old as he is. There’s the scar, carefully hidden away. She’d tried to hide it when he first caught sight of it, tried to explain it away as nothing, but he’d seen it. From his brief glimpse, Peter had seen a jagged cut, like a blade, that seemed to run deep through the skin. There’s a sudden rush of anger that burns through him at the thought of someone hurting her, of someone quite literally stabbing her in the back. He’s not sure why this makes him so angry- the damage is already done, there’s nothing he can do to fix it, but he still doesn’t want to see Y/N hurt.

The pirates stay for another couple of days. Y/N still walks away from the pirate camp at night, sometimes to that same cliff or sometimes to wander amongst the trees. Peter’s not sure if she’s doing it intentionally, because sometimes she looks up, startled, as if she hadn’t expected to find herself moving so surely through the island. Peter visits her from time to time, and they talk quietly. He makes sure to avoid the topic of the scar, and Y/N does not bring it up.

On the fourth or fifth day, the pirate captain and his men storm into the same clearing where they’d first met. Peter looks up, unconcerned, though the pirate captain seems enraged. Y/N lingers in the crowd, a wary expression on her face. The captain strides up to Peter. “Where is the power source?” Peter spreads his hands. “If you can’t find it, that means it must not exist.” The captain glares. “I know what you’re hiding, Pan. There’s nothing you can do.”

Peter sighs. “If it makes any difference to you, there was no way that you would ever find it in the first place. I mean, what do we always say? Peter Pan never fails. You never had a chance.” The captain scowls, and seems about to draw his sword to run the Lost Boy through when Y/N steps from the group of pirates, a troubled look on her face. Peter’s eyes dart to her, but she seems distracted. “What did you say?” The captain turns now, sees his daughter standing alone. “Go back with the others, Y/N. This doesn’t concern you.”

Y/N brushes away his comment. “I’m not talking to you. What did you say earlier?” Peter straightens. “Peter Pan never fails?” Y/N nods. “I’ve heard that before. I’ve heard you say it.” For some reason, the pirate captain seems uneasy, almost nervous. “No, you haven’t. You’ve never been to Neverland before.” Y/N shakes her head. “That’s not true. I’ve seen this island before, and I’ve said that very phrase myself.” The captain turns away from Peter, walks up to Y/N. He begins to pull her back to the others. “Stay quiet. You know the rules.” But Y/N shakes off his hand.

“You know I’ve been here, and you’re trying to make me forget.” She stares at him suddenly. “You were the one to wipe my memory. You’re the reason I can’t remember Neverland.” The captain’s gaze turns stormy. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Y/N laughs suddenly, the sound clear and bright. “But I do. I kept visiting Neverland, and you had a problem with it, even though it was only in my dreams. You tried to stop me from coming, and when all else failed, you-”

Peter realizes what she’s saying now, and his pulse starts to thunder in his veins. Y/N continues speaking. “You stabbed me. You almost killed me that night, but it didn’t matter. I was injured beyond repair so you went to Regina, who healed me and took my memories. You wanted her employment, and you wanted me to be a quiet little seaman who would stop fighting you all the time. You were willing to injure me to the point where I almost died, and it never troubled you once.”

She rips her arm away from her father and walks to stand next to Peter. Suddenly, he feels more powerful than he’s ever felt before. Something about the way she’s chosen him over everything makes Peter feel incredible. The captain looks at her with scorn. “If that’s what you want, be my guest. Stay on this island, give up your future. We’ll have everything soon enough, and you’ll be dead.” Y/N stiffens beside him, and Peter cuts a glare to the captain. “No, I think you’ll be the dead one.” 

Peter signals slightly with his hands and the Lost Boys come pouring out of the woods to surround the pirates, forcing them back to the ship. In the midst of the commotion, Y/N turns to Peter, a slight smile on her face. “Thank you. For getting rid of him. For helping me remember.” Peter lets a quiet wave of happiness roll over him. “If it means you get to stay with me, I’d rid the seas of a thousand of them.” Y/N reaches over, wrapping her hand around his. Peter watches as the pirate ship hurriedly departs the bay, then looks back to Y/N once more. She has finally returned to him, and at last they don’t have to worry about being separated.

[eboysheartthrob]

The Reason — A Bucky Barnes Romance.

Summary: there's none, actually, I'm terrible at this so I'll just resume for you. Bucky turns up to be face-to-face with his past. Now he must deal with his feelings.

Warnings: teeth rotting fluff, smokin' hot smut, heart stabbing angst. It takes place between Civil War and Infinity war but Bucky is not a popsicle in the end. Mentions of abuse, torture and rape, so be careful and keep your mental health.

Word count: 1300+.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OC and big brother! Steve Rogers/ OC.

A/N: thank you for the love guys! Today was my first day at college so I got really hyped and here's another one. Love and feedback are always welcomed! ❤️❄️

Chapter Two.

Steve once heard Wanda quote one of her favorite authors over her feelings towards Vision. "There seemed to be something tragic in a friendship so coloured by romance", she read out loud for him. And that would also resume what he felt while watching Bucky with his old roommate. Only three days went by, but he loved to have her sleeping over with them. Wanda helped her shop for normal clothes the very next day, but she kept her Hydra uniform just in case of something bad happened. Bucky had been telling her everything about the 21th century since she grew up blinded to anything besides Hydra's tyranny. Nora loved everything new, she would always observe her surroundings with a curious glimmer in her eyes that made her look like a child seeing the world for the first time. And she actually was, indeed. 

Steve liked the way that after every dinner, she would play some good old songs back from the 40's because she knew that would ease Bucky in a more peaceful night of rest. By matters, it eased him too. She would push them both into the small living room to dance, one at a time,  until they were almost breathless; the slow one's was her favorites. He didn't mind waking up to her figure half-sleep-half-awake in their couch, it was funny how her hair was all up and she couldn't barely answer a simple question. She was not a morning person.

By the morning of the fourth day, he woke up a little bit later than usual and headed to the kitchen after a cold shower that helped him get more alert only to find Bucky and Nora giggling in the kitchen. She wore soft pink pajama pants and one of his big henley's because that way she could pretend she was back in the 50's, staying late in his room. Classical piano music was playing softly in his phone, a steady and intense melody as he showed her how to properly flip a pancake on the pan.

"That's it, you got the way now", he said. "Good morning, punk".

"Good morning, Cap", she mimicked, looking over her shoulder and smiling over him.

"Morning".

The day passed slowly and calm. Bucky didn't do the usual Steve's routine, so he would only stay at home, reading, cooking, trying to learn more thing about this century. Now, with his little friend back, he was even more content on just spending time with her. Back in the damned days, there was times he wouldn't speak, mostly after receiving the shock treatment, but sometimes he just didn't have energy for it. Now, when they weren't chatting about nothing and everything, he enjoyed the confortable silent that rulled between them once in a while,

Normally, he felt thankful for everyone around him, but there was spare seconds that more dark thoughts filled his mind, making him feel like he didn't deserve any of this, the place, the friends, his new life. But when Nora would smile at him, he could see that little girl again. Bright eyes and all grins for him, happy to have someone that didn't treat her only like an experiment. Nora has been trough so much, he knows it, she told him everything in the first night when both couldn't sleep and she thought Hydra was coming back for their pet. She was scared they might found him too and she didn't want to ruin his life as it was now. She was afraid of hurting him. Little did she know he was better than ever.

The golden light of the sun setting framed her body, she was curled up by the window sill, lost in her book. Every second, different feelings washed over her features whenever she finished a line. Bucky caught himself way to deep in his observation. Feeling his heart hammer against his chest, he suddenly forgot he had to breath and cleared his throat, turning back to his own book.

In nights that both of them couldn't sleep, they would curl up in the couch together, dim light of a lonely lamp casting shadows around them. He liked to lay his head in her lap to listen to her soft and melodic voice as she chanted the words like a storyteller from the fairytales. She always lingered at him when it was his time to do the reading, cuddled into his side with the weight of his prosthetic arm around her shoulders, she felt safe. She didn't dare to fall asleep when it was his turn to read her bedtime stories, even though her eyelids couldn't take no more. Other nights, when they didn't feel like books, she would open the window for the cold air to sneak in trough the curtains, knowing he liked the fresh breeze. And she sang. Lovely slow songs from the old times and the new ones she had learned days ago, brushing her fingers trough his hair until he fall asleep on top of her. Bucky Barnes was just a big baby, and she loved that on him. How he would aloud only her to have this intimacy when no other could do more then hug him for a split second. She liked taking care of him. She always did.

When Steve got home from his routine, he needed a moment to absorb the scene in front of him. He lingered at the door frame, silently, as he watched Bucky swirl Nora around only to pull her close again. She still didn't get used to dancing, it wasn't something she was good at really, but he made sure to make her as confortable as possible. Taking her feet above his and leading the steps. Their giggles filled the air and the low lights worked their magic, their eyes locked onto each other without missing a blink. Steve didn't want to interrupt them with the subject he have to bring up to his best friend, so he silently made his way to his room and tried to sleep.

The other day, Bucky told him Nora was at the store next to the building, doing daily groceries because she needed to get out alone once in a while to take in everything around her. She was raised amongst technology, but the only information she had was the one Hydra permited. Both the boys were by the window, watching the rush of the city while sipping coffee casually.

"You have feels for her", Steve contested, not daring to eye his friend's reaction. It wasn't a question, and Bucky noticed it.

"Is not like that, punk..."

"Is totally like that, Bucky", he turned. "The way you look at her is the same way I looked at Peggy". There was a hint of melancholy in his voice that made Bucky cringe and squeeze his mug tightly, he knew how Steve missed his girl. Both of them watched as Nora hopped her way back home with two huge bags, one in each arm. Bucky was a fairly reasonable man. Fairly. He tried keep his emotions at bay and often completely ignored them. But when it came to Nora... Well, he just couldn't. She had a big part in his life, still as a mere child, she was there for him at his worst. She had seen his worst only, and yet was good enough to like him innocently. He couldn't help the  feeling of being at home around her.

"I've talked to T'challa recently", Steve admitted.

"The cat guy?"

"The cat guy", the blonde mimicked. "He was talking about how his younger sister would love to work on you. He said she can help taking Hydra from your head. Definitely."

"At what cost?" Bucky questioned, sudden darkness falling to the brightness in his irises.

"You must stay in Wakanda for some time, for the treament. Like... therapy."

He felt the urge to accept the offer without even thinking about it. Something inside his mind screaming he would be a lot safer around Steve, Nora and others if he went to Wakanda. He wanted to accept it, but first, he needed to talk to his best girl, ask how she felt about it.

Nodding, he gave a hopeful look at his friend and turned when the door swung open. The small girl hidding behind the brown bags of groceries, almost tripping on her way to the kitchen. Bucky imediately rushed to her side to offer help and she greets him with the sweetest smile. The smiling fade away when she noticed his serious gaze downing at her. She knew him well enough to bring that together. 

"Something happened?" She asks. Bucky nods and let a long sigh, a faint smile appears to ease her nerves. She felt her heart stop for a moment when he took her hands in his and started playing with her knuckles. Fingers slowly caressing her soft skin. She wanted to know what was that strange sensation in her tummy, like something was causing a havoc in her insides.

"There may be a way of getting rid of Hydra, take them out of my head", her face lit in hope and happines at his statement, but it soon washed over as he restarted to speak. "I gotta be far away for this, for a long time, maybe."

"Where?"

"Wakanda".

She nodded and stepped back, turning from him and tugging her own skirt between nervous fingers. She took a deep breath one, two, three times, and put a huge smile on her face as she turned back. 

"Anything for you to be happy", she dictated.

He was happy, yet afraid lingered there, lurking in his chest. He attatched at her words for a moment. She didn't used any word in the meanings of healing. She didn't even think he was broken at the first place. That thought made his chest heavy again, his heart started to pound intensily. How loving could she be?

Bucky catch the glimpse of what must have been a tear straming down her cheek before she whiped with the back of her hand, he instantly pushed her against him, embracing her until he could felt the sobbing and her shoulders bucking up against his arms. He tried to soothe her crying caressing long stripes across her back with his flesh hand.

"Yankee?", the mention at his old nickname made him chuckle. She didn't said his name or called him by his nickname since she came home with them.

"Yes, ledyanaya printsessa?"

"I'll miss you. Please come back this time". She said, rising her face just for him to take a glimpse at her teary eyes. With his index finger, he swiped them away and smiled fondly, pressing his chin against the top of her head.

"You won't get rid of me easily, printsessa."

[sachiro]

The Many Faces of Victor Nikiforov - Episode 7

Aaaaand it’s time for the episode you’ve all been waiting for! Episode 7 is here and with it we get a massive amount of Victor character development! This meta will probably have a large focus on that journey but there’s definitely more to be found here than just comments on his coaching. Let’s just dive right in!

When I first saw the scene from this first gif, I was struck by how… not “Victor” it felt. Not because it was out of character – in fact, it’s more like Victor than the alternative – but because the fact that he stays in and sleeps to the last possible moment to avoid being social went so clearly against his cultivated extroverted public image. Victor plays himself off as being a lot more social than he actually is when in reality he enjoys his downtime and own space more than he openly lets on.

With this second gif, we get Victor and his forcefully cheerful smile, attempting to get Yuuri to listen to him and trying to cut off the crash and burn that it looks like he’s heading towards. Victor spends most of the episode doing this, but initially his methods are all smiles, comfort, and friendly suggestions for ways that Yuuri can help himself (even when he’s trying to be more forceful about it, like here).

But then the suggestions don’t seem to be working so he gets to thinking. What can he do to help Yuuri? We actually find him wondering this more than once in the space of this series, even as far as episode 11. Here, however, it’s a very immediate question. Yuuri is obviously spiralling, and fast. But Victor himself isn’t familiar with anxiety from a first person perspective. Everything he tries all have roots in things that have worked with Yuuri before – but now to no avail.

This fourth gif has always stood out to me, not because of the shot itself but because of the words that overlay it. Chris is mentioning how he never thought that Victor would leave the ice and find someone to protect. He, who has known Victor for roughly 10 years, has no idea why Victor made the choice he did. I don’t feel that this means that Victor’s actions are out of character for him, but more along the line that not even those closest to him know his true struggles and desires (thought this is in large part because Victor himself wasn’t entirely of what those were either). If Chris thinks it’s out of character for Victor to want to leave the ice then it’s clear that he didn’t realize how much Victor’s career was strangling him.

I chose this fifth gif for a couple of reasons. The first: I love his costume (and the Johnny Weir reference is on point). Secondly, I find it interesting that he takes gold at Euros during his Senior debut, which means he was really good for being only 17, but didn’t start his winning streak until he was 22. What this says to me is that there used to be a time when Victor had actual competition, people that could stand up to him. He’s not been the lone winner at the top during his entire career, just the latter portion of it.

I find this sixth scene particularly interesting because we never hear Victor yell. He’ll exclaim things out of excitement, sure, but never shout. At this point, he’s desperate enough to try anything at all, even if it means yelling to try and get through to Yuuri (since nothing else has seemed to work so far). I really do feel that Victor has tries everything he can think of to get Yuuri out of his own head and it’s not anyone’s fault that it just isn’t working (not even Yuuri’s own). But Victor isn’t about to give up on him.

Which leads us to the scene where everything comes to a head. Victor tries one last ditch attempt – raising the stakes for Yuuri’s performance in an attempt to imitate the risks that existed for the Onsen on Ice – and it all comes toppling down. I do actually believe that it was good that this scene happened, not just for character development and them learning about themselves/each other, but because it also finally let Yuuri release the stress he’s been carrying all day by yelling and crying it out. It’s also particularly interesting that Victor is so out of his depth the moment that tears are involved. Everything else so far he’s taken in stride, even when things weren’t working. Now though, he realizes just how out of his league he is in terms of knowing how to help Yuuri, and the apologetic walk featured in this gif exemplifies it perfectly.

For this seventh gif, I simply love how confused he is. He certainly understood the meaning behind the motion – that Yuuri forgives him – but he’s bewildered at the way Yuuri chose to send that message. Victor really does love surprises, and I feel that even the small gestures like this are part of why Yuuri attracts him so much. He can’t predict what form things will take with him because everything seems to differ from the norm. And little does he know that he’s about to get an even bigger surprise.

I’m particularly fond of this second last gif, and even more so with the updated version. You can see how amazed he is painted clearly on his face (and this is before the quad Flip too!). I wonder what Victor’s expectations were for this performance considering how Yuuri has been all day – did Victor think Yuuri would flop? Somehow scrape his way back into a decent standing? Rise to the challenge and blow them all away? As it turns out, we get the last, and we can at least say that, with the faces Victor makes, this wasn’t what he had expected would happen.

In this last gif – the moment before Victor jumps Yuuri with the biggest surprise yet (both to us as well as them) – I love how simple his expression is. The expression here just looks like a mix of pride and adoration. That Victor looks at Yuuri with this much love is what really tips us off that something big and important is about to happen, even before the sound is cut and we get the Yuuri POV camera panning to the ceiling. Yuuri wondered if Victor was angry or crying but the answer was actually neither. He was certainly overwhelmed, but then he channeled all of that into returning the favour to Yuuri with something meant to match his own surprise – a kiss on international TV in return for a quad Flip.

There’s certainly a lot to unpack in this episode and I know for sure that even after all we went through, there’s still tons more. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed these small bite sized bits of meta! Victor’s journey through this episode is definitely one of my favourites – even if you ignore the amazing ending of it – simply because of how he tries everything he can think of to calm Yuuri down. That alone says a lot about him and his feelings for Yuuri.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [Duetto]

Bonus because I can’t get over how cute his moment of realization is: