#and she was like ''oh yeah sarah does mail-in'' and my uncle. he goes. ''oh I'm surprised you do that since you're republican and they hate

[poptartmochi]

haunted by the thought my uncle might think I'm republican.... 🤢

[longlivelizziemcguire-blog]

All Grown Up

The bell rings at Hillridge Junior High and students scurry from classroom to classroom. Roaming the halls looking for mischief, Principal Tweedy finds a gathering of students huddled close to the lockers in the hallway. His intrigue turns to frustration as he strides towards them. “Mr. Gordon,” Tweedy exclaims, prompting the surrounding students to disperse, “how many times must I break up one of your little schemes before you actually stop them?” The boy closes his jacket and he rolls his eyes, revealing that it is filled with candy, electronics, gum, and other things for other students to buy. “Mr. Gordon I am far too old and have been put through too much for your mischief, Lord knows how much your uncle tormented me,” Tweedy says with defeat.

“You’re right Principal Tweedy, I’m so sorry” the boy says with faked remorse. Tweedy tiredly dismisses his mocking apology as he pats him along to class knowing his battle was not, and probably will never be, won. The boy walks sluggishly to his classroom, disrupting the lesson that has already started as he appears in the door. Apathetically walking towards his desk, the boy’s eyes light up as he notices an empty chair near the front of the classroom next to new student in class, a pretty well put together blonde girl. The boy excitedly settles himself in the seat, flashing a smile to his neighbor. She smiles back kindheartedly, giving the boy a glimmer of hope.

When class ends, the kids pack up their stuff so they can head to the cafeteria for lunch. Mustering up the courage to say something, anything, to the girl sitting beside him, the boy is interrupted by pushes and noogies from another student. “James, when did the wells of our friendship run so dry that you began to to quench your thirst from another?” the student tease, referring to James’s impromptu seat change. James looks back up at the girl who is now already halfway to the door, saddened that he missed his chance.

“If she loves you, she will return” he mocks, laughing at himself. “Whatever man,” he says ceasing his lighthearted role play, “can we get some food now cuz?”

The two of them sit at the lunch table together and we finally officially meet James and Adam. James is the troublemaker, always getting himself into something with his parents and at school. But James also has a kind heart and a soft spot for those he loves, uncannily similar to Matt McGuire. Adam is James’ cousin, but the two are very different. James is an earnest poetry writing, theatre loving, art class taking kind of kid who has a wicked sense of humor. As much as he keeps James’s schemes from getting too catastrophic, he also doesn’t shy away from stirring the pot.

In their last period of the day, science, James sits alone at a two-person desk. “Now James,” the quirky and compassionate teacher says, “your partner Ellie won’t be in class anymore but no need to fret! We’re lucky to have another student transfering in to take her place.” As the words come out of her mouth, the pretty girl from the previous class strides through the door. “Aaaand here she is!! James, this is Lucy your new lab partner. Class, please make Lucy feel right at home in our house of discovery! Now, let’s revisit our conversation about ecosystems. Who’s excited?”

Lucy makes herself comfortable beside James who is obviously trying to suppress his visible excitement. “James, right?” she says extending her hand towards him. Confused by this gesture James dumbfoundedly points to himself mouthing ‘me?’ in a puzzled state. “Yes, you James” Lucy says through harmless chuckling.

James extends his hand to shake hers, “nice to meet you too Lucy. I assume you’re going to be our President one day, you know, going for the handshake and all.”

Flattered, Lucy smiles. “I bet you’re pretty stoked that you’ll get to say you were my lab partner then, right?” The two smile at each other for a brief second before returning focus to the lesson. James is evidently on Cloud 9.

After school, James and Adam walk home discussing what funny business they have planned for the family dinner they’re having that night. “Ok, and then,” Adam says, “I’ll do that to make everyone distracted”

“Yeah yeah yeah, that’s good” the wheels of creativity are turning for James. “Then with no one going I’m going to –”

“Going to what?” a man interrupts, stopping James and Adam in their tracks. It seems that James has arrived home, as we see his dad (Gordo) pulling up to the house at the same time. “Please boys, no picking on Sarah tonight. Can we, I don’t know, take a night off maybe?” Gordo is trying so hard to persuade them, even though he knows it’s a lost cause. The boys exchange mischievous glances. “Well, you can tell your mother I tried to stop you at least,” Gordo says putting his arm around James, ushering him into the house. “See you tonight Adam!” he says as Adam hops over to his house across the street.

“How work today, dad?” James asks as they approach the front door of their home.

“It was good son. Met with some producers for a new movie they want me to direct!!” Gordo says beaming with joy. But clearly James’ mind is occupied by something else. His dinner scheme? His new crush?

“That’s so cool dad,” James says walking into the house. “I’ll be in my room,” he shouts racing up the stairs.

“No shenanigans at dinner!” Gordo yells after him, knowing that his words will do absolutely nothing. He then walks into the kitchen to find his wife, Lizzie, sorting through mail. The two of them hug and kiss and discuss their days. When Gordo brings up the possibility of directing a new movie, Lizzie perks up.

“That’d be amazing! I’m so excited for you. And, not the mention how useful the money would be” she says pointing to the mail, “Sarah still hasn’t gotten any acceptance letters yet, when do school start sending them out?! Does she get it by email now?! I don’t know how any of this works anymore” Gordo calms Lizzie down and assures her that their daughter will get into a good college, hopefully not one too far from home. Putting the mail and her worries away, Lizzie and Gordo begin preparing for dinner.

That night, Adam and his father (who we find out is Lizzie’s brother Matt) come join the Gordon’s (Lizzie, Gordo, James, and Sarah) for dinner.

Matt and Lizzie get along like dignified adults, no longer fighting like they did when they were younger. While Matt is clearly all grown-up, with a kid and a wife who is currently out of the country for work, he still hasn’t lost his troublemaking antics. Matt and James are very close as Matt sees a lot of himself in James and vice-versa. James loves his uncle very much and often goes to him instead of his father for many things.

As a senior in high school, Sarah has no patience for her brother and cousins’ relentless stupidity and scheming. She’s far too preoccupied with her schoolwork, friends, and boyfriend. Sarah is a straight A student, school President, involved in debate team, the robotics club, the daily broadcast, and many other clubs that you wouldn’t think she’d have enough time for. She is very fixated on her studies and dreams of getting into Yale, but still makes time for fun with friends. At dinner we see that she is polite and refined but also clearly cool and popular. While she doesn’t get along well with Adam and James, her and her parents have an amazing relationship.

When the family sits down for dinner, Adam spills the beans on James’ new crush and everyone erupts with incessant questions and inquiries. “Does she have a name?” Sarah asks.

Knowing he won’t be able to avoid such questions for long, James drudgingly reveals her name, “uhhhh, it’s Lucy. She’s in my science class.” Sarah squints her eyes.

“Wait…” she says, “does Lucy have blonde hair?” James is clearly taken aback by Sarah’s accurate guess. Adam is loving watching the story unfold as he stuff his face with pasta. “Omg!” Sarah exclaims, “your new crush is Ben’s little sister!! She just transferred to Hillridge” And with those words, all the blood flushes from James’ face.

“Brother and sister dating brother and sister, huh? Let’s see what happens here and maybe I could make a movie on it,” Gordo laughs nudging Lizzie. Adam’s eyes light up as the plot thickens and it’s revealed that Lucy is Sarah’s boyfriend Ben’s little sister. Now, every family member is chiming in trying to give James advice on how to woo Lucy, but James is having none of it as his annoyance with Sarah grows. He raises his eyebrows at Adam indicating that now is the time for their prank.

With that, Adam begins fake choking which gets everyone up from the table trying to help him. Adam gets up out of his seat and walks towards the family room diverting everyone away from the table while James stays put. He douses Sarah’s plate next to him full of spaghetti with vinegar, noding at Adam that it’s time to stop. As Adam lets out his final cough, he assures the family that everything’s fine. “I’m all good now! Just went down the wrong pipe, oops!”

The family sighs with relief as they make their way back to the table. James and Adam smile at each other mischievously. Before Sarah twirls another forkful of spaghetti, Adam quickly distracts her asking, “hey Sarah how’s the whole college thing coming along?” But, before she can answer, her phone lights up. It’s an email notification from Yale. With Sarah distracted now by her phone, and with James not knowing that she had just received an email from Yale, he considers now the perfect time to sneakily pour baking soda overtop of the vinegar in her spaghetti.

“OH MY GOD” Sarah shrieks at her phone, “I GOT INTO YALE!!!!!” Immediately Sarah’s entire plate of spaghetti explodes all over her. Taking in what just happened, Sarah shoots James an angered look.

“…Congraaatttss…” James says sheepishly, bursting into laughter thereafter.

“YOU GOT IN?!” Gordo and Lizzie scream in unison, getting up from their seats to hug Sarah. Soon enough, the whole family is covered in spaghetti after exchanging hugs and celebrating in excitement.

After dinner, the family sits in front of the TV while Sarah beams over the phone to Ben about her acceptance. “I know I know!!! And it’s only a 2 hour drive from NYU if you’re going to be there…I can’t wait!!”

James and Adam linger in the kitchen, eating the dessert cookies no one else is touching. “Well,” Adam says, “pretty poor timing for our prank.” The two shrug. They’ll do better next time. Giddy from tonight’s events, and now wearing clean clothes, Sarah comes over and grabs a cookie.

“So,” she says to James, “Lucy, huh?” James buries his face in his hands, knowing that Sarah must’ve said something to Ben. On the contrary, “I didn’t tell Ben anything…” she says. James raises his head suspiciously. What does she want? “…and I won’t if you stop pranking me for the rest of the school year.” Adam’s jaw drops as James’ eyes widen. “Yup, you heard me. It’s the girl or the pranks, your choice,” and with that Sarah grabs and cookie and skips up to her room.

“Well that’s rough man,” Adam says. “No more pranks on Sarah? What are we going to do?!”

“I’ve got a couple ideas,” James says as his eyes fill with mischief.