#and the I'll have to see a doctor and go through whatever that query is

[saebaragi]

hi friends, today i have things to do (technically one thing, but there's preparation and stuff involved) so wish me luck

[damelucyjo]

I've felt like shit since Tuesday evening with it slowly getting worse, feeling like it reached its peak last night (checked my temperature around 4 this morning and it was 40) so thought maybe there's something wrong, and I should try and make an appointment with a GP today.

Try being the operative word here...

My doctor's surgery phone lines open at 8am. I call at exactly 8, am already 9th in the queue, only to finally get to speak to the receptionist and tell her I'd like to book an appointment to see a doctor and she says they have a new system to book appointments now. 'I'll send you a link where you'll fill out a short questionnaire, then a doctor should ring you back this morning.' That's fine. Only I click on the link she'd sent me and it says we have paused access to online queries as we have reached capacity for the day. It was only 8:20am by this point. Fucking ridiculous.

My mum suggested I ring 111 as I've done this in the past and they've managed to book me appointments to see other doctors and other surgeries or within the hospital. I speak to the woman on the phone, answer her various questions, and she suggests, as I said I thought it was a throat infection, that I go and see the pharmacist at our doctor's surgery. So I do.

I speak to him, tell him what's been going on, that I had a high temperature this morning but between using my migraine cap, forehead cooling gel things, and standing in front of my fan or out in the garden I'd managed to bring my temperature down... he said that wouldn't have brought my temperature down and as it was normal now it was unlikely to have been so high this morning... whatever, man.

He asks to look at my throat, tells me he can't see any indication of an infection, but can see that it looks sore. More than likely it's just a virus or a general sore throat. Take ibuprofen and sip warm water, use a throat spray if necessary. Then through further conversation, I mention I had my tonsils out when I was 8 and rarely get sore throats since. This man looks at me and seems shocked I just told him I had my tonsils out. Like... he just looked at my throat and apparently never noticed I don't have tonsils? WTF were you looking at then, my guy?! I-

I'm just going to carry on doing what I've been doing, try and sleep when I can because I haven't slept well since this all started, and hope it clears up on its own over the weekend.

[lailyn]

Fear Not Love

Relationship: Loki/Stephen Strange

Summary: A date night took a tragic turn

TW: Major Character Injury

Written for Sicktember 2022, prompt no 11: Emergency Room/Ambulance

"This is nice."

"It is nice, isn't it?"

"It's very nice of Wong to let you have one night off."

"Wong's not my boss," Stephen grumbled. "But yeah, remind me to buy some bao on the way home."

"So how does it feel?" Loki asked curiously. "Not being Sorcerer Supreme anymore?"

Stephen had learned by now not to think too hard when confronted with difficult questions; deflection almost always worked. "How does it feel losing your magic?"

"I didn't lose my magic, Strange. It's only suppressed whenever I'm away from New Asgard."

Stephen harrumphed in discontent. "I can't believe you agreed to that."

"That's what Thor said. He thinks I've mellowed."

His pace slowed. It was not his cue to speak; something was coming.

"Thor knows nothing."

At Loki’s words, Stephen froze entirely. "Please don't say you did it for me."

"Why?" Loki queried. "Does it frighten you?"

"That depends," Stephen said tightly. 

"Fear not, Strange,” Loki said, boldly hooking an elbow through his. "Did you listen to Bruce's latest podcast? 'Carpe diem. Try a new food. Go ziplining. Do all the things that scare you'."

The sudden warmth of their linked arms evoked an emotion Stephen had not felt in a long time. "Does this scare you?"

"What?"

"Us."

"I'll let you in on a secret," Loki’s conspiratorial whisper bristled Stephen’s ear, "Everything scares me."

Stephen raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Really?” 

“It’s true.” Loki shrugged, before murmuring, "If you say this to anyone, I'll kill you."

Stephen chuckled, but his amusement faded as the meaning behind Loki's seemingly innocent confession emerged. "When it no longer scares you is when it stops being exciting for you." 

A silence fell upon them as each wallowed in his own thoughts: Stephen in the realisation that boredom would one day drive Loki away…Loki in his new-found discovery that Stephen might just be the one person in the world who could read him so effortlessly, so accurately.

"So what are you in the mood for tonight?" Stephen asked. He could stand the silence no longer. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming or I would have booked us a table at your favourite place."

"Don't be sorry," Loki said mildly. "I was the one who imposed."

"Stop," Stephen chided. "We're past that." 

He gave Loki's forearm a gentle squeeze. "It really is great to see you."

Loki returned Stephen’s smile with a shy one of his own, eyes gleaming with excitement he could barely conceal. "Likewise, Doctor. To answer your question, I think I'm in the mood for something…adventurous. How about some street food?"

Stephen winced. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Why not? Bruce said - "

"To try new foods, yeah, I heard," Stephen laughed. "I mean absolutely no offence, but we haven't totally figured out all your food intolerances. I just don't want you to end up in the emergency room like the last time."

"Excuse me, I was merely unprepared," Loki said indignantly. 

"And - " Stephen raised a reminding finger, "You are magicless tonight. You are essentially a Muggle."

Loki chortled. "I’m a what?"

"A human." Stephen could not stress his point enough. "A human baby."

"Alright, alright! I get the picture," Loki said in exasperation. "But you can fix whatever happens after, can't you?"

"Brains, sure." Stephen made a face. "Not baby stuff."

With a roll of his eyes, Loki pulled on Stephen's arm and led him down the alleyway deeper into the bowels of Koreatown. "And you call yourself a doctor."

 ******************************

"I don't know what this is but it tastes really good," Loki mumbled through a mouthful of something chewy the food vendor had called tteokbokki. Balancing the paper plate in one hand so Stephen could poke his toothpick through one of the spongy, little sausage-shaped things, he licked his lips with gusto. "Make sure you get some of the hot sauce too."

"I think you had the rice cake," Stephen abandoned the slippery mission and chose a piece of fried fish cake instead. It tasted surprisingly good. "Ooh, that's spicy."

"You alright there, Doctor Strange?" Loki laughed as Stephen's face reddened from the heat.

"Oh, yeah," Stephen coughed, thumping his chest a few times. He could usually handle spicy, but Korean red peppers just hit different. 

Amazingly, Loki polished off the entire plate with nary a sip of water. Truth be told, Stephen could see himself spending the night watching his boyfriend eat; it was a rare sight, Loki indulging in the simple delights of Midgardian food. 

Thank you, Doctor Banner. Stephen made a mental note to thank the physicist should their paths cross sometime in the future.

"So what should we try next?" Loki asked. "Something to counter the heat, perhaps?" 

Stephen spotted a traditional dessert stall that was selling what looked like ice cream. "Fancy some red bean and matcha bingsu?"

"Do I?" Loki's eyes lit up.

But before they could make their way across the busy street, a figure bumped into them hard, knocking Stephen first onto the ground, Loki into the wall.

"Hey, watch it!" 

"That's for New York, you asshole!" 

"Stephen."

"I'm fine," Stephen grunted, picking himself up. "What the hell's his problem?"

"Stephen," Loki called again, his voice tremulous and shaky. 

"What's the matter?" Stephen asked, frowning. "You okay?"

Loki’s throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed, his pale face sallow in the neon lights of the streets. “I think…he… - ”

Loki’s knees buckled, and Stephen lunged, catching him on the way down. “Loki, what is it?”

Loki’s hand fell away from his stomach, and Stephen’s heart lurched at the sight of blood pumping in steady spurts from an abdominal stab wound.

“Shit, shit, shit - ” Stephen shrugged his jacket off and frantically bunched it up into a ball. “Somebody call an ambulance!”

A woman screamed. A crowd began to gather.

" 's fine…" Loki mumbled, "I'm fine…"

Sensing him fading, Stephen applied more pressure on the wound. "Loki, stay awake."

But the bleeding proved to be too profuse to staunch; soon the makeshift compress was squelching under his hand. The bastard must have hit an artery, Stephen thought in horror. 

A bloodied hand reached and grabbed the front of his shirt, but the fingers began to loosen with every gasp, every hitch of breath desperate with pain. "Stephen…"

"Loki," Stephen pleaded. "No."

But Loki was no longer listening.

****************************

A portal appeared mid-air, and a familiar figure walked out, wobbling when the ambulance suddenly made a sharp turn. "Whoa!"

"Wong!" Stephen shouted. "I can use some help here!"

The paramedic who was furiously bagging away looked up from where he was hovered over Loki's head. "You a wizard too?"

"Something like that," Wong muttered, squeezing into the tight space between the wall and the patient. "Not looking so pretty now, is he?"

"Wong," Stephen squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. "Please."

"Fix him, yes, yes." 

Wong's hands began to glow. His mandala soon merged with Stephen's, forming an iridescent latticework of healing magic that domed over Loki's frighteningly still figure.

As the ambulance careened through the impossible New York traffic, Stephen prayed, and prayed, and prayed. 

Not yet.

Not yet.

**************************

A harrowing hour later, Stephen found himself sitting in a waiting room, deserted save for a very perturbed-looking Sorcerer Supreme.  

"That was a close call, Stephen. A very close call."

Stephen propped his elbows on his knees and peered up through hooded eyes. "Will you stop pacing and sit down? You're giving me a headache."

"What is it with you two?" Wong scolded. "Can't you stay out of trouble for one night?"

Stephen's gaze remained fixated on the floor. "Guess we can't."

Wong studied his friend's dejected form. All attempts to raise Stephen's spirits had fallen flat since they got to the hospital, and Wong began to question if there was much else he could do. 

"Loki's out of danger, Stephen."

"Yeah," Stephen drew in a ragged breath. "Yeah, I know."

"The limiters have been lifted. Loki has full use of his magic now."

"He could have died, Wong."

Foreseeing a difficult conversation ahead of him, Wong inhaled deeply. "Did they find the guy who did it?" 

"No one knew who he was. Or if they did, no one's saying anything," Stephen mumbled. "The police are checking the CCTVs right now."

The double doors opened and a woman dressed in scrubs appeared. "Is anybody here for Loki Odinson?" 

Wong drew himself up. "Welp. Guess that's my cue to leave. I'll see you back at the Sanctum."

Stephen nodded gratefully. "Thanks, Wong."

"Tell Loki I wish him well." Wong patted Stephen on the shoulder awkwardly, before disappearing into his portal.

"Recovery's this way." The nurse led Stephen down the hall and into a room. She pulled the curtains back from one of the cubicles. "The doctors are just starting their rounds but you're free to wait here with the patient."

"Thank you, Nurse."

Stephen spent the next few seconds after the nurse left the room simply standing at the foot of the bed. 

With his magic no longer suppressed, some colour had returned to Loki's face. If not for the fingers fiddling idly with the tubes criss-crossing his body, one would think Loki was simply asleep.

Loki's eyes opened slowly. "Hey.” 

Stephen could hardly speak, the lump in his throat was too great. “Hey.”

"You were right. We ended up in the emergency room after all." 

The hollow pit in Stephen's stomach grew. “I am so sorry, Loki.”

“You don’t honestly believe this was your fault, do you?" Loki asked quietly.

Stephen pinched the bridge of his nose, and heaved a shaky sigh.

"You heard what he said,” Loki whispered, grief stricken. Trauma had carved a hundred new lines into his haggard face. “For my own crime I was near slain, and that was mine own fault."

“We restricted your magic thinking you were a threat,” Stephen said tightly. “You are not the threat. We are.”

"One could say that we are a threat to each other," Loki said softly. "But that will not stop me."

Stephen's heart began to race. "Stop you from what?" 

Loki gathered his breath and his courage. "Seeing you."

He had nearly died tonight, and what needed to be said must therefore be said - 

"Loving you."

Stephen's vision blurred. He dropped into the chair at Loki's bedside and grabbed the cold, white hand. "I love you too."

"I'm alright, Stephen," Loki soothed, sensing the anguish in the trembling of his lover’s fingers. "I had you. And Master Wong too, I heard."

A warm feeling flooded through Stephen, before guilt gnawed at him again at Loki's next words. "Though Thor could have warned me that courting on Midgard was such a dangerous affair."

Stephen stifled a groan. "Thor is going to kill me when he hears about this."

"He doesn't need to," Loki objected. "It's none of his business, is it? But to be on the safe side, just avoid him over the next year or so."

Stephen hesitated visibly. "I don't think I can avoid him for that long."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm going to have to see you, don't I?" Stephen said, a determined gleam in his eyes. "You don't ever have to leave New Asgard. I will come to you."

"Stephen…"

I’ll speak to the Sorcerer Supreme about this,” Stephen vowed. “I’ll petition the entire Order if I have to. I will not have you exposed like that again. I can’t.”

Loki smiled a sad, sad smile. "I appreciate the sentiment, Doctor, but I know what I am."

"You are a prisoner," Stephen said numbly.

"No." Loki shook his head. "Being with you has liberated me in ways you can't imagine and I can't begin to describe."

Stephen pressed his lips to Loki's knuckles. He could still smell the blood on their hands. "You scared me, Loki."

“Can’t promise I’ll stop.” A tear dewed on Loki’s lashes. “But I can promise to try.”

“That’s good enough for me,” Stephen said breathlessly, before leaning in for a kiss - he could not believe he had not kissed Loki yet - and it was incredibly, unbelievably, impossibly sweet.

He knew not which God or Goddess had answered his prayers tonight, but they had returned Loki to him, and for that, Stephen was eternally grateful. 

Thank you.

FIN

[kendochick-moor]

“not only MadaSaku ones” you mean izusaku too?👀 in secret royalty? Or are you talking about in other fics? Which ever it is, I’m looking forward to whatever you put out because they will all be masterpieces. You never disappoint. But more importantly I hope you are feeling much better and healthier. I saw the post where you talked about your health and wow you are so strong. You were still putting out fics and updating, I would have never thought you were going through something like that. Thank you so much for putting out amazing contents all these years. Reading them made me forget about real life problems.

Hey Anon, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rtugh time. <3 Fanfic is a helluva coping mechanism, sometimes, eh? I am happy to hear that I helped a little, and I'm so happy you were able to forget your troubles for a bit. <3 Regarding your query, yes: Multiple pairings/smut scenes in Secret Royalty. (And multiple scenes in other forthcoming fics, too!) ^_^Y There will be a very nice one posted on December 25, 2021 (EST), actually. I have that one planned out and written and am just editing it now. Thank you for the well-wishes for the health stuff. I'm back under observation overnight at a clinic tomorrow (Thursday night), and then meeting for a face-to-face 1:1 with one of my primary doctors first thing on Friday morning, then work—but it's Friday before a long weekend, so hopefully things are pretty chill by Friday afternoon. ^_^Y It's Thanksgiving here this weekend, so lots of cooking/relaxing are planned. Then a rapid antigen test Sunday because I'm travelling to the US on Monday through Thursday for work, then back to Canada again Thursday evening after another Covid-pcr (sp?) test—assuming I'm able to cross the borders. Fingers crossed. (Thank the gods for/special shout-out to my fellow mods at @narutodilfweek ! We have everything set up for a good time!) I am very fortunate to have friends, fellow mods and colleagues supporting me wherever possible. And drugs and therapy, lol. Thank you for reading, Anon, and leaving such nice comments and Asks. It's been a busy week (or few) and it's very nice to be appreciated. <3 I hope your real life problems ease into the past so you get a break soon, hon. <3 I'll go see if I can post some Secret Royalty AU for you to wish you well. <3

[ircmeltdown]

two efnet nerds lose their shit over a dead channel

so are you gonna tell me what killed the channel and show? i havent been around to see

or are you still a banhappy pissbaby

basically we don't want you around because you are a pernicious negative influence and that won't ever change

"we"

find some new people to hang out with, mark

that's ll

speak for yourself and only yourself

you are not a spokesperson

this is the reason your channel and show has died

now i know the answer

When I say we I mean

the vast majority of chatters there

I spend the most time there

I talk to everyone

I have a pretty good finger on where people are at

you mean the 200 idlers and bots and the 6 people who are too scared to say the show is shit now

Just find your own shit

you can waste as much time as you want here

but you're talking to a wall

a wall that begs

fucking mendicant

like are you enjoying yourself right now

if not

why not do something you do enjoy

i enjoy telling faggots what a fucking disaster they are

ok, well you keep doing that

but the odds of me ever giving a shit again are very slim

it would be a lot better if you just moved on

but understood if you can't

who needs you to give a shit, who the fuck even are you?

a conman who begs from people poorer than him

there is no respect for you to lose

if you think that

i do

then find somewhere else to frequent

i have, and i pointed my head into the old haunt

you're only wasting your time here

and it was empty

k

and dead

and the show was the worst it has ever been

good job

great job

you did all that on your own

never mention the GNAA again you fucking fraud

and i know why your worried about defcon, and it isnt some dislike of vegas

lol

mark

its because you have no idea what you are talking about

remember how I told you you were pre-schizophrenic

and slowly losing your grip

yes, and you were wrong then, just as you are with your dead channel

the process is accelerating

incorrect,, your shit is dying, qpzdox is movin over here to start a fam with me

well good

up yours begging scum

I hope that works out for you

focus on that, not on me

my advice is to see a therapist soon

there is no focus on you, you are completely fucking irreverent

untreated schizophrenia is really terrible

and can hurt a lot of the people who depend on you

and a failed author begging is terrible too

only i didnt have to project that

its true

but there's medication that can help

and self evident

I'm gonna leave you with that advice, good luck

nobody takes advice from panhandlers

I don't talk with panhandlers, personally

try that

"dont mention that dog shit smells when you walk by it"

fuck you

I'm sorry you feel angry

but it's a lot more your own situation than anything with me

not angry, sad the show has died so bad

this used to be a thriving community

then make your own show

now its a dried up husk of wallet

and YOU did that

not me

uh huh

why don't you make something better then

instead of haranguing me

i do the shit that makes the news, i dont report the news

I don't owe you anything mark

that was your job

that's not my job

it was

This is an online show I do

before you started begging

there's no boss

there's no salary

it isn't a job

it's a show

the boss is the fucking audience you mong

and yours has been banned down to onlu yesmen

well

you should leave that audience

i did

and i come back, and most have also lefy

ok, then your problem is solved

that was easy

my prblem is with the dead community, one you killed

is that solved?

there appear to be

is it back?

many people chatting right now

so it just peaked after your show? hmm, for a channel about the show, surely it should peak at the show

Maybe your problem is that you can't objectively make sense of the situation

because you are so emotional about it

you're a numbers guy right

just analyze how many lines are chatted

during the show

and during the periods after it

make sure you add the chats on restream

nigger please, i just led a landslide on my island with ALL the working class breaking 100years of hardcoded hate and tradition, to vote tory

and you sit there with a dead show

oh, did you

gj

you have no link the the gestalt anymore

shilling for bloomberg

lol bloomboig

seriously, I get that you're lonely

but your situation is not going to improve

without intervention

from a therapist

my situation is on the up, yours is on the down

you'll just keep suffering

you are begging, i am not

your show is dead, i have a future

I don't think you're even fooling yourself

every line of chat you type is just

you cant roleplay as a success and also beg l0de

*it hurts*

they do not mesh

that's why you see everyone retract from you

because i tell the cold hard truth?

if you're noticing that you can't get a rise out of people and they're talking right past you

im not trying to irk you

a lot of it is because your reality has gotten so distorted

that people just go

"oh he's nuts"

and they disregard what you think

people can inherently recognize that kind of thinking

and they recoil from it

like look up this query

do I seem upset with you

said the guy with the now dead channel and show and left

or like I'm responding emotionally to your points or even engaging with them

where did those people go l0de

did they recoil from you begging

I'm not because I know you're losing your mind

where did your audience go l0de

I'm typing to you now just to be part

of the huge number of people who will have to tell you to get help

before you will finally do so

or become homeless

ive been homeless, it sucks less than watching a grown man beg online

If you would like to avoid being homeless again

your issues of mental health have to be addressed

oh, is the tax evader and beggar going to give me life advice

yeah, your projecton doesnt work

I've seen this play out many times

I know that it takes many, many people telling someone to get help

before they finally figure it out

Don't wind up on the train tracks mark

you dont get to beg for money and give out advice

if you followed your own advice

you've gotten significantly worse

you wouldnt need to beg

can you follow that?

you are not an authority, you are a beggar

the number of distortions I see in the chat

are higher than they were last year

do you beg for other people to p[ay your taxes, yes or no

everybody can and pays theirs, but you're special

other people should pay it for you

none of this is distorted at all

its the reason your show died

and you know it

ok

Do you have anyone you trust

ive never trusted anybody

at all

well then you have no one you can take this log to

and ask

"hey, which one of us is the crazy one"

find someone you do trust

good luck

do you think they will side with the guy running a dying begshow or the guy pointing out you are running a dying begshow

You can do your own analysis here

if you don't trust anyone else

i know people dont like parasites

run through this log

and see how many times you try to say something negative

and then run through my responses

you want me to be happy the show is dead?

you can see it's pretty one sided

beause im not

there is nothing nice to say about this situation you have created

and that I kind of don't really give a shit what you think about the show

its awful

but I'm pretty sure that you're losing your mind

whatever makes you feel better

it's time to seek some help

it's time for you to seek a job

nobody can respect a beggar

I think you can tell also

In any case, I would prefer you didn't contact me again

you can do whatever you want

but I do not want to talk to you

and will probably not respond

do you think my family, which i spend more time with than anybody, would have noticed some mental illness, or how about my doctors, does l0de know better than all these people

or is he just pandering to himself

so he doesnt feel bad

the last thing I'll leave you with

print out this query

take it to a therapist

talk about how you feel here

what led you to this point

and see what they think