#and the rand/nol parallels in that?? this is exactly what nol has been doing!!

[trashlie]

ILY FP 209

vHowdy ho guys! Yet another post where I’ve basically taken my initial write up on reddit and edited it for additional thoughts/insight/changes in my thinking! Sorry to keep doing this but I feel like it’s the easiest way to do this, rather than just trying to write something new using all the points I’ve made before lol. That said, I still want to write up a post about how I’m viewing Alyssa and her sexuality (and how it relates to her need to fit in!) but I’m still struggling to figure out how to manage my time properly lately. ;A; 

Anyway, this was SUCH an episode! Like, literally gave it 5 stars for everything that it contains, and if you guys have read my ILY Brainrot long enough, you know this was total catnip for me. Nol airing grievances, Kousuke’s insecurities being addressed, some interesting callbacks/parallels to an earlier scene that has constantly vexed me, and a whole lot of drama. This episode was worthy of a bag of popcorn, frankly! Let’s dive in!

Kousuke actually saying, out loud, that Nol would be doing everyone a favor if he was gone is SO cold. Not that he's ever really kept it a secret, but I don't think Kousuke has intentionally said that out loud in front of Nol (at least, not knowingly, unlike that time Nol called him). I had said that I had a feeling Nol would be able to muster up the ability to say nice things about Kousuke in a genuine way, but actually seeing how many things he could say he admires about him, while Kousuke couldn't even pull up one, only a condescending backwards compliment... I feel like these last two episodes really epitomize their relationships and who THEY are. Kousuke has always been driven by his growing paranoia AND his fear of disappointing Rand, and they're both full on display. The way he loathes Nol is completely different from the way Nol dislikes (or hates?) Kousuke.

For Nol, it’s a matter of how Kousuke has reduced him to nothing over the years, how he pointedly denied Nol any right to happiness (and this is something I’d like to go a little deeper into, if possible, sometime!), how he belittled him for so many years. Nol’s dislike/hatred stems from years of being attacked. But Kousuke hates Nol just for existing. Nothing Nol could do or not do would ever change Kousuke’s mind. It’s so raw and vitriolic. 

There's so much honesty coming out in this episode and I don't know how to describe how it makes me feel - sad feels like such a paltry understatement? It really re-centers what we knew from those little snippets of their pasts: once upon a time Nol tried SO HARD to be a brother to Kousuke, to curry his favor, until one day he realized it was an impossible task. Once he was made to feel like nothing he tried to BECOME nothing, and even that was still too much for Kousuke. He tried to do what Kousuke wanted but his chance to disappear was taken away by him, too, in a fit of paranoia. Nol spoke nothing but the truth and Kousuke continues to warp and distort reality EVEN AS IT PLAYS OUT. The insistence that he'll be in trouble despite the conversation with Rand, because Kousuke is incapable of believing that. But what Nol said is probably true - Kousuke likely has never truly been in trouble, but to Kousuke, disappointing Rand is the same thing (and I imagine Yui is not without some kind of manipulative quip that makes Kousuke feel like he did not exceed expectations). And all this time, Rand has been ENCOURAGING Kousuke to do exactly what Nol's telling him. Perhaps he wouldn't describe it in the same words, but Rand knows that Kousuke has been at his beck and call his entire life and he doesn't want that for him.

It's funny that Kousuke is always calling Nol selfish. As readers we know that Nol puts nearly everyone ahead of him. In order to be selfish, you have to care enough to put yourself ahead of others, to take things for yourself without consideration of others. But Nol has spent his whole life considerate of Kousuke. On the other hand, Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to impress or please his father, without once following his own whims. To him, Nol looks selfish because Kousuke truly believes his life to be indolent, because he doesn't operate in an effort to please Rand. Kousuke feels the weight of a burden that Nol doesn't share - except the only person shackling him with that burden is himself (and arguably Yui, but that's a whole other thing). We haven't ever seen Kousuke chase after something HE truly wants - something out of pleasure or joy. I assume university was the last time he ever did anything truly for himself, and we saw that he was called home and left it all behind to come to this life and never looked back. What Nol said about playing the piano - when did Kousuke stop? Has he ever played it recently? Is it something that he told himself was a childish hobby and now, as a grown man, he mustn't entertain these childish whims anymore or something?

Idk how to word it well but this chapter just feels SO raw. Nol put SO MUCH of himself out there. They're an interesting opposite of each other in this way - though Nol has kept everything to himself and swallowed everything down whole, he's the one more willing to air his grievances with Kousuke and be honest but Kousuke can't even be honest to himself. Every day he is lying to himself. Think about how he had to talk to himself about the CFO position, reminding himself he wants this, he wants that life, even if he has to uproot himself and go to Tokyo. At the end of the day, Kousuke goes through the motions. Does he enjoy his job or is it all just the pursuit of someone else's approval? No wonder he thinks Nol is childish and lazy - Kousuke was made to believe that as adults, we must sacrifice things and that there is no room in an adult life for whimsy or pointless enjoyment. In episode 27 when Nol says he’ll be cold with Shinae, Kousuke closes his eyes and says they’re ridiculous and tells them to stop acting like children. Why are his eyes closed? He’s been conditioned to think that everyone must act a certain way - that he has an image to keep and he doesn’t have the “liberty” to live freely as he thinks Nol does. To him, Nol is the selfish one for living for himself when he’s supposed to be adhering to a particular image, because isn’t that what it means to be mature, to be an adult, to impress others? 

This is also the second time someone has predicted Kousuke won't be good at his job. Yujing has noted that she thinks he's not ready, he's moving too fast. Nol isn't wrong that someone without his own convictions won't be fit to run a company. I don't doubt that Kousuke has and will continue to develop other necessary skills, but convictions are important. A CEO can't fold to everyone else's whims, and that's where Kousuke lacks the most. How do you push back against the people you are trying to maintain good relations with? 

In the same way that Nol has spent so many years now living as Yeonggi in a prison of his own making, Kousuke has been living like a dog chained up - except the chain is of his own making. Like Nol says - there's a difference between respect and blind obedience. Kousuke is in his mid 20s and he still lives like he's a 14 year old afraid to be grounded. That fear of disappointment is SO. DEEPLY. ROOTED. And I know that's a hard thing to let go of. As a 30-year-old I still avoid certain confrontation with my parents for fear of having to deal with that fall out. But what Kousuke is dealing with is something so much bigger than that. He DOES need help. He needs someone to help him unlearn and let go of those fears. His entire identity is comprised of this, and it’s why he unraveled like that when he found out Rand had heard everything he said. Without these aspects of his identity, who is Kousuke? 

But it's also so sad to see Nol lay out his feelings like that, and how Kousuke meets them so coldly. Nol was a threat from the very beginning. He was never given a chance. Even as Nol stood in front of him and sincerely complimented him, talked about things he admires even if he hates that, Kousuke still heard it as condescending, as attacks. That paranoia is beyond unhealthy. Nol's interview with Oxford University? Obviously all about Kousuke, because why else would Nol do anything if not to undermime him, right? And isn’t that interesting, that Nol had the opportunity to get away, that he could have gone far away from this family and been out of Kousuke’s hair, but he didn’t let him. What is it Kousuke wants? To get rid of Nol or not? Is it just that he believes everything Nol does is a slight against him, an attempt to make him look inferior? Or is it more subconscious - that so much of who Kousuke is was a result of ensuring that he always remained three steps ahead of Nol. Kousuke compares himself to Nol more than he’ll ever care to admit, and has used Nol as a benchmark measure for how he’s supposed to act and whether or not he’s the successful golden son. As long as Nol isn’t succeeding at anything, Kousuke remains on the throne. And how can he know how he compares to Nol if Nol isn’t here? If he goes to another country? And not only that, but it was Oxford. Their father’s alma matter. A school Kousuke didn’t think possible for Nol to get into. But JUUUUST in case he could, thanks to his connection to Rand, Kousuke saw to it that he never even had the chance, didn’t get to prove if he was the worthy adversary Kousuke worries he is. If he doesn’t know, then it can’t be true, right? 

Like Nol tells him, without his name, without Rand’s validation, without his family, Kousuke is nothing. Strip all of that away and what’s he left with? Who is he under the family name, who is he without Rand’s validation, who is he without his name? Would he amount to the same without it? I think there’s some extra nuance here that can be gleaned through earlier episodes - like Kousuke’s paranoid drunken break down, thinking everyone is calling him out on his flaws and predicting his downfall, because deep down, subconsciously, Kousuke knows what he is (or rather, isn’t) and that without any of that he is nothing. So he strips Nol of anything that can bring him warmth, of anything that can make him happy, of any opportunity to amount to anything, to ensure that at least if Kousuke is nothing, then Nol is negative. To ensure that Nol can’t benefit from the very things Kousuke has. He could have allowed himself a personality, hobbies, an identity, but instead he just decided to tear down someone else in effort to life up himself. 

But something that’s interesting about Kousuke comparing himself to Nol is: this isn’t the first time Nol has managed to goad Kousuke into doing something just to prove himself. When Nol turns to leave, after Kousuke drops to his knees in front of him, he goads Kousuke a little more and Kousuke finally takes the bait. Though far more dramatic, this is much like an earlier scene back in episode 27. Kousuke makes a fuss about having to eat a hamburger with his hands and Nol makes a comment to just leave Kousuke be and let him eat it the way he wants. “He’s always been prim and proper, he won’t do it.” And then Kousuke does it. He cannot stand to let Nol have any upperhand. If Nol says he can’t do it, then Kousuke will prove him wrong. Afterwards, Nol smiles and I used to think (or hope?) it meant that Nol thought he was getting through to Kousuke, that maybe with enough prodding he could be a tolerable person, but now I think it was more that Nol just realized what kind of advantage he possessed, and how he could use that against Kousuke. I don’t think it was ever about any warmth towards Kousuke as much as a realization that there were some ways Nol had an upperhand when it came to Kousuke. 

And here he uses that advantage, goads Kousuke in to proving him wrong. It’s funny, because Kousuke has lately been talking about Nol like he’s a vicious animal, like he’s someone violent and unstable and ready to attack at any moment. But in the end, Kousuke succumbs to that violence. In the end, he can’t resist his own sucker punch (waiting for Nol to turn his back). He was unable to let Nol leave that room with the satisfaction that he was right. Kousuke ends up doing something he condemns in order to prove Nol wrong, because it turns out that proving him wrong is more important than upholding his image. 

“I would never stoop to your level” Kousuke says, before he does exactly that. Allows himself to feel something, to relish in his vitriolic hate, and embraces that moment of violence. 

I’ve said it before that in the same way Yeonggi was a mask, Kousuke also wears a mask, except his has become so interwoven, he doesn’t know where his mask ends and he begins. He puts on his little show, acts the way he’s supposed to, maintains the intellectual and mature hobbies he’s supposed to, puts on airs, makes himself look impressive. All these things that are just a superficial face. Nol said that Kousuke’s home is pristine, everything is minimalist, no clutter, designed with purpose. Who is Kousuke? WHAT is he? He finally succumbs to his baser instinct out of bitterness and loathing, intent on yet again proving Nol wrong, and all that hatred and loathing comes out through his fist. For a moment, Kousuke lets the mask slip and lets his real self come out and do what he’s probably always wanted to do.

Actually, on this tangent, there’s a lot of power dynamics at play here. Kousuke is the eldest and the heir, sufficiently the one who holds most power. Throughout their lives, he’s exerted his power on making Nol feel small, like nothing, ensuring that he stands on his chest and keeps him down. But isn’t it funny, how Nol ends up the taller one, the one who looks most like Rand and possesses some of his expressions and mannerisms? Kousuke has spent his entire life striving to become Rand and here Nol, a nobody, a nothing, an insignificant bastard is the spitting image of him but for his hair. And though Kousuke has made Nol feel like nothing, made him feel so small, now Nol looks down upon him in disdain. He’s no longer making himself smaller for Kousuke’s convenience, no longer minimizing himself, and by letting himself take up that space, he looks down upon the man who looked down on him. The balance has shifted. Kousuke’s upperhand no longer exists. He was keeping Yeonggi in place, he was keeping that kid in place - but Nol isn’t that kid anymore. There’s so many panels that emphasize the way Nol is looking down on Kousuke - both physically and metaphorically as he calls out Kousuke on his fears, as he turns the zero around on Kousuke. 

The way Kousuke wars with what he wants is interesting. There’s that moment where he slips, where he flies over to Nol and grabs him by the collar, but as Nol jeers down at him, Kousuke can’t do it and he slumps to the ground. He literally kneels on the floor beneath Nol, as Nol looks down upon him. All these years Nol has been the pest, the cockroach that won’t leave, a crumbling mess under Kousuke’s shoe - and here the roles have reversed. Nol looks down at Kousuke. 

Idk it’s just such a fascinating, interesting episode to me, and it really reinforces the identities of Nol and Kousuke - who and what they are. Though he’s hidden so much, Nol has still lived more honestly than Kousuke, and Kousuke has kept himself chained up, unable to live that way, and his envy towards Nol’s seemingly indolent life turns into hate. He feels so threatened by Nol’s existence that he’s believed everything Nol ever did was about him. I’m willing to bet he even thought Nol was hanging out with Shine as a dig against him. And here, again, I’d love to revisit the ways that Kousuke has pointedly denied Nol any kind of happiness (such as the way he demanded that Nol cease his friendship with Shinae). Everything Nol has ever done, Kousuke has twisted to make about him, because his life is so wrapped up in  Nol, in his comparison to him, in his effort to always best him a nd beat him into the ground that he believes Nol’s life must be so about him. It’s impossible that Nol could ever want to do anything for himself or for others, could have any other personality that wasn’t about cutting him down if Kousuke can’t, right? Isn’t that wild, isn’t that sad? Kousuke’s whole life is made up of other people. His personality is fragments of others’ desires pieced together. He can’t fathom that Nol does things of his own volition because Kousuke himself does nothing of his own volition. 

I feel like there's nothing else I can say without repeating myself. It's just. It's all sad. Nol never stood a chance. Whether or not he tried, whether or not he made himself scarce, none of it matters because Kousuke will always find a way to make it about himself. No wonder Nol feels like nothing, why he feels like he's always being punished. No amount of effort could ever make his family love him* so what was the point of anything?

(* I can tell Rand loves him but he has never really shown it so I'm not going to pretend that Nol knows he does. As far as Nol knows, he's a mistake that shouldn't have happened and he's made life worse.)

I've talked a lot about my feelings that the big time jump will see the main characters going their separate was and coming back into each others' lives as adults, and I wonder if this would lead to that or not. Nol gave him his word and Kousuke gave him the reaction he was trying so hard to get. So will he go ahead and disappear like he said? I hope not, but also, can you blame him for wanting so badly to just get away from it all? God it all just makes me feel so SAD.

EDIT: follow up because everyone has pointed out the railing breaking and !!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!! There's so many falls, Nol has had so many falls, and one CAUSED by Kousuke is big! Who was it who has the theory that the altercation between Nol and Kousuke involved some kind of fall for Kousuke? And now this time, it's Kousuke the one to cause something? My how the turntables! But also.... if you get injured prior to getting locked away, what do they do with you?! We don't need any more head injuries.... (I’ve been informed he would go to a hospital and then just be transported to prison once he’s released).

And it always brings up: how is Kousuke going to feel? Vindicated? Horrified? Will he just wheel it back and blame Nol because "you pushed me you made me do it"? Will he actually show some sense of care and worry that ISN'T rooted in what father will think or do? Does he care at all about Nol or is it all just pure resentment anymore? It’s true, Nol did goad Kousuke into doing it, but Kousuke succumbing to violence was still his own choice. The only thing that made him do it was his need to prove Nol wrong, to try to maintain his upperhand. With so much vitriol in his heart, would Kousuke even care that he caused harm or just be horrified that he did, horrified of what other people will think? Much to think about! 

[trashlie]

Alyssa and Kousuke as Mirrors

I talk a lot about the parallels and mirrors that go on in I Love Yoo, and the one I’ve been exploring a lot as of late is that of Kousuke and Alyssa. There’s already some curiosities going on between them and I wonder if it was meant to draw your attention to (or even away from) the ways these two parallel each other. This post has been in work for AGES and finally I’ve been able to finish this up!

Shinae and Nol themselves are absolutely mirrors to each other, and they are constructed in very similar fashions: each a missing mother (dead? just gone?), each a strained/non-existent relationship with their sibling, each have an abuser of some kind, each a depressing middle school era, each introspective and deep with their feelings that they repress and hide away, and of course, their facades. They share so much in common it’s worth the essay one day. 

What I find really intriguing is that each has an abuser - and in some fashion, each are involved with the other’s abuser. I will admit that for a long time, I really didn’t pay attention to Alyssa and Kousuke as far as their interactions and similarities go. In fact, it took until someone mentioned it on reddit and I was doing a re-read that I start to notice the way Alyssa seems to have a keener interest towards Kousuke - the more notable, successful, powerful of the brothers. 

There’s so many ways Alyssa and Kousuke are similar to one and other, aren’t there? Both of them are people who care a lot about their image and how people see them, and they try to control those narratives the best that they can. Kousuke has a tendency to be controlling and deflect in situations where he doesn’t look his best and he does what he can to improve that image (asking Shinae to dance at the Kim formal in effort to prove to the onlookers [to himself] that he was not ashamed of her; the way he’s all but jumping through hoops to gain Shinae’s trust). Likewise, we’ve seen that at least all the way back to middle school, Alyssa, too, cared about her image and social standing to such an extent that she turned her back on Shinae the moment the other girls were willing to take her in and shoved her away from herself. We could argue that this just a typical nature of an insecure girl in middle school - and, true - but we see that to this day, Alyssa continues on this way. She cares that neither Kousuke nor Rand have warmed up to her, she cares how her fans view her, she cares what the public thinks of her. 

I’m not saying this as a malicious trait, because caring about how you are seen isn’t necessarily a thing to be ashamed of. The problem is that in caring about how they are perceived, they both have a tendency to step on peoples’ feet. Kousuke took Shinae on a clumsy dance that made her feel uncomfortable in order to save face. He doesn’t really know how to win her trust and is doing an equally clumsy job of it. Likewise, Alyssa made Nol look bad in front of her fans when he was defending her right to personal time despite being an idol in order to make herself look like a gracious and accommodating idol. Each of them has a tendency to center situations on themselves and manipulate it a little bit to come out on top, looking the best. 

It’s really no surprise that Kousuke piques Alyssa’s interest in some way. Whether or not you buy into the theory that Alyssa has a crush on Kousuke, it’s hard to miss how she pays attention to him, and it feels like it’s more than just trying to appeal to him and win the favor of her boyfriend’s birthday. She even professes how much she wants to be a part of a power couple to Nol - but the Yeonggi she knows isn’t exactly the kind of person you make a power couple with. He does, though, have a very successful, unobtainable brother who is the heir to a mega corporation... In fact, it’s easy to see how someone like Kousuke appeals even more to Alyssa than Nol does, for all that he offers upfront, and all that can promise on top of it. No one - probably even including Alyssa - really sees much in Nol, so if her favor has wandered a little... would anyone be surprised? After all, people who care more about how they are perceived are likely to be drawn to each other, because they both have the same goals. 

(Lol this is NOT an argument for Koulyssa or anything lol but it’s just an interesting point worth noting because I think in much the same ways that Shinae foils Alyssa and demonstrates how incompatible she and Nol are, I think Alyssa finding intrigue in Kousuke demonstrates how Nol is very much Not The One for her at this time. This is, to me, even more evident recently in 167, where Alyssa literally! cannot take her eyes off Kousuke after he drags her out to dance, having held probably the first legit conversation they’ve ever had, and without Nol around for it.)

Something I find incredibly fascinating about Kousuke and Alyssa is that both of them are on the underdeveloped side. I mean, I guess to be fair a LOT of the characters are, but Kousuke and Alyssa both specifically sync up in the ways they are similar to one and other: the both of them struggle to take accountability and accept responsibility and blame for the ways they hurt others and often deflect rather than apologize. In fact, there have been times Kousuke has made others apologize when he should be the one doing so, and straight up just doesn’t (thinking of the time he accused Shinae of lying about her responsibilities and never actually apologized). We know very little about how Alyssa and Shinae handled the accident, but there’s always been a sense that there was no real closure - that Alyssa never actually apologized or checked up on her. I’m not stating this as a fact because I might be wrong! But when Nol told Alyssa all the ways she made him feel bad during the Kim formal, she never once apologized and instead countered with “You haven’t exactly been the best boyfriend either”.

To Alyssa’s credit, she’s younger than Kousuke, still a teenager and not quite experienced in life to know when it’s best to just accept you did wrong and apologize. But also... Maya apologized for being a shitty, jealous friend to Shinae so I guess it’s not like she has zero excuses. What makes it particularly interesting to me though is that these are legit underdeveloped manners for the both of them, likely. We know for sure Kousuke just never really had healthy relationships growing up, and even being thrown into high school and college as young as he was, he was well-passed a time when he should have been developing those manners. There’s a whole slew of other factors for Kousuke, such as the way Yui manipulated him when he was young and the kind of mentality he was raised under and to believe of himself, but at the root of it all, Kousuke just never interacted with people in the healthy ways that one should in order to learn how to interact. You can be all the gentleman you deem yourself, but what good is it if you cannot apologize or take accountability for your actions. How do people grow to trust you and care about you when you deflect from your transgressions? 

This is a similar issue to Alyssa, who also didn’t seem to have much of a childhood. But for that very brief stint in public school, Alyssa was home schooled and likely not the kind that involves other kids but rather just herself and her sister (presumably?). And given the age gap between Meg and Alyssa, that probably didn’t do her much good, either. By the time Nol had met Alyssa in high school, she still was lonely and friendless. We also can see the way she interacts with her groupmates that she is on uneven footing with them. There’s a number of reasons to influence this - I get the feeling they trained together for a much longer time and Alyssa was thrown in as a last minute addition, which creates a lot of bitterness and jealousy because they see it as they worked harder than her and she got her via connections - but I think it’s fair to assume Alyssa’s people pleasing tendencies coupled with the social skills she lacked probably don’t help. But of course, it’s most glaringly obvious in the ways she interacts with Nol, how she neglects him to be with her sister, how she ignores calls or messages or is too busy for him but has time for others, and how they cannot have a serious conversation about feelings without shutting down. It’s difficult to face when you’ve hurt someone and made them feel bad, and a lot of people do deflect because it’s easier than facing ugliness in yourself. 

I feel like this point might be controversial, but both Kousuke and Alyssa are incredibly naive. I feel like people may not agree with that assertion of Kousuke, but look, he thought giving Shinae a beaver plushie was an effort to win her trust and favor, and I think he did it with absolute sincerity lol. Given the way her parents controlled the kinds of people she was friends with and she had to beg them to go to public school, it’s easy to figure out that like Kousuke, Alyssa was incredibly sheltered. Perhaps she didn’t have a strict schedule like he did, but her parents come off as very strict and controlling, limiting the formative experiences she had. Both she and Kousuke seemed to miss out on that childhood in a way that affects their interpersonal skills but also how to read people. It could be in part of Kousuke’s very controlling personality, but couldn’t you also say his believe that if he controls every scenario, everything will go according to plan is pretty naive? He has a narrow scope of the world and little identity outside of his career. He wears a naive crown that everything will go according to plan (and when he starts to see cracks in his “truth” he buckles down and his paranoia gets the best of him). Alyssa’s naivite comes across differently; it’s difficult to tell if she’s truly naive or plays dumb to get ahead, but I think a good moment to consider is the end of ep 110 when she and her groupmate have that PAINFULLY awkward conversation and Alyssa tries to play off how annoyed her groupmate is. Does she not realize that the way she talks to her sister all the time and doesn’t spend time with her group is creating a wedge or does she not care. Likewise, is she really not aware of what kind of woman Yui is, or does she yet remain naive? This one is harder for me to buy, because to me it’s so obvious that Nol feared Yui a LOT in those early episodes, but has Alyssa even been privy to those moments? We know he’s so good at hiding. Sometimes Alyssa appears to just take things at face value, which is certainly naive. At any rate, both of them lack the experiences to provide them more, shall way say, street smarts when dealing with others and their own expectations, and I worry that for both of them, when they finally lose that final shred of naivite, it’s going to come hard. 

While this isn’t exactly a mirror in the same regard as those above, so much as a parallel, Kousuke and Alyssa both crave power and influence. I think it’s COMPLETELY likely that both were MADE to seek power and influence, rather than wanted it for themselves, which remains a parallel. I can’t tell if Alyssa actually enjoys her career - I think maybe she likes parts but not all aspects and finds she feels trapped? To some degree, Kousuke ALSO seems trapped - not that his career is a prison so much as there is nothing else he’s ever let himself want or dream of - even if he isn’t currently aware of it. If he lost his career what is he left with? WHO is he beyond it? (And did HE even ever want it for himself?) Likewise, Alyssa’s career as an idol is becoming her identity, too, because otherwise she’s just some friendless girl who is, very likely, held to the whims of her parents. Both Kousuke and Alyssa come from affluent families. Obviously the Hiraharas are top tier, but the Chos certainly seem to be somewhere on the rung of the social ladder, just not quite in the prestigious stratosphere yet, and I have no doubts that they are “using” Alyssa to attain that. When Meg failed to become a doctor like they dreamed of and continued to change majors trying to find HER passion, they changed gears and switched to Alyssa. And there we see: both Kousuke and Alyssa carry a lot of expectations and pressure on their shoulders. Like Nol to Kousuke, Meg has some deep seated bitter feelings about the way she is seen as a screw up compared to Alyssa, the golden child. (But that’s where Alyssa and Meg as siblings foil Kousuke and Nol - Meg loves her sister so it’s difficult to admit and face her bitterness, especially when it is ALYSSA who is able to capture Kousuke’s attention, but still she tries to be a good, supportive sister.)

Even if it the power and influence they crave was a desire they’d cultivated themselves, as opposed to one forced upon them, this still continues their parallel paths, because their quest to obtain and maintain it follows a similar trajectory. It is why someone like Nol, who maybe once she had a crush on, or whose attention she really savored, is no longer The One for Alyssa. What she wants is someone whose values align with hers, someone who can offer her what she can, as well. Alyssa’s dreams of being a power couple is probably partly a way for her to capture her freedom and in order to do that, she needs someone who seeks the same power as her.

Does Alyssa actually like Kousuke as a PERSON or just the values he represents and the challenge of his enigma? I don’t think she’s had much an opportunity to really get to know him - and I don’t think she knows enough about Kousuke and Nol’s relationship beyond “they don’t get along”. But for someone like Alyssa, who is a parallel to Kouske and carries the same burden of expectation and pressure, Alyssa who has described Nol as a kid who grows on you, it’s likely that she could be more forgiving of the facets of Kousuke that others don’t appreciate. She certainly isn’t going to fault him for caring about appearance and image, and might even agree that sometimes Kousuke is right to chastise Nol and shape him up. Examining them in these similar positions makes it even easier how Alyssa might have taken interest in her boyfriend’s abuser; they are, after all, incredibly similar.

And it makes me wonder about how Kousuke sees Alyssa. Alyssa herself says that she doesn’t get along with Kousuke, he doesn’t talk to her, and we are told that Kousuke doesn’t really pay attention to women - but he sure seems to pick up on some things about Alyssa. Does he see in her the drive to be the best in your field? (I guess we can argue that Alyssa may not actually act on that drive but still.) Does he see in her someone who does try to be seen in a good light, to be “a lady” if you will, the way he’s trying to shape Shinae? I still have no idea what I think Kousuke thinks of Alyssa, but I can’t deny that he certainly pays more attention than we think. 

Finally, one of the most interesting things to me is the way this lines up with Shinae and Nol, as all four of them become more involved with each other. Put by @sixteendaisies as a relationship-square, it doesn’t imply all connections are romantic, but I think it WILL be a core relationship diagram as the story continues into the time skip. Whether or not these mirrors and parallels are set up to change in the future stands to see. For instance, Kousuke and Alyssa both will, I think, stand on the precipice of change, and I even have guessed that they each may hit rock bottom in some form, through their careers or social standing, before they make those changes and see themselves for what they are. As people who appear to have difficulty looking inward at themselves and reconciling with their behavior, I think the catalyst to their evolution needs to be big and risking losing it all seems pretty on par for people whose values are in their careers and social standings rather than their selves. I also think they are both people who will in time reconcile with the people they hurt and find themselves on the side of those who oppose Yui, and it is only through this complex web that it will work out. 

As far as romance goes, there’s certainly an interesting dynamic in potential ships - Nol and Shinae have been set up for a while now as soulmates who, once they are able to deal with things more rationally, can help each other and harbor potential for romance. But as such similar people, is there room for Kousuke and Alyssa to be similar? As people who so heavily avoid their feelings, it seems difficult to see Alyssa and Kousuke opening up and drawing to each other, but I AM curious to see what happens with them. Could they see themselves in each other? (And further, could it be that Alyssa’s interest in Kousuke is less romance and more that she sees herself, but is unable to realize that it does not equate to like?) There’s definitely something established in the ways the pairs of mirrors reflect each other and draw to each other, and I know we haven’t textually been given proof that Kousuke is intrigued by Alyssa or anything, but I think as they all get older and settle into those points of their lives we might see some of those interesting shifts. 

And like I touched on, just as there’s lines from Alyssa to Kousuke and Shinae to Nol, we have the Shinae and Kousuke, the Alyssa and Nol to develop and resolve - but very importantly, Alyssa and Shinae, and Kousuke and Nol. I think their mutual development and entanglement will certainly further the ebb and flow of those relationships, ideally resulting in the much anticipated resolve of their mutual pasts.