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#and we've been having issues w our accommodation in new york but i think hopefully it'll be sorted
rotturn
·
1 year
Text
.
#negative cw
#i am feeling. very not good
#every day we go to restaurants where there's nothing on the menu i can eat bc all ive been able to manage lately is soup
#or sometimes mash potato and gravy but like. its gotta be a Good day and i have not had good days in a While
#so i just sit and have nothing while they eat then down an entire block of white chocolate as soon as we get home bc its my comfort food
#and like. i dont mind not eating at a restaurant or whatever im cool to chill and chat while someone eats it doesnt bother me
#its just when theyre doing it every day and getting annoyed when I say i dont want anything as if they don't already know
#mixed w the fact that my sister has been constantly unbearable its just been Rough
#esp since we share a room
#and we've been having issues w our accommodation in new york but i think hopefully it'll be sorted
#im just exhausted and stressed all the time and there's no end in sight
#and this trip has just made me aware of how much i do not feel loved by the people who should make me feel loved
#like i love my mom and she does her best and she does make me feel better but sometimes shes a part of the problem
#and i have support at home my roommates are so good for me but. theyre not here
#and i feel shit every time i tell my roommate how i feel bc this is a once in a lifetime trip that she may never have a chance to take
#and it makes me feel so guilty and selfish to not enjoy this but its so hard to enjoy
#that one week where we were on the boat and i could have multiple soups a day was the only time i was happy
#and its because i wasnt constantly starving and we didnt have stress about luggage or where we're staying
#but ever since its just been constant stress and anxiety and hunger
#and like. theres nothing i can really do ab any of it bc seeking out something i need means they dont get to do something they want
#and i cant take what my sister wants away from her bc she'll throw a fit
#mum says the usa will be ab me more but i know it wont be. i know exactly how it'll work
#i will not have a chance to rest and be happy until im home and even then i have to find a job as soon as im back
#bc i have bills and rent and i only budgetted enough for a month after i get back and that's with barely any groceries
#and i get the feeling my roommates mad at me or upset ab something but i don't know how to approach it bc im on the other side of the world
#and idk i feel like its me i feel like i did something wront
#im just tired and sad and hungry all the time
#but that's just. kinda my life innit
#i just wish. people weren't upset with me all the time. i try so hard not to upset people but nothing i do ever seems good enough
#i just want to be good enough. but i know im not.
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