#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv

[13eyond13]

love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world

[sharpth1ng]

Hi!

So I rewatched scream recently after having read debaser four times (since November last year no I am not okay) and idk if you've already been asked this but: if you could write scream without making changes to the pov and stuff like that what would you change (if anything at all)?

Because when I was watching it I realised that I like the plot of debaser better (not necessarily because of the romance, but just on the murders and everything) and idk if that's just because you're an amazing writer (which you are BTW your writing is literally perfect I don't even know how you do it) or if it's because of how you made small details of the story make more sense or even because the killer pov works better? Idk

So yeah I'm really curious on how you would do it both on a story and on a cinematography level!!!

(also sorry if that did not make any sense I'm mostly rambling 'cause I have a lot of thoughts)

Hey, first off thank you that's so, so sweet! Second, this is a really interesting question.

Honestly theres not a whole lot I would change about scream, a lot of it is little stuff that wouldn't necessarily be a big difference in the final product. I wouldn't change much about the cinematography really, so many of the shots in this movie are made in homage to other horror movies and I love those. They feel like easter eggs.

Some examples:

Gale nearly hitting a blood-drenched sid and swerving around her matches the scene in Carrie (1976) where she almost gets hit by a car and they swerve (a bunch of the shots in these scenes are pretty matched to each other)

Caseys hanging and Pat's hanging in Suspiria (1977)

Casey's phone call and like, all of When a Stranger Calls (1979)

Billy sneaking in Sid's window and Glen sneaking in Nancy's window in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - especially because Skeet was partly cast for his resemblance to Glen

This isn't even a fraction of the shot references in the movie, let alone references in dialogue, cameos from other horror movies (Linda Blair has a cameo as a reporter and Sherrif Burke is also Sargent Parker in Nightmare on Elm Street), or just movies and pop-culture references seen in the background. Like it would take me forever to list them all. I honestly can't express how satisfying and dense Scream (1996) is as a fan of horror. It goes so much further than the movies actually explicitly mentioned.

ANYWAYS. All that was just to say I wouldn't change a lot about the cinematography.

A lot of what I would change has to do with tightened plot elements. One of the things that does frustrate me about the movie is how vague Billy and Stu's alibi's are after Casey's death. I don't need them to be perfect, but we know the cops talked to them the next day at school, and later when Billy is at the police station they seem surprised to find out he left his house that night. The fact that he either lied about that or left it out would have been a major red flag for the cops, and it just seems like something you would want to consider if you're planning to get yourself arrested and betting on being released. Basically I think that should have been something he revealed when questioned by the cops at school.

A number of other details I would change mostly have to do with off-screen events, but they would alter minor stuff on screen in a way that I think would make the plot more satisfying as it unfolds. Basically I just wish Kevin Williamson had decided who did which kill. It's obvious that he decided that it didn't need explaining since it was off screen and the protagonist wouldn't have access to that information. I don't even need it to be shot that differently, I don't need Skeet or Matt in the costume instead of a stunt man to give us a sense of who is who, I just want it to be physically possible for them to get around in a way that makes sense. It should be something that can be reasoned out in a consistent way if you pay enough attention.

This is particularly a problem for me with Himbry's death and hanging, and with the chase sequence at the house. Like Ghostface kills Kenny, watches Sid run away... doesn't chase her? Like he would be behind yeah, but also she's the main target and she seems to be running down the driveway. Instead he hides Kenny's body and goes back into the house? Why? Where did Randy go and why didn't he leave through the front door? Was Ghostface just waiting inside the house for Dewey instead of going and trying to find Randy or Sid? All of this feels a little sloppy to me since we know the phones in the house work. Any of those people could be calling 911.

Another moment like this is the one where Sid gets attacked in the washroom. A lot of people take that to be Billy given the fight they've just had in the hallway, but the timing of the scene seems to follow directly after that fight. Sid walks away from him, so if she's walking directly to the washroom he's behind her, how is he going to get into the washroom and hide in on of those stalls without her noticing if he has to come in after her? This also just seems unnecessarily risky for him, given how cautious he is otherwise.

I prefer the idea that this attack isn't actually a real ghostface, it's one of the ghostface copycats we see running around (one of the two dudes we see Himbry disciplining). In the original script the scene in the washroom comes directly after Billy and Sid's fight in the hallway, with the scene of Himbry yelling at the two fake ghostfaces following after the washroom instead of the hallway fight. To me this suggests that at least in the original script, these two likely got caught harassing Sid in the washroom and thats what Himbry is disciplining them for. I really don't know why the order of those shots was changed for the movie.

(side note could these dudes be more intentionally Billy and Stu coded? Lmao like my man on the left is literally wearing Billy's same plaid shirt)

Also as a side note- some people use the matching shoes as evidence that it was Billy in the washroom, but the movie deliberately shows us that several people have those shoes, one of the others being Sheriff Burke. These shoes are actually a red herring, so we can't use them as evidence.

So yeah basically some of what I would change is the order of certain scenes. I also wouldn't mind a better indication of the timing of things, some clocks in the background of certain shots would go a long way for me. I also would have liked for the movie to do a better job laying out the geography of Stu's house, so that we know where everything is in relation to everything else before the chase. I just think that works better for a movie like this with multiple moving parts.

Oooh another big one for me is the call that Randy gets to let him know Himbry has been killed. Who does he think is calling him like that? Why are they calling the house? It obviously has to be Stu, Billy has his hands full ( 💀 ) and it would be too much of a risk to bet that people in the house would find out in time to clear out when they need them too. Basically I just think the writing of that moment could be improved, but I also think it's likely written way it is because Himbry's death scene was a later addition pushed for by executives who thought the movie needed a higher body count.

Final thing I can think of (and its pedantic as hell) is that some of Randy's movie references don't make sense. Calling Billy Leather face? Bringing up Prom Night to argue that the killer isn't Sid's dad (when the killer in prom night is a relative of the original victim)? It would be fine if the movie was pointing out Randy as being a little full of shit but the franchise positions him as the Movie Guy who knows all the Movie Stuff, so they should at least make his references work better.

Lmao ok, thats probably enough, i've written an essay. Possible there's more I would switch up but thats the stuff that comes to mind right now!

[wisteriabookss]

An Extensive Analysis of Eris

The recent excerpt from ACOSF has got this fandom spinning on it’s head because it includes a feral-smiling Eris waltzing with Nesta. As a result, people have now delved deeper into his character and whether or not he deserves a redemption arc (or an arc of any kind). 

So naturally, he has been compared to Rhys, because Rhys also appeared to us in the beginning as a cruel, cunning person, who was eventually revealed to have a bigger heart, and a valid excuse (at least amongst the IC) for his behavior.

I made this post to mainly catalogue all that Eris has done, analyze his actions, see if he indeed can be compared to Rhys, and to determine whether or not he should have a redemption arc. 

What We Know So Far

Our first mention of Eris is in ACOMAF, when Rhysand is explaining to Feyre what happened to Mor. I could put the quotes here, but just to save some time I’m gonna make a long story short.

Mor’s father, Keir, declared that she was to be sold in marriage to Eris. Eris is known for being cruel, and Mor begged Rhys to stop it. Rhys brought her to the Illyrian camp for a few days, and she decided to sleep with Cassian in order to ruin her “pure” image. Because she slept with Cassian, Eris refused to marry her. Said, “she’d been sullied by a bastard-born lesser faerie, and he’d now sooner fuck a sow.” Her family, although it’s not said explicitly, basically beat her, and then dumped her body on the Autumn court border with a note nailed to her body that said she was Eris’s problem now. Eris left her for dead in the middle of their woods.

Now, we’re going to look at what he exactly said during this event, given to us from Mor’s POV in ACOFAS:

“Don’t touch her.” Those steps stopped. It was not a warning to protect her. Defend her.

“No one touches her,” he said. Eris. “The moment we do, she’s our responsibility.” 

Cold, unfeeling words. “But—but they nailed a—” 

“No one touches her.”

A pale, beautiful face appeared above her, blocking out the jewel-like leaves above. Unmoved. Impassive. “I take it you do not wish to live here, Morrigan.”

He must have read it in her eyes. A small smile curved his lips. “I thought so.”

Eris took a step away. Someone behind him blurted, “We can’t just leave her to—” 

“We can, and we will,” Eris said simply, his pace unfaltering as he strode away. 

“She chose to sully herself; her family chose to deal with her like garbage. I have already told them my decision in this matter.” A long pause, crueler than the rest. “And I am not in the habit of fucking Illyrian leftovers.”

Now that we have Mor’s side of the story, we’re going to look at what Eris has said about that fateful day during a discussion with the IC in ACOWAR:

Mor snarled, rattling the glasses. “You never gave any evidence to the contrary. Certainly not when you left me in those woods.”

“There were forces at work that you have never considered,” Eris said coldly. “And I am not going to waste my breath explaining them to you. Believe what you want about me.”

. . . .

A frown at Mor as he drained his wine and set down the goblet. “I’m surprised you still can’t control yourself around him. You had every emotion written right on that pretty face of yours.”

“Watch it,” Azriel warned.

Eris looked between them, smiling faintly. Secretly. As if he knew something that Azriel didn’t. “I wouldn’t have touched you,” he said to Mor, who blanched again. “But when you fucked that other bastard—” A snarl ripped from Rhys’s throat at that. And my own. “I knew why you did it.” Again that secret smile that had Mor shrinking. Shrinking. “So I gave you your freedom, ending the betrothal in no uncertain terms.”

“And what happened next,” Azriel growled.

A shadow crossed Eris’s face. “There are few things I regret. That is one of them. But … perhaps one day, now that we are allies, I shall tell you why. What it cost me.”

A main takeaway from this is that there seems to be much more to story of what happened between Eris and Mor.

Does that mean him leaving her in the woods is excusable? No. Absolutely not. He didn’t try to take the nail out of her (which would’ve been the bare minimum), he didn’t alert Rhys that she was there, he didn’t do anything to help her. He started to make the situation even more traumatic by saying vile things to her. Whatever reason he gives for not helping her will be just that: a reason. But not an excuse. Those are two very different things.

Eris say’s that leaving her there is one of the few things he regrets. There’s something in that. I’m not saying under any circumstance that he should be forgiven because he feels guilty, thats stupid as hell, but it is showing that he’s not some apathetic, other-worldy evil person. There’s some semblance of a conscious in him. 

He also say’s that one day he’ll tell them why he did it and what it cost him. By what it cost him, I’m guessing he’s talking about the cost of ending his betrothal to Mor, because I can’t think of what he lost by leaving her there. 

I don’t think there’s been any mention of someone getting revenge on Eris because A.) Rhys told Feyre that, “Azriel found her a day later. It was all I could do to keep him from going to either court and slaughtering them all.” and B) her family was obviously going to do nothing cause they’re the ones who hurt her.

I’m not going to try and theorize what cost Eris had to pay. It obviously is something (or someone) important to him.

But to me, one of the biggest things we got from this discussion is that it seems Eris knows Mor is gay. That secret smile of his that had Mor shrinking, the way he says he knows why she slept with Cassian, and that he gave Mor her freedom by ending the betrothal without giving a reason . . . he knows.

He knew she was gay, so he ended their engagement, no questions asked. And then Mor was dumped in his woods, and he did nothing to help. 

Morally grey, indeed.

(P.S. To the person that posted something along the lines of, “I can’t wait to see Mor’s face when she see’s Eris dancing with Nesta,” . . . get help)

Another excerpt I wanna look at also happens during the recent discussion we’ve just seen, but it has to do with Feyre and Lucien.

“You hunted me down like an animal,” I cut in. “I think we’ll choose to believe the worst.”

Eris’s pale face flushed. “I was given an order. And sent to do it with two of my … brothers.”

That little hesitation before he says ‘brothers’. . . sus. That’s all imma say. (maybe there’s more than one illegitimate son in that family . . .)

“And what of the brother you hunted down alongside me? The one whose lover you helped to execute before his eyes?”

Eris laid a hand flat on the table. “You know nothing about what happened that day. Nothing.”

Silence.

“Indulge me,” was all I said.

Eris stared me down. I stared right back.

“How do you think he made it to the Spring border,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t there— when they did it. Ask him. I refused. It was the first and only time I have denied my father anything. He punished me. And by the time I got free … They were going to kill him, too. I made sure they didn’t. Made sure Tamlin got word—anonymously—to get the hell over to his own border.”

Where two of Eris’s brothers had been killed. By Lucien and Tamlin.

Eris picked at a stray thread on his jacket. “Not all of us were so lucky in our friends and family as you, Rhysand.”

We see another semblance of conscious here when Eris refuses to take part in the slaughtering of Jesminda. To even be in the same room as it. He then made sure that Lucien wasn’t going to die by making sure Tamlin was at his border. 

I’m not putting these quotes here to say, “Look, he cares about stuff , so let’s excuse everything he’s done.” No. There is no excusing any of his actions. Just like we can’t excuse Rhysand’s behavior in the first two books, or Cassian’s, or Nesta’s, or even Feyre’s, etc. But what we can do is see the reasons for their actions, and try and understand why they acted the way they did. They have their reasons, and Eris has his. (P.S. I’m not trying to compare what they’ve done, I’m just noting that they all had reasons to do what they’ve done, and they all deserve to be heard out.)

Comparison To Rhys

As I said earlier, Eris has drawn a lot of comparisons to Rhys. I agree with most of them.

This fandom has catalogued all of Rhys’s questionable actions like . . .

*TRIGGER WARNING: words like sexually assaulted*

Rhys sexually assaulting Feyre three times in the first book by drugging her, and then compelling her to give him lap dances in front of the folks Under The Mountain. He then displayed Feyre again in a sexual manner in the second book in front of The Court of Nightmares as, and I quote, “The High Lords Whore.” 

In both situations he could’ve done things so much differently. In the first book, he could’ve just, oh I don’t know, kept her in her cell? Or maybe brought her upstairs as a normal person?

And in the second one she literally could have been ANYTHING else. Everyone thinks she’s his prisoner, so why didn’t they go with that? Why couldn’t he have just dressed her in some raggedy-ass clothing, messed up her hair, and then tell her to act super stoic or frightened? Really Rhys, she just had to be your whore? (I know it was consensual but that doesn’t make her persona okay. He could’ve picked literally anything else)

Did he have his reasons for doing this? Yes. Does his reasons excuse what he did? No. You don’t have to make everyone else around you act a part just because you do.

So while we may not excuse Rhys’s actions, we can understand his reasons even if we don’t agree with them. Same with Eris. We know Eris has his reasons, and I doubt we’ll all agree with them, but he still has them.

Let’s also not forget that Rhysand made a deal with Eris and Keir that he would support Eris’s claim to the Autumn Court throne when Eris decides to kill his father for it. He also allowed Keir and his court to come into Velaris, and even though they’ll be turned away by every vendor, he still allowed them in. While he had his reasons for doing this (the Darkling army for ACOWAR) he still did it. It still hurt Mor.

Redemption Arc 

My biggest hesitation in thinking Eris will get a redemption arc is wondering where it would fit in the books for him to have one. We don’t know how if his waltz with Nesta is just a one-time thing or if it’s a result of a friendship between the two. The second book is supposed to be centered around Elain, Azriel, and Lucien, so that could also be a spot where he get’s an arc, maybe through a relationship with Lucian or Azriel. 

Either way, I’m not gonna bring down the hammer and say that he shouldn’t get a redemption arc. Tbh, the term ‘redemption arc’ kinda annoys me because it shouldn’t be about redeeming what was done in the past, but more about learning from past mistakes and taking the initiative to grow into a better person. That’s what I want for Eris. He’s not going to magically be revealed to be this super sweet fun-loving guy like Rhys. I don’t want him to be revealed like that either. 

I just want to see more of his character, see why he is the way he is, and, like i’ve said a million times in this post, know his reasons for acting the way he does. 

One last thing before I go. I’m not interested in seeing any relationship blossom between Eris and the IC, or Nesta, and I think it’s unlikely anyways. There’s a possibility for them to have an understanding, sure, but no friendship. I know there are some people who automatically adore Eris because they hate Mor and that’s just stupid. Mor isn’t my fav either, but I won’t cheer Eris on just because he hurt her. 

That’s all I’ve got. If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you. Really.

[hmgfanfic]

Talk about all the Fillory worldbuilding in LQoF, please :)

THIS IS INEXCUSABLY LATE. I’m so sorry!

And I wish I could say it was just my scatterbrainedness, which is definitely a constant factor, but it was also that when you sent this, I was deeeeeeeep into writing the final few chapters of Little Quirks of Fate and I was kind of... in my head about it. It took a lot longer to finish than I had planned (a cardinal sin to my particular combo of severe ADHD and Type-A personality) and I was spending excessive amounts of time making sure I figured out a satisfying ending by my own exacting standards, so I just didn’t have the headspace to think through my early process yet. Very sorry about that :( But now that I’m finally done, I’m excited to look back! So if you’ll indulge me a very late answer, I’d be tickled. 💗

Long ramblings and major fic spoilers under the cut.

The truth is a lot the world building came down to character stuff foremost, followed closely by my preferences as a writer. I adapted the world to the story I wanted to tell, while using the little bits of information we’re given in canon as a baseline, rather than building the story around the world. And that was a lot more fulfilling for me, since I only really love worldbuilding through the lens of character, rather than as an exercise unto itself (though it’s super fun once you get rolling.)

To explain what I mean by that, you need to know that Little Quirks of Fate was originally going to be a oneshot. My plan was about 25-30k (lol) of a pure S2 retelling, only with Quentin in the role of Fen. It was also going to take a much more traditional enemies-to-lovers’ path—with Quentin as an active member of the FU Fighters—and the whole thing was going to be in his POV. Also, they weren’t even going to kiss until after the bank heist (which, yes, was going to be a thing here), but that got abandoned the fastest in favor of trying my hand at smut. But two things made me realize I needed to significantly shift course:

1) I was struggling to make Quentin actually feel like Quentin. I wrote this very atmospheric early scene at the FU Fighters encampment, with lots of description of the bonfires and the way their shirts dyed in Fillorian red looked like blood (you get it.) It took place in the black of night, shrouded in secrecy, and when Bayler questioned Quentin about his new husband, Quentin said something like, “He’s a drunk idiot, we have the advantage.” It was all very lush and dramatic, but it really, really, really didn’t feel like Q in any recognizable way to me. Now, I’m not someone who thinks Q needs to be a precious sweetheart all the time, but what I was writing didn’t have his idiosyncrasies or a motivation that felt true to who I feel he is.

2) The draft was DEFINITELY missing Eliot’s story and his perspective. I certainly don’t think Eliot’s POV is always necessary (sometimes not having his direct thoughts heightens tension in romance especially), but it felt really necessary here, to fill in the gaps of what Quentin was assuming and also—more importantly—because the events were just as impactful on him, but in a very different way. So I knew I was missing half the narrative, but that meant I would need to deal more explicitly with the Beast (i.e., Mike, the most devastating storyline to me, personally) and I really, really didn’t want to do that.

My first step in making a more recognizable Quentin was figuring out a way he could more or less use the same syntax that he does on the show. Voice is the first way I connect with a character, so while many writers in this fandom thrive at modifying speech patterns and keeping the heart of a character alive, keeping close to Quentin’s canon speech was an easy fix for me in a story I was excited to get rolling. Sort of like the old adage of uplifting your strengths before putting outsize energy into things you struggle with.

The easiest way I could think to give him the same syntax was to figure out a way Quentin spent some significant time on Earth during his formative years. And once I rewatched 2x06 and was reminded that Ess went to Phillips Exeter Academy for high school, I lost my damn mind. I started sketching out ways that Quentin could get there too and that’s how I built out the idea of Umber brokering a marriage deal with the actual landmass of Coldwater Cove, which included an education opportunity for the boys (in a nod to Fillory’s patriarchal nature), and also the reason why Umber did that, which was to take advantage of his brother’s orgy mistake with the first Children of Earth to usher in a more productive and orderly Fillory. So that created a whole new set of rules and essentially a whole new world for me to play with... all for the sake of Quentin getting to say “fuck.” It was that important to me. :p

And as I worked through all that, I realized I also wanted to give Q magic, since Quentin’s relationship with magic is something I’m interested in. But I had read on ye olde Tumblr that the reason Illario uses a wand in 2x06 is a nod to the books, where Fillorians specifically aren’t Magicians and that’s the rationale for the Children of Earth royalty. And while I generally see the books as interesting supplemental material with zero bearing on the television show canon, I still said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if Quentin was the only native born Fillorian who had magic and so the FU Fighters believe he’s the chosen true High King, but instead of it being because he’s ~special~, it’s because Umber made a clerical error? Lol! Hilarious!”

So while all my questions for how to explain all THAT spun out into more and more detail, at the same time...

I caved to the idea that this story was going to be a No Beast AU, just like my last two stories, mostly because I really couldn’t bring myself to deal with the Mike of it all, even tangentially. I could have just changed that single element, but I’m not a half-measure gal! But I still wanted to stick with the vague background theme of Fillory = adulthood from a questing perspective and I wanted Julia leading the charge this time, but without the sexual assault that occurs in canon. So obviously, the answer was avenging all of the murdered and cannibalized “grown-ups,” i.e., master Magicians, by seeking out help from the gods in a balanced Fillory free from the devastation of the Beast. Duh! ;)

So then, like anyone would do, I rewatched every episode up to 4x11 that makes a mention of Fillory and took about twenty pages of notes on the canon worldbuilding, along with an analysis of how much a particular piece of information would be impacted or not by balance in the realm. For instance, the existence of geraniums (per The Fillorian Candidate and Tick’s misunderstanding of “power plants”) and the lack of diamonds as a precious stone (per the River Watcher not knowing the value of Margo’s earrings in Knight of Crowns) struck me as static facts unaffected by Ember’s reign of chaos. But I shifted the overall feel of Fillory to one that’s more functional and a lot more bureaucratic, leaning on things like the existence of socialized health/vision/dental insurance (the idea of which is canonical, per a petition from the beavers requesting dental coverage from acting High King Josh in Ramifications), strict taxation plans, and an overall sense of thriving Ceremony to show Umber’s influence.

Basically, I wanted Eliot to inherit a much, much easier Fillory to rule—especially with the highly educated Quentin as a built-in and passionate advisor—mostly so it wouldn’t completely strain credulity when a lot of his energy goes toward his love life rather than the intricacies of ruling (though Margo would say he still favored his personal life more than he should have, and she wasn’t... wrong. He wants to be a husband more than a king!) But I specifically made it so most of the chaotic elements were played as whimsical (sorry) quirky shit or smaller hints of greater injustice (see: Ember getting rid of STDs, but still letting magic-poor citizens die of sepsis because that’s too boring to deal with), all while a cataclysmic danger lurked under the surface.

After that, I just filled in details as they worked with character stuff and plot stuff, and I tried to make sure they didn’t contradict each other in a way that couldn’t be chalked up to “chaos.” I basically lived with the Fillory map open all the time and also took screenshots of Benedict’s map of Loria, which gave me alternate ideas for the overall feel of the landmass rather than just the kingdom. And pretty much that’s the basic process I used to create the world! It was extremely fun, and I learned a lot, though I’m *definitely* focusing on some pure relationship kind of stuff for a while because... oof, sometimes it was a lot.

Annnnnnnd if you’re still with me, here’s some stray observations, for funsies:

I wanted Quentin and Eliot’s starting points to be more mature than in the show. Quentin when we’re introduced to him as an adult in LQoF is a lot more jaded and cautious than S1 Q, which is because in this world, his S1 mentality happened while he was on Earth and came to a head during the throes of his fucked up relationship with Bayler. Similarly, Eliot had already gone through a lot of shit too, and was much more self-actualized by the time he agreed to be High King here than in the show. It was still out of desperation for purpose, but not coming out of a direct trauma spiral. I think if they had been younger, both in age and mentality, the story wouldn’t have worked because they would’ve blown it up day two. They’re both still disasters, as we like to say, which is why the... everything happens, but they’re not disasters in the exact same way as in early canon. I thought of them as closer to their S3 selves, pre-Mosaic.

While I mostly kept Quentin’s syntax the same as on the show, I did change it up in some ways to reflect his Fillorian upbringing. The most obvious was replacing “goddamn” with “godsdamned” and “Jesus” with “Hades,” but I also made him slow on the Earth idiomatic uptake and slightly more likely to use passive voice and less likely to use contractions, especially early on and especially when speaking with Fen. He also said slightly out of date things even for someone who last remembered 1999, since Earth was still overwhelming despite his immersion. E.g.: In the epilogue, he asks Eliot if he can spend some time “Googling the World Wide Web” instead of watching Gossip Girl together, even though by 1999 most people were saying “on-line” or “the internet” by a pretty wide margin. But in my mind, the first term he learned was World Wide Web and he stuck to it like glue.

I originally had a full-blown coronation scene, where Quentin helped Eliot with the answers to the 90s questions via subtle charades, such as flapping his hands at his sides to give him the answer “Wings” (and Eliot was eventually going to Eliot-Logically use that moment to argue to Quentin that maybe Q really is the true High King since he was the one who actually answered the Knight’s questions, etc.), but I cut it and only showed bits and pieces in flashbacks because it didn’t really matter. They had to treat it seriously because it was An Event in this version of balanced/un-Beasted Fillory, with a full audience bearing witness, but the whole thrust of the external plot was about dismantling that moment and the concept of monarchy in general, so giving it too much weight outside of the Eliot and Julia friendship felt disingenuous to the story I was telling.

This is also why it was important to me that Margo hated the title High King Eliot the Kind, even though I only brought it up textually once or twice. But in my view, she fucking hated it and never came around to it. Which isn’t because she doesn’t think Eliot is kind, it’s that it felt like a simplification of all that he is, and the coronation ceremony in general felt similarly shallow. It wasn’t just the four of them working out their shit on the beach; it was true ceremony after a year of questing toil and a lot lingering uncertainty/resentments (especially regarding Julia), so it was too Big Shiny Happy Bow to her.

Yet on the same theme, my greatest regret was not being able to work in the fact that Margo’s title for Penny (King Penny the Persistent) was supposed to be half-sincere and half-sex joke. She did genuinely admire that he stuck it out even through his initial heartbreak because he gives a shit about his people underneath it all, but—and this is a very important headcanon to me—she admired his dedication to the art of the female orgasm even more.

I was originally also going to include the One Day More sequence with way more details—such as Umber taking the Javert lines, Ember taking the Thenardier lines, Bayler taking the Enjolras lines, and Penny taking the Marius lines, but... uh... writing a musical number is apparently not in my skill set. Also, honestly, the weirdness of the original is its whole charm and so I didn’t want to improve upon perfection. See also, in a more serious way: Eliot bowing to High King Margo on the Muntjac, the events of Plan B, and Quentin & Penny in the Flying Forest. Would not touch it!

My favorite Fillorian detail was either the guy who sent a citizen petition requesting a “smidgen” of Eliot’s earwax for an undisclosed purpose, or the use of the verb “to peg” to describe a Pegasus flock greeting an outsider with honor. They encapsulate the obscene yet pristine feel I always tried to give Fillory.

My favorite subtle(-ish?) ironic moment is Ess, the heir to a hereditary monarchy, taking Quentin to task for not honoring the anarchy patch on his high school backpack. In general, I don’t like everything being neatly resolved, including on an overarching world level. And I very strongly felt they had ZERO business meddling in Loria, so it left some fun-to-me unanswered questions. Will Ess usher in democracy for Loria based on his experiences on Earth? Maybe! Maybe not, since tradition’s a hell of a drug and Loria has its own history and complexities. Who knows?

I misread the town name Sutton as Sultan on the map the first time I referenced Bayler’s hometown (Sultan’s Ridge), but instead of going back to fix it, I just made it a sister town. Whatever!

I do not know how Quentin got a full bookshelf of Earth literature back to Fillory with him. Magic, I guess. (That’s the answer to anything I didn’t totally think through.)

I occasionally get asked whether Quentin and Fen were physically related. The answer is no, though it doesn’t totally matter. But I intended heart-cousins to be more like close family friends. (Though I actually originally had a joke where Eliot still wasn’t sure by the epilogue, but it didn’t land/feel realistic so I cut it.)

The details of the magic frequency poisoning were DEFINITELY what I thought through the least. My main goal was to have something catastrophic happen to Fillory based in part from the historical actions of the Children of Earth and Ember, patently ridiculously but with lasting consequences. Hence, god orgy that took away Fillorian human magic and sent out a slow poisoning of the overall magic “frequency.” It sounds all well and good, but it’s definitely something that would fall apart with even the lightest bit of prodding. It serves it’s purpose though, so I figured the gaps could be filled in or politely ignored. ;)

This question was way too much fun and a helpful retrospective for me! Thank you so much for indulging me, many moons ago. 💗

[the-voltage-diaries]

Hi! I noticed you're another fellow Taki fanatic. Just out of curiosity, but why is taki your favorite?

Hey hey!

Let’s be real, Taki is my absolute favourite otome guy; at this point its facts. I love everything about him, from his smile, to his smirk, to his sexy self, to his handsomeness, to his blush, to his grin, to his boyishness, to how he is WHIPPED for MC, to his dynamic with others fellow characters, to how he has his fair share of shortcomings, to how he ain’t perfect at everything, to- you get it.

I can write an essay on this and I’m not even kidding you, so you’re in for a treat. It’s time to dig deeper into what exactly is it about Taki that makes me love him so freaking much.

But before we do that, a very special thanks to @awesomeallseeingeye for helping me out with this! You’re the absolute best.

Disclaimer: The following post contains spoilers from Taki’s season 3, Shun’s season 4 Part 1 and a few other stories from Kings of Paradise. Also, there are mentions of some nsfw 18+ stuff yes sexc Taki, so please read at your own discretion!

Now, without further ado, here’s the list under the cut~

Consent King Consent and consensual sex are two things that hold a lot of importance when it comes to getting intimate, and when I say “consent”, I do not mean dubious or implied consent. I mean a scenario where it is clearly spelt out that if the other party does NOT want to be a part of it, the first party won’t continue. Now, when it comes to Taki, it is downright admirable how Taki always seeks for MC’s permission before doing anything intimate. He makes it clear that he will not do anything more unless the MC wants it too, and he doesn’t shy away from declaring how he is even willing to wait (no matter how long it takes) for the MC to be comfortable enough to go ahead with the deed. I adore this quality so much, and the fact that there isn’t ONE scene, apart from his season 3 MS where one scene had dubious consent (which Taki felt TERRIBLE about, himself),  where it isn’t explicitly states how he seeks VERBAL consent speaks volumes about how principled this man is. Swoon

Total Adorkababy While Taki was a stoic, sexy, stiff, smirking CEO in Seasons 1 and 2, he makes a 180 following his Season 3, which is understandable considering how he basically bares his soul to the MC in that season. MC and Taki become very, VERY close on an emotional level post Season 3, and the change in Taki is such a sight to behold. He is much more in tune with how he feels, and is, as a result, a lot more expressive with them too. Which is adorable, because while a part of Taki has grown up into a 30-year-old successful and mature CEO, the OTHER part of him, which is still a teenage insecure li’l baby, is more prominent when it comes to his feelings towards his MC. He is a literal blushy baby who stubs his toe because he is so shaken up upon seeing his MC wear a sexy red lacy lingerie lmfao. He needs to be preserved. He is precious. He is adorable. He needs all the love in the world. I rest my case.

GOLD PoVs His internal thoughts are just what I said, G O L D. Going back to the part where I said opening up to the MC made him come more in terms with his emotions post the debt trauma than ever before, Taki becomes more expressive not only with MC on the outside, but with himself on the inside too. He allows a much more open, vulnerable and worried side of him to rear it’s head and as a result, we have a Taki who cannot contain himself and basically short circuits whenever his MC does something out of the ordinary or is just cute. Taki, while on the outside appears calm, collected, and sure of himself, is just the complete opposite on the inside. He overthinks in the most hilarious of ways, goes p a n i k when he sees his MC, and his internal thoughts are a complete new story. It’s so worth it lmfao, this babie I love him pls protecc him tysm.

Considerate Companion While Taki is an amazing human being and the most considerate man on the planet in his own main story, I’d like to stress how equally brilliant he is in OTHERS’ stories too. We know that MC is Taki’s ex, and that it’s pretty obvious he still loves her even in the routes of other characters from the game. But, despite that, he is the kind of guy who is willing to step on his own heart and crush his feelings so long as the MC is happy, even if she is with someone else. It breaks him - it really does, but he has no problem standing on the sidelines and smiling at MC and her beau, wishing her well. Here’s a snippet from Shun’s Season 4 Part 1, where Taki was the love rival. He wished to get back together with the MC, but once the MC told him she cannot go back to him, he simply accepted it and told her to go back to her man. Furthermore, he even APOLOGISED for putting her in that spot. Can we just give this man all the applause there is to give?

Actually Apologetic This man knows when an apology is due, and doesn’t shy away from acknowledging his faults, or his shortcomings, or the analyzing where he went wrong in order to get better. He wants to be the best possible man for his MC, and will do whatever it takes to get there. He makes promises and keeps them instead of sweeping things under the rug and just moving on. When MC teaches him the importance of communication and even fighting in a relationship, he learns it like an obedient student and makes sure he doesn’t repeat the same errors twice. Freakin’ love that about him. This man knows that apologising won’t make him smaller. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE STAN.

Emotionally Vulnerable Another thing Taki doesn’t shy away from apart from apologising is being emotionally vulnerable, even to the point where he literally breaks down. Now, while other points were more generic about him, this is pretty specific. This happened in Season 3, and while it took a while for the MC and Taki to get so far down the road of character development, once the dam broke, it broke. I haven’t seen a lot of Voltage men become so emotionally open and vulnerable that they physically show it - shakey hands, tears, feeling the need to be in MC’s close proximity for physical support, et cetera. In his Season 3 when MC FINALLY gets through to him, this man breaks the fuck down. He shakes, he trembles, he almost cries. He lets his MC see him at his absolute lowest. That kind of trust, that kind of openness... gah, just makes me fall for him even more.

Ovaries Exploder Okay, enough of the gut and heart wrenching stuff. Let’s get down to the sexy stuff. Taki Kozaki is a sexy man, periodt. He knows how to be sexy, how to be suave, and how to be so seductive you could feel your ovaries explode. This point is solely here because I just HAD to share his orgasm face and his love for the bunny-wolf roleplay. Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey where we have no regrets because we get a hot Taki. Can I marry him already plez. Just like plez.

Annnd that successfully brings us to the end of this list. Kind of. Sort of. I mean, I still have over 500 things to share but I don’t know if tumblr can take any more of my rambling.

THAT SAID, thank you so much for sending in such a brilliant ask! I had so much fun answering this one haha. I totally did not almost read all of those stories again as I collected the screenshots jk I totally did. I’m guessing you like Taki too, yes? I’d love to hear your list of reasons why you adore this precious man yourself!

Once again, thank you! ❤️

[aqvarius]

If the MC from rmd was more mature and if rmd wasn't a love choice story with less episodes, would it be better? Or is there more stuff that needs changes?

yeah i do think so! so i think they tried to emulate hlitf (and mpd maybe? i’m not familiar enough with mpd to be able to say). in thinking about rmd and its future (in response to another ask which i’m still working on bc i lost my whole essay the other day lmao), i kind of theorise that they wanted rmd to be the next Big Title with a full lineup of “ensemble cast” type characters, instructor-student type dynamic (which can then ‘progress’ to colleague level), lots of lore/backstory, potential for lots of substories. the backlash against love choice has been strong in both japanese and international fandom as far as i know so i really think that was a big hindrance in terms of drumming up success for a title that is set up to have a LOT of content. hlitf has always had a leg up bc from the start, it rode off the success of msb and the demand for more public safety content, which is why right from the very start, they tried to push crossovers with hlitf/mpd. the very first rmd substory is a takado/kirisawa crossover, and then they had that extremely gratuitous cameo in ayumu (aka voltage’s king) season 3 in both the ms AND his pov. they keep pushing these crossovers, like with the vip room event which just came to love 365. 

ANYWAY, the more i think about it, the more i’m convinced that they’re trying to emulate some of the successes of hlitf, so i find it a pretty useful point of comparison to see the things which i find are lacking in rmd. 

so yes i definitely think that i wish the rmd mc was more vulnerable and maybe more romantically inclined and just generally more emotionally mature? i’ve said i wish she made more mistakes but i when i think about it more, i do see some parallels between dr mc and hlitf season 1 mc in that they go into a new learning environment with a certain set of values that get challenged. so i am willing to acquiesce on that point i’ve made before about her errors, since i do think that her values and the choices she makes because of those values get called into question (coming off the back of reading matsunaga’s routes, i do see this happen). also i’ve said this before but just to reiterate, i do also think that there’s a tone shift in the translation that to my perception (re-?)characterises the mc as being blase which i feel comes at the expense of genuine emotional connection between the reader and the heroine. however, i do also think that this tone perception thing is very subjective bc it reads as being quite american to me which is something that (1) is foreign to me as a non-american and (2) gives me a feeling of incongruence bc i’m very aware that this is japanese media. either way, i think in a long form title, there is potential for her to grow/develop when it comes to emotional maturity and romantic development, which leads me to my second point...

ANYWAY, the biggest (writing) issue that i find with rmd is its lack of romance FOR SUCH A LONG ROUTE. generally the main point of otome games is the romantic aspect, which i find to be super lacking in a game where romance is literally right there in the title. so one of my favourite things about hlitf is that we have the whole “meeting him” route before the “falling in love” route, and that generally each season is split into two halves in which the first half feels complete as a route on its own, but its strengths in setting up plot and character/relationship development become highlighted in the second half of the season (i know i talk about this a lot but kaga’s season 2 is the PRIME example of this). hlitf’s “meeting him” stories all tend to have abysmal ratings (which.... i pretend i do not see it) because of people not getting that they’re just introducing the characters and setting up their dynamic first. because of this, we essentially get a (relatively) slow burn romance that takes 20 chapters (or in tsugaru’s case.... 60 chapters lmao, or we’ll say 30 bc he has shorter chapters) to get to fruition. 

so romance md has 30 chapters to get the job done, which SHOULD mean that there should be better pacing to get to the relationship stage, right? rmd does a similar thing to hlitf’s split routes where there’s generally one “introductory” case which introduces a moral dilemma, which then ties into a second case. in hlitf, the introductory case in ms1 serves to introduce us to the love interest’s personality and way of working as well as helping the two characters become closer by spending more time together. then it links to ms2 in that it tends to lead into wider criminal activity that may or may not be related to the love interest’s primary negative characteristics, and most importantly, the mc is instrumental in helping the LI overcome that issue (e.g. goto’s paranoia about losing colleagues/partners, kaga’s problems with internal corruption within the NPA, soma’s trust issues and devaluing of those around him, ayumu’s unrequited love). so let’s say that a full rmd route is equivalent to ms1+ms2 in hlitf. 

rmd does a very similar thing in terms of plot structure with the main difference being that the medical cases tend to align explicitly with the LIs’ traumatic pasts, where in hlitf it’s a bit more indirect (only goto and soma have had their primary vengeance arcs complete). so why does the pacing feel so off? i think that the reason for that is that there is just so little energy put into romantic development. one thing to note is that the mc has already fallen by episode 10 of ms1, i.e. halfway through the ‘full’ route. the only rmd route that i’ve read where the mc has already caught feelings at that point is hosho’s route, where she realises in chapter 15 (which is why i did write in my review that i thought the pacing was better). secondly, it’s a LOT harder in rmd to see not just the mc’s feelings developing, but the progression of the love interest’s feelings. imo this is because they basically treat her uhhhh the same from start to finish??? she runs her mouth from day one and even during very intimate conversations, so i feel like there is no sense of increasing emotional closeness - it’s more just that we (the third person reader) get to know more about the love interest’s past and i guess we see them becoming friends? rather than seeing two people growing closer with romantic attraction. contrast this with hlitf, where they were never ‘friendly’ and the relationship that starts blossoming between them was always overtly special and romantic relationship and the way in which the love interest softens for his mc is already evident by the end of ms1. this means that we get a whole 10 more chapters for this development to really take its time to get to where it needs to go. this also means that we actually see obvious burgeoning attraction (or special treatment) before we get to any sort of climax confession scene. i feel like the mc’s lack of manners/impertinence familiarity with the LIs from the very start means that it’s a lot harder to see the dynamic between the two of them changing. just compare the way that dr mc and takado talk to each other in ch1 and ch29 vs the way that hlitf mc and kaga talk to each other in ms1 ch 1 and ms2 ch 8. i would argue that the action scene in the collapsing building in takado’s chapter TWENTY SEVEN is about equivalent to the action climax scenes that happen in hlitf ms1 chapter NINE.

(oh and i also think that the whole talking about how physically beautifully they are to their faces from day one also hinders the sense of growing mutual attraction.)

another GIANT hindrance is that a lot of the key bonding moments are actually paywalled behind heart scenes so you really don’t get anything if you don’t dish out THANKS LOVE CHOICE. 

anyway, long story short is that romance md spends waaay too long and focusses way too much on plot stuff and character backstory (if you can even unlock it lmao) and leaves maybe 5% at the very end for romance rather than having a romantic element integrated throughout the story. if i were to try and compare it to hlitf again, i would say that to me, rmd routes feel like if hlitf ms1 was as it is but then there was one extra chapter at the end where it just goes straight to confession without the entirety of ms2′s development. but also like at least 2x longer. like imagine if we had ms1 and ms2 but there was no romantic engagement or indication of any romantic interest from the love interest in 20 whole chapters except you suddenly get one confession but only in the happy ending. actually matsunaga’s doctor ending literally FLOORED me like ???????? it’s literally like imagine if you only got through namba’s ms1 and half of ms2 (to that scene outside the dorms when you know what happens) and THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS LASKDJFLKSJ they finally had some early emotional awareness on the part of the mc and then they had to go and make it ENTIRELY one sided with not just zero but actually NEGATIVE romantic intention from the love interest i’m screaming 

tl;dr: my biggest problem with romance md is that it’s literally SO LONG but there’s no romance 

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect Initiation thoughts

In short: this book is actually really good, N.K. Jemisin is, as we all know, an excellent writer! It’s the story of how Cora met Alec Ryder and joined the Initiative, and it has SO much good good SAM content and I am full of emotions. 

- poor cora is so continually out of her depth, I want to give her a hug. the points made about her in the main game are true though -- she is not ready for leadership yet. (and that’s fine! she does much better with something or someone to belong to and that is so Valid. she’s an honorable Loyal Knight!!! one of the sexiest things to be, as we all know)

I think I’ll actually like her a lot more on this new playthrough now -- she must have been quite hard to write compellingly in the game because at the end of the day she’s really very straightforward and honest and loyal, it’s quite hard to uh ‘hide’ things in her character  

- alec ryder deadass installed an unspeakably illegal (and did I mention experimental?) AI in cora’s head with no informed consent whatsoever. d A D 

(when cora is like ‘are you actually going to another galaxy because they don’t have laws to stop you from committing fully to your craziness in public’ and alec is like *...maybe so meme* fadsfhkj he does literally say ‘this is why I’m going to another galaxy’ out loud at a later point of the book)

- this book is giving me the good good SAM content ;________; I love SAM so much, the scene where cora thinks she’s dying and SAM talks to her? when cora asks SAM if he’s okay being connected to her because if he’s sentient that matters to her (cora is a Good)? SAM explicitly having inherited alec ryder’s sense of humour and sarcasm and alec a) doesn’t know how it happened, b) distantly thinks he should probably track that process down and turn it off (and never does) and c) regrets all his life choices when his robot kid mercilessly snarks at him and questions his life choices? please bioware give me an me:a sequel with more of this stuff I’ll eat it up with a spoon

- body diverse asari! HUGE BUFF ASARI! Short stocky beautiful matriarch asari with one krogan and one turian trophy husband fast asleep in her bed in the background of a vidcall fkdjshfkjsdlhfkjsdah god I love mass effect with my entire heart

- OLD LADY INFORMATION BROKER VOLUS WORKING OUT OF ILLIUM!!!! this is not a drill what the fUCK this is the coolest shit 

- fasdklhfsjkdalfhsdjk okay in Alec Ryder POV: “I don’t think [Cora] likes me very much.” Which probably meant she had good judgement. AFLSKJDHGJSDKF ALEC 

he has a weird flip-flopping sense of self -- he is uncompromisingly (one might even say... astoundingly arrogantly) secure in his own intellectual superiority and that most other people are idiots not to be trusted and that he needs to do things himself because others would mess it up, and yet there’s this clear seam of self loathing around basically everything else about himself too. (You know who he reminds me of, in a more military and less visibly anxious way? Rodney McKay. Alec Ryder is like a slightly unfortunate outcome for a McShep lovechild. I think we just figured out why I have sort of a soft spot for him even though he’s a certifiable dick lol) 

- this book really makes it hit home that cora grew up incredibly isolated and dirt poor. I’ve seen some people say her backstory is all sunshine and daisies compared to kaidan and especially jack’s, but honestly her background is complicated and fucked up enough that I’m just like ‘shit baby :(’ all the time

- well I have successfully solved the puzzle about whether alec ryder is an idealist or not; he absolutely is. a grouchy, bad-tempered one with no people skills, but an idealist nonetheless. alec ryder is in fact a storm of 150000 emotions in a trenchcoat, barely held in check by a thin fragile outer shell of iron lol, SAM was absolutely right to say that he was mostly governed by his feelings. (and I mean if anyone would know it’d be SAM I guess). I found some of it sort of sweet actually: he reflects in passing that one of the biggest reliefs of no longer being in the alliance is that he’ll never have to risk other people’s lives again. he fundamentally wants to build something good to help people live and be happy instead of destroying things. (he also is quite bad at predicting how other people could corrupt and use his innovations precisely to be destructive b/c he doesn’t think that’s the ~*logical*~ thing to do, so... y’know haha, maybe it’s good he went to another galaxy, the milky way could not contain his chaos) 

also he thinks a lot about his wife, even though she’s been dead for years at this point. o u c h (she truly does seem to have been a tether for him in so many ways though -- like a tie to the real world/normalcy/possibly sanity, and that’s a bit how he still evokes her)

additionally: alec ryder did fistfight at the very least one dude in the line of bureaucratic duty, and perhaps more, enough for SAM to have a list of warning signs ready and at hand jdfsklfhasdjf. he did, very much, throw a dude through a table. (at least it’s implied said dude was an asshole) I LOVE that alec’s SAM is  the snarkiest iteration we’ve seen and that he’s perfectly willing to call the old man out on his bullshit (alec stresses that SAM is supposed to do what he says at the end of the day, but his SAM is also less subservient and more willing to argue and discuss things than any other we get to see -- and this is of course the SAM Ryder inherits, but I don’t think SAM is as confident in being able to read the PC correctly until a bit further into the game and the twin is of course a different person who’ll respond to different things so he’s not quite as... blunt? I guess? in confronting them about things. (the whole concept is just! so! interesting!!) anyway I feel like all of this says something about alec’s parenting style, for better or for worse haha. he sort of tries to be authoritarian but his children (well canonically at least Sara, she references having yelled at him a lot over the years) aren’t afraid to fight back or scared of the consequences of disagreeing, so I get the distinct feeling his temper never flared violently like that with his family at all, I think he’s more prone to just pulling away in disapproval.) 

- I enjoy how casually diverse this book is  -- Jemisin has done such a good job making sure especially the human characters are from different backgrounds and places, as they would be lore-wise in the Mass Effect universe, though the games often skew unfortunately white. (andromeda much less so than the trilogy, though)   

- my heart. is so so soft for the fact that a huge reason for cora to join the initiative is how much she bonds with SAM-E. and I am so sad for her because she just wants someone or something who’ll stay, something that won’t disappear on her without closure like her parents; she’s so insecure and scared under her competence (and WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE BE holy shit her parents just. weren’t there one day after she left home so she wouldn’t accidentally crush their ship with her untrained biotics and kill them all). and she chooses alec and his dream. and then alec goes and FUCKING DIES at the first opportunity Y____________Y alternate universe alec please drink your victor sullivan juice and survive, all these dumb children need you  

- I am so surprised about how much fond respect alec seems to have for cora and how quickly he developed it. I suppose he has a harder time with his own children because it’s closer to home? he is a complicated man lol, this last part of the book where he shows her the ark and everything is weirdly sweet. again I think he has the potential to be a good dad somewhere in there and that just makes it so much worse that he wasn’t. (also he staunchly considers himself still a married man. god help me) 

they’ve both grown to honestly love their sams T________T fml. (well alec has sort of bound up all of himself, the things he loves and their future in SAM, so it’s a bit more complicated but my point still stands) alec advocating for a consensual synthesis is very heartfelt and convincing; you really want to believe him.

cora seen through someone else’s eyes is also SO AMAZING!!! after this whole book in her head and she feels so flailing and uncertain and adrift and other people naturally view her completely differently. I especially like alec picking up on her not talking a lot. (I think this is why she responds so well to SAM, who’ll be there always and can be in her head. I wish this part of cora was more evident in the game, the fact that she has this sibling-like connection to SAM seems very important. sequel where both SAM and Ryder grow closer to becoming her actual family? please? I keep begging for ME:A2 into an empty aching void haha) 

- alec ‘I don’t have time to die’ ryder still talking about everyone else being idiots as he’s slowly catching fire while saving SAM fhdjfhsdlfhasdhlfsjd he is an asshole but it is hard not to stan 

- nO SAM-E D:D:D: oh well at least he’s still alive within SAM, in a way?

- hey. hey you know what’s fun. alec tries to use his last words and last thoughts to ask cora to tell the kids about ellen being alive this time too. haha. ha. fuck

he consistently goes out thinking of his family despite all his bullshit and I’m not okay

- CORA IS A PERFECT BODYGUARD/SECOND IN COMMAND AND I’M EMOTIONAL 

- alec is. surprisingly afraid to hurt people emotionally? he keeps putting off telling cora the bad news about SAM-E, to SAM’s stated disapproval lol (I must repeat again: I love SAM so so much). this supports my thesis that in his personal life he’s avoidant rather than confrontational/aggressive. (professionally... again, he did very much throw a man through a table) 

- man I hope we some day get SAM being this comfortably close and sarcastic with Ryder too. thinking about SAM-E and the small differences between him and uh SAM ‘prime’ it really must have been a huge thing for him too to become someone else, especially after the last person died like that. and he kind of has no choice but to experience that loss and death intimately. (now that I think about it that’s. fucked up, man. he literally felt alec go like it happened to himself.) 

If I were to summarize the differences between the SAMs we have seen, cora’s SAM-E seems younger, more exuberant, shyer and more -- what’s a non-shitty word for needy haha? it’s very firmly established that cora longs to feel needed, so this makes perfect sense. alec’s SAM is blunter, snarkier and more prone to questioning things, and hilariously is sort of alec’s emotional intelligence. (probably serves a similar role to what ellen used to, actually. ow) scott/sara’s SAM feels more worried/focused -- which also makes sense; he’s just experienced losing his person/pathfinder, in a real way he’s also recently orphaned and must be Extremely aware that he now has an enormous responsibility, not only what he was built for but for what remains of alec’s family. ...poor SAM 

(come to think of it I guess one vibe I get from in-game SAM is a little bit of ’harried and anxious yet loving and responsible uncle’ hahaha)

- so at this point alec knew cora could never be pathfinder after him, and he never told her. *accumulation of asshole points continues, though I suspect this might have come from a place of not wanting to hurt her again (b/c he’s the only one who has a right to know these important things amirite)* but I’m also strangely touched that the reason he’s hesitant to involve his children in the whole thing isn’t that he doesn’t have faith in them, it’s that he doesn’t want to burden their lives with something so heavy, a burden he created. can you just imagine... if this man had managed to take the time to explain himself, his motivations and his feelings to his children just once. just one fUCKING time. am I laughing am I crying I honestly don’t know

- this book makes me ache all over for the potential of Andromeda. and I don’t think it’s too late to salvage it either. I know a sequel probably won’t happen, at least not any time soon, but... *sits by rainy window like a wife wistfully wondering if her husband will return from sea*

[coffereadsasoiaf]

Thoughts on ACoK Dany II and III

ACoK Dany III actually reminded me about the passage in ACoK Dany II that I wanted to talk about ages ago. So, she has just arrived to Qarth and while taking a bath, she has the following thoughts:

“The thought of home disquieted her. If her sun-and-stars had lived, he would have led his khalasar across the poison water and swept away her enemies, but his strength had left the world. Her bloodriders remained, sworn to her for life and skilled in slaughter, but only in the ways of the horselords. The Dothraki sacked cities and plundered kingdoms, they did not rule them. Dany had no wish to reduce King’s Landing to a blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts. She had supped enough on tears. I want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way Viserys said they smiled for my father. But before she could do that she must conquer. (…)

How could she hope to overthrow such men? When Khal Drogo had lived, men trembled and made him gifts to stay his wrath. If they did not, he took their cities, wealth and wives and all. But his khalasar had been vast, while hers was meager. Her people had followed her across the red waste as she chased her comet, and would follow her across the poison water too, but they would not be enough. Even her dragons might not be enough. Viserys had believed that the realm would rise for its rightful king… but Viserys had been a fool, and fools believe in foolish things.

Her doubts made her shiver. (…) As the handmaids toweled her dry and wrapped her in a sandsilk robe, Dany’s thoughts went to the three who had sought her out in the City of Bones. The Bleeding Star led me to Qarth for a purpose. Here I will find what I need, if I have the strength to take what is offered, and the wisdom to avoid the traps and snares. If the gods mean for me to conquer, they will provide, they will send me a sign, and if not… if not…”

A Clash of Kings, Daenerys II

When I first read this I was intrigued because (as far as I remembered on the spot) this is one of the first time Dany explicitly:

states her goal as the future ruler of the Seven Kingdoms (which no other contender to the throne has done yet - of course the thing is we have a pov for her and not for the others but still)

acknowledges what getting to the Iron Throne could (and, as a consequence, what she is willing to do to get there)

gives her reasoning as to why she thinks she should sit on it in the first place

I had some things I wanted to make note of about these three points, I’ll put them under a read more because I tend to ramble a lot. (Please keep in mind that I have not read further than ACoK Dany III so everything I’ll say is strictly based on what I’ve read so far).

So as to point 1, she says she wants her kingdom to be beautiful (since she’s clearly fascinated with Qarth I think she means for it to be prosperous and thriving), with fat men = people who are not starving (might be cause she just risked that in her last chapter), pretty maids (??? she has an aesthetic I guess) and laughing children = kids who are raised happily (unlike herself) and in good conditions. And she wants to be loved by her people, like she thinks her father was (probably not true, but Viserys wasn’t the most trustworthy guy around). So: a flourishing kingdom where the people have enough to eat and the innocents are safe and happy. Which is great on paper but also a pretty idealistic and somewhat childish vision, and I think it comes across especially because of the terms she uses to describe it (fat, pretty, beautiful); this makes a lot of sense to me since she is fourteen and (despite some very adult-like experience she had to endure) very much still a kid. 

The most interesting though is point 2: she seems aware that the Dothraki way of raising funds is based on “sacking cities and plundering kingdoms” and she says she doesn’t want to reduce the Seven Kingdoms to a “blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts”. But a couple of lines later, after thinking of how she would want a beautiful and peaceful kingdom where people loved her, she thinks: “But before she could do that she must conquer.” Then, in the next paragraph, she thinks of how Drogo’s support would help her in defeating her political enemies now (she mentions Robert, Ned, Tywin and Jaime): “When Khal Drogo had lived, men trembled and made him gifts to stay his wrath. If they did not, he took their cities, wealth and wives and all. But his khalasar had been vast, while hers was meager”.

So when I first read it I was like: this is the most Machiavellian* thing I’ve ever read, meaning that it’s a very “the end justify the means” type of mindset (*not using the term in a negative way btw). And she seems to lament not having Drogo to help her (which, in her own words, would mean conquering cities, stealing wealth, abusing women). But I was also a little confused because back in AGoT, even though she clearly accepted the support of the Dothraki and the idea of what they would do to help her cause (pillaging and raping and so on), when she was actually confronted with the reality of it she actually acted to stop it, putting herself in somewhat of a politically dangerous position, because she was defying the “rights” of the Dothraki warriors. So she actively used her influence over Drogo to save the girls from raping, despite being told by Ser Jorah (who can choke), her servants and bodyguards that she was offending Drogo’s men, going against their culture, dishonoring them and so on. Now, she was clearly too late and she doesn’t realize that before she stepped in to defend these women, they had already been raped multiple time and lost their families and homes because of a Dothraki attack that was initiated to help her get to the Iron Throne (which is what Mirri Maz Duur then tells her, but Dany doesn’t register because she is traumatized by the miscarriage and Drogo’s state and she quickly focuses on Mirri Maz Duur “betrayal”, by default refusing to properly listen to her point). She then burns Mirri alive and never (as far as I remember) reconsiders her opinion on her, maintaining that she was a traitor who killed Drogo and her child even though Dany tried to help her escape rape. Dany is very much in the wrong here, but I do think this is heavily influenced by 1) the trauma she has just gone through and also 2) her young age. The fact that when faced with the consequences of the attack on innocents she would act to protect them, but then she would fail to see that that is very much the type of support she had accepted from Drogo, reminds me of how some kids don’t have a proper grasp on real life consequences, so they end up doing stupid stuff because they can’t see the problematic aspect in the abstract concept but then when faced with the reality of their behaviour they might actually correct their actions (of course, in this world “stupid stuff” is like “allowing people to get murdered or assaulted” but we gotta work with what we’ve got I guess). In Dany’s case (until now at least) I see it as a sign of immaturity rather than straight up ruthlessness, as it is for Tywin or Bailon (adults who clearly know exactly what they are allowing, but accept it without blinking an eye) or even (big sigh) Theon who in this moment in the story is leading a type of attack on the Stony Shore which is comparable to a Dothraki one, and while Theon is also very young and does indulge in a lot fo self-denial, he doesn’t really do anything to help or stop people being murdered or women being raped (sigh again). Anyway, I’m intrigued to see if/how she will develop her thoughts on this issue.

So about point 3, I read that quote and immediately thought about Dany and Stannis being the only two IT contenders who ground their claim on both birth right (they descend from the only two dynasties that sat on the Iron Throne, although to be fair the Baratheon one was pretty short in comparison) and religion, with the significant difference that while Stannis seems to be strategically using the religion of R’hllor as a political mean to strengthen his claim (without really believing in any of it), Dany actually believes she has been sent on a mission by the gods:

The Bleeding Star led me to Qarth for a purpose. Here I will find what I need, if I have the strength to take what is offered, and the wisdom to avoid the traps and snares. If the gods mean for me to conquer, they will provide, they will send me a sign, and if not... if not...”

This probably comes from what she has experienced so far: on one hand, she believes Targaryens are the rightful rulers of Westeros (something Viserys drilled into her brain since she was a toddler) and, on the other, she has done the impossible and given birth to dragons, magical creatures who were believed to be long dead. What is also really interesting, though, is that she is not entirely sure of it, she has doubts and even admits the possibility of being wrong (if not... if not...). And furthermore, in ACoK Dany III we actually get another little bit:

“Yet even crowned, I am a beggar still, Dany thought. I have become the most splendid beggar in the world, but a beggar all the same. She hated it, as her brother must have. All those years of running from city to city one step ahead of the Usurper’s knives, pleading for help from archons and princes and magisters, buying our food with flattery. He must have known how they mocked him. Small wonder he turned so angry and bitter. In the end it had driven him mad. It will do the same to me if I let it. Part of her would have liked nothing more than to lead her people back to Vaes Tolorro, and make the dead city bloom. No, that is defeat. I have something Viserys never had. I have the dragons. The dragons are all the difference.”

A Clash of Kings, Daenerys III

I was surprised to read that she actually seems to prefer the idea of getting back to Vaes Tolorro, with her little following, and abandon the IT quest for good. But then she gets “back on track” thinking “no that is defeat” and that her dragons are gonna make possible for her something that was never possible for Viserys, of whom she has at this point a pretty realistic idea (btw, she calls him mad!!! I feel it’s pretty relevant). This almost feels like she feels obligated to set forth for Westeros because it’s her duty to do so as the last Targaryen who was gifted with real dragons by the gods (which also makes sense with the fact that in the previous paragraph she thinks that the weight of the crown she was gifted made her neck ache), as if she wouldn’t necessarily want it herself and would be content to keep living with her khalasar in a place she could make flourish. Don’t know if that’s like a thing, but it’s a vibe that I never got from the show, so I thought I would make a note of it for the future cause I tend to forget stuff a lot. 

In conclusion, the good thing is that even if the Qarth plot is still kinda boring, at least it’s giving me some food for thought lol.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

I saw TROS earlier today and, well, it was definitely a Star Wars sequel movie, for better and for worse. I can see why some people on my dash hated this movie and why some of them loved it. I can also see why some of them threw their hands into the air over it and shrugged. (FYI, I’m in the third category.) More scattered and spoiler-laden thoughts below the cut:

--“Never underestimate a droid.” This line would have been so much more meaningful if the spy had turned out to be a First Order droid rather than Hux. A droid that had broken free of its programming, just like Finn (and later Jannah and the other unnamed former stormtroopers). But as always, the Droid Revolution that we deserve is probably never going to be a thing, at least not onscreen where it counts.

--Just like TFA, the copy-and-pasting from the Original Trilogy was painfully obvious, but what was forgivable in the first film of a new trilogy is less so in said trilogy’s concluding film. 

--Trần Loan/Rose deserved more screentime and prominence. And did we really have to turn Poe into a former spice runner? Really? *sighs heavily*

--Zorii Bliss felt sort of shoehorned in? I didn’t hate her, but it felt like TPTB only introduced her to give Poe another person to flirt with. And I say this as someone who was not expecting PoeFinn or any other LGBTQIAP+ relationship between named characters to be made canon in this movie at all. Hopefully fans will give her more depth in fic!

--Jannah was really interesting and I would have loved to see more of her. Once again, hopefully fans will take her character and deepen/explore it in fic.

--LANDO! 

--Finn was all but explicitly confirmed as Force sensitive, and it’s What He Deserves. 

--I mean, Finn also deserved his own storyline and a stronger conclusion to his character arc in this film, especially considering he was promoted as one of the leads of the sequel trilogy. But while I’m irked that he was relegated to a side character, I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, especially after TLJ. 

--Likewise, I knew Reyl0 was going to be a thing after TLJ. I found their relationship less grating than Anida1a in the prequels, but it still didn’t do much of anything for me in this film. Do I understand from an objective POV why some people enjoy it so much? Yep. It’s the grand, tortured, Byronic Romance™, where it isn’t really about whether the characters have anything in common or even like each other, it’s about their near-mystical connection and their inability (and lack of true desire) to be rid of it; it’s about the lengths to which they will go for each other/themselves; it’s about the powerful man who is emotionally vulnerable and eager to serve his True Love at the expense of all else. It’s also the whole enemies-to-lovers trope, and so on. I understand the appeal of this mashup intellectually, it’s just not my cup of tea here. YMMV and all that, and that’s as it should be.

--Palpatine back from death is as ridiculous here as it was in the old EU, but I can roll with it. I think the movie made the right decision not to explain all the nitty-gritty details of how he cheated death or manipulated the whole Snoke deal... ultimately, it doesn’t really matter, y’know? Ditto to Rey Palpatine lol.

--Leia’s death felt pretty narratively cheap to me, but I understand that there was only so much TPTB could do with the footage they already had of Carrie Fisher in costume. Still, poor Leia. She drew a deeply shitty hand in life, didn’t she?

--That said, it was nice to see Leia training as a Jedi in flashbacks, however briefly. (Is it just me, or did her saber hilt vaguely resemble Obi-Wan’s?) Does it make a lot less sense that she would then send Ben away to Luke if she’s had Jedi training? Yes. Can I created headcanons to explain this? Also yes. And do I really care about this particular inconsistency when there are far worse ones out there and this one makes dudebro sections of the fandom spitting mad? NOPE.

--I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not inherently against the redemption of Kylo/Ben. But, as I had suspected/feared, they “redeemed” him at the narrative expense of other characters I personally find more interesting... and they still didn’t manage to make said redemption feel narratively earned to me. Is there undoubtedly ancillary material in SW books and comics that give more background behind Kylo/Ben’s turn to the Dark Side and eventual turn back to the Light? Yes. Do I want to read it? Not really, no. Also, unless something happens onscreen in the SW universe, it doesn’t really count as true canon. So it’s disappointing that the movie shoved other characters and plots to the side to make room for Kylo/Ben’s redemption arc and then didn’t even do a good job with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

--Also, of course TPTB had Kylo/Ben die saving someone rather than narratively deal with what it means to work towards redemption after having done lots of terrible things, and having to recover from having been manipulated/groomed by Sidious. Not surprised in the slightest.

--I would have preferred a Stormtrooper Rebellion storyline, but I’m not going to blast TROS or the sequel trilogy for being what it is rather than what I wanted it to be. I will, however, blast it for its sloppy execution of its existing storylines. Which leads to my next point...

--Even though TROS was long, it still felt rushed and, like the first two movies in this trilogy, it felt largely disconnected from the other sequel trilogy films. The Star Wars Story Group really should have planned this trilogy out better. If TPTB were going to go with two different directors/writers, they should have made sure said directors/writers were on the same page rather than seemingly fighting each other’s visions of what the overarching story should be at every step.  

--I’m willing to handwave a lot of stuff that happens in TROS, mainly because I’m long past expecting coherence from this franchise... or pretty much any major franchise, tbh. (For instance: Thousands of people show up to aid the Resistance when Lando calls them but not when Leia did in TLJ? OK. Force Ghost Luke shows up to catch Rey’s lightsaber but not to help her against Palpatine? Sure.) These issues don’t really make or break the series for me, so I can work with them with a minimum of grumbling. Which isn’t quite the same thing as letting TPTB off the hook for their laziness and inconsistencies.

--Honestly, I hate to say it, but it would have made for a stronger story if Chewie had died aboard the ship when Rey and Kylo/Ben were fighting over it; that would have driven home the consequences of Rey’s lack of control and lessened the artificiality of the stakes in this movie. But I get that this is ultimately a family film, so it’s more of a minor quibble than anything else.

--It’s kind of weird that Rey’s hair is back in the three buns again for the entirety of TROS after she wore her hair differently for almost all of TLJ. But that’s a fairly minor quibble too, and one of the sort I can easily create a headcanon to explain. Actually, come to think of it, I wonder if they didn’t do this at least partially to be able to recycle some of the unused TFA clips with Leia and Rey?

--Frankly, I’m not sure why Rey suddenly cared so much about what Luke thought, considering A. he was a huge jerk to her for most of TLJ, and B. she seemed to have broken with following his advice towards the end of TLJ. And since she didn’t have a great relationship with Luke, it seems weird that she’d take his last name. Shouldn’t she have gone with Organa or even Solo, if she’s naming herself after a mentor? But whatever, I get that it’s about the symbolism more than the character or logic. And I can create headcanons to explain all of this.

--It’s a little weird that there wasn’t any more resolution to Kylo/Ben’s storyline and Rey’s feelings about it after his death. But with Leia dead, I guess there isn’t anyone left who’d especially care if Kylo/Ben turned back to the Light aside from Rey herself. Still, there should have been something more. Especially since Ben didn’t show up as a Force Ghost alongside Luke and Leia on Tatooine.

--While I’m at it, I wish we could have had a minute’s conversation with Rey telling Finn about her heritage, if only because I think he would have understood. But I wish we could have learned more about Finn’s heritage (which didn’t need to be a known SW lineage, btw) too, so... 

--For that matter, I wish we could have had Finn get a chance to tell Rey about his being Force Sensitive, which might have made her feel slightly less alone. I wish we could have seen Finn figure out what being Force Sensitive meant to him. And so on.

--Not sure where people are getting the idea that Lando & Jannah were flirting, because I didn’t read their interaction that way at all.

--General Poe and General Finn were great, but also sort of felt unearned after the events of TLJ.

--The abilities that come from being part of a Dyad are overpowered and a little silly, but hey, they’re also following a long-established SW tradition of overpowered silliness, so... *shrugs*

--Confused as to why Rey suddenly killed Kylo/Ben when she did?? I mean, if it was because she was angry Leia had just died, wouldn’t that be acting from the Dark Side and shouldn’t that have, idk, narrative consequences for her?

--I don’t see why some people loved or hated Rey’s ending so much. It’s pretty open, IMO, just like the endings for all of the surviving characters. Who says Rey is going to stay on Tatooine or be alone there, after all? For all we know, she just stopped there for a few days to bury the lightsabers, grieve for Kylo/Ben, and meditate. For all we know, Finn or one of her other friends from the Resistance is going to drop in any moment now. Heck, for all we know, one of her friends is hanging out inside the Falcon where we can’t see them, giving her a little space. (Was her friendship with Finn and Poe depicted pretty shallowly in this movie? Yeah. But so was her relationship with Kylo/Ben tbh, even with the Dyad Force bond thingamajig.) Rey has a whole world of choices available to her. Does it suck that we didn’t get to see that onscreen? Yeah. Does it mean she’s doomed to be eternally lonely as a hermit on a desert planet? Not in the slightest.

--Someone really needs to tell the writers of these big franchises that using ring structure is pointless if there isn’t meaning behind it. There’s nothing inherently significant about repeating events or revisiting locations. 

--Overall, I felt pretty meh about TROS. I didn’t love it or hate it. As with any movie in a series, there’s good stuff to be mined from it, and bad stuff to be handwaved away or given headcanon explanations. But mostly, I just can’t dredge up the energy to care very much. And I’m not in the mood for TROS fix-it fanfiction so much as I am TROS crack fics. 

--I haven’t talked about everything that worked or didn’t work for me in TROS here, but if you have any questions, I’m always happy to answer them to the best of my abilities!

[awfully-sadistic]

{{ Book talk: Friend Request

I finished Friend Request by Laura Marshall today.

I don’t quite remember when I bought it but it was sometime during the beginning of the month of December. Jeff and I went to Fry’s and scanned the book section looking for any more Kay Hooper books, especially her Bishop novels. Anyway, there wasn’t any though I did see Christine Feehan! A few of her books, I saw Dark Fire and one of the Leopard books? I know I went and told Dot about it when I got back.

Here is the summary for this book: 1989. When Louise first notices the new girl, Maria seems to be everything the girls Louise hangs out with aren’t. Authentic. Funny. Brash. Within just a few days, Maria and Louise are on their way to becoming fast friends. 2016. Louise receives a heart-stopping email. Maria Weston wants to be friends on Facebook. Long-buried memories quickly rise to the surface: cruel decisions made and dark secrets kept, the night that would change all their lives forever.

As she tries to piece together exactly what happened that night, Louise discovers there’s more to the story than she ever knew.

I’m going to dive into the book but I’ll keep my thoughts below a cut just in case anyone who stumbles upon this doesn’t want to read on spoilers and stuff. I’ma be spoiling things. That’s the point of these talks. I want to TALK ABOUT THE BOOKS I READ AND SHIT.

First off, I don’t care about Louise. She’s a freaking weak character. She has a group of friends she hung out with in high school. She wasn’t too much of a popular kid but her “best friend”, Sophie, was even though Sophie was the one that seemed to be on the fringes of that popularity herself. Claire and some other chick were the true popular girls and Sophie used to be close with Claire until they started to push her out because you know, Sophie became a third wheel... in a group of girl friends. As you can imagine, it was a cliche catty thing. I didn’t care for that aspect but I guess it showed how terrible girls can be to one another.

Another aspect I should mention is that this author is British and this book, you can tell, is British. I didn’t mind it and although some terms/slang went over my head, it wasn’t hard to tell what things meant through the context and it was very little I ran into this problem as an American reader. Further, what caught my attention about this book was the genre of suspense and mystery. Maybe a little horror. I thought it would be like the horror movies with social media and being online, in book form. The cover looked interesting.

The tagline says “Maria Weston wants to be friends. But Maria Weston’s dead. Isn’t she?” And that’s the sort of premise of the story. Louise gets this friend request from her after many years after high school on Facebook and it’s so strange, as someone who is constantly on the Internet but over the whole “Facebook” phase to hear people talk about it like it’s this... Idk, cool thing to use when in actuality, the people that seem to use Facebook are the older generation and it seems that this is where the author fits the mold. She does hit the nail on the nose where she describes Facebook as this community where people put all of their business on it, but only the storybook and fairy tale aspects what everyone is happy to put on display for their friends and mutual to brag to. I think nearly everyone can attest to their family members using Facebook for things like this. My family does it and I think Dot’s does, too. The author does a good job emulating this in her universe. 

So, Louise gets this friend request from Maria who had been killed back in 1989, during prom night. The mystery about this is whether Maria is alive or not. Louise is a divorced mother by now, having married and had a son with a guy she loved in high school, Sam. But Sam cheated on her and eventually had another kid with the woman he left Louise for. One of the things that bothered me about this aspect is that it is never quite explained what the text message said Louise kept bringing up that caused their marriage to splinter. Things like that aren’t explicitly said but seems to be a very important detail. I get that he cheated on her, she read something that she wasn’t supposed to... or however it was described, but the fact that she never writes that detail in makes it an itch I couldn’t scratch. It bothered me. I wanted to know. I never found out what that stupid text message said.

I do like Louise’s son and the relationship she had with him. Henry was an adorable little child and I adored the way she described some of the scenes between mother and son. It gave me better insight on how to write interaction with children, something I don’t quite run into despite wanting to write interactions for Dot and her children.

Going back to Louise, I found it hard to sympathize with her because like I said before, I didn’t like her. I found that she was weak and always had been since high school. She was making decisions that would have me all “Girl, WHY” and wishing she had done things differently instead of the route she had taken. She wasn’t UNBEARABLE like some female protagonists, but she was... stupid. But I get that she was also fearful. She had been carrying around this “secret” of hers since high school, feeling responsible for Maria’s death.

I felt sorry for Maria since I brought her up. She was a new transfer to Louise’s school and at once was ostracized. The summary made it sound like she and Louise were friends but I felt that hardly happened. What happened was that she and Louise hung out about two major times; one was when Louise had been ditched by Sophie (who went to hang out with one of the popular girls and wasn’t even a real friend to her but Louise wanted so bad to fit in with these girls) at lunch and Louise and Maria hung out. Louise, in a sense, used Maria whenever she couldn’t hang out with Sophie. 

Maria had these rumors surrounding her as soon as she moved to a new school In actuality, she had a stalker. This stalker put out horrid rumors about her that ruined her reputation at her previous school and somehow, this new school. Some kid that went to that school had a cousin that attended this new school and that was how these rumors seemed to persist with Maria. It’s quite sad. She was the type that stood up for herself even though she was being treated horribly. She mouthed off to Sophie for treating her like shit and she was kind to Esther, an old friend of Louise that she ditched in order to hang out with Sophie and the popular kids. Maria was a character that you could have liked, instead, we got weak ass Louise and her inability to stand up for herself. In all fronts. The only time she did something that was strong was 1) when her son went missing and 2) when she was being choked near the end of the book. BUT SHE FAILED ALL THE OTHER TIMES TO BE A STRONG CHARACTER. I guess it’s meant to display a whole, every-day jane or something, but like... c’mon. How many chances do you get to rightfully apologize to someone for being a little shithead in your youth? She’s had so many times to apologize to Esther with how she treated her, explain and come clean with so many things, but she kept thinking of herself. She kept saying she felt bad and sorry and regretted everything she had done and how she treated people but it wasn’t until her ass was cornered and she had no other path to take that she RIGHTFULLY apologized or explained herself to the people she should have in the beginning. I felt if you were really that remorseful, you would have done so earlier.

So I didn’t quite blame Esther for feeling distrustful of Louise as she did throughout their encounters. I just thought Louise was a weak protagonist and hard to relate to. Or perhaps I felt too much sympathy for the characters who were done wrongly and came to resent Louise. Sophie was too fucking ridiculous to outright hate; I knew she was a bitch and didn’t care too much for her. She was awful. But Louise was supposed to be the main character you were supposed to be sympathetic towards. I COULDN’T DO IT, lmao.

I suppose I should talk about what I liked about the book. I mean, I only read it on my spare time--which was anytime I wasn’t doing things on my computer which meant cooking and occasionally sitting down with it. I wasn’t in a hurry to read it until that last stretch where Louise went to her high school reunion. I guess that meant it was sort of like a slow build or that just may be because I had been reading slowly. I wasn’t bothered by it, though. I wasn’t taken out of the story, I was able to dive back into it every time I picked it back up. The author’s writing voice seemed good too considering it was her first published book. It wasn’t quite my favorite type of writing style (the book was written in first person, too) but it wasn’t bad. Not at all. Just different. And there wasn’t too many romantic points in it; the romantic aspects I guess I could count were when Louise would speak about her marriage to Sam. How much they loved each other (how much she loved him because she honestly gave him everything). Sam was... something else. I won’t delve too much into his story; I mean, for as involved in the book as he was, I just... didn’t get too much of an impression of him. I didn’t like Sophie more than him and that’s hilariously weird considering the outcome.

The italic chapters, portions where it was written in someone else’s POV, were confusing and I can’t think... why it would be part of the story. I mean, from what I can remember and gather about those small chapters was that... it was in the past. They were hints, I’m going to assume, but they just felt out of place and distracting to me. I didn’t care of those small chapters.

The hints of BDSM also threw me a little. But that was probably because it was mingled in with abuse. So it wasn’t quite real BDSM practices. Just that... Sam was a piece of shit and there was signs Louise couldn’t see and she mistakenly pegged it as BDSM.

I honestly... don’t know what else to talk about this book now that I’ve expressed the little things that were bothering me and how I overall felt about it. It was a pretty... okay read. Not GREAT but it wasn’t bad either. It wasn’t what I was expecting but I wasn’t quite disappointed with what I got. 

[utopianparadoxist]

I just wanted to drop by and say that first of all, I love your theories and analyses. They're so good and I cry daily about them. Secondly I wanted to express my... I guess dissatisfaction with the lack of fan analyses about John and Dave's friendship, in particular from John's POV. They are basically the only proclaimed pair of best friends whose relationship didn't waver during the course of the whole comic, and I just wish people talked more about their influence on each other!

Ok so first of all I have to say that the idea that Dirk and Jake’s relationship seriously wavered on any level but the superficial “are we officially dating” one is, imo, inaccurate. The boys are in love, they love each other and are best friends and this is true across the board for the Alphas.

Thanks a lot for your message though, and I’ve been meaning to say something about John and Dave’s relationship for a while now so sure, I’ve got a bit to say for you. 

predictably as hell this got really long, so meet me under the cut.

But to talk about them, I’m going to have to talk about a different pair of friends who grow up together, first. One underexplored element of Homestuck that I’ve always found interesting is how Classpect seems to reflect, to a degree, how characters take influence from their societies.

I’ve written plenty about Jake and Jane in this regard, but I think John is maybe my favorite example for how nuanced it is.

A great example of what I’m talking about is Equius and Vriska’s contrasting relationships with the Hemospectrum. Namely, Equius, the Void player, values it greatly, while Vriska, a Light player, regards it as a bunch of bullshit. 

What Vriska DOES put value in is how it affects circumstance–how it makes people see Tavros, how it makes people see her, the very real burdens of responsibility and societal expectation it puts on everyone. THAT’S real. THAT matters to her. 

But the ideology itself is a bunch of baloney, and Vriska picks up on that almost instinctually. Now let’s take stock of what the Hemospectrum is in the story.  It is, simultaneously:

1) A source of STRENGTH, at least for Equius. 

2) Inherently irrelevant and unimportant to anything about any of the characters except how it makes society treat them.

3) Explicitly a lie. 

4) Most importantly for our purposes: Entirely physical. 

True to Homestucks’ Gnostic roots, unlike true ideas that the characters reason out over the course of the story, information that is unimportant, irrelevant, and built upon markers of physical identity is inherently coded with Void, as the aspect of all things false, unfortunate, unimportant and untrue. The world of the physical Yaldabaoth creates in Gnosticism is coded not just as the world of lies and physicality, but also as the world of Darkness. Hence the link.

For Homestuck, this means that that sort of information has a source. It can be traced on a timeline, just like any other objects in the story, because information like the Hemospectrum amounts to what is essentially a bad meme. 

For the Hemospectrum, that source is Equius, who first inherits that incredibly unimportant information from his society and then becomes nothing when he succumbs to its influence, allowing Gamzee to kill him. 

Now here’s the kicker: Eventually, Equius (along with Gamzee) becomes the source of the Hemospectrum himself, becoming part of Lord English and so explaining how LE got the idea to impose such a complicated system in the first place. 

In essence, once he becomes part of LE, the hemospectrum itself is Equius’ most lasting legacy on the plot, a time loop to rival Gamzee’s RIDICULOUS proliferation of clown-themed horror across the cosmos. Equius has truly become Void in this regard, a potent undercurrent for Heirs. 

Now let’s talk about Dave finally.

So like while it’s true that John and Dave’s friendship is mostly wholesome as fuck and really sturdy, I’m going to complicate that narrative a bit on both extremes. 

One of the things I’ve always found appealing about Dave is how intensely devoted he is to his friends growing up–which makes sense when you consider how unhappy he says he was in his home life. 

If Dave has a penchant for rapping ad nauseum and talking to his friends even after they leave to humorous extremes early on, well–that has at least something to do with the fact that he’s using them as an escape from his nightmarish childhood.

This devotion is more than just him being very giving and caring–he’s invested in all of the other betas emotionally, and it matters to them how they feel about him. Maybe none moreso than John, even years and lots of chilling out later.

And it plays into Davesprite’s lost sense of self in a big way. When John rejects him in favor of “Real Dave”, Davesprite is genuinely hurt and angry, and John continues to aggravate those feelings of displacement during the 3 year journey on the ship. John’s perception of him MATTERS to Dave.

And a lot of what made Dave’s childhood awful was his internalization of heroism as linked to not just Bro’s weird hypermasculine bullshit, but also explicitly to heterosexuality. 

Dave compares himself unfavorably to John as a hero, and knowing what we know about him now, it’s pretty reasonable to put Dave’s struggles with his attractions to men at the root of it. 

And given how similar Jade and John are and his obvious romantic interest in Jade, I’ve always read him as being just as interested in John–just closeted and repressed about it. 

Which means that all of those gay jokes he and John partook in had an effect on Dave far beyond what they had on John, which I think is really interesting. Also interesting, though, is how John reveals he parsed all of those things growing up:

As jokes. See, John also inherits a lot of his culture’s toxic ideology, like Equius does. But unlike Equius, John doesn’t inherit it as information to value and define himself by. 

Breath is the aspect of detachment and levity, and fittingly, John inherits these toxic masculinity-enforcing cultural memes as a series of jokes! Stuff he says, but doesn’t think about. Stuff not particularly worth “taking seriously”.

So his relationship to masculinity is a lot less fraught and intense–partly because he fits the mold more neatly than Dave, but also partly because he simply didn’t actually believe the stuff he was saying. 

Here, John is a depiction of the straight dude who makes shitty jokes and claims to be “just kidding”, except that John actually IS just kidding, and so he doesn’t really force the issue or focus on it. 

That doesn’t mean that toxic masculinity hasn’t had an effect on him–he still struggles with cultural shifts to a degree. But I like that Homestuck allows for different levels of impact of these cultural memes across individuals. This stuff doesn’t affect everyone equally, and it doesn’t affect everyone quite the same way. 

On top of that, it’s a good example of the fact that even a genuinely good person who doesn’t believe this stuff can have a negative effect on people they care about by transmitting these cultural cues. Because it’s the memes themselves that are toxic.

[shipcestuous]

Odd and True episode 3: also Revenge of the Shipper (because RotS was the 3rd SW episode and I KNOW that) (Submission)

This one will cover chapters 7 through 14.  Sorry for sending this in before giving you time to even post the second installment!  This review thing has gotten seriously out of hand, but then, I didn’t expect there to be so much freaking content for this family’s relationships.  I came into this expecting a cute but non-canon sisters relationship, something to read over a free weekend or something, but this…  This family is consuming my life.

Anyway, Od and Tru arrive in Chicago, and Od quickly latches onto a ghost-hunting mission.  Tru, for her part, still has some valid concerns.  “My eyes moistened with tears over her belief in me–and yet, I still found myself not believing in her.  I still worried about her sanity, dreadfully.“  They’re attacked by a mugger, but when Tru is threatened, Od wallops the guy.  Protective siblings are another one of my favorite things.

The following scene of Od and Tru taking shelter at a hotel for the night also mirrors the scene of Magnus and Od finding shelter in the previous chapter.  Except that this time, it’s a contrast.  Magnus had just exposed Od to some upsetting truths, and then he brought her to a brothel of all places for shlter.  Here, Od is still shielding Tru from the truth about their parents, and brings her to a nice hotel and ensures she’s well taken care of (even if she is also talking to Tru about ghosts, which make her uncomfortable).

Od also reveals that while she was away from Tru and traveling with the circus, she fell madly in love.  Tru narrates, ”Jealousy stung my heart.  All that time that she’d been gone, I’d pictured her as being as miserable and lonely as I was.“  Od claims she and the person she loved were forcibly separated a year ago, and Od was told they just weren’t meant to be together.  If nothing else, this kind of parallels her and Tru, too.  Also, Tru continues to be so explicitly jealous, and I love it.

Tru then has an upsetting premonition, and Od comforts her, holding her hands and telling her that they can face whatever they need to face, because they’ve already faced worse and ”we’ve done it before, Tru.  We’re lionhearted.  Both of us.“  I love how Od always gets upset on Tru’s behalf whenever Tru claims she’s weak.  I love how, even though she’s Tru’s protector, Od also seems to wholeheartedly believe in her sister’s own strength.

In the next chapter, we’re back in 1896, just after Maria moves with little Od and Tru to Oregon.  Maria has a miscarriage and is rushed to the hospital, and six-year-old Od desperately sends a mental message for Magnus to ”come help us.  I’m still mad at you a bit, but please, please, we need you!“  In Oregon is where Tru gets polio, and Od takes on that protective role toward her sister (“my Tru,” she calls her) even though she’s still so young herself. The girls are taken in by their aunt and her husband during this time.

Next chapter, the present-day (well, the 1909 present-day, haha) Od and Tru reach Philadelphia.  Od runs into a young man she recognizes, and immediately Tru’s heart stops (figuratively, of course) with the fear that this is the “beloved” Od had spoken of. Apparently it’s not, but it is Cy, a boy she mooned over when she was younger in Oregon, so Tru tries to make him leave them alone.  Though Od isn’t really happy to see the guy (she alludes to an incident in the past that left her life “in shambles”, which I presume we’ll learn about later on), even turning her back on him as he’s inviting her to join him on a supernatural adventure because she’s just that upset.

Instead, Od opts to look into this lead with just Tru.  Tru is starting to believe Od about all of this “monsters and magic” stuff by now, which of course pleases Od.  And then the girls visit their mother’s address, although Od fears that Maria will “bring up all sorts of awful things” (probably family-related bc honestly, are any even semi-important characters in here who aren’t part of this family?). Her fears are moot for the moment, since nobody answers the door.  (Turns out she left the house the previous week, according to a neighbor.)

In chapter 10, we get another Od POV flashback–this time it’s from 1905, 4 years before the current plotline of the book.  It’s Tru’s eleventh birthday, and she asks Od to tell the story of her birth again because it’s tradition.  Od notes that she “vowed to never tell her the truth about our father’s absence on the day of her birth, or of the fact that he had kept our mother hidden away in a remote part of the world for more than seven long years while married to another woman.  Tru didn’t need to know that our mother continued to work in the city to pay off debts and that Aunt Vik referred to Mama as ‘immoral’ and ‘sinful’ whenever she spoke of her….  I didn’t know how Mama earned money.  Aunt Vik kept us so sheltered, I wouldn’t have understood it if she ever named our mother’s profession.”

I know I’m just retreading old ground here, but I love how determined Od is to protect her younger sister.  Not just physically, but emotionally.  Even if the truth eats away at her and it would probably feel better for her if she could share it with her closest person, she keeps it from Tru anyway to protect her.  And I. Love. That. So much.  (Even if I also can’t wait for Tru to inevitably find out because I’m always a slut for angst.)

Anyway, that same night when Tru falls asleep (“with a birthday smile lingering on her lips”), Od is startled by banging at the front door.  She sneaks out of the girls’ room to see who is her aunt and uncle’s visitor, and it’s Maria.  She’s worried for Od as her fateful 15th birthday is approaching, and she also asks Viktoria if Magnus has come by because Maria is worried for his safety.  She also comments after a brief exchange with Od that she’s “so much like your uncle Magnus.”

Viktoria shuts the door on Maria (who has been “drunk as a fiddler,” Vik says ,“and running around with strange men”), fearing that she’s going to be a bad influence on the girls.  Maria bangs on the door, crying for her daughter.  When Od returns to the bedroom, Tru is awake and hears the screaming, so Od claims it’s La Llorona, the weeping spirit seeking children, so Tru won’t have to know the truth.  Od tells her something similar to what Magnus told her before she learned about her father: “You’re safe and loved.  Don’t worry.“  And that’s the way the chapter ends.

Back in the present, the sisters eat at a restaurant, and their waiter asks about Tru’s cane.  She’s understandably wary, but then learns the man’s little sister also had polio and just got put into a wheelchair.  Tru and the waiter, Ezra Blue, quickly bond (their surnames are even similar, Grey and Blue) but tbh most of it is over the shared experience between Tru and Ezra’s five-year-old sister Celia.  Tru tells him, “Tell little Celia you met a polio survivor who now hunts monsters.”  (Not super relevant to our shippy interests here, but it’s a powerful and badass moment.  Although Od immediately jumps to the conclusion that the guy has a crush on Tru and vice versa.  If it does turn out to be true, there’s still the Od-and-Ezra and Tru-and-Celia parallel to point out here.)

Back at the hotel, Tru tries to ask Od how she knows Cy, the guy they ran into earlier.  Od keeps trying to change the subject.  She tells Tru, “Let’s stop talking about Cy, please.  This is our journey, not mine and his” and calls Cy the last person in the world she wanted to see.  That night, they fall asleep with Od’s head on Tru’s shoulder.  “I trapped my arms around her and held her close, as if I were the older sister and she my little Odette.”

The next chapter is another Od flashback, this one from two years prior to the present.  After the death of Viktoria’s husband, Od has to get a job where she’ll live under her employers’ roof (“without the warmth of my sister beside me”), and she worries about what will happen to Tru, and to Od’s schooling.  Viktoria (I was wrong, btw; she was the oldest of her siblings, not Maria) says that she stopped attending school at Od’s age when her mother, and it “forced me to grow up and take care of my younger siblings, and I don’t regret a single second of my sacrifices.“  In order to provide for Tru, Od agrees to the job.  She’ll be working for Cy’s family.  I think we’re all getting bad vibes off this situation by now.

In a situation that parallels her parents, Cy tries to seduce the younger hired servant.  But Od instantly responds, "I can’t let anything come between my sister and me."  But eventually she caves because he’s persistent.  It’s not exactly nonconsensual, but it still rubs me the wrong way (as it’s supposed to) because he’s her employer’s kid who therefore has power over her, and she’s also completely ignorant about what sex is and wouldn’t have let him do it if she’d understood what he was doing.

Even when she gives in, Od reflects that ”I should have kept my thoughts on Tru at all times and found relief from my loneliness elsewhere.  But he was there to comfort and hold me, and all my other nights down in that basement hollow had proven so cold and desolate“ compared to how she was used to sleeping beside Tru’s warmth.  In other words, she only did this because she was lonely from Tru’s absence, and here was someone offering her what she hoped would be comfort.

Back in the present, Od decides because of Tru’s wishes that the sisters will join Cy’s hunting party, but even then, Od says it’s because she’d regret missing this chance and she wants to catch the Leeds Devil instead of Cy doing it. When they do join up with Cy and co., he’s obviously trying to win Od over again by being nice to Tru, because it’s that obvious that Tru is the key to her heart. The rest of the posse they join up with want the sisters to stay behind because they’re sexist jerks and because of Tru’s leg, but Od keeps going on about how great Tru is, because of course she does.  But even so, they leave them behind, alone.

In the next chapter, we’re back to Od’s POV from two years ago.  She recalls her uncle Magnus urging her not to "grow up and make the same mistakes as your mother,” referring to Maria’s relationship with her employer Louis.  But now, Od is pregnant, and she loses her job and is sent to a facility for girls pregnant out of wedlock to help them avoid “social ruin.”

When Od writes to Tru, she claims she’s traveling with the circus.  Even in this, she keeps the truth from her sister in order to protect her.  By now, she’s created this entire mythos of magic just to shield Tru. And maybe it’s not completely right of her to do that, but all of it is done out of so much love.

She decides she’ll name the baby Trudie Marie if it’s a girl, for her sister and mother, and Duncan Magnus (no idea about the first name, but the second is clearly for her uncle).  She ends up having a girl, who is born only 4 days after Tru’s 14th birthday.

And that’s where I’m going to leave off this time.  The next installment will probably be the last, but who can say?

I love how close the sisters are and that their relationship continues to be so central to the story and each other. Even though that’s the title, you sometimes never know. They love each other so much.