#and... don't make me feel like I'm laying down 1000 rules that force everyone to walk on eggshells

[redroom-rainbowguts]

Morning Routine

Grey x gender neutral mc, ~1000 words, tw: implied drugging?

***

"I don't love you." The words burst from their lips the second Grey sat down. 

It was risky saying such a thing to him. Despite insisting he was a benevolent, caring boyfriend, Grey seemed all too happy to dole out punishments like candy. They couldn't leave, of course, but beyond that the rules seemed arbitrary and random. Having too little enthusiasm when they saw him, showing too much enthusiasm (and therefore lying), not trusting the food he so lovingly prepared, mentioning their actual partner (ex, as he demanded they be called), and even just being too standoffish when he wanted to be close. 

It would be easier to follow his rules if they were consistent, but he was regularly changing his mind. What would be called still adjusting one day might be petulance the next. Beyond keeping them trapped, Grey couldn't seem to decide exactly what he expected from them. 

When he plopped himself onto their bed, as he did every morning to coo over them like a prized pet, the grogginess of waking allowed stress to control their tongue. 

"What?" He frowned.

"I. do not. love you. In fact I... I hate you." Doubling down seemed no worse than lying; they knew he'd heard them the first time. Grey's leg bounced frantically, shaking the entire bed. Sharp nails clicked together as he thought for a moment. 

"I'm well aware, hun."

Now it was their turn to ask, "What?" After all this time insisting they were made for each other, that one day they'd realize they loved him, he already knew just how unhappy they were?

Delusion was a sign of hope. Break through his belief that they were lovers and maybe they could buy a way out, whether that be through freedom or the ground, but if he was aware that they resented the situation? Their blood ran cold. Suddenly the bed, even without the usual restraints, felt like a cage.

"I can't imagine many people fall for the captors naturally, and that's only if you count Stockholm Syndrome. But I'm not picky, love; I'd accept even that! Besides," Grey eased himself closer, his weight pulling the blanket off of them. "There's no doubt we define love differently. Everyone does. It's... intangible. But you know what isn't? What I'm doing for you."

They shivered. More like what he was doing to them. Grey ran a bony hand over their arm, eliciting even more goosebumps than the cold air had already. He readjusted, allowing enough slack in the blanket to cover them up again. The warmth was barely a comfort with him this close, but still they offered an appreciative grunt. 

"You may define love as a feeling, but those change. Sometimes faster than you could ever anticipate." He paused, getting stuck in his own head for a moment. "To me, though, it's care. I'm keeping you safe and, when I figure out how, I'm going to make you happy."

"That sounds like a threat." Despite their flat tone, Grey laughed- an unnerving thing. It didn't sound genuine, but he wasn't exactly forcing it either. 

"Maybe it is. But is that such a bad thing?" He made sure not to give them a chance to answer. "In a way, there isn't any stopping my main goal as of now, which actually isn't your love. That's on the list, of course, but it doesn't happen overnight. Don't get me wrong, I do dream of the day you greet me with a smile, maybe a little kiss. You'll ask me to stay, and we'll hold each other and-"

"If you don't expect me to love you, then what exactly do you want?" They interjected. 

"Familiarity."

"Familiarity?"

"It's not exactly comfort, but it leads to it. I want you to get used to being here with me. I'm not perfect with it, but I try to keep something of a daily routine with you. Like now, coming in every morning, bringing you breakfast after we talk, then, since you're always still so sleepy, you lay back down and I get to cuddle you while you rest, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, you know the drill. 

Think about it, if you're used to me being here, then like it or not it's going to feel a little weird when I'm not. Even compared to just a few weeks ago, you're so much more tolerant of my presence. You're being so calm right now despite me being just a couple feet away. And my love," 

Grey leaned in, pressing his lips against their forehead before cupping their face with one hand. His thumb gently stroked their cheek in time with his words. "You're familiar with my touch, my affection. It might not feel good yet, but it's becoming something you're used to. We'll work our way up from there, and I'm more than happy to go as slowly as you need." 

They stared at him for a second, wanting nothing more than to knock the hopeful smile off his face. But their stomach growled suddenly, reminding them that acting out would result in missing breakfast, even in the best case scenario. Grey patted his lap before standing. 

"Someone sounds hungry! I'll be right back with some food, okay? This talk was kind of heavy, so I think today I'll bring something extra special, just for you." 

As he bound up the basement steps, their hands curled into fists. They'd show him how they felt about his plan. With a full stomach, they'd be able to think clearly about escaping- it would be easy now that he wasn't regularly drugging them into oblivious compliance. As much as Grey was studying them, they were studying him; they should have no problem catching him off guard. Before leaving once and for all maybe they'd even give him a taste of his own medicine. Literally.

A sense of deja vu washed over them, but they pushed it down. That's what he wanted them to feel. Of course it all felt familiar, but today was the day they broke away from routine and proved his logic was flawed. Sure they were still tired, but it wasn't anything they weren't used to. They'd only pretend to sleep after breakfast this time, then when the time was right... 

Grey reentered the basement carrying a tray that admittedly smelled amazing. They mustered up a smile. Today for sure they'd make him pay... after breakfast.