#anyway my opening guess is always ''armadillo'' because if i guess ''wolf'' and get ''no but it *is* a therian'' back

[notbang]

thoughts of you subside, then i get another letter

[Facebook Messenger window: Nathaniel

   THUR 12:07

hey!

are you there?

   12:13

the little green light is on next to your name that supposedly means you’re online so I kind of feel like gatsby right now jsyk

…that may have been a little dramatic

definitely feeling like this is some kind of glitch because I know you think social media is a productivity suck and it’s the middle of the work day so the chances of you not being knee deep in the environmental law equivalent of guatemalan jungle mud right now are slim to none

but I’m bored and restless and kind of having a shitty day (phone call with the mother this morning… ugh… enough said) so if it’s all the same to you I’m just going to continue to send my thoughts out into the internet ether where you’ll probably never see them

   12:32

https://www.buzzfeed.com/25-times-red-pandas-were-relatable-af

what are your thoughts on red pandas? I love their bushy tails and how they’re kind of like little red raccoons??

okay so I just googled guatemalan wildlife and here are some animals I think you should consider wrestling when you get bored of your monkeys:

a quetzal - national bird of guatemala, could possibly get you thrown in jail? also endangered. maybe don’t wrestle so much as gently tussle

an armadillo - they’re armoured and weird and cartoons lead me to believe they roll up into balls? please confirm

VAMPIRE BATS - self explanatory

an ocelot - looks like a house cat but will rip you to shreds. a comical misdirect

a toucan - why are their beaks so big? just feel like it would be funny idk

a FREAKING BASILISK - oh my god BASILISKS ARE REAL???? I don’t know what to do with this information. fuck.

   12:48

still reeling about the basilisk agenda

anyway I’m supposed to be writing but I just keep scrolling and I know I should just close my browser but I CAN’T because writing is the worst it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done

remember when I told you breaking up with you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done? WRONG that was a walk in the park my friend

(sorry to rehash old wounds)

   12:59

I know I owe you a letter btw but in case I haven’t made it clear writing is currently my mortal enemy and I am currently only capable of charming streams of consciousness

wonder if I could harness that somehow. I could be, like, the virginia woolf of songwriting.

morbid thought: your little icon thing-y at the top of the window kind of makes me feel like I’m having a one sided conversation with your portrait at your wake

I don’t know why I said that wow that’s such a weird creepy thing to say??

but also I stand by it

nathaniel plimpton iii: mauled by monkeys. may he rest in peace

(I know we’ve covered this but please don’t die)

you’d think I would have learned my lesson joking about that since the last time but turns out I decidedly have Not

   13:07

I love how I don’t even need you here for this conversation, really, because I already know exactly what you’d say. something about my pervasive inability to focus on work, probably

you’d be wrong, though - the reason I felt so free to focus on other things was that practicing law was easy. I could argue municipal code in my sleep! but writing songs? god, you have no idea. you’re lucky you don’t have a creative bone in your objectively aesthetically pleasing body because being creative is the fucking worst

it’s just occurred to me that perhaps you’re ignoring me because of the aforementioned letter-owing

and in response to that I’d say: who’s keeping tabs, really? should friendship be about keeping score?

so I just checked and it has been literal months since you wrote me and since the last time we went this long without corresponding it turned out you’d been in hospital recovering from a monkey mauling, I want to make it clear that I’m not in hospital, I’m just terrible

I’ve been working hard at being a more reliable friend lately but turns out that’s easier when it mostly consists of responding to impromptu facetimes with your friends that have moved to different law firms and cities and states and not so much the physical act of handwriting to words to your ex boss slash boyfriend that moved to a different country.

we draw the line at political borders, apparently!

this electronic word vomit DOES have me considering the merits of switching to email, but I’m also really attached to how romantic the act of letter writing is?? Who needs immediacy, really

to be clear, I mean romantic in the byronesque, whimsical idealism sense of the word. I’m not, like, coming on to you via Facebook messenger.

hahahahaha because that would be so wired right

*weird

yeah.

   13:22

anyway speaking of weird I’ve had my notebook open on the table next to me for well over an hour now and yet somehow this song hasn’t written itself which is basically a hate crime at this point

do you think in the future they’ll have some kind of technology that can extract images from your mind and adequately express them on the page for you? elon musk and his waifish canadian baby mama should get onto that

because these songs are always so clear in my head - we’re talking costumes, set pieces, montages - and the second the pen is in my hand it’s like crickets chirping

🦗🦗🦗

what would you say is the natural soundscape of guatemala btw? are there bug noises? I always imagine it with bug noises

   13:39

do you need bug spray? I could send you bug spray

   13:52

it has since occurred to me they probably have bug spray in guatemala which is probably for the best because they’re always weird about mailing aerosols since they might explode or something

hey. if your sabbatical had a theme song, what do you think it would be? right now I’m picturing a duran duran - hungry like the wolf kind of deal but you’re like… hungry for new opportunities or something

how do you feel about dressing like indiana jones?

idk I’ll workshop it and get back to you

anyway time to actually focus on my song writing so… sayonara I guess. or, as one might say in guatemala:

nos vemos 💩

   16:37

ok ok ok so I maaaay have just googled 'elon musk mind reading’ instead of song writing and that maaaay have lead me down a terrifying two hour long rabbit hole where I learned way more about the future of technology than I care for bUT BUT

https://www.thecorset.com/article/4372-elon-musk-grimes-rococo-basilisk

thanks, baader meinhof phenomenon. basilisk agenda CONFIRMED.

okay, actually signing off now but for realz. I’ve abandoned any delusion of you ever actually reading this which is probably for the best at this point but thanks for inadvertently keeping me company in my procrastination 💕 - strongly slash apologetically worded letter to follow.

maybe. hopefully. if I ever actually remember how to write.

bunch out!

💩]