#anyway. mwah i love gender sure hope nothing bad happens to it

[hookahmancer]

Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 6

Team Chaotix is in Mobius prison playing dominoes when an explosion triggers through the wall and in the debris and rubble is Rouge the bat.

Vector says "hey, isn't that... Rogue?"

"It's Rouge. You know the ONE TIME someone needs to get that word right..."

"But like you're not red. You are a rogue."

Charmer the bee makes hand gestures at his chest "with big ole ti'ddies!"

Rouge annoyingly glares and walks away. Vector waves to his pals

"Come on guys! Looks like Team Chaotix isn't done yet!"

Back at "the based base" Amy is having to explain the plan to them another time.

Big The Cat is like "why do we need those guys again? Like I could literally just walk up to Eggman's lair and lift the doomsday device with my bare hands..."

"BECAUSE BIG...if we establish an elaborate deus ex machina where Rogue is releasing Team Chaotix from Mobius Prison, they'll think it goes deeper than just us. The distraction is what gives us the chance to steal Eggman's device."

Coldsteel begrudgingly mutters "you know I was the one that had to pay for that jailbreak. That bitch don't work cheap you know..."

"OH CREAM KNOWS HUUR HUUR..." "No you don't..." "PURPLE SONIC RIGHT..." Cream hangs her head in shame.

Amy goes up to Coldsteel acting all flirty.

"And I really appreciate your contribution Coldsteel. You, are my number one guy!"

Coldsteel gets weak in the knees and says "So does this mean..."

"There's no time for that... Big! Clap those fat cheeks of yours to Eggman's lair NOW!!!"

Big does a Roman salute and waddles out the door.

"Well, now that the help is gone me and you can..."

"Not in front of Cream Coldsteel! Besides, I'm swamped with evil paperwork I gotta do. Why don't you go make yourself useful and move over there?"

Coldsteel moves a little to the left. "A little further..." He moves a bit more.

"A LITTLE more..." He moves more where a house plant is in front of him so you don't even see him. "Perfect! In fact you know what? I'll just go over..." Amy runs away.

Coldsteel just waits there behind the house plant. "Well at least I still have you Cream...Cream?"

"CREAM NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT" Cream runs off too. Coldsteel sighs annoyed and smokes behind the house plant.

Sonic and his friends are watching the news about the escape of Team Chaotix. Sonic says to Knuckles "looks like your old ambres are back on the street Knuckles. Guess we oughtta..." Eggman barges in with two robots and a chalk board frantic

"Sonic! You heard the news right?!" "Yeah?" "This thing goes DEEP man!"

"I mean...maybe not that deep..." Eggman slaps Sonic and says to look at the chalkboard.

"Rouge released Team Chaotix, at the scene mint Mobius dollars probably on her person were on the ground, where would she get new Mobius bills? The bank! But how would she collect money from the bank when she doesn't have a job?! Somebody hired her. But who would have brand new Mobius dollars to hire her? Coldsteel! And who is Coldsteel subservient too? AMY!!!"

Sonic rolls his eye "Yeah Eggsperg, we figured that part out on our own..."

Tails actually looking at the chalk board points and says "what's this part about Jews and neutering your pets for anti-aging cream?" Eggman covers that part up with his body.

"You aren't old enough Tails for those red pills. The saddest words of tongue and pen, none are as sad as these.../pol/ was right again."

Sonic walks away "I'm gonna go make a sandwich"

Knuckles upset "How can you eat at a time like this?! Your crush..." "Stalker..."

"Fine, STALKER is out there planning who knows what. And she's using my former gang as a distraction too..."

"Oh please Knuckles, it's AMY...what's the worst she could do?!"

Tails tugs at Eggman's shirt "By the way Eggman, if you're here...whose at your lair to you know...make sure noone is stealing your inventions?" A look of dread overcomes Eggman's face "Oh my ME!!! Robots! We've been compromised! The swamp isn't drained, I repeat. The swamp isn't drained! Get in the hovercraft!"

Big The Cat comes back with the doomsday device and plops it down that shakes their whole base. Amy does an excited girly clap.

"Good, good Big! You're my number one guy!"

Coldsteel's whole body shakes in anger.

"Oh Coldsteel, why don't you be a dear and go make lemonade for everyone?"

"Nothing person-el Amy...but what exactly are we supposed to do with Eggman's doomsday device anyway?"

"Awww" she squeezes his cheek "don't worry your pretty little head with complex villainous details about creating a second cold war and holding the entire world hostage to establish a new totalitarian regime! You just go make that lemonade..."

Eggman blasts right through the door with his hovercraft and Coldsteel mutters "thank God..."

"Amy! Give me back my doomsday device! Do you have any idea what that thing can do?!"

"Reign down a firey hellscape from which there is no escape unless you all do exactly as I tell you?"

"Well...yeah..."

"Put your lives completely at the mercy of mwah whom is a petty and brutal dictator?"

"Yeah that too..."

"Great! So now you all get to live as I do being second fiddle to Sonic and his testosterone rattled band of hoodlums!"

"Is that what this is about?! Some sorta critical gender theory?! Look Amy, we'll paint a unicorn or something on the road and pay lip service to two weeks vacation for expectant mothers...just gimme back my doomsday device!"

"No! The doomsday device is mine, and the fourth reich is here!" Amy waits for a moment and says "Coldsteel honey..." Coldsteel sighs and pulls a flag behind her.

"Wave it a little for God's sake..." He starts waving it mumbling something and she shouts "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails also show up. "Amy! Give the doc back his doomsday device!"

"I don't think you all seem to understand the severity of this situation! With the press of a button, I could end the whole world! Everyone you know and love will be dead or at least some sorta mutated Fallout freak! Now you all are gonna pine over ME, follow ME on adventures! Make crappy, glitched out video games about ME that don't even break even in sales!"

Coldsteel peeks out from behind her "nothing person-el kids!"

Sonic crosses his arms "it sounds pretty personal..."

Knuckles punches the ground shaking up everything.

"Enough of this! Amy...you're not actually going to use the doomsday device as than there wouldn't be anybody left to validate you."

Sonic looks at Eggman "why DID you make a doomsday device?"

"Tis not a matter of why Sonic, but how...a man with a how can endure almost a why."

"You never read Nietzsche did you?"

Coldsteel climbs up on the doomsday device and says "Amy might not be willing to actually activate the doomsday device but I am!"

Amy stomps her foot "Coldsteel! You get down from there this instant!" "Fuck off..."

Eggman chuckles "Oh ho! Two syllables! Ah, I remember my first villain dispute..."

Amy throws her hammer at Eggman's face

"Coldsteel isn't even a villain! He's more like... Chaotic neutral. I want me a REAL bad boy!"

"Oh you want bad?! I'll show ya bad!" "Coldsteeeel!!!"

"And I'll press it while I say the N word!" "Coldsteel, stop being cringe RIGHT NOW"

Coldsteel slaps down on the doomsday device button and says "NI..."'but than Cream holds up her hands and says nigger to roundabout

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7uBqNgxAuBA

Everyone just kinda looks around. Tails mutters "are we dead yet?" Sonic says "I sure hope so..."

Coldsteel presses it again and again and nothing happens and falls off.

"The stupid thing doesn't even work!"

Eggman walks up to him "well of course it doesn't! You didn't actually think I would build a doomsday device did you?! How do you think I maintain my omnipotent control over your little rodent planet?!"

Sonic mutters "you do about as good of a job as Biden..." "I heard that hedgehog!"

Amy confused "so...so it was all a ruse?" Eggman says "yep. You think you're the first person to think of holding the whole world hostage?"

"But I setup this whole thing... I dyed my hair and everything... I worked with these jackoffs!!!" Coldsteel smacks his lips and mutters sarcastically "love you too honey..."

Amy begins to cry and everyone gets super uncomfortable. Eggman scolds "there is to be no crying in here, this is a war room! ...Really? No-one here has seen Dr. Strangelove?"

"CREAM GETS IT"

Coldsteel goes up to Amy and helps her up

"That's the catch22 doll face. What is an antagonist besides being unappreciated for being proactive? Providing a concrete threat to the social dynamic and using your will to power to force some sorta real change? The protagonist isn't so because he is some beacon of moral righteousness, he represents the status quo of our cultural normalcy. Maintaining it's structure so we can go about our daily lives. That's why the villain is always portrayed as some radicalized ideology like fascism or anarchist. Something that seeks to disassemble our sense of complacency. But at best, he just reestablishes the old ways and replacing it with a faux copy. The cycle repeats. God is dead, and we praise the corpse and hold shrines to it praising it's death to bring back conformity."

Sonic points at Coldsteel looking at Eggman "see, HE read Nietzsche..."

Eggman rolls his eyes "oooooh big surprise!"

Amy sniffles and rubs her eye "so none of it really matters... No matter what we call ourselves or what we do, life is a constant agony of going against the tide or subjecting ourselves to the whims of others preconceived notions of morality. We either die a buck, or live long enough to see ourselves breaking..."

"Nothing person-el kid..." He kisses her forehead. Everyone says awww while Cream yells "JUST FUCK ALREADY"

Eggman gets on his hovercraft and says "well this has been fun and all...but now that you dipshits KNOW the doomsday device isn't real, I need to go and invent a REAL ONE. Smell ya later furfags!" He blasts off. Amy still having an existential crisis.

"So what even am I? Like am I just some annoying bitch who follows behind Sonic like a lost puppy? Am I a cut throat bitch trying to rule the world with an iron fist to overcome my own mortality and self detriment?"

Sonic mutters "you could try just...NOT being a bitch..."

Amy spits in Sonic's eye "WHAT IS MY REASON?!"

Coldsteel holds her hand "what is mine?" Amy blushes and Cream yells again "JUST FUCK ALREADY"