#apathetic even. it's like i want something i can't describe or even get realistically
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studying psychology literally does nothing for your understanding of yourself btw. you just end up with better knowledge of excel
#going to rant in the tags a little because maybe someone has the same experience#like. i am aromatic. and probably asexual. sometimes i feel like i might be in love with a person because i start craving company with them#but when i think about any romantic or intimate touch i start dissasotiating and get really weirdly sad and unenthusiastic about the idea#apathetic even. it's like i want something i can't describe or even get realistically#and my own relationship with touch is also really weird#i remember when i was an early teen i would deprive myself of touch in times of stress#if i was crying or something i would sit and spread my limbs so that they weren't touching each other bc i didn't feel deserving#of the comfort#and like!!! wtf!!!! nothing ever happened to me to cause that. did it#i'm literally just a normal girl#why am i like this and what is wrong with me. why can't i love normal why is it always an obsession and a game#why do i get interested and then when i finally understand the person i'm not anymore. people aren't rubix cubes but my heart thinks them so#sigh. please can i have one normal relationship with a person. one good friend#anyways LOL bye
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