#ash'sblurbs

[ashsblurbs]

I can't stop thinking that Harry is a stepdad. Just imagine him, Louis, and freddie going on trips or celebrating Christmas.

[ashsblurbs]

diary entry 1

3/16/19..

I was never a child. I never had a life of laughter and childlike wonder. I was given to the red room when I was only three by my mother. I don’t know her name. I don't remember anything about her except that we share the same fiery red hair. The same hair that made me special to the red room. 

I have served missions many times, some say I have a particular skill, seduction. I could bat my eyes and the men were putty in my hands. They would love me, kiss me, touch me, and shower me with gifts. With a single smile, I could topple a whole empire. None of it was real. I thought love, real love, would never be for me until I met him. 

Seduction wasn’t the only skill set I had. Combat, weaponry. I can take down a man twice my size with a single kick of the leg. I was trained by the winter soldier when I was just eighteen years old. I fell in love with James when I was nineteen. 

James was the first man to see Natalia instead of the Blackwidow. He love me for who I was and not what I could do. I loved him in the same exact way. We were the same in every way. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------

“Agent Romanoff, you will be trained by the Winter soldier himself. This is the Soviet best assassin. It’s only best our best agent is trained by him.” Mr. Mikhailov. 

I stopped training to see a man with ghosts in his eyes staring back at me. He stared straight ahead, never blanking. In control or better yet under control. He was tall with long inky black hair and a metal arm. I slowly walked over running a hand down the arm. He never flinched but stayed facing forward. 

“What do they call you?” I asked. 

“Призрак but you can call me James,” 

“Ghost? You speak Russian,” 

“I many different languages, just like you, Natalia Romanoff.” James leaned down with a stern look but a twinkle in his eyes. 

He was dangerous but I was more dangerous. 

—--------------------------------------------------

I stood on one side of the mat, and James was on another. The first day of training is always fun with a new trainer since they always thought I was this weak little girl until I knock them on their asses in the first round. 

The bell rang, so I ran doing a handspring into my signature scissor kick. I wrapped my legs around his shoulders looking to take him down with one swift move. James took me by surprise. He grabbed my back holding me upright. I began to hit him but it was no use. The next thing I knew I was laying flat on my back his a huff. James brought his cold metal hand around my neck. He pinned both of my legs on either side with his own. 

“Oh doll, nice try.” James’ eyes grew dark. He tightened his grip around my neck causing me to gasp. “Never underestimate your opponent.” 

I kicked a leg out twisting out of his grip. I knocked him in the nose causing temporary blindness. Fighting was the first thing they taught me in the red room. Who did he think he was? 

“Next don’t underestimate your opponent,” 

James smirked jumping up on his feet. Damn, was he cute but most men were right before they were trying to take advantage of you. Not caring how young you were. The only thing that mattered was that you looked of age. 

James stepped forward sticking out a hand of truce. 

“What’s this, don’t already,” 

He shook his head no. There was an air of him that was very strict. I saw the smile. I saw the light chuckle. 

“Can I show you one thing that can help in the field?” 

“Only if I can show you a thing or two. I’m tired of being trained by men that don’t see my worth. It’s my turn to train you.” 

James nodded his head yes. “I agree, you are the Black Widow.” 

—-------------------------------------

After that, we were equal partners. I taught him some of my training and he did the same. Not all training was about combat but languages, seduction, and knowledge. We were a deadly pair before we even kissed. 

—---------------------------------------

Dancing was not a part of my training but for some reason, I always knew how to dance ballet. I would often sneak late at night to perform for an audience that was never there. I never performed a certain dance or moved in any way but how my body wanted to. While I danced I was just a normal girl dancing. I wasn’t a person with red in her ledger that would be forgiven. I never suspected anyone to see me dance nor I wanted anyone to until James did. 

“Natalia, is that you?” 

I froze on the big wooden stage to find James in a black shirt and pajama pants. 

“No, don’t stop. What you were doing was beautiful?” 

James walked closer to the stage taking a seat in the first row. I stared at him in disbelief. James smiled at him waiting but there was no pressure. He wasn’t looking for me to perform for him but to show the piece of me I had hidden away. 

I slowly moved around the stage allowing my body to take me where it wanted to go. At each turn and spin, I could feel his eyes watching me. At the end of the dance, I fell to my knees, collapsing on myself. Once I lift my head. There he was standing holding out a hand. I took it gliding myself up into his arms. I leaned my head back against my chest feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“Natalia, thank you for sharing your dance with me,” James whispered in my ear. He spun me out of his arms leaving me alone in the room. I stared in awe as he walked away. The light of the moon trailed with him while I stayed in the dark.

[ashsblurbs]

Stony 2.0

[ashsblurbs]

Was our love just a sick game for you. Did you even love me?

*credit to the editors. If anyone knows them so I can give full credit*

[ashsblurbs]

The past is the past

*Thank you @starrr-dusttt​ for the prompt. I enjoyed doing this prompt so much. #17 angst. I hope you enjoy*

Tony laid awake like he did every night. Staring at the ceiling counting every single tile. 126. The number never changed but it always surprised Tony. The last person he wanted to think about always came up with that number. 126 was their anniversary. Tony decided to walk into a bar and fall in love with a pair of eyes that would make him drown. They did. Tony moved out of his bed making his way to the kitchen. If he wasn’t going to sleep; he mines awhile get some work done. Then he heard a knock at his door.

“Hello, Tony.” Steve stood in the doorway looking like the man Tony fell in love with so many years ago. The plain white t-shirt, brown leather jacket, and his dog tags; the ones Tony used to wear so Steve was always close to his heart. “So, I was in the neighborhood and I thought why not come here.” Steve shrugged. Tony took in a deep breath and ushered the man inside.

“Want anything to drink? Beer?” Steve nodded sitting quietly. He didn’t really know what he was doing there. Steve came to visit Bucky and Sam after deciding to travel after hurting Tony. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do, and he did. Steve still remembered the night. He didn’t like to but that was his curse right.

“Steve! Who is she!” Tony’s whole body shook with anger. The flowers in his hands fell to the floor along with every dream they had ever had together. The girl with the long flowing blonde hair jumped out of the bed they shared together, gathering all of her things, and ran out of the door without another word. Leaving Tony staring at Steve with a shocked look on his face. Tony didn’t know what made him madder the fact that Steve cheated on him or that Steve wasn't trying to make a move to get up. To try and fight for their relationship.

“Steve, answer me,” Tony growled. Steve moved off the bed towards Tony. Trying to grip him in his arms. Steve felt if he just held Tony everything would be okay, and all would be forgiven. Not this time. Tony pushed him away and he stumbled back towards the bed. “Put some clothes on.”

“Tony, I’m so sorry. This was a once and a lifetime thing. I swear.” Steve pleaded trying to move closer to Tony, but he wouldn’t allow it. Steve could see all of Tony’s walls were up. The look he was being given was never supposed to be seen by Steve because Steve was never meant to break his heart.

“Did you ever love me? Was I just a plaything to you? You punched a hole in your punch card. Marked off a name on your list.” Tony asked.

“Tony, how could you ever ask me if I ever loved you. I do love you. I see a world of just you and me living our happily ever after.” Steve came over and placed a hand on Tony’s arm allowing him to see deep into his amber eyes. A slight tear escaped down his tan skin. Steve squeezed his eyes shut not wanting to see the hurt he caused anymore.

“Just tell me this one thing, why did you do it?” Steve didn’t know why. He could make up an excuse. What was the point? Steve got drunk, the girl batted her eyes and then kiss him. One thing leads to another and he made the biggest mistake in his life. Steve just stared at Tony not saying a single word. Tony’s eyes turned darker as each second passed between as Steve didn’t answer.

“Get the fuck out!” Tony screamed.

“What no? I'm sorry. I love you. I can make it up. I promise never again.” Steve tried pulling Tony in, but he pushed him away with a hard shove.

“Now!”

Laughter filled the room as it did many years ago. Steve and Tony talked like no time passed between them. Like there was never any pain or regret that came from their relationship. Just all of the happiness. This might have been because of the twenty beers they had between each of them. It could be because they never stopped caring for one another.

“Wait, Rogers, you're telling me that you got to meet the Queen of England just because you are the nicest guy in the world.” Steve cackled throwing a hand over his chest. Tony smiled loving the sound that came from the other man.

“I was just trying to do the right thing. What was I supposed to do allow her to lose her priceless diamond earring?” Steve wheezed out. “But enough about me. I want to know about you. How’s life? Are you seeing anyone?” Steve leaned forward and placed a hand on top of Tony’s knee sending shock waves through Tony’s body. Tony looked up at Steve’s eyes knowing the response he wanted. Tony placed his hand overtopped the hand. It lingered there for several seconds until Tony moved Steve’s hand away. He stood up and walked into the kitchen not wanting to be in the same room with Steve anymore.

“Wait, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” Steve stood up and walked over to the counter adjacent to Tony as not to push him away any farther. Tony kept his back turn towards him fiddling with an empty bottle in his hands.

“No, Steve, it’s okay.” Tony’s shoulder’s slumped feeling the defeat in his voice. It was nice while it lasted right, he thought. He turned around and faced Steve. They were going to have the discussion they didn’t have several years go right here, right now. They weren’t dumb kids anymore. They were adults and Tony hoped Steve had grown up a little.

“Let’s be honest with each other. You and I clearly still like each other and maybe could see a future where we could be together. Correct me if I’m wrong.” Steve just nodded allowing Tony to continue. “But there’s a lot of brokenness here. Do you realize Steve that you broke me so much that I couldn’t have a stable relationship? I stopped trying and went to therapy to work on my abandonment issues. Every session you were the reason why I went. Not because of my crappy childhood, or the scars on my chest but because you cheated on me and broke my heart. I cry almost every night feeling inadequate. Unlovable.” Tony closed his eyes allowing the tears that built up spill down his cheeks. Steve couldn’t bear to watch Tony feel this way. He wrapped the man he stilled loved tight in his arms.

“Am I the reason you cry every night?” Tony shook his head yes. “Oh, Tony. There is nothing I can say to make this all right. That night was the worst night of my life. When you kicked me out, I knew I had to change. I had to work on myself so, that one day I could come back and love you right. I was so stupid for breaking your heart and letting you go. That’s why I’m here tonight.” Steve tilted Tony’s head up. “To say I’m sorry. To say I still love you. To say I want to do this over only if you are willing to. If not it’s okay because the last four hours, we spent together was the best moment in my life.” Tony pulled Steve down closer and kissed his lips. Tony took in the moment loving how nothing had changed even though everything had. Tony pulled back placing his forehead on to Steve’s to take in the final moments of the one thing he had dreamed of.

“Steve” Tony placed both hands on either side of his face.

“Tony” Steve laid his hands overtopped of Tony’s. Neither one of the men said anything. They didn’t move because they didn’t want this moment to end.

“Steve” his voice dripping with sorrow. Steve traced the outline of Tony’s lips, already knowing the answer.

“It’s okay Tony. I understand. Goodbye, my love.” Steve walked over to the couch to grab his jacket to leave. He opened the door and walked out of the door leaving Tony with his thoughts. This was the right choice. He knew it, then why did he feel like he just made the biggest regret in his life.

“Wait!” Steve halted at the door of a cab of the voice he wanted to hear for the rest of his life. He smiled and turned around to see Tony standing in nothing but a t-shirt and a pleading look. “I love you too. Don’t leave ever again.” Steve ran over to Tony abandoning the cab to pull him tight into his arms.

“I promise, my love. This is the place I ever want to be and that is here with you.” Steve kisses Tony one more time. “Now let’s get you inside and get you warm up.”

*Please anyone else send more*

[ashsblurbs]

Sam: Welcome to the future

Tony: Where's Steve?

Bucky rolling out old man Steve

Tony: That's not Steve. That's a Hydra agent

Bucky and Sam look at each other thinking about how they didn't realize

Tony: Well as you numb skulls stared deeply into each other's eyes he has escape. Are we going to go find Steve or what?

[ashsblurbs]

I'm in the mood to make some moodboards. Send some ideas of a ship or character.

[ashsblurbs]

Peter’s weekend

“Peter! He will be here in ten minutes are you pack?” Tony sat at the base of the stairs typing away on his phone with his ex. Steve called two weeks ago and asked if he could see Peter. Tony was reluctant at first. Steve hadn’t been around for a few months with missions back to back. There might be one or two calls with Peter, but it wasn’t like Peter cared. Ever since Steve and Tony got divorced a year ago Peter had been distanced with them both. More with Steve then Tony and it concerned Tony very much. No matter what was going on between the two he wanted Peter to know he was loved by both parents; Steve might just struggle showing it.

“Yeah, I’m packed but do I really have to.” Tony looked up to find his angst-driven son trying to carry his suitcase down the stairs.

“Need help there, bud.”

Peter just rolled his eyes. “No, Dad, I got it. Also, you didn’t answer my question. Why do I have to go with Steve?” Tony looked up from his phone and gave his son a stern look. “You have to go because he is your father. You do not call him Steve. You will call him papa like you have since you were two years old. Do you understand me, young man?”

Peter just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He mumbled.

There was a knock at the door which Tony answered. On the other side stood the man he thought he would love forever and maybe a little bit of him still did but all of that was in the past. “Hello, Steve, he’s all packed and ready to go.” Peter pushed past the men to get into Steve’s truck. “It’s good to see you, Tony. How’s life?”

Tony chewed onto his lip not sure if he should tell Steve what was going on his life or keep it a secret. Then he thought this weekend wasn’t about him or about him and Steve’s broken relationship. This was about Peter. “Life’s good. Just been busy with work you know. Taking care of Peter. What about you? How was your mission in Romania?”

Steve shrugged. His life has been lonely and sad for a while. He does all of those missions to fill a void, but he would never say any of his inner thoughts out loud. “Yeah, life’s been good. The mission was a success. We got some excellent intel but I’m sure Fury will brief you on that.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck to ease his anxiety. The silence between them became unbearable. There was so much unsaid between them that they both wanted to say but they were finally ripped from their thoughts when Peter honked the horn. “Well, I guess um. I will drop him off on Sunday. I will text you what time we will be back.” Tony nodded in agreement and Steve headed out.

“So, how’s school bud?” Peter looked out the window not saying anything. This was the fourth conversation starter his Papa tried. He wanted to talk to him like it was old times. Like it was before the divorce, but Peter couldn’t get over the fact Steve left him, and he never apologized for it. “Come on, Pete, please talk to me. There can’t be silence all weekend.” His Papa really underestimated him. There wasn’t going to be a single word coming out of him.

They were still an hour out and the silence was becoming unbearable. What happened to their relationship in such a short period of time, Steve thought? He knew it was all his fault. He was away because he needed to deal with what was going on with his emotions but that was selfish of him. His son needed him, and he just left with little communication here and there. Steve had really messed up and he didn’t know how to fix it. Steve turned on the radio and the song Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana came one.

“Hello, Hello, with the lights outs, it’s less dangerous.” Steve looked over to his son and noticed Peter was singing along. He wasn’t loud but he definitely knew all of the words. “Hey, you know this song, son.” Peter stopped abruptly and looked over at Steve shyly. “Yeah, all I’ve been listening to is Nirvana since you left.” He trailed off. Steve paused the music hoping that for the first time during this trip his son would open up to him.

“Really, I love Nirvana. It’s my favorite band.”

“Yeah, I know that’s why I’ve been listening. It reminds me of the good times. When I was six and you would take me to the park and crank up the music. Papa this music was all I had of you when you were gone before and after the divorce.” Steve sniffled and turned the music back on where the silence settled between them once again because now it was Steve’s turn not to talk. He didn’t know what to say.

Peter looked up at Steve’s new home. This was supposed to be his home too, but it was never going to be as long as both of his parents weren’t there together. Peter pulled out his phone to call his dad but there was no answer. Of course. There was always no answer even when they were in the same room together. Peter couldn’t wait until August when he went off to college. He would then be on his own and wouldn’t have to deal with both of his fathers’ issues.

“How do you like the house bud? Your room is kind of empty right now but after dinner, we could go to the store and pick some things up to decorate it. I really want this house to feel like a home for you.”

Peter just stared at Steve with disgust. Without another word, Peter went into his room and close his door behind him. He knew he was being a brat but it’s a lot to take in. Peter sat his suitcase on his bed and looked around. His Papa was right that the room was bare but for the single picture frame that had had him, dad, and papa. They looked so happy. Dad and Papa looked in love. Where did it all go wrong? Peter held the picture close to his chest and cried. This was the first time Peter let himself feel anything. He felt grief, he felt anger, and he felt a weight finally lift.

“Hey, Peter are you okay. I heard crying.” Steve pushed Peter’s door open to find a shaking Peter in the corner. Peter turned around with the picture frame still in his hands with tears streaming down his cheeks. Steve paused taken back by the sight in front of him. It was like looking at his little boy once again. Whenever Peter would have nightmares he would come into his and Tony’s room holding onto his teddy bear and his big brown eyes would stare at them with sadness in them. Steve wrapped Peter into his arms. “It’s okay Petey let it out. Papa is right here.”

Steve navigated his son over to the bed where they both sat down. “Peter what’s wrong.” Peter sniffled. He handed Steve the photograph that Steve had placed in his room. Steve thought it would have brought Peter comfort but that was the opposite effect.

“Peter, tell me what is going on.”

“I feel like I don’t have a home anymore. I feel so alone, Papa.” Steve wrapped an arm around Peter pulling him in closer. He buried his face into the side of Steve’s arm just like he did when he was younger. Steve gently rubbed Peter’s back to soothe him.

“Peter, I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you leave us? Why weren’t we good enough for you? Why do you love Bucky more than your family?” Steve just kept rubbing Peter’s back not knowing what to say. He was a terrible man for abandoning his family. He should have allowed Tony to help when he had the chance.

“Peter, I’m sorry.”

Peter pushed away. “Is that all you have to say is I’m sorry. Did you ever love dad? Did you ever love me?”

“Son, how could you ever ask me that? I love you very much you are my son. Whenever I don’t see you or talk to you, I get really low. I also loved your father. I still love your father. I hope he knows that”

“Well do you know that dad moved on. Yeah, he’s with a new guy that won’t break his heart and leave as you did.” Peter got up and left the house. Steve didn’t move from his spot. Tony had moved on. Steve hoped he was happy. Right now, he needed to worry about his son. Steve knew what he had to show Peter that he loved him more than the world. Maybe his idea will change everything. Maybe he could make it up to him for everything that has happened.

“Please pick me up. I don’t want to be here anymore dad.” His dad had finally picked up after trying to call him for the third time that day. Peter just wanted to go home. “Peter, it will be fine. Your Papa wants to spend some time together. It’s just for two days. I got to go now Peter. I love you.” Peter slammed his phone in his pocket. Yeah, it was just two days in hell he thought.

“Peter come here. I have something to show you.”

“No!” Peter kept walking down the path not paying any attention to Steve.

“Peter, please. Just ten minutes.” Peter turned around with his arms crossed looking up at his Papa. “Fine, then afterward leave me alone for the rest of the weekend.” Peter sulked.

Peter sat in the living room waiting for Steve to come back. Whatever Steve showed him wouldn’t change his feelings. He just wanted to go home.

Steve walked in with a cardboard box in his hand with a variety of items in it from the past. “What’s this?” Steve handed Peter the box and he looked inside. It had his old teddy bear and his favorite blanket. There were also several photo albums and envelopes. Peter looked over at Steve curiously. Why was he showing him this stuff?

“Explain.”

“When I moved out, I wanted to make sure I had things I could pull out when I couldn’t see you. I look at those photo albums every night and laugh and cry over the memories. Those letters are letters I written during missions over the last eighteen years. If you would like you can read them. Each one was about how much I love you guys and all I wanted to do was go home and be with you two.” Steve got up leaving Peter alone with the items.

Each letter made Peter cry more and more. His dad really needed to read these. Maybe he was being a little harsh on his Papa. He really did love them even up to the last minute. Peter dropped everything and ran to Steve. He slammed into him giving him a hug. “Woah, Peter.”

“Papa, I’m sorry. I judged you too quickly. I love you and miss you so much.” Steve pulled his son in tighter never wanting to let go. “I love you too bud. Let’s start over and get some dinner.” Peter shook his head yes.

Two days later

Tony went to the window after hearing a car pull in. He watched as Steve and Peter got out of the truck laughing and joking around. This was so nice he thought. All he wanted was Peter to have a loving relationship with his father.

“It looks like y’all had a good weekend.”

“Yeah, dad. The best. Is it okay if I go back next weekend?” Peter was beaming with happiness. Tony had a slight tear well up in his eye. He was so happy to finally see his son happy.

“Yeah, that will be okay. Now go unpack while I talk to your father.” Peter rushed upstairs leaving Steve and Tony alone.

“Tony, thank you for this weekend.” Tony looked over at Steve missing what they had. Missing their family together. “Steve, would you like to stay for dinner? Think Peter would like that. Well, I would too.” Steve smiled. “Thank you, Tony. I think I will.”

[ashsblurbs]

There goes my hero

“Papa, I can’t sleep.” Steve laid down his Stark pad and looked over at his little boy. Peter stood at the foot of the door holding his Iron Man teddy close to his chest. “Would you like a bedtime story Petey? Steve got up and scooped his baby into his arms, holding him tight not wanting to let him go. “Can I have an Iron Man story, please.” Steve smiled but sadness fell over him for just a minute thinking about Tony. Tony would have loved watching their munchkin grow up. He would be the one right now telling stories and leading Peter back to bed. He was always better at this. Steve smiled down at Peter and walked him out to the front porch. “Okay, you get an Iron Man story but only one because you need to get your sleep.” He tickled the toddler’s tummy resulting in giggles.

“Are you ready?” Peter screamed in excitement, snuggling closer to his papa and Iron Man squeezed in his little arms. “This story is about the time Iron Man saved the world from a purple tyrant.” “Boooo. I hate that purple meanie.” Steve chuckled and continued. “He thought he was done. Anything else he could do until an idea came upon him. He looked at the gauntlet and saw all five stones and knew what he had to do.” 

Peter tucked his head into the crook of Steve’s arm knowing what was going to happen next. “Iron Man with his suit broken and helmet gone. Jumped on to the tyrant’s back. This did not make him happy and he pushed him off to the ground.” “Get up Iron Man. You have to save the day.” Steve’s eyes shined. “Iron Man got up one last time and grabbed the stones from the glove. The tyrant tried to snap but it was no use. Iron Man snapped. All the bad guys were gone, and he saved the day. Captain America ran over to him where he saw that Iron Man died. He died saving the world.” Steve looked off in the distance knowing the whole story. Steve had told Tony they would be okay, and Peter will love him forever. That was when the arc reactor vanished and that was the last time Steve saw Tony alive in the physical form.

“Papa, look. Look its Iron Man daddy.” Peter was tugging on his sleeve pointing to the sky of a shooting star. “Yeah Petey it is Iron Man. He is always protecting you from the monsters. Let’s get you to bed okay buddy.” Steve scooped up a very tried Peter making his way to into the house leading to his bedroom. He laid him down and tucked him in. Laying the Iron Man doll next to him and pushing the paw of the bear. “Goodnight Peter, daddy loves you 3000.” Peter yawn and squeezed the bear a little tighter, whispering, “I love you too daddy.”

[ashsblurbs]

I want a baby

“Steve!” “Tony!” Steve lays down what he was working on in the kitchen to look at his very exhausted and very wired husband. Tony had been working in the basement for days and Steve could do nothing to stop the genius from working. All he could do was bring him some food and kiss him goodnight before heading upstairs for bed. Steve was surprised to see him now, upstairs in the daylight. “So, you finally.” “I want a baby!” Tony blurted out. Steve rolled his eyes. He couldn’t wait to hear how he was going to talk his way out of this statement. They have been talking about this for years, but Tony was never ready. He always believed he was going to be a terrible father like his own father. Nothing Steve said would ever convince him otherwise.

“So, Tony, the love of my life. How did you come to this conclusion?” Tony took a deep breath and walked over to the bar to sit down. He knew this was crazy but, in his heart, he knew he was finally ready to be a dad. “Well, last night right around three ‘clock I was working on Barton’s new arrows. I now figured out how to make them lighter and faster. I wonder if he would want some with shock technology.” Steve snapped his fingers to get him out of his tangent which happens a lot when he hasn’t slept in thirty-six hours. “Tony, why do you want a baby?” “Oh right, so I was working, and you know I play ACDC when I work.” Steve nodded. Sometimes the music could be heard on the third floor, it was so loud. “Okay go one.” “So, I thought about how it would be cool one day sharing this music with our kid and they would come down and help me build something. Of course, when they were old enough. But yeah can we have a baby?”

Tony sunken down a little afraid of what Steve was going to say. Tony knew he wanted kids for a while, but did he still want them or worst did he still want them with him. Steve walked around from the bar and pulled Tony in the biggest embrace of his life. “Honey, of course, we can have a baby. You will be the best father this child will ever have.” Tony looked up at him with tears in his eyes. They were really going to do this. “Are you sure you trust me not to fuck up this kid’s life?” “Tony, I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else but you.” All the fear in Tony’s body went away. They were going to do this. Tony jumped out of Steve’s arms and started dancing with joy. 

“Omg, we are going to need so much stuff and imagine the game nights and the movie nights. This kid is going to have the biggest and boldest birthdays and Christmases. The greatest family. Should we name them Peter or Harley oh what about Sarah.” Steve chuckled at Tony’s excitement. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the man. “Sweetheart, we don’t even have a baby yet, but I love the excitement.” Tony turnaround and locked his eyes on Steve. “Well, why don’t we go make one.” Steve chuckled again and pick Tony up. “Well that won’t work but after this, we can make some calls.”

[ashsblurbs]

New fic is up. Check out Just couldn't wait on Ao3.

[ashsblurbs]

“Take me back to the night we met” 

[ashsblurbs]

A night to remember

“Welcome to your new home guys.” The team had arrived at one of SHIELD’s still intact safe houses. The team looked a little worst for wear. Clint had Natasha wrapped up in his arms, Steve was holding Tony up, and Thor was telling Bruce he was not a monster. They all had a haunting look in their eyes. What did they see in those visions? Only they would know what their darkest nightmares were. “How many rooms are there because I wouldn’t mind having my own?” Tony chirped up. “Well, all I know is we have to share rooms.” Clint told them. They all looked at each other nervously. They were teammates but not really on the level of sharing a bed with a friend yet. “How about we draw names? How does that sound?” Clint walks over and grabs a baseball cap and places everyone’s name in the hat.

“Who wants to go first?” Natasha grabs the hat and pulls out the name Bruce. “Bruce, promise you won’t touch me or any of my things. I don’t like human contact.” Bruce looked over and saw the smile on her face. He hoped she was joking. “Okay, Tony, your turn.” Tony pulls out Steve. Tony looks over and saw Steve was blushing, but it was gone as fast as it was there. Thor claps Clint on the back in excitement. “Yeah, want to play Call of Duty tonight. Bruce want to join.”

Everyone ran to their expected rooms but Tony and Steve. “Interested in watching a movie tonight?” Steve walked over to look at what was offered. Tony was happy to have his best friend there with him, but he was scared about tonight. He didn’t want Steve to see him vulnerable. “Sure, you find one and I’m going up to take a shower.”

“Hey, Tony, do you want chicken Alfredo or homemade pizza?” Steve walked in to find Tony in just a towel about to get into the shower. “Hello there Captain, would you like to join me in the shower?” Steve was shocked and kind of turned on, but he could never say anything. Tony laughed at the look on Steve’s face. He loved to freak out Steve. It was always easy to. “Just messing with you Rogers. Why are you asking about dinner? You cooking.” Steve rolled his eyes. Tony had no faith. “Yes, with Natasha helps. So, what do you want?” “Oh, please don’t burn down the house you two. I guess pizza sounds good.” Tony was now laughing. Steve could see every muscles of his tensing with laughter. All he wanted to do was kiss him. “Steve did you choose a movie?” Steve snapped out of his daydreaming. “Oh, oh yeah. It’s a surprise. Now go take a shower so I can wash up next.” “Aye, Aye Captain.”

Tony walked down the steps to find Clint yelling at Thor for cheating. Which couldn’t have happened right? Bruce just shaking his head wondering what he got himself in. He looked over to see Steve and Natasha cooking together. Steve was laughing at one of Nat’s jokes. His laughter was music to Tony’s ears. Tony just stood off to the corner to admire him. Steve had broad shoulders and the curve of his back was nice. Tony liked to imagine what he would like if he just took off that shirt. And his ass was not bad looking either. 

“Hey, there Tony. Like the view.” Tony looked around pretending not to know what Natasha was talking about. “Finally, you’re out of the shower. You got this Nat while I shower.” Nat glared at Steve. “Yes, Steve. It’s not liked its rocket science.” “Its not Steve. Trust me I have a PhD in rocket science.” Tony walked over to Nat to steal some pepperonis, but his attempt was squashed by her. “Ow, don’t hit me.” He rubbed his sore hand. “Oh, you will be fine. Now tell me what that look was.” Tony coughed in shocked. “What look? What are you talking about?” “You know exactly what I am talking about. The heart eyes at Steve. You pretty much bored a hole into his back.” Tony laughed nervously not wanting to meet her eyes. “He’s just my best friend. I was zoned out. Thinking about the mission.” Nat rolled her eyes not believing a word he was saying. “You can lie to yourself but do realize lying to me never works because I know the truth.”

“Now will you tell me what movie we will be watching.” Steve handed Tony the last dish to dry off. It was nice that he decided to help him. Steve loved when Tony was near him. He felt calmer, more relax. More like at home. “We are going to watch Back to the future. You always say it is your favorite movie and they have the whole trilogy here so why not.” Tony looked over at Steve with a broad smile on his face. He remembered; Steve actually remembered. Tony twisted up a towel smacking Steve on the ass. “Ow!” Steve rubbed the spotted and glared at him. “I’m going to get you.” “No way. The last one to the couch has to bring the other ice cream.” Tony ran laughing with Steve right behind him. “No fair you cheated.”

Tony laid across Steve’s lap asleep. Steve turned off the last movie and looked down at how peaceful his friend looked. Tony was so beautiful when he was sleeping. Steve didn’t want to move him, but his left leg was falling asleep. They really needed to rest. “Hey, Tony ready for bed.” Tony made grabby hands meaning he wanted to be carried. “Fine just this once I will.”

Steve didn’t mind, this meant Tony would be close to him. He picked him up carefully not to jostle the other man in his sleep. Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and buried his face into his shoulder. Steve looked down and smiled. Steve laid Tony down onto the bed and pulled the covers over him. Steve started to tip toe out of the room trying not to make to much noise. “Hey, where are you going?” “Oh, just going to sleep on the couch.” Tony open the blankets to invite Steve to lay with him. “You sure.” Tony nodded and Steve walked over to the bed. He sat down and slowly took off his shoes and his shirt. He laid down making sure not to bumped into Tony. Tony wrapped his arms around Steve and was fast asleep. Steve looked over and smiled. This was all he ever wanted in life.

Steve looked over at his phone. It was two o’clock in the morning. He was stirred awake when he heard sounds of whimpers. Steve rolled over seeing Tony convulsion in bed. “No, no not you. Don’t touch him take me.” Steve sat up and try to shake Tony, but nothing was working. “Hey, Tony you’re okay.” Tony jumps out of bed and ran into the bathroom. He did not want Steve to see him like this. He did not want to see him weak.

Steve knocked on the bathroom door not wanting to intrude Tony’s privacy. “I’m fine. Go back to bed please.” Tony begged. Steve didn’t like that answer. He opened the door to fine Tony huddled in corner in the shower. He was panting and covered in sweat. Steve got closer and could see the tears in Tony’s eyes. What did this man see to make him this upset? “Tony, I’m not leaving but I will stay right here. Believe it or not I’ve dealt with plenty of these in my lifetime.” Tony looked up at him trying to smile. 

“I saw you.” Steve stepped closer. “What was I doing?” Tony looked down not wanting to meet Steve’s baby blues. “You were dying.” A step closer. “Tell me more.” Tony looked up and saw Steve was only a couple of feet away. “You were laying on the ground. Your shield was broken in half. Aliens were falling around us. You told me I could have saved you.” Steve found him self kneeling in front of Tony but trying his hardest not to touch him. Even though he wanted to so badly.

 “Tony, look at me I am right here. Nobody will get the chance to kill me. If I ever die, I want to let you know it will never be your fault.” Tony was in shock, but Steve didn’t see what he saw. “You didn’t see the fear in your eyes Steve. The fear of I had let you down. I couldn’t live with myself if you died because I.” Steve grabbed both of Tony’s hands not letting go. “You what?” “Rogers, you are going to make me say it aren’t you.” Steve giggled to lighten the mood. “I love you Steve.” Steve brought Tony onto his lap and kissed him for several minutes. “Let me show you how much I love you.” Steve stood up not letting go of Tony. Leading them into the room. He laid Tony down slowly onto the bed and planted another kiss then moving down his jaw line to the inside of his neck.

“Do you want to do this?” Steve stop right at the base of Tony’s pants. He feared this may ruin everything they had built. Tony sat up wrapping his legs around Steve’s waist. Leaning in closely and whispered, “I have wanted this ever since I laid my eyes on you the first day we met. So, yes I want this.” Tony slid the other man’s shirt over his head while Steve worked at his pants. Not once breaking for air. “Please don’t stop.”

The sun shone through the curtain slowly waking the two men up. They were embraced into each other arms not wanting to let go ever again. “Good morning darling.” “You look so beautiful in the morning.” Tony just smiled. He never thought he was going to have this chance in is life and definitely not with Steve Rogers. “Are you hungry?” Steve sat up looking around for his discarded pants. They ended up on top of the lamp somehow. “I’m always hungry, for you.” “Tony, stop. Do you want pancakes?” 

Tony grabbed Steve’s shirt taking in the smell of Irish soap. “Yeah pancakes sound wonderful.” “I wonder if the rest of the team is up. And I’m not getting that shirt back, am I?” “No, you are not.” As they opened the door they ran into their friends. They saw Bruce and Thor come out of one room together and Clint and Nat come out of the other. “Oh, it looks like everyone swapped rooms.” “Oh shut up Stark we all heard you scream harder Cap all night.” That shut up Tony and Steve’s cheeks turned brighter red then the Iron Man suit. “Well it all looks like we had fun last night lets just agree with that. Do you want pancakes we are making them?” Steve wrapped an arm around Tony never letting go.  

[ashsblurbs]

Steve: when you said you wanted to do roleplay this is not what I had in mind

Tony taking off the Grim Reaper mask: what I find you very hot as Crossbones. Save that we will use that later

Steve just rolls his eyes

[ashsblurbs]

Natasha: ugh someone take me out

Bucky: like on a date or with a gun

Natasha: surprise me

Bucky holding roses in one hand and a gun in the other: you have to be more specific because I can do both

[ashsblurbs]

Change will come

*This started as one thing and turned into another. Close to 3k and a mention of mpreg

The sun trickled through his room hitting him just in the right spot. The room was so small and so cold. He wondered to himself how much longer would he have to stay like this. How much longer until he was able to go home? He shook the dream he just had out of his head of the lover he used to have. He loved this life. He truly didn’t want to change it. This was his home now. He looked over at his door hearing a banging sound. It was seven in the morning. Who would be here? No one knew he was here except Sam and Natasha. He sat up, through on some clothes and opened the door to find, “Tony?”

On the other side of the door stood a smaller man in a plain black t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans. He looked sheepish. The man really didn’t expect to find the taller man to live in this house and if he did, he expected the door to be slammed in his face. “Hi, Steve.” He gave a weak smiled. Not sure what to do so, he just bounced on the balls of his feet waiting to be allowed to come in.

Steve wondered what Tony was doing here. They hadn’t spoken to each other in about six years. There had been no phone calls, no texts, no notes except the one Tony left saying he was leaving and never coming back. Steve never got a true answer of why he left or what Steve did to make him leave. They stood there together in silence just taking everything in. Tony hadn’t change at all Steve noticed. There were a few more grey hairs and deeper crows’ feet but other then that his eyes shone just the same. With so much hope and so much life. “Tony, would you like to come in. Please don’t mind the mess. I haven’t had the chance to clean up.”

Tony looked around and found the place spotless except for a bowl in the sink. Steve went over to the kitchen to grab two mugs to pour some coffee. “Still like your coffee black with a hint of sugar.” Tony didn’t move from his place but shook his head yes. He was surprised that Steve had remembered so many years later. “You can come sit down if you like. I promise I won’t bite.” Tony walked slowly but sat down. This felt so natural. It felt right. Steve handed him the coffee and the first sip felt like a hug from a old friend. This was nice he thought.

“Tony, It’s great to see you but why are you here? Did Natasha tell you where I was?” Steve looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 7:30. Shit, he thought he had to get ready to go but Tony was here. His Tony, well not really his Tony. Tony wouldn’t meet his eyes but just stared down at his coffee. Steve waited for an answer, but one never came. “Tony. Please say something.”

Tony didn’t know where to begin or what to say. He wanted to say he missed Steve every day. That he was stupid for leaving out of fear no one would ever love him. That he was ready to try this again. If Steve wasn’t at least maybe he could have his best friend back. He missed the late-night talks and all of their inside jokes. He just missed his Steve. “Well, Steve. Um. Yeah Natasha told me I could find you here.” Steve huffed of course she did. She was their biggest cheerleader. “And what did Natasha tell you?” Steve collected their mugs and went to start washing them. He was scared of what would come out of Tony’s mouth. “Nothing honestly. Just where I could I find you. Never thought I had to come all of the way to Maine.” Steve laughed and looked over at Tony. This was what their future would have looked like if Tony hadn’t left.

“Daddy, daddy. We are going to be late for school.” The sound of child running down the hall, looking everywhere for her father echoed throughout the small house. Tony froze and looked over to see a five-year-old little girl with striking blonde hair and brown eyes. His eyes were staring back at him. The child was a perfect mixture of him and Steve. Tony looked over to see the fear that struck in Steve’s eyes. Tony knew at that moment this was their daughter. This was their daughter and Tony left them. He didn’t blame Steve for not telling him. He probably wouldn’t have told himself either.

“Daddy, we are going to be late for school.” The five-year huffed and put her little fist on her hips. Yep this child was Tony’s. Steve walked over to pick up his darling daughter. He fixed her skirt and fixed her bow in her hair. “Sarah, you won’t be going to school today. How about we have just a fun day? Get some ice cream, watch movies, and maybe go to the park. How does that sound?” The five-year-old squealed in his ear with excitement. “Yesssss!!! Can we start now daddy? Please.” Steve sat the girl down. She ran over to the movie collection. “Also, daddy, who is the man in the kitchen?” Tony looked over at Steve waiting to see what he was going to say. Steve didn’t know where to begin. He just froze looking at his beautiful daughter. She was so smart. He knew he couldn’t lie to her.

“Um, Tony would you like to meet your daughter. Sarah Maria Rogers-Stark. She is five years old and the light of my life.” Tony was in awe. He always wanted kids. He always wanted kids with Steve and there stood a perfect combination of the both of them. Tony looked over at Steve to have permission to talk to her and Steve just nodded. Steve knew this man would do nothing to hurt his daughter, their daughter. “Hi, Sarah my name is Tony Stark.” The girl now had abandoned the idea of looking for a movie and had now pulled out her Legos from underneath of the TV. She already created the White house and looked like she was moving on to build the Eiffel tower. “I already know everything about you. Daddy tells me stories before bed about you. Daddy keeps a photo of you two together in his room.” Tony again looked over at Steve in awed. Did Steve still love him? Did Steve still cared about him? “Sweetheart, can you go to your room so, the adults can talk.” Sarah started pouting. She never liked being left out of anything. “But, daddy, I want to listen too.” Steve gave her a stern looked and just pointed to her room. “Now!” She got up and stumped away. Sarah will be okay later when she gets doubled scooped of cookie dough Steve thought.

“Steve, she’s really is a wonderful child. You named her after our mothers.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. He was anxious and there was nothing to do about it. This was good he reminded himself. Sarah would have both of her parents in her life for the first time. Tony was going to be a wonderful father. Steve knew this the day he met him. The way he was always so good with mentoring Peter at Stark industries. He knew he should have told him about her earlier but what would you have done if the man you loved and the father of your first child just walked out of your life with no explanation. With no warning. “Why did you leave men?”

The question felt like a slap in the face to Tony. He felt all of the pain spill out of Steve. How could Tony ever explain the reason why he broke the only man he loved heart. “I left because I’m a terrible person. I was scare of commitment. I was scared of letting you down and hurting you. Then I realized leaving you just cause you pain. This was why I came here today after six long years.” Tony looked down not wanting to meet Steve’s eyes. He found a lose thread on his shirt to distract his running mind.

Steve just stared at Tony. This was why he left. He left because he thought he couldn’t have been a good enough man. That he would have just caused Steve pained. Tony didn’t realize that by leaving Steve felt like he was dying inside. Then he learned about Sarah and the pain slowly went away because he had to protect her. Steve had to be strong for her. The first two years of Sarah’s small life Steve tried to not speak about Tony at all. He thought if Tony didn’t want to be part of their life then he had no right to be spoken about. Then when Sarah was three she started asking questions and he had no choice but tell her about the great Tony Stark. Doing so, helped Steve move on and not be so angry. He even found himself yearning for the man he always loved.

Steve placed his hand underneath Tony’s jaw lifting it just slightly so he could see his eyes. His eyes darted all over his face dropping to look at his lips. “I have dreamed of the day you would walk back into my life. The day you would meet your daughter.” Steve moved closer to Tony never letting go of the man. “The day you left me you took a part of my heart with you. You broke me Tony and I thought I was going to be broken forever. Then I found out I was having Sarah. Life got a little better. Telling her all of the great stories about her dad. The man that could create anything. The man that helped create her to be so wonderful.” Tony parted his lips to say something, but Steve stopped him in his tracks. He placed his lips gently not to rush the moment he has dreamed about for many nights. He found the other man not pulling away but pulled him closer. Their kiss deepen and they were now wrapped into each other’s arms. Tony’s hands found their way into Steve’s hair missing how soft it was. The scent of hickory and coffee was rolling off of Tony. Steve never wanted this to be over even when he was struggling to breath.

“Ewwwww!!!!” The two men jumped apart and looked to find Sarah watching them with a doll in her hand. The two men looked at each other and started laughing. This was good. This was everything they both dreamed of and it might finally come true if they both want that. Sarah ran over and jumped onto Steve knocking the breath out of him. “Daddy can we please go get ice cream now. Please.” She looked up at him with the famous Stark eyes that he could never say no too. “Yes, but I want you to say hello to your dad.” Steve looked over at Tony hoping that was okay to say but all he saw was Tony smiling at Sarah with the biggest smile. “Sarah, you don’t have to feel you have to call me dad. Tony is okay.” Sarah just tucked her head into the crooked of Steve’s neck. She didn’t really like the attention on her, only if she asked for it.

“So, tell me everything that I have missed for the last few years. I want to know everything.” Steve thought about his crazy life in the last years where was he to begin. What about the day he found out he was pregnant? That was a big shock. What about the day he decided to move to Maine and start his life over? The day he brought home Sarah. There was so much to tell. “Well currently I am running my own construction company. Its small we only have about ten employees, but we get by. We actually have two big projects coming up in the summer.” He looked over to see Sarah shoving ice cream into her mouth. She had a mess everywhere. “I moved here three months before Sarah was born. Natasha come up and helped me for about a year. I still talk to her everyday and she comes up to spend holidays.” “When will Auntie Nat be coming next?” Sarah said with the spoon still in her mouth. “She’s coming for your birthday sweetie.”

Without hesitation Tony picked up a napkin and wiped off Sarah’s mouth. It felt like he was doing this forever. “When is her birthday? I would like to do something for it.” Sarah spoke up, “May 29, 2014. It’s just in a couple weeks. I’m going to be six.” She showed up six fingers and a toothy grin. “Really, that’s my birthday too.” “No, way. We are birthday twins. Cool.” Tony smiled but he felt a wave of sadness over him. He missed six years of her life. Missed all of the little moments. Missed her birth, her first steps, and her first words. He promised he would never miss anything again. “That would have been a pretty amazing birthday gift to have if I was there.” Steve saw the sadness in Tony’s eyes and grabbed hold of his hand. He squeezed meaning he was never going to let go. “It’s okay because you are here now.”

Sarah was getting tried and decided to crawl into Tony’s lap and fall asleep. This surprised both Tony and Steve but Tony didn’t mind. He loved holding onto his daughter. His daughter. “I guess it’s time to get home.” Tony tried to pass Sarah back to Steve, but Steve just shook his head no. “Would you like to come back with us. We can talk more while she naps and then we might watch a movie.” Tony smiled and held Sarah a little tighter. “Yeah, I would love that. I have no where to go ever again. I feel at home.” They got to the car and Steve showed Tony how to buckle up Sarah in her car seat which for a genius, Tony was struggling. Once she was situated, they came back to the house. Tony wondered if he could convince Steve to move somewhere a little nicer. With a big back yard and maybe they could get a dog that could run in it.

Steve walked over to the side of the car to get Sarah, but she stopped him. “No, I want dad to carry me.” Steve looks to Tony to do the honors. “Awe, baby of course I will carry you in. What movie would you like to watch?” He strokes her hair not wanting to let go. Steve wiped the tears from his eyes. This was perfect. He had his whole family together again.

Steve and Tony where in the kitchen making lemonade and Steve’s famous popcorn. They were working together like a well oil machine. Steve just had to say what was on his mind. He didn’t care what the answer was. “I know you have been here for like ten hours, but would you like to stay forever. We have a spare room that you could do whatever you like to. There is a garage outside you could tinker in. I work out there a lot. I understand if you don’t want to because you have your company and everything in New York. That’s your home.” Tony placed his finger up to Steve’s lips to stop him from word vomiting anymore. “I’m here until you tell me to leave. Which I hope you never do? You don’t have to say it back, but I love you and never want to let this go. I will never be able to make up the mistake I did six years ago but I will try. You are my family. That little girl sitting right there is our daughter we made together. So, I will be here till the end of time.” Steve placed a light kiss on Tony’s lips. He was home. “Now, let me ask how attached are you to this house. I was thinking maybe you could design it and I will add some tricks to it. We can build it together. What do you say?” Steve again had tears well up in his eyes. “Hey, Sarah what do you think about moving where we will all be living together.” The child ran over and place a giant hug to both of her fathers’ legs. “Yay, can I have a big doll house and my own lab. I have some pretty big ideas.” They giggled. Tony scooped Sarah up and tickled her. “Of course, you can have anything you want.” “Well in moderation. Remember we must be humble and kind.”

Steve placed the bowls onto the table. Tony placed Sarah down on the couch snuggling her up in a blanket. They sat together like a true family. They were a family. They were his family. “I love you darling.” He placed a kissed-on top of her head and Steve sat on the other end placing an arm on Tony’s shoulder. “I love you to dad.” She placed her head on his lap and slowly fell asleep before the movie began. “I also love you Tony. I never stopped.” They leaned in and kiss one more time. Life was changing and they never wanted to go back to what either of their world’s were before.